Becoming Pastors Wife Ch 02

****Please note this chapter is groundwork for the rest of this story. There will be no sex in this chapter. This chapter will have snapshots of depth but is generally an overview of how circumstances get to the next chapter. Chapter three will be when things get turned up a notch. The most enjoyable reading experience for this chapter might be once I have chapter three done as well. I also could see people perhaps greatly enjoying the rest of this story starting with Chapter 3. Thank you for reading!***

Alan sat at his desk and thought more and more about everything. His failures as a pastor, husband, father and as a man. Everything in recent years had gone wrong and he knew if he continued down this pathway then the church was likely to close its doors and he would be out of work.

The truth he knew was that the passion to speak to his church had waned to a mere flicker.

As he stared at his printed out text of what he would read in a couple of hours to a loyal, but dwindling, group it was in that moment that Alan decided he needed a reboot.

A restart. A new persona. A new attitude.

It was a daring thought. Perhaps it would lead to him getting fired. Something inside of Alan said this was the right way to go. To elevate himself and the church.

Alan wrote down all of the ideas that came flooding into his head. If he was going to go down with the ship then at the very least he would try to go down as passionately and charismatically as he could.

Across town in her bedroom that she had occupied her entire life, Erin was getting done with her shower and with her long brunette hair tied up with a towel she went back into her room.

Erin had always had a bit of a love and hate relationship with her body. She knew she had curves and that boys liked to look at her ample breasts and toned body. However, she was never totally confident in anything she wore.

With only the towel on her head, a naked Erin sat in front of her bedroom lighted makeup mirror and began to do the simple makeup she normally enjoyed.

Erin loved playing volleyball and the medals and trophies adorning a corner of the room reflected it.

Yet the success of her volleyball and school work seemed to only add to some of her body issues. Erin typically opted for more tomboyish or less than flattering clothes choices.

While she did have a boyfriend in Matt who mostly supported her the reality was Erin could think of plenty of times she would see him throw a glance towards another girl in a more elaborate or revealing dress.

As Erin pondered the dreams she was having about Alan, she couldn't help but realize in them she always seemed to feel very beautiful. The reality was Erin knew she didn't have it in her to want to draw attention to herself like that regardless of how fun it seemed to be.

The buzz of Erin's phone wrapped in a black case went off. Erin picked up the phone to see a text from Matt saying he would be there in a bit to pick her up for church. Erin replied with an emoji confirmation.

Erin then got up and opened her closet to see what exactly she would wear today to church.

Erin began thumbing through her wardrobe and began to notice something she hadn't put together before. In her entire wardrobe were only three dresses. They were all simple and more summer types of dresses. Erin flipped through more of her wardrobe and realized she had only one skirt.

Jeans and cute t-shirts and sweaters dominated the vast majority of Erin's wardrobe. Many of which had been in her ownership for multiple years.

As Erin picked out one of her favorite pairs of jeans, ones with heart shapes on the pockets, and a light green top she realized her wardrobe felt like one of an awkward middle schoolers.

Erin then went over to her underwear drawer and for the first time finally realized everything was cotton or a sports bra. There was no lace anywhere.

In that moment, Erin thought back to all of the dreams. In them it was clear that Erin only seemed to wear lace and sexy things. Erin couldn't help but wonder how much more different she would feel wearing things like that? Would those types of clothes make her feel better about her body?

Erin was left to ponder as she got dressed and went downstairs to quickly grab breakfast before slipping on her cute white sneakers.

Matt pulled up in his dented and rusting car and Erin made her way out of the house, she couldn't help but think again of the dreams. In those dreams, it seemed like she was always wearing heels or wedge sandals. The thought of wearing heels all of the time seemed foreign to Erin as she got into the passenger side well worn seat of Matt's car. She couldn't recall the last time she wore heels.

"Hey, good to see you babe. How are you?" Matt asked as he pulled the car out of the driveway and headed down the street.

