At Last

The woman looked at her reflection. She was no beauty, yet there was tremendous beauty in her. As her hands flowed along the side of her face and down her neck, she thought, "Who didn't start out as beautiful? Wasn't it the things that happened later that began to conceal it...diminish it?"

Her eyes wandered to the trees and sunshine outside. But what they saw were the vignettes of long ago memories. Memories that crept into her heart like robbers, trying to snatch away whatever beauty she had left.

The child sat huddled in the corner, by the entrance door of the meager apartment. Her four year old eyes became horrified saucers as she watched Daddy punch Mommy hard in the stomach. Gasping, Mommy doubled up in pain.

"Why Daddy? Why?"

The child winced...her heart winced. Was this how Mommies and Daddies loved!? She closed her eyes to blot out the scene. She didn't want to know! She didn't want to remember!

She was too late. It was already imbedded in her mind.

More images swirled and the woman's thoughts jumped, one to another.

It was dark, and the child stood in the frame of a big black curtainless window. Beside her sat Mommy, huddled and weeping. She knew they had to go through yet another of what she called the terrible waiting times.

As the hours passed, Mommy crumpled… broken...into the child's tiny embrace. "It's okay, Mommy." She cooed comfortingly. "It's okay."

Somewhere out there in the dark was Daddy. Who knew when he would return? Who knew what to expect when he did? The child only knew that when he walked through that door, there would be that terrible feeling inside her tummy. Later, as a woman, she would come to learn it was the same fear soldiers felt before meeting the enemy.

A breeze splashed the woman's face and brought her back to the present. She inhaled deeply. Focusing once again on the new green leaves unfolding...the sweet scent of cut grass. She let their presence infuse her with beauty once again.

It was always like this...always this battle. One thing robbing her beauty while another would replenish it. And it was always a fine line to walk. Her greatest fear was that she would one day fall to the wrong side forever.

Below her, under the maple trees, she saw her own daughter playing with other children. The woman tried to protect her daughter without overprotecting her. That too, proved to be a fine line to walk. She let out an anguished moan. Why did everything always have to be a fine line!? The silent question threw a wrinkle across her brow as again the robbers crept in to stalk her.

The child was pushed and teased and no one defended her. There were no friends to stand by her. Naturally she had once run to Mommy, but Mommy was angry. Why was she so angry? Why was Mommy always hurting her...blaming her? Why didn't she protect? Why didn't she hug and comfort? Wasn't that what people who loved each other do?

By the age of six, the child knew she was alone.

"Mom!?"

The woman turned to see her daughter run into the room towards her. As she took in the miracle of this precious person, again she was infused with beauty. She saw that her daughter's eyes were blurring with moisture. No doubt there had been a hurtful exchange among playmates...and enough blame to go around twice.

She knew her daughter had her foibles. She knew her daughter very well. There would be time to deal with those. She opened her arms and hugged and comforted her.

As the night grew darker and the children slept, the woman felt the presence of her lover. He gathered her up into his arms easily, despite her generous proportions.

She felt his eyes looking at her through the darkened air. She wondered what he really saw. Did he see the beauty only? Was that the attraction? Was he even aware of the lack of beauty? If so, did it matter? Or was even that, in some perverse way, what drew him to her?

He said she thought too much. She thought he was right.

As she faced him, his hand rose to her cheek and held it. She breathed in his scent. It was a pleasant combination of sweat and cologne. Leaning into his hand with eyes closed, she felt the robbers stealing closer...invading even this moment of respite. She felt her heart begin to pound.

The child vied for Daddy's attentions, begging to be loved. But Daddy ignored the child. He rarely spoke to her. And when he was aware of her, he discussed her in the third person. It didn't matter that she heard him.

"Why must she come fishing with me? Can't you take her shopping with you?"

"But she WANTS to be with you, can't you see that?" said Mommy.

Soon the child stopped asking to be with anyone.

The woman felt the robbers at her throat. Her stomach began to tense and hurt. They were reaching down into her heart and cutting part of it away! They were leaving a hole! Inside the woman flinched. Then she remembered that the robbers had done this many years ago. It was just a phantom memory. But it still felt so real!

An anguished whimper escaped her as she fell into her lover's embrace. When would the hole be filled!? When would it be over!?

