Almost

"We, all who live, have

A life that is lived

And another life that is thought,

And the only life we have

It's the one that is divided

In right or wrong."

― Fernando Pessoa

--------

Riding along this road to Samantha's home, I can't even look at her face anymore. Well, she got me there. That shut me down. This party is over. I wanted her to like me. To want me. Like I want her. This whole experience is tearing me up inside. How can I be so out of touch with reality? Nothing can substitute experience I guess. And why should Samantha feel the way I feel? It is perfectly clear now. It's so simple. I like her but she doesn't like me.

But why does that bother me so much? It hurts. This must be an error in the human design. In the coding of our DNA. This man/woman stuff has no logic it to it at all. There are no rules to this. It's a free for all in the wild west. With all my achievements, I know I can figure this out. There IS a mathematical formula for this, I know it! And I WILL crack the code, but first things first. I am going to miss her though. Shit.

I can't think straight. Why? I don't know what I'm doing. Time to back up and do the research now that I know what the issue is. The issue. I'm in unchartered waters. That's the easy part. Just need to do a little YouTube research and I'll do better at this dating stuff. But first, I've got to get rid of this, "Queen of my desires" out of my life. I have more important issues at hand. Besides, like Brian said, "She's only a woman." This has to end. Right now.

The problem is she needs someone with more experience and I'm not that guy. That is the worst feeling ever. There is a name for it too. LOSER! Too bad for me, but that is the truth. This whole thing was a train wreck from the beginning. I need to get Samantha out of my head and life forever. Let's do this!

Still looking out my window and finding my voice, "Samantha, you were correct about one thing back in the restaurant." Waving my finger in a circle, mimicking what she had done at Sebastian's, "This thing between you and me wouldn't have worked out. I don't have the experience you have with this dating stuff. PLUS, I know I have said some really stupid things since last night, so yeah, I don't blame you for thinking I'm some kind of weirdo. I am truly sorry for acting like a jerk. "

Samantha was also in deep thought as she turned from looking out the window listening to Dan. Not happy, she turned to Dan, "Dan, one thing you are NOT, is a jerk. Do me a favor though and look at me when you're talking. I like to see your face when you talk."

Dan resigned to get on with his life, turned to face Samantha, "Samantha, you just asked me something pretty personal that I am ashamed to admit. The only reason I can figure you asking such a thing is that it's so obvious. If you are trying to knock me down, you did quite the job already back at Sebastian's. You don't need to keep throwing punches, I'm done. You win. "

Samantha thoughts clouded a bit. She was kicking herself and regretted asking that stupid question about his virginity as soon as the words left her mouth. She was just sparing with Dan and his nonsense about telling her parents she was involved in a terrorist attack against him. It wasn't meant to sound as cruel as it did, but the look on his face said it all. Now after all the silence that followed and now hearing Dan go all, "true confession" on her...when she looked into his eyes she felt his pain. "Dan, that was me making a jok..."

"Samantha, please let me finish this. This is really difficult for me." Turning to look out the window again, "So yeah, I never been intimate with a woman before. Sorry. You're the only the 'third' girl I've ever kissed. So whatever. Good thing for you though, you won't have to have to waste any more time wondering if I could float your boat. I don't know anything about women. It appears I can't even talk to one without screwing it up."

Trying to make her understand, Dan turned to face her again, "Look, I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry I told you the kiss we shared outside the pub last night was the best I ever had. That was a mistake. I'm sorry I told you I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you on the drive over to Sebastian's earlier. That was a mistake. Finally, I'm sorry I asked you to marry me at Sebastian's. Fuck me, I'm sorry for it all. Why I said all those things are beyond me. "

Dan simply didn't give a shit which way the wind blew. He didn't care anymore about anything. Dan did the math and finally decided in the last 24 hours life was just one error after another and he needed a simple exit strategy. Better than the US one from Afghanistan. "The things I said, were not meant to offend you at all. I'm not a bad person. I'm not your enemy. I don't even know what's a matter with me. I've just been messed up since I met you. Samantha, you have overwhelmed me since I first saw you and I have no clue why. And honestly, Samantha, I know you are way, way out of my league. I mentioned this with Cheryl this morning. You were getting the bad end of the deal with this blind date thing. And that crap you said about Cheryl not knowing how screwed up I was, ouch, that hurt. Cheryl is one my best friends who I think the world of and would do anything for. She thought we were a good match. After last night I was hoping she was right. Don't hold this against her.