The truth of that question of course was wildly complicated and Erin had no interest in even saying out loud what was actually on her mind. The fact that she was having very vivid dreams of being married to, and having sex with, his Dad was a mixture of emotions she had no interest in cracking open as the car rumbled down the road.

"Oh, I'm good. Thanks for picking me up. Always good to go to church. Do you know what your Dad is preaching on today?" Erin asked as she took a breath in and tried to calm her nerves.

Matt shook his head, "No, it was weird he left really early this morning. I think he's been at church this morning."

As Matt talked, Erin looked at him with a calming smile. Then the thoughts of the dream came back into her mind.

The reality was if Erin ever married Alan like it was set to be in the dream then Erin would technically be Matt's stepmom.

The thought causes a shiver to go up Erin's spine. There was no way that could ever work or even be a consideration. The idea of how that dynamic would be so toxic causes Erin to almost recoil in fear of it.

Certainly, the mere thought of doing that to Matt was something Erin couldn't even begin to think about.

As the car arrives in the sparsely filled church parking lot, Erin closes her eyes and says a quick prayer to request the dreams stop and to promise to herself that she will never allow anything to happen that would even come close to resulting in her being Matt's stepmom.

With that awkward thought behind her, Erin exited the car to walk into church with Matt. The red brick church with steeple was a staple in the community for decades but hints and whispers of the church running out of money and closing down was an ever constant quiet conversation amongst the few still going.

As Erin and Matt say hello to few of the long time church goers they have known for years Alan emerges from his office and scans the area.

Seeing Erin and Matt, Alan makes his way over to them slightly nervous but excited to start with his plan, "Matt and Erin, so good to see you two. Good morning. Erin, I was hoping I could speak to you in my office for a moment."

Erin tried to not make eye contact with the man who has been the subject of her sexually explicit dreams and managed to nod her head affirmatively.

Erin says while offering a quick smile towards Matt, "Save me a seat Matt."

Erin then walks behind an eager Alan into his office.

After ushering her in the office and then closing the door behind them, Alan takes a moment to compose himself as Erin lingers near a chair.

"Take a seat please, Erin." Alan said as he moves to the opposite side of the desk and takes a seat in his broad leather chair.

Erin sitting in the chair with her long brown hair behind her shifts her hair with her hand over her right shoulder. Erin realizes this is a bit of a nervous tell for her and she tries to stop and return her hand back to a more comfortable position. Her nerves about why Alan asked her to join him in the office are evident, "Yes, Alan what can I do for you?"

A slight smile cracks on Alan's face as he briefly thinks about what he would ideally like to do with Erin in this office.

"Erin, the reality is we all know and can feel that the church is very much in danger of being closed due to such a decline in attendance. The reality is I feel very much responsible for that decline and my circumstances since Kay left have no doubt played a major part of that."

Erin has an inquisitive look on her face, "Alan, you can't blame yourself."

Alan raises his hand and laughs, "Erin, I appreciate all of that but it's time for me to fully acknowledge and change everything. What I need from you is I need someone to buy in with everything I'm about to do. I need you to start by recording my sermon I'm going to give this morning and to help me with social media. What I'm going to do is relaunch my vision for the church today and relaunch myself as well."

Erin listened intently and couldn't help but feel a connection to what Alan was saying based on all of the dreams Erin had been having surrounding her becoming a different person as well.

Seeing Alan rebound and try to bring life back to the church is something Erin very much wanted as well.

"I would absolutely help however I can. Recording the sermon and doing social media for sure can happen." Erin says with a smile.

"Wonderful, thank you Erin. The video recording equipment has been set up and so just keep an eye on it when I speak. Thank you again. I need to finish up my prep work." Alan says as he rises from his chair and ushers Erin to the door.

Erin rises and with her hands folded in front of her she meekly thanks Alan.

Once out in the hallway after the door clocks behind her, Erin can't help but smile at the thought of helping Alan. The intrigue of what he will say and do fills up Erin's head as she makes her way to where the camera has been set up.

