My entry for the 2016 April Fool contest. This is my first contest entry so here goes nothing.
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"If they were going to make fun of me at least they could be on time." I thought glumly.
Here I was sitting at the Red Horse Saloon next to a couple of guys that must have gone to school together. Even though I was trying not to eavesdrop I couldn't help but hear words like "archmage" and "warlock" and "paladins". They must be gamers of some sort. Shoot the one guy was drinking a Pabst, he was probably a hipster and drinking it ironically. I may be a geeky IT guy but I will be damned if they would call me a hipster.
Okay enough of that. I looked at the mirror across the bar and wondered for millionth time what was wrong with me. I read every magazine on men's fashion I could get my hands on and I know I was dressed appropriately. I spent 75 bucks every 6 weeks on a hair stylist so that they could cut my hair and mess it up. I worked out 4 days a week. I read about body shapes and found out I have an endomorph physique which meant that I tailored my workouts to give me definition and and try to increase size. My teeth were straight, I didn't smell, I was gainfully employed with a 90k a year job. I was smart. No debt. So why the hell was I 27 years old and practically a virgin?
Yeah go ahead and laugh. I could kind of answer my own question. In high school I was too nerdy, in the Army I was too busy, and in college I was too focused. I fell into the "friend zone" with almost any girl I could get up the nerve to talk to. I was told many times now "nice" and "safe" I was. I had figured that moving to Detroit where no one knew me would be a great spot to have my own renaissance along with the city. HA! Brent put a stop to that.
Which leads me to tonight. I knew Brent was up to something when he started being nice to me. He was the perfect salesman and it showed in his numbers. Fortunately (or unfortunately as the case may be) I had been the victim of many "Brent's" over the years. I knew he was up to something and sure enough the conversation I heard in the bathroom earlier today confirmed it.
They had no idea I was dropping a deuce when Brent and his buddy Logan walked in. I heard in detail how they were going to get one of Brent's skanky business associates to start hitting on me then embarrass me in front of his lackeys. I wasn't sure what I did to piss Brent off but it was like I was back in high school again with the jock picking on the geek. I had enough and tonight was going to be the night I stood up for myself.
And they didn't even show.
Casting my gaze around the bar I noticed a beautiful raven haired woman sitting alone and drinking a glass of white wine. She was at a bar table with her legs crossed and a high heel casually dangling from her foot. Her skirt was long enough to be modest yet short enough to be sexy. Her white nylons encased what looked like a marvelous set of legs and her white blouse both covered and accentuated her apparently ample chest. She appeared to have on very little makeup but her red lips looked delectable and her blue eyes looked down at her drink and then over to the door.
She looked at me at I of course blushed but for once I didn't look away. I looked into her eyes and held her gaze until she looked at the door again. I quickly looked down at my scotch and got angry. Angry at Brent and what he represented through the years. Angry at myself for allowing it. I was even angry at that beautiful woman for being so pretty. I know that last one made no sense but what can I say? I was having a snit. And to top it all off the gang that was supposed to humiliate me was taking their sweet ass time getting around to it. Fuck them. When they walked in I was going to be talking to the prettiest girl in the bar. I grabbed my drink and started making my way to her table.
She shot me down before I could get closer than three steps.
"Not interested. Thank you." She told me crisply.
I should have tucked my tail between my legs and turned around.I would have done that any other day. Hell any other day I wouldn't have even started walking her way. Did I mention I was angry?
"Wow, heaven forbid I try to strike up a conversation with a beautiful woman in bar. I didn't realize that this was a social setting that called for no human interaction. If you are waiting on someone or just want to be left alone that is fine but being beautiful doesn't give you the right to be rude." I snapped.
I turned away and headed back to the bar. I wasn't going to let her run me off nor was I going to let the asshats from work ruin my night. I was done being a victim. As I was drinking another scotch and mentally psyching myself up I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder. I turned around to find that black haired beauty looking at me intently.
"Sorry. You were right. I was waiting for a date that seems to have stood me up and I could have been more polite to you. I am April." She said as she stuck out her hand.
What. The. Hell.
I shook her hand.
"Bill Thompson. Apology accepted and I offer one of my own. I am currently having a rough day and I could have been more polite myself." I replied.
"So does the offer of a conversation come with a drink?" She asked as she smiled at me.
Oh great, now I am gonna be her sucker and buy her a bunch of drinks while she talks to me about her great boyfriend that stood her up for the upteenth time and why can she just find a nice guy. Not happening tonight.
"If you are drinking scotch I am buying." I replied "At your table you would have had your choice."
No woman was going to drink scotch all night so I was sure I was safe.
"Johnny Walker Blue, rocks." She told the bartender.
Damn she had good taste. Expensive, but good.
"So where is this conversation I am supposed to be having?" She asked.
"Sorry, I am losing my anger and retreating back into my normal state of fear and cowering in the presence of a good looking woman." I replied.
"NO! You were doing so good! Don't lose it now stud." She laughed.
I laughed along with her. She seemed easy to get along with.
"Okay, I promise to fake confidence until tomorrow morning. That should get us through any sexual escapades that might happen tonight." I grinned.
She snorted into her drink. Looking at me with a gleam in her eye, she put her glass down and kissed me. I tasted the whiskey on her tongue as she shoved it into my mouth. Going for broke I kissed her back as hard as I dared and slipped my own tongue past her teeth. We came up for breath and looked into each other's eyes. I said the first thing that popped into my head.
"This is going to be good isn't it?"
She looked thoughtful.
