Chapter 1
Doesn't every person you meet leave a mark on your life? How much more a person you pledge your life to and then lived with for two years? How do you forget about someone like that? Joanie woke up in the morning her head full of curly question marks. How many years of separation for each year of marriage? One year wasn't enough. Would she ever forget? The memory of Lawrence was stronger than usual. When the divorce finalized in two weeks, they'd go their separate ways. Lawrence could move on, if he hadn't already.
The progress of her day was normal as she prepared for her waitressing job and headed to work. Her thoughts weren't flowing normally though. She kept thinking of Lawrence. Now that it had been a year she could usually move through her day without the interruption of tears or longing for him; especially as the waitressing got busy. Sometimes she would not dwell on it until she lay in her bed alone at night. She always missed him in the darkness.
The thoughts of him persisted. She wondered about ‘their house', and if she'd ever see him again. She wondered if he ever saw ‘the other woman.' He said he'd never did again, but she didn't know if she believed him. He'd betrayed her once, and he had no reason to stay away from her now. In two weeks he could do anything he wanted with whomever he wanted.
Even now she still felt betrayed. Would it be easier when the divorce was signed?
"Guess who I thought of all day today?" Joanie asked Lori at the Frangipani Restaurant that evening.
"Frank?" Lori responded. Lori had been trying to set up Joanie and Frank. They'd spent time together but were still just friends. Lori had done everything she could to encourage the friendship, and once the divorce was final she planned on pushing ever harder.
"No, I wish it was though." Lori responded. "Maybe with Frank there'd never be ‘another woman' to worry about." It was a question and a statement.
"I think you should give Frank a real chance. I'd rather talk about Frank than the ‘other' guy," she said as she rolled her eyes with her reference to Lawrence.
"You're right! I can't figure out why I would go back to thinking of him all day again, after moving on with my life."
"Joanie, forget him, move on!" Lori wished Joanie would talk about what happened. She never opened up about it so Joanie decided the best thing was to help her move on. Unfortunately, matters of the heart aren't easily uprooted.
Joanie tried to forget, she rented a movie and stayed up late, sleeping on the couch so she wouldn't have to be alone in the bed. Instead of thinking of them being in bed together, she remembered how the couch was her favorite place to spoil and tease him.
She gave herself up to memories of Lawrence's warm body beside her, and cried in the morning when he wasn't beside her.
He still lived in ‘their' rented house. It had been fine with her, she was the one that had to get away from him and his betrayal. They had had their problems but she was still in love with him, and wouldn't have dreamed of going to another man. Lawrence had gone to another woman. He had fallen out of love with her. She must not have been good enough or beautiful enough. He must have needed more then she could give.
She never saw any of the ‘signs' other women spoke of. Had she been so blind? She hadn't even asked who the woman was. She had just merely closed her heart and mind off to the man she loved when he admitted the affair to her. Everything went fuzzy after that. She couldn't focus on anything else he was saying. She thought this thing happened twenty years into a marriage, not two years. He was on his knees and said he was sorry. She saw the tears in his eyes as he said still loved her, but her heart had already closed. She walked out. He had tried following her, but she had raised her hand signalling him to stop, and without a word she was out the door and off to a hotel room. She didn't even cry until later.
Today like yesterday, her will couldn't force thoughts of Lawrence away. She wanted to see him. It was the first time she had wanted to see him. She had often longed for him sexually. She had longed for things to be the way they were before. She often wished she had someone to take out the garbage, but today she just wanted to see him. She took off on her lunch break and drove to their house. She just parked down the street and watched the house. He would be away at work, she knew, but she felt closer to him being here.
Back at work, Lori phoned. "Joanie, you've been so flighty lately I don't want you to forget your date with Frank tonight."
"Right, no I hadn't forgotten." Lori lied to her friend. "Should I wear my new purple dress?"
"I thought you were going to the concert in the park. Why would you wear that dress?" Lori had caught her in her lie. "Just relax and wear jeans and a sweater. Or, don't wear a sweater and let Frank warm you up."
"Right, the park. That's a good idea." She didn't know what else to say.
"I hope you have a great time. Bye." Lori could tell that she'd need to find someone else beside Frank for Joanie.
"Good bye." Instead of thinking of Frank or Lori, Joanie went right back to thinking of Lawrence, and the times they had at the park.
She started the divorce proceedings immediately after Lawri's announcement. She moved to Lori's for a few months, then got her own place. She got two cats to keep her company because Lawrence didn't like cats. Lawrence tried talking to her several times, but she always refused. It was too painful, she just willed herself to forget. She never looked at photographs, and she made as many changes in her life as she could. She had been a teacher's aide before, now she preferred the less emotional but more physically demanding waitressing.
It was hopeless, she decided. She asked for a long break time, and drove to Lawrence's work. She probably shouldn't go in because she might get recognized. She just sat across the street aching for him to come out and see her, and tell her that she was all he ever wanted. No, that wouldn't happen, it was over.
She finished work and headed home. She dressed casually for her date. Frank was prompt and she let Frank talk, so she could let her mind wonder. They were headed for a spot on the grass when they spotted the drink table and they veered that direction instead. They turned with their drinks and Joanie spotted Lawrence headed towards the table.
Here he was. Here they were. What should she do? What did she want to do? She wanted to talk to Lawrence. She's spent the last year hating him, and now that she faced him, the hate didn't feel so strong. They were walking towards each other, and Lawrence saw her. He smiled and neither of them walked the opposite direction.
"Hi Joanie." Lawrence spoke first.
"Lawrence, this is a surprise. How are you?" Joanie found herself really wanting to know.
"Good, good," he said the words too quickly. "How are you?"
"Good too," she remembered Frank and introduced him. "Lawrence this is Frank. Frank this is Lawrence." Frank's face seemed to register that he realized who this was. They were all not sure what to say and didn't say anything until another woman walked to Lawrence's side, and handed him a drink.
"Here's your drink Lawrence."
She had been so happy to see him, and now all she could think about was whether this was ‘the' woman. She was beautiful and thin, and had perfect make up. She seemed perfect all over. Joanie needed to get away. Her own flaws seemed to stand out in comparison. No wonder Lawrence had cheated on her.