After closing the door, Alan is left to think for a moment about what he wishes he could have done with Erin. In that moment, Alan promised to himself that someday he and Erin would do different pre-church activities.

Alan sits down at his desk and refocuses on what he will speak about in a few short minutes. The reality of the risk he will be taking begins to set in with him but Alan knows he needs to go forward.

The church sanctuary is less than half full as the service time arrives.

Erin is in the back of the church as the service starts with Alan opening up with greetings and announcements.

Erin's parents sat in their normal spot a few rows from the front of the church. Matt sat next to them and looked for Erin only to see her in the back of the church working on recording the service. Matt began to wonder what Erin was doing back there but figured he could ask after the service.

After the typical Sunday morning worship songs played in the mostly empty church, Alan got up to deliver the sermon. Erin pressed the record button on the camera and wondered how this might all go.

"I have failed." Alan starts with a long pause after his opening sentence.

"I'm a complete and total failure and frankly I have needed to be honest with all of you. Since my ex-wife left, the reality is I have allowed myself to be completely destroyed. I now have seen the reality of my situation and now I want to promise you that going forward this will be a new Pastor Alan Watkins. I'm ready to Elevate myself to the level that God wants me to be on. Elevate all of you around me to the level God wants us to be on. You see friends, the reality is God has called me to become better through him than I ever could be on my own. Elevate myself, and this church, to heights we have never before seen. The reality is friends that our church has failed to properly engage this community of Fulton in a way that is relevant. That is why I'm so excited to share with you my vision for the church and the new beginnings we will undertake today. As of today, I want to rename the church and reboot everything we do. No longer will this church be called First Baptist Church. Friends, this church needs a rebirth and a reawakening to revitalize and rejuvenate every single person that walks through that door! We need a revival of the redemption of God! We need to become a church that elevates everyone from every walk of life, no matter what. That is why we need to become Elevate Church."

Alan continued with his passionate, emotional, and poignant sermon as the whole room fell silent and listening in amazed silence.

In the back of the room, Erin could feel her heart beat faster. In front of her was Alan becoming a new man. A man with a deep desire to be great again. A man with a new found passion.

In that moment, Erin realized she was for the first time in a non-dream sequence actually attracted to Alan. The energy he had was infectious and the changes he was going to make all sounded exciting.

Erin caught herself though in the moment. No, this was to never happen. She can't fall for Alan. She could never be with him. The dreams need to be left alone and never spoken or thought about.

Alan continued with his passionate plea for change. He went into lengthy detail about how Elevate Church would engage the community and deal with the real issues facing people today.

"The truth is God wants all of us to pursue the passions and interests that He has put in our hearts. That is what I'm doing today. I have stepped out in faith in a big way but I ask you to please pray. I know this is a massive change entirely but I'm so steadfast in my belief in this that if the church elders don't share this vision with me then this will be the last Sunday I preach at this church. Thank you and God be with you this week."

An audible murmur could be heard around the room as Alan folded his Bible and descended from the stage as the crowd began to disburse shocked at everything they heard.

Alan made his way over to where some of the church's elders were gathered. After a brief discussion, the elders decided they needed to have a private meeting right away.

Alan made his way over to where Matt, Erin, and Erin's parents had gathered near the back of the sanctuary.

Alan smiled as he walked to the group, "Paul and Sandy, good to see you. Kind of a busy morning I would say."

Paul, Erin's father was a balding and overweight man with glasses who was nearing 60 years old. His glasses perfectly suited him as an accountant who was always focused on the numbers but he had quite the soft spot for his daughters. Sandy was a thin woman nearing 60 years old as well with the temperament of a long time stay at home Mom. She cared and took care of everyone in the family.

"Quite the morning indeed, Alan. What will you do if the elders reject your interesting plans?" Paul asks with a bit of a condescension as one of the elders.

"Paul, my good man, you need to realize that with God anything is possible." Alan says with a smile.

Looking out into the hallway, one of the other elders motions to Alan and Paul to come join them.