"Shit, none of this matters anyway. "

"So...we will be at your place in about 20 minutes. Once you walk out that door, you won't have to worry about me contacting you because...," Dan took out his cell phone, pulled up her name, showed her and pressed the button, "Ta-Dah!...I am deleting you from my contact list. ZAP! So there, all done." Dan continued looking at the screen he deleted her from. He was going to miss the ;-) at the end of the message she had text last evening. That was the most romantic thing he had ever seen. Slipping the phone back into his pocket he let out an inaudible sigh before turning back to look out his window.

The simple act of witnessing Dan delete her number from his phone was troubling Samantha deeply. How messed up was that? And she would never be able to explain to anyone why she did what she did next. Without further thought, she undid her seatbelt and slid all the way across right next to Dan with the right-side of her body pressing against his left side. Dan quickly turned to look in Samantha's face and lied with every word he spoke to save himself from this mess, "Oh Samantha, please have mercy on me and stop. You need to find someone more like yourself..."

"You mean a jerk?"

Samantha put her right-hand palm up on top of Dan's leg and hers while gently looking up into his eyes, "Give me your hand Dan..." Dan looked down at her hand and then back to her face. "Samantha don't do this. Look, I met you last night and something happened to me I don't like at all. Let's just move on. "

Sam still looking into his eyes, opened and closed her fingers briefly, "Dan, give me your hand, come on..."

Dan looked into her eyes, lifted his left hand and gently placed it in hers. Samantha closed her fingers around his and smiled, "Dan, you not in this alone. Guess what? I'm not just part of the scenery here. This has been pretty weird for me too." Then Samantha laid her head down against his shoulder. "I need to ask you something's Dan. K?" Dan took a deep breath, "Sure, but be easy on me. I'm a virgin you know."

Sam quickly lifted her head off his shoulder and looked seriously into his face, "I'm so, so, soooooo sorry Dan, there's nothing wrong with that at all. Oh, my God. Please don't ever think that it's a bad thing. That was a stupid mean question to ask." Samantha was now holding his hand tightly in hers while looking into Dan's face for some sign of forgiveness.

"So you need to ask something's?"

Not really satisfied some forgiveness was not shown, "First, I'm asking you understand something's or least try to.

First Dan, you're not like any guy I've dated before. The world is full of not so honest people and I've met quite a few I wish I could forget. And when I meet someone like you who is genuine, I don't know how to react to the things they say.

Second, Every adult has the right to choose who they wish to spend their lives with, and we're all capable of making mistakes, my problem Dan is I seem to keep making the same stupid mistakes over and over again with the guys I meet. I don't seem to attract nice men. And I am easy to take advantage of. That's a terrible combination.

Third, I used to think that having a list of certain qualities would help. If he has them, we'd be compatible and happy. That failed big time. Sure any relationship must include a mutual attraction and..."

"Wait please, I have to ask you this Samantha," Dan turned to look out the window again, " well...do you think I'm an attractive guy? For you I mean." Samantha squeezed his hand harder, looked into his eyes to sense his mood and then let go of his hand.

"Samantha that was a dumb thing to say, wasn't it?"

Samantha kicked off her heels, unclipped Dan's seatbelt, and crawled up into Dan's lap like a kitty cat and sat down. She put her arm around his neck and leaned into him as she kissed him sweetly on the cheek before laying her head on his shoulder. "No Dan, that wasn't a dumb thing to say. When I saw you last night I was very happy to see you were so attractive. I also had a pleasant time last night. I was happy. And I am happy being with you now. I don't know why, but I am. You're easy to be with. This space between us feels uncomplicated and nice. Can we just sit here and hold each other for a bit."

Dan looked down at Samantha. Nothing else mattered. Nothing. She had her left arm around his neck and her right hand on his chest. She snuggled close to him and started sniffing his neck. "You smell nice Dan."

"Samantha, you are freaking me out. What you're doing...this intimacy right now is... I can't even find the words to express how I feel inside...you are really touching me emotionally."

