The two women helped each other down the stairs. Both had a lot on their minds.
The younger woman, Allyson, was recovering from a vicious beating. She didn't actually need help, not in a physical sense, but her emotional situation was far different. At the moment she felt about as needy as she'd ever been in her entire life, and from the standpoint of a former foster child who'd spent her whole childhood shuttled from facility to facility much like a water bucket passed from hand to hand along a fire line that was no mean feeling.
She was afraid; afraid of how she felt, that was how she thought she felt, actually worse, how she thought she should feel. Did she love Paul? She didn't know. Had she ever really loved anyone? She wasn't sure on that count anymore either. She'd thought she'd loved John, but she knew now she only loved the idea of John. She'd looked upon him as a kind of heroic knight, a savior and protector, someone who could insulate her from things she didn't want to think about.
John had sort of soured her on what she should expect from men. He'd been so wonderful at first, but her gradual declination from partner and helpmate to subservient child maid and sex toy gave her pause about other men, even Paul.
For sure, if anyone had been her protector, her knight in shining armor, it had turned out to be the nerdy self-conscious Boy Scout who was somewhere downstairs. It was almost unimaginable; where once there had been a confident self assured high powered lawyer, now there was this introverted science Geek who had a metal plate down the center of his skull.
She could and couldn't imagine herself living and loving Paul, at least not over the long haul. He was young, younger than her, and probably too young. He was inexperienced, naïve was more like it. Paul lacked what they called a variety of experience. His whole life had been consumed by school, family, life in a secure protected cocoon. If Paul had say spent a year working on a tramp steamer seeing some of the world, or gone camping across Europe, or even just working a few summers someplace like a resort far from home. She figured anything like that would make a difference. That was the problem; the prism of his reality was too small, too narrow. Paul could look at something and come to conclusions that seemed logical and rational to him, but they were conclusions based on a too limited experience base.
Paul needed to grow up. She couldn't marry a boy. God she cared about him, but he just wasn't ready. As she stood at the top of the stairs she saw that now.
Audra had her needs too. First she needed to protect her son. If he loved this girl, then she wanted him to have her. But if he loved her, and she either turned out to be the wrong one, or if she decided he was wrong for her then, regardless of the eventuality, she wanted to be available to help in some way. What was the old saying, 'what's worse than not getting your hearts desire, isn't it getting it?' If he got what he wanted that could be good, but if she broke his heart, that might even be better. Either way she was confident he was young enough, strong enough intellectually, and had the emotional mettle to withstand whatever might happen.
Then there was Allyson. She had been through a lot; too much. Inwardly Audra felt a little bit responsible for the scars on Allyson's back. She'd been indifferent, even hostile, to the girl early on. She'd like to make up for it now. Maybe they could help her get on with her life; it was something she believed they were morally required to do.
It was more than just a guilty conscience though. She wanted to help Allyson because she liked her. Allyson deserved a break, a chance.
Together the two women started down the stairs. They were about to take some important first steps. Where those steps would lead was still unclear.
++++++++++++
Paul and his father Jeremy reached the bottom of the stairs at almost the same time as the women reached the top. Just like Allyson and Audra Paul and Jeremy had things on their minds.
Jeremy watched his wife. After their sons she was the most important person in his world. The other woman, Allyson, he was sure she was a nice girl. Maybe she would make it with Paul, maybe not. What most concerned him was how Audra handled whatever happened. He'd seen the look on her face; this was the little girl she'd never had, or more accurately, had, but lost. Audra had been pregnant with a fourth child, a girl, but God had taken her at eleven months. He remembered the sonograms, the little heartbeat, those precious little visuals; then the faint little squeals at birth.
Yes, she'd been imperfect, malformed, but she was just perfect for them. The loss had hurt him, but it had broken Audra's heart.
He wasn't some pompous right wing know it all. What other people did, abortion wise or care wise, wasn't his decision. He just knew that was one little girl who had been a keeper, a real treasure; brought in premature and underweight still she'd made it. They say girl babies are the fighters; well that one sure was. Bad heart, couldn't breathe, placed in a cooler or something so her little brain wouldn't swell up. She just barely made it; they'd just barely made it. She would have been what, sixteen now, a sophomore in high school. Oh hell, drunk drivers; on the way to the pediatrician's. It had happened too fast; a month later the murderer was back on the road again.
He watched Audra and prayed just a little; please don't get your hopes up. Please Allyson, don't hurt her, not too much anyway
There was Paul too, but he was small potatoes here. Paul was young, just twenty-one, not even finished all his college. If Allyson didn't work out there would be other girls. Allyson would be nice, but she had a lot of baggage. He wouldn't stand in the way, but he knew Paul could probably do better.
Paul looked to the top of steps. What he saw took his breath away. Allyson was so beautiful. She had on a gorgeous blouse and slack outfit, and the sweater really set her eyes off, they glowed, they just shone. Her eyes were so bright, he wasn't sure if it was the color of the clothes matching her eyes or if they were filled with tears. She was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. Her eyes, the make up, she'd never looked this way before. The childlike Allyson he'd come to recognize was gone! This was a woman, real woman, all the way!
