Daniel and Susan Mellings had been married for fifteen years, they had an eight year old daughter and a cat. They lived in a modest three bedroom semi detached property, with a shared drive and got on very well with their neighbours either side. The garden was neat and tidy, the paintwork clean and bright. Daniel worked in Publishing and Susan had been his assistant for five years before they married. They were similar in age, but whereas Susan was sunny and outgoing, Daniel was insular and prone to bouts of depression. Lucy took after her mother and they would often sing together in the evening and at weekends.
Daniel's work took him away often and he would return seemingly relaxed and confident. After his return to the office he would revert to type and become quiet and introspective. Susan was worried that their lives were becoming divergent to such an extent that they were married in name only. She could not fault Daniel on his devotion to Lucy and he would quite quickly become happy and sunny when in his daughters presence.
As a father he was faultless, having immersed himself in bathing, feeding and changing Lucy when first born, he carried this through as she grew. Reading stories and taking time to listen to her as she grew older, made him an almost ideal Dad. He spent holidays by Susan and Lucy's side, willing to throw himself into sandcastle building, swimming and diving in the sea. As a husband, he decorated, gardened, and was also a great cook. His birthday surprises for both Susan and Lucy were legendary. As a lover, he had in their early days been incredibly attentive, and almost fastideous that Susan should achieve orgasm. At times he had failed to penetrate her but had not seemed too worried, he was capable as Lucy's arrival had proved. Over time though their lovemaking had become distracted, erratic, until it ceased to exist. Susan had thought that this was work pressure and had never reproached him. She waited patiently for him to discuss this with her and metaphorically sat on her hands.
One wednesday, Daniel arrived home, flustered, and distraught. After an exchange of sorts he sat at the table in the kitchen. Susan instinctively knew something was afoot. Daniel had his head in his hands and tears were failing onto the table. Susan sat by him and put an arm round his shoulder, and he fell into her embrace. After a while he stopped sobbing and eased himself from her grasp. Holding her hands his sorrowful brown eyes bored into her soft blue ones.
"I have something to tell you, it's not pleasant and I hate myself for this, but... I've fallen in love with someone else."
"Oh God! is it serious? what are you telling me? who is she?"
"It's a he, I'm gay, always have been, I'm so sorry."
"Gay? How? I mean... you can't be... Lucy is... How could you, how could you..."
Susan began to drum on his chest with her fists, tears of fear, rage, frustration welling up. She hammered at his body and he didn't try to defend himself, in the end just wrapping her in his arms, their heads coming together and bitter tears falling from their eyes.
"I never, ever wanted to hurt you, deceive you, but I have and I am so, so, sorry for this. I have tried to be a good husband, tried to deny to myself what I actually felt. But it's no good, I can't lie anymore. I am so sorry, Susan. Believe me I love you so much, all you are and what you give me as a husband."
"But you love someone else, a man. Losing you to a woman would be awful, losing you to a man is devastating. Knowing now that your lovemaking was an act, a performance, an act of utter falseness. You've lied to me for twenty years, twenty years Dan! Our whole relationship is a sham."
"No, no, Susan, darling, it wasn't, isn't, I loved you like I've never loved a women, or could love a woman. You made me a man, you made me feel I had been wrong and that I could live a happy and physically normal life with you."
"But now..."
"I won't lie anymore, Julian and I have been seeing each other for a year now. I can't deny that what I want is to be with him fully, totally without hiding or secrecy."
"And what about Lucy and me?"
"that is the hardest part, because I don't want to lose either of you. I hope you can understand that. I know it appears impossible, but I do still love you, as a friend, a soulmate and as the mother of my daughter. I couldn't bear to be without Lucy, life would be useless. I want my cake and I want to eat it too."
"You're asking a lot, what are you proposing?"
"I don't have any proposals I just want everything and I know in my heart I may end up with nothing."
Susan dried her eyes straightened and reached for his hand.
"I want to meet him, this Julian, I want to meet him, here, for a meal."
"Susan..."
"Do it Dan, do it if you love me as you say I do. I want to meet the man who's stolen your heart, stolen you from me. No hysterics, just a meal and a discussion, he can stay over, with you if you wish."
"Susan, you can't be serious, really, you want to do this?"
"No, not really, but I want to meet the man who has your heart and I want to make sure he's good enough for you."
"I'm not sure it's such a good idea, but if you want to, so be it."
"Thank you, now let's clear up and go to bed, it's been a hell of a day, so far. Oh! do you still want to share a bed with me?"
"If you still want me too, of course I do."
"Come on sod the clearing up, come to bed."
Ten minutes later they lay spooned together, each wondering what the other was thinking and neither sure that they would sleep. Tiredness eventually overcame them and they slept, hardly moving, wrapped in each other. The alarm woke them and they lifted fuzzy heads as Lucy came in to give them a morning hug. She slipped between them and settled down, they lay on their sides arms around Lucy, tears in their eyes.
One week later, as Susan thought about preparing the evening meal, the house empty as Lucy was having a sleepover at her friends, the door bell buzzed. Susan walked down the hall from the kitchen. A dark shape showed through the frosted glass of the front door. Susan frowned, she had a lot to do ready for this evening. Opening the door she saw a tall slim man about her age. He carried a bottle of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Smiling hesitatingly he proffered the flowers.
"Susan, I'm Julian, I brought these for you, a thank you for the meal."
"Julian, I... I didn't expect, I mean... so early, errr, come in, come in, please."
Stepping back she allowed him in, surprisingly he hugged and kissed her, then blushing stood in the hall way. She shut the door and gestured towards the kitchen, he turned and went as directed. She offered and he accepted a mug of tea, they sat at the table.
"Susan I'm sorry to be early, but I had to see you on your own, to apologise for what's happening. I know Dan loves you very much and I've barged in and stolen him. I feel bad, but it's a chance for us to be ourselves. I'm sorry to be the bastard. I would never have dreamed this would happen."
"But despite this, you will take Dan from me and live with him, dream with him, love him?"
"I can't tell you how much it hurts sitting here watching the agony on your face. But, I love him, he loves me, what can I say? Sorry is worthless, trite, a nonsensical waste of time word."
"I understand, partially, what amazes me is that you accepted my invitation, despite the fact that in all probability, I'm just a tad shy of ripping you a new arsehole." She held her fingers a few millimetres apart to demonstrate how fragile the space between them was. He nodded and looked suitably abashed.
"Not wishing to provoke you, but I think if I were you, I'd have done it by now. It would be worth the prison time." he grinned, she grinned, then placed her hands on his,
"If I asked you not to do this thing, would you?"
"No, I'm sorry, but I want Dan in my life and my bed, I..."
Jukian shook his head and looked down at the table. His eyes grew wet with tears and he sobbed uncontrollably. Susan felt a dam burst and she too cried loudly, helplessly, hopelessly. They held hands and a strange bond began to form between them. Eventually Susan rose and found a box of tissues, placing them on the table between them. Julian nodded and began to help himself. Slowly they gathered themselves together and the house quietened. Suddenly Susan straightened and stood, the chair scraping across the tiles.