"Everything about you, your looks, your voice, the things you're saying, you sitting here on my lap now... all this is pulling my heart strings...everything about you is driving me crazy. I feel I've lost control of my thought process. If this is some game for you, please, please stop. I have been off balance since you left last night. "

Samantha looked up with a smile on her face, "Do you really mean all these things you're telling me? The kiss? The wanting to be with be me forever? Asking me to marry you? You know, those words have an effect on me too. That messes me up inside too. And Dan, men say these things even if they are not true just to have sex. Men have told me really sweet, charming, emotional touching things just to use me. They used sweet promises of nothing to pull on my heartstrings just to fuck me."

Dan felt anger. He felt anger hearing how someone could be so cruel to this beautiful angel in his lap. Dan moved his left hand up to her right hand laying on his chest. He touched her fingers and she touched his. They were both looking at their fingers intertwined together. Fingers caressing the other. Dan brought her hand up to his lips and kissed her fingers. Samantha watches the tenderness Dan was expressing. Samantha was examining his face carefully for any signs of falseness and found none. Dan turned his face toward hers, "Samantha, forgive me if this comes out wrong but I want to be near you. As much as possible. I don't understand what's going here. But I like you a lot."

Samantha looked Dan carefully in the eyes. 24 hours. She has known him 24 hours. Was this guy for real? No, for sure he was real! She looked carefully at his features. Samantha Harrison had seen a lot in her lifetime. But she had never, ever, seen anything to the kind of muscle Dan could call up at a moments notice. Not even for her father. That kind of power? You had to see it to believe it. He must know something important. Anyway, though impressive, not the main thing. That being, could this work? Who was this "Dr. Hamilton" anyway?

Samantha looked out the window and recognized they were getting close to her home. She slid off Dan's lap and nodded to the window, "We're almost home." She slipped her heels on then smiled as she looked at Dan's face and challenged, "So you going to come in and smooth things over with my Mother and Father?"

Dan looked out the window and noticed quite a change in scenery as the architecture of homes became very upscale, "Hey, you live in a pretty fancy neighborhood." Samantha smiled then laughed as she took his hand in hers and squeezed it, "You think?"

"Samantha, where are we?"

At that moment the car pulled up to the front gate.

"We're home."

...

>20 minutes before<

Jacklyn Harrison sat in her private office reviewing the folders of information on her new project. The more she discovered about Dr. Hamilton, the more she fell in love. In love with the idea of coupling him with her youngest child, Samantha.

Before Jacklyn Harrison married, she was Jacklyn Van Bauer. And Jacklyn Van Bauer had been a student of molecular biology. She received a BA in the physical sciences of Biology and Chemistry from Harvard, but her main interest was genetic engineering. Jacklyn became obsessed with the idea that a woman, with the right spouse, could produce a superior child through genetic engineering. This obsession is what led her to pursue and graduated with a Masters in Genetic Engineering from Johns Hopkins inBaltimore, MD.

Most people assumed Jacklyn Harrison was a typical socialite that was nothing more than arm candy for her mega-wealthy husband. Jacklyn's genetic engineering background and skills define who she really was behind that beautiful face. Somewhere along the line while still in high school and through the guidance of a perceptive teacher, she found interest in science, scientific methods and rules, complex problem solving and critical thinking skills. It was fun for her. She had always demonstrated excellent mathematical, deductive and inductive reasoning skills. She was proficient with the use of computer-aided design (CAD) software, graphics, photo imaging software, PERL, Python, analytical software programs, and word processing software programs, used lasers, spectrometers, light scattering equipment, binocular light compound microscopes, and bench-top centrifuges. She did it all! To top it all off, Jacklyn was still a card-carrying professional member of Biomedical Engineering Society (BMES). Jacklyn Harrison was a brilliant woman in her own right and pity the fool who took her at face value. She was Queen of her Castle. Ruthless if need be.

And now Jacklyn was in love. She had fallen in love with Dan by the time the, "Presidential" ordered multi-media presentation had completed. This could be her finest moment. The very thought of the coupling of her beautiful daughter Samantha and the pure genius of a very handsome Dr. Hamilton to produce her grandchildren was intoxicating to her. Very handsome indeed. Jacklyn had her day planner out and was going over the public events calendar. There were 6 events coming up in the next week she could get Dr. Hamilton in. Hmm...the one at Sebastian's next Friday might just be the best, she thought to herself. Anyway. She circled all 6 just in case.