No wait! There was more! He looked closer. What did she have on? She was wearing jewelry, not just any jewelry; it was the stuff he'd bought. How did she come by it? He got a glimpse of his mother. He knew right away; someone had found it and now Allyson was wearing it. It looked terrific on her. He looked closer. There was the necklace, the bracelet, the earrings. It was all there, all there except the ring? The ring wasn't there. That was OK. But wait the wrist watch! That was his grand mom's; no he meant his great grand mom's watch. Audra had given it to her, and she'd taken it. That had to mean something.
Paul knew what he had to do; his father had more or less laid it out for him. He had to be a man; man up his dad said. He'd treat Allyson with respect. He wouldn't push, beg, or try to cajole. If he was the one for her she'd figure it out. It would hurt if she went on, it would hurt a lot, but if you loved someone, really loved them, like his parents said, you had to let them fly.
The women reached the bottom of the steps. Allyson sort of clung to the wall on her way down. Paul reached out his hand, "Can I help?"
She took it, "Thank you."
The four of them walked into the living room and sat down. No one said very much. There wasn't much to say.
Paul asked Allyson, "Did you sleep well?"
"I got some, how about you?"
He smiled, "We drove all night. My mom said you wanted to talk."
Allyson put her head down, "Maybe later."
Paul looked away, "Sure."
Just then the doorbell rang. Someone opened the front door and in walked Lauren and Ariel. Ariel hollered out, "Is anyone home?"
Jeremy called back, "We're in here."
The two girls slipped into the living room. Both doffed their coats and took up positions in the room. Lauren announced, "Boy it's starting to get cooler outside."
Ariel nodded and agreed, "I should have worn a winter coat."
Allyson smiled. She remembered she didn't have any clothes of her own except what the girls had bought her. She looked at Ariel and then Lauren, "How do you like my outfit?"
Both girls took it in. Ariel giggled, "Somebody has really great taste."
Lauren beamed.
Jeremy got up, "Better check the bird. Dinner's almost ready."
Audra jumped up too, "I'll help."
Just then the brothers slipped in. Aubrey had heard his father's last comment. He asked, "Dinner ready yet?"
His father, already halfway in the kitchen called back, "Almost."
The door bell rang again.
Audra turned from the kitchen to the front door, "That must be Scottie."
Allyson's antennae went up. She was confused. Who was Scottie. Had they told her something and she'd missed it?
Paul saw the confusion. She'd either not been told, or been told and forgotten, "Scottie is my uncle, my mom's youngest brother. He's here with grand mother, grand father, his wife and their two kids. You'll like them."
Things were going too fast for Allyson. There were too many people about, too much to keep up with. Already she felt like she needed to go back to bed.
Paul saw the look and knew what she was thinking. He gave her a little wave, "It'll be all right. Just stay up and eat something. If you get tired you can go back to bed."
Allyson smiled at Paul. She thought, he's really tuned in.
In came grandma, grandpa, Scottie, his wife, and their two kids Billy and Myna. Billy was nine, and a screaming raving little hellion. Myna was the complete opposite. Myna was a little girl, dark brown hair, big green eyes, pinkish complexion, and one of the most backward personalities any little girl ever had. Shy would have been a compliment. Awkward, backward, reclusive, retiring, they were her words. For a while they were concerned she might have been autistic, but the signs and tests had pointed otherwise.
The family came in. Myna was attired in a little green print dress that matched her vivid green eyes. As the others all came barging in yelling talking, chattering, and exchanging niceties, Myna hung back, hiding behind her mothers dress.
Allyson watched the free for all, and wished she was anywhere but there. This was a family; people who were connected by blood and affection. Allyson, well she felt like the fifth wheel on car; completely unnecessary. Scottie and his wife had moved in and taken over. They were talking and chattering like a couple magpies. Their boy, what's his name, Billy, had already run off into the kitchen to be with Wayne and Aubrey.
Audra watched and listened to everything that was going on. She needed to talk to her mother. She tickled her fingers at her mother and called across the room, "Mom, got a minute?"
Grandma got up and started toward her daughter. Audra got up. The two of them walked off toward Jeremy's hide out, the side room where Paul had been sleeping earlier.
There was activity, noise, and chattering all over the place. Everyone certainly seemed to be having a good time. Paul was in and out of the kitchen carrying eggnog. Wayne found the wines, and was helping himself to a glass of something that looked reddish. Jeremy grabbed after Billy and made him sit in a chair in the kitchen before he broke anything. Allyson sat stiffly in the chair Audra had found for her. She was tired and uncomfortable. She'd been here before. Again she was in somebody else's house watching somebody else's family reunite and have a good time.
Out of nowhere a little brown haired girl with green eyes was standing in front of Allyson.
Allyson looked down at her. She didn't know what to say.
The little girl, Myna, climbed up in Allyson's lap. The climb and the new weight hurt the young woman, but she kept it to herself. The little girl, that quiet little reclusive ragamuffin everybody knew but nobody paid much attention to looked at Allyson. She put her hands on the woman's shoulders, "You have my eyes."
Allyson looked at the child. Very quietly, so quietly nobody else heard her Allyson answered, "No you have my eyes."