"Excuse us." Alan says with a gentleman like tone as he and Paul make their way to a side room where the other four elders are waiting for them.

The six men all sit on chairs in a circle. The looks on their faces aren't quite happy with the changes outlined in Alan's sermon.

"What brought all of this on Alan?" One concerned elder asks.

Alan leans back in his chair and contemplates the question, "The reality is...I'm sick and tired of failing. I can't stand what I have become. I listed all of the changes I wanted on stage because I didn't want discussion. I didn't want a committee to look into things. I understand the money situation and our declining attendance and I know I have a huge part in that failure as well. However, a radical change by me to be my best every single day can't be met with zero change in everything else we do here."

The elders look at each other before another one speaks up, "Alan, the changes you listed and everything you want to do would likely bankrupt the church. Frankly, I think I speak for most of us when I say we can't really go forward with this."

Alan stands up, "What are you saying gentlemen?"

Paul speaks up, "It might be time for us to go our separate ways. This vision you have doesn't work for us."

The words hang in the air as Alan breaths them in and internalizes what is about to happen.

An elder speaks, "Alan, the church can offer you a severance of your accrued time off and we will pay for your health insurance for the next two months. Other than that, we have the votes to request your resignation effective immediately."

"The votes are unanimous." Paul says callously.

Alan takes in a breath and exhales, "Ten years then all done. Well, I have my convictions and while I'm sorry we don't share the same vision anymore I will resign effective immediately. God bless each of you."

With that, the meeting departs and Alan begins to walk out of the room and to his office.

In the hallway, Alan offers and smiles towards Erin and Matt before going into his office to begin to gather his thoughts.

Erin feels her heart drop for Alan and goes in with Matt to try to talk with and comfort Alan.

It is in this moment that Erin realizes her feelings for Alan are growing.

Alan looks at the two of them and says, "I have preached here at First Baptist for the last time. Erin, make sure you get that digital recording before you go. Tomorrow, you will officially be on the staff of Elevate Church. Matt, things are going to be different for us. I'm going to sell the house and we will get an apartment to rent for the short term. I have to launch this new church as soon as I can."

Matt blinks hard and has to contain his thoughts. His frustration radiates through, "Dad, what the hell are you doing this for? I'm planning on college next year. You can't go and risk everything!"

Alan looks at Matt and smiles, "Matt, someday you will understand all of this. I need to take this chance and recreate my life. Your schooling might be delayed but I promise to you as God and Erin as my witnesses that the bounty of the harvest this leap of faith will return will be tenfold."

Erin stands there and feels a nervous energy ball up inside of her. There is something awakening in her. A desire to take a risk of her own. She can't help but be very impressed at Alan's desire to try to fulfill the vision and dream in his heart.

Matt says incredulously, "Well, maybe I need to go stay with Grandma and Grandpa for awhile while you selfishly decide to do what you want and throw away everything just before I go to college. I can't believe this. Why now? Just wait another few years or when First Baptist goes under?"

Alan nods his head, "Yes, perhaps it would be best for you to go stay with your grandparents for awhile. It is clear you aren't in agreement with me on this."

Matt snaps back, "Agreement? You're crazy! You have been going crazy for years since Mom left and honestly I don't blame her! I'm the one that has a future, not you. You need to stop dragging me down with you. I'm out of here tonight. Come on Erin, let's get going."

Erin pauses to take in the scene of her boyfriend ripping into his Dad over his abrupt, but clearly passionate, desire to change and make his life better.

Erin says, "Matt, you really don't need to be like this. Lots of people take risks to chase their dreams. Why shouldn't your Dad get to chase his?"

Matt looks towards Erin with disgust, "Erin, then you can deal with him. I'm sick and tired of all of it. Do you know how I was made fun of when Mom left? Huh? Seriously, this is just another one of your stupid ideas only this time you got yourself fired from your job and you're selling the house to try it. No, I can't be a part of this and frankly Erin you shouldn't be either if you know what is best for you. Are you coming with me or not?"