Just then her phone went off. Again she saw her wonderful Benjamin photo pop up.

"Hello Mr. Harrison, miss me already?"

"Jackie, I just got another call from the State Department. And.."

"Really? Again? Benjamin is everything ok?"

"Well, it seems Samantha has had an incident at Sebastian's.''

"Oh my goodness, is she ok???!!"

"Seems like. Anyway someone is bringing her home. Want to meet the boy wonder? That's who is bringing her home."

"Dr. Hamilton! Really! Oh my, Benjamin! This is wonderful news! We'll ask him to stay for dinner. Yes, and that way we can get a chance to meet him and chat. Oh Benjamin, please say yes! I want him, Benjamin. Please. Please. Please say yes!"

He knew before he spoke with Jacklyn this was going to happen. Happened with the other children and was it going to happen again. Whether he liked it or not. The good part was he did not have to do a damn thing. Nothing. Zip. Nada. Jacklyn would do it all with a song in heart and bells on her toes. Well, this was the last one anyway.

"Well, when you put it like that, how can I say no."

"Oh, thank-you love! When will they be here?

"About 20 minutes. "

"20 Minutes! I need to get off this phone now and make arrangements for dinner. Love you, Benjamin! Thank you so much again for this!", then she hung up without waiting for a response.

>A lot can happen in 20 minutes.<

Benjamin Harrison looked down at his cell and laughed out loud at the thought of his wife and Dr. Hamilton meeting. The poor fellow didn't have a clue what was coming. The thought of his daughter, Samantha, with that genius still didn't make any sense. He called Sharon back into his office, "Sharon, depending on which way you look at it Mrs. Harrison has decided to invite or hold hostage to Dr. Hamilton for dinner. My wife is very keen on Dr. Hamilton."

Sharon smiling quite cheerily replied, "I suspect Mrs. Harrison hears wedding bells in Ms. Samantha future."

"Mrs. Harrison seems keen to that proposition. Anyway, I want you at the dinner table with the family tonight. What I want you to do is just observe Dr. Hamilton and Samantha together and give me your opinion of them as a couple. My wife is keen on this boy, but I want a second opinion. Now inform my wife that you'll be working late tonight and will there for business reasons. She'll understand."

" Absolutely Mr, Harrison. "

" Mr. Harrison, if I may, after that presentation this afternoon, I was quite impressed with that young man. If Samantha was interested in him that way, all I can say is that for a future son-in-law you would have nothing to be ashamed about. Is there anything else I can do for you sir?"

"Sharon close the door and come here next to me a moment will you."

As Sharon turned to close the door, she felt at peace. Now it was just her and her work husband. The way it should be. Turning around she smiled at her Benjamin the most seductive way she could (which went over his head every time) and walked up next to him sitting at his desk. He reached out his hand to her and she took it. He pulled her to his side and while still holding her hand, " Sharon I am having a very stressful day. Could you massage my neck like you do? I really need it."

What Sharon really wanted to do was crawl under his desk, pull his cock out and suck on it until her mouth was full of his come. She wanted to bend over the desk and let him use her a relieve himself. She wanted to serve him completely. Any hole of hers was his to use and abuse. Those were her some of her favorite masturbation fantasies involving her long time employer.

Sharon moved behind his chair and placed her hands on his shoulders. "Mr. Harrison, let's take off your suit jacket. That way I can massage your shoulders and neck at the same time."

With his jacket off, Sharon started massaging Benjamin's neck and shoulders. "Sharon, you're a life saver. That feels so much better."

Sharon mind was racing. These past few months she found herself being depressed. She had worked for decades for Benjamin Harrison and was not getting any younger. She had to let him know she was available to him, no strings attached. "Mr. Harrison, we have worked together for a very long time."

Cutting her off, "Sharon and the reason for that is because you are the best. The best at everything. When you first started working all those years ago can you imagine we would still be together? I can't. But you earned it. You are my right hand Sharon, you know that, understand? I can't thank you enough for your devoted service. And if you EVER need something, anything, please trust me enough to ask me. OK?"