Have you ever wondered what it would be like to stand at the edge of a dock, wondering if once you jump, if you would sink to the bottom, cold, lonely, crushed, and soaking wet or rather be caught and held tight?
I bent my knees, as I wondered if I would sink or be caught, and jumped upon his boat. He'd asked me to be there around dawn, to watch the sunrise as I'd never seen it before. My heart was pounding as I saw his figure stepping from a darkened doorway. Before the light hits you, I can already imagine you. Your light brown hair, almost light enough to be a very dirty blonde, just long enough to put in a short ponytail, yet a few strands hang down on the left side of your face. Your mysterious, deep, brown eyes so full of ancient wisdom. Your arms so sturdy that I'm sure they are strong, keeping the ones you love close and safe. Your jeans, loose and comfortable. You are the image I see when I close my eyes at night and you don't even know it yet.
As you step into the light, I see you are bare chested. Your chest with soft curls, running down to the tops of your pants, hinting at more below. You smile and catch my hand, with a quick hello, as you pull me to you. Your arms wrapping around my waist, turning me so my back is to your chest, holding me close.
I bite my lip and look out over the edge of the boat. The water just underneath my feet, your arms around me, and still wondering if I will sink when I take the leap. I sigh, standing against you, in silence, staring out into the now slightly lit sky as dawn begins to break. A gust of wind whooshes past, and suddenly, my white tank top with my wool sweater over my tight jeans and high heels just aren't enough to keep me warm. I shiver and you hold me closer, whispering "cold my dear?"
I nod, still to shy to speak, not knowing if my voice would falter if I spoke to such a perfect man. "Come, I have another view that would better suit you, out of the wind and the cold."
You lead me, arm around my waist, into the ship's walls, up the stairs, and into your bedroom. You lead me straight to the window, closed, yet looking out towards the horizon. My knees start to shake, as I notice I'm in your bedroom. I start to panic, not knowing what to do with the butterflies that suddenly flew into my heart and my stomach all at the same time. So, I turn away, suddenly overwhelmed and trying to hold back tears and walk towards the bed to take a seat. You stand there a moment, still looking out the window.
I start to fumble my fingers, curling my hands into squirming balls, then releasing them. You sit on the bed next to me, and put your arm around my shoulder while your other hand reaches for my chin to turn my face towards you. I look into your eyes and a tear falls.
"What's the matter? What has you so down?" You ask, your face so concerned yet looking in my eyes lovingly.
"I----I---I just---I'm so nervous. I am so sorry." I stammer and look away quickly.