Are you familiar with the old joke involving the leader of Russia, the leader of the USA and Bill Gates? The one that ends with Mr. Gates saying "The good news is that God thinks I'm one of the three most important people on the planet, and the better news is that we no longer have to worry about fixing all the bugs in Windows"?
That joke isn't nearly as funny anymore.
Because God is real, and She just came down yesterday to Earth. And She is really pissed off. Every leader of any kind on Earth who had not been following the dictates laid down by Jesus of Nazareth got wiped out. Apparently that stuff wasn't in the Bible just for kicks - it was meant to be taken very seriously. The political, judicial, media and financial leaders who hadn't been obeying and espousing the philosophy laid down by Jesus had it relatively easy - they merely suffered instantly fatal heart attacks. God saved Her worst punishments for the religious leaders who had been ignoring the words of Jesus. If all they'd been doing was being false prophets they suffered heart attacks that were not instantly fatal but left them in agonizing pain for a few minutes before they passed. But if they had been abusing kids or had participated in covering up for priests who were abusing kids, they spontaneously caught on fire and took half an hour to die.
I'm not any sort of a leader. But She was upset with me, too.
"You haven't been doing anything nice for anyone other than yourself."
"With what resources? I've barely been able to make rent and buy food!"
"Yeah, that's another issue, and I'm currently talking with a bunch of other humans about it. (Being a deity, I can be in more than one place simultaneously.) Look at Matthew 19:24 and Mark 10:25."
I looked at the passages mentioned and just nodded. "So in practical terms, what can I do?"
"Tell you what. I'll make sure you have sufficient resources the rest of your life to support another person, and I'll also send one over, even worse off than you are materially, for you to support. Do your job right and I'll let you live a long life with them and I'll have you both die simultaneously when you're old and enter the Kingdom of Heaven together."
"You got yourself a deal, Your Deityness."
[The following day]
At 6:30 a.m., my doorbell is ringing? Why?
Oh, must be that deal I made yesterday. Guess I'd better get up.
And lo and behold...
"Hello, Ken."
"Samantha? What happened to you?"
It was a friend of mine from high school. It had been 10 years since we graduated.
"My husband got on the wrong side of the Mafia. They cut off his, um..."
I nodded.
"They made me watch as he bled to death, then cut out my ovaries, stitched me back up, gave me 15 minutes to pack and kicked me out of the house, saying it was theirs now because my husband owed them a few million."
"Jeez. I'm so sorry. You're welcome to stay with me."
"Thanks."
Samantha had just a few clothes and some basics. I gave her space in the master bathroom for her things (my apartment is one bedroom and 1 1/2 bathrooms.)
"You know what would be really nice right now, Ken?"
"What?"
"I feel a surge of crying coming on. The shock is wearing off. Just lie on the bed and hold me."
I did. Samantha got all her crying done. I said nothing, just letting her have time for her emotions to settle.
When she was done, I changed my shirt and lay back down. Samantha curled against me and we spent a couple of hours just like that, me with my arms around her and quiet.
She eventually broke the silence. "You're terrific, you know that?"
I shrugged. "Just doing what any decent human would do."
Samantha untangled herself from me and shuffled off to the restroom. I decided to ask God a question.
"Look, Your Deityness, I'm thrilled that you chose Samantha to send to me, but was what happened to her in the process REALLY necessary?"
God appeared in front of me. "Look at Luke 10:25-37."
I took a couple of minutes to locate and read through the passage. Samantha had returned by the time I finished.
"So?"
"If I hadn't let those men do that to her, it wouldn't be a legitimate challenge for you. But I made sure they got what they deserved."
"How?" Samantha asked.
"Their car caught on fire on the way back and they all got incinerated."
"I promise I'll take good care of Samantha and her PTSD. I still think it wasn't very fair to her."
"You two will be fine."