Their lips met hungrily and the kiss began. She knew it would be long and passionate. The passion had never consumed them though. Her lover would not let it. She would push and push, almost like some wanton slut. But he would always say no.

The lover knew the woman's needs. He knew how her pure love had been tainted. How her trust had been abused. He knew how she had been betrayed, even when she tried to deny it. He knew, because he had been betrayed too. He understood the hole and what it could drive a person to do. Prostituting one's body would not fill the hole. He would not let her offer herself that way. He would not take her that way. He knew the woman's needs.

It wasn't always that way. At first, he courted her. He readily spoke of his own thoughts and feelings to her. It was not something that normally came easily to him. Somehow, she could help him speak of things he would not speak of with others. He used her.

Then, in gratitude, he sought out her heart. He asked her about her thoughts...her feelings. Soon gratitude was replaced by something more. He wanted to know and enjoy everything about her. He knew it would be an endless task. He looked forward to spending a lifetime in accomplishing it.

Meanwhile, the woman tried to fill the hole in her heart. Meeting her lover had brought her closer to succeeding than she had ever been. She had offered herself to him many times. She knew it was not truly her nature to be so brazen. But the hole could make even the meekest person brazen. Her lover rebuffed her. A part of her was glad.

Still, the woman was not surprised when her lover used her as a vessel for his own venting and unloading. She accepted that as the paid price to fill the hole. But when the lover reciprocated, allowing her to use him as well, she was very surprised!

She soon saw that it was more than mere duty for him. As she spoke, he would look and listen with rapt interest. He always seemed to have questions. He laughed with her. He cried with her. He got angry with her.

For the first time the woman knew what it meant to have someone's loyalty. For the first time the woman felt arms hug and comfort her when she wept. For the first time the woman felt she was not being seen in the third person. Rather, she was wanted! She was first and foremost in someone else's heart. Her lover knew her needs!

All this flashed through the woman's thoughts during the passion of their kiss.

The lover sensed a change in her immediately. Had it finally happened? Was the moment finally here? Was the hole filled at last so that the woman could finally give for the simple pleasure of giving? His lips released hers and he pulled away to see into her eyes more clearly.

Her smile seemed much more peaceful. The storm that lived in her eyes for so long seemed finally quelled. He felt that she was looking at him as if for the first time. This time it was he that demanded more than a kiss. He knew the right moment had finally come.

His arms continued to embrace her. His lips resealed with her own. Despite the peacefulness he sensed in her, there was no less passion… maybe even more. His body pressed hard against hers, forcing her to recline beneath him.

Covering her body with his, he inhaled deeply before pressing his lips into the base of her neck...kissing her...marking her completely his at last.

All his five senses burst alive and all they could sense was her. She was the universe to him right now. She was his greatest desire.

The woman felt light-headed at first. Then a warmth flooded her body. With it came the strong desire to make her lover happier than he had ever been. The thought drove her more than the filling of the hole. In fact, the hole had been forgotten.

As he pleasured in kissing her body she encouraged him by enjoying what he offered. An easy task since it was genuinely so enjoyable!

For all the times that the woman had sex in her life, this was the first time that she had ever made love. What astounded her was how much more passionate and intense the latter was compared to the former! Neither of them "used" the other, yet both felt fulfilled by meeting the other's needs.

That night fireworks lit their sky many times over. Their bodies entwined and writhed in a fluid dance. Flesh touching flesh...senses overloading...lover's laughter floating.

Their sex was pure and loving.

In the days that followed they explored sex in all it's glory. They explored it without inhibitions, in every capacity...in every room...in every position. They became the fulfillment of one another's fantasies. Their hearts were light and carefree and safe in one another's hands.

The man took the hand of his woman. She looked up at him, knowing that she belonged to him...knowing he would provide for her without abusing her. That he would never harm her...or let anyone else harm her either. Somehow, that made submission less frightening.

As her hand clasped together in his, the man looked at the woman. He knew that she would never ask more of him than was fair. She would be his helpmate and work by his side to lighten his tasks. And she would soothe his heart. Somehow, that made leadership seem less daunting.

When the man and the woman walked past others, the others did not see them as overly beautiful. But when they looked at one another, all each could see was beauty refreshed a hundred times over.

And they smiled.