All This And Heaven Too

Dear Readers,

It has been fourteen years since I last posted a story to this site. I have decided to use a different author name as my writing style and choice of genres has changed.

Inspiration comes in many forms but the stories by the authors, blackrandi1958, Cagivagurl and other2other1 have had the greatest influence on me. Many, many thanks to them.

My goal was to create a strong central female character with the necessary human foibles that inhabit us all. Originally, I planned on submitting to the Loving Wives section but after completing the story, I realized that it was more appropriate in Romance. It is Romance that drives the story.

There is some sex, FF and FM in the text but considering the overall length it hardly qualifies a s a stroke story. If you're looking for that, then bypass this.

All prose and punctuation errors are mine and mine alone. I used the editor on my computer in hopes it would catch those mistakes but there are always a few that slip by.

It is my hope that you, the reader, enjoy the story and feel the range of the characters emotions. Their joys and sorrows and sometimes the humorous aspects of life.

Feedback is welcome but abusive feedback will be deleted. I will accept any constructive criticism that is offered.

If you are interested in my previous author's name on this website, then feel free to email me.

"All This and Heaven Too"

LORI:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we have reached our cruising altitude of thirty-three thousand feet..."

I heard the captains voice over the planes PA system. As I sat in my window seat, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was missing out on being at home with my family. My modeling career was taking its toll on us, me, Doug, the girls.

The last two weeks were by far the most incredible of my life. The location in the Florida Keys was stunning and seductive. However, I betrayed my marriage and cheated on my husband with a woman.

I'd never be able to hide this from my husband. From the time we met as freshman at Penn State University, we had a kind of connection, I couldn't lie to him and vice versa.

During my career as a fitness model, I'd seen plenty of naked women, but none captured my imagination like Jacquie. The photo shoot had gone exceptionally well but my fling with her weighed heavily on my mind.

Up to then, I'd been faithful to my husband Doug and our two daughters. At the ripe old age of thirty-four, I possessed a svelte and as the photographer put it "extraordinary muscular but feminine physique."

Jacquie had seduced me, but I willingly allowed it to happen. It sparked something inside of me that I never felt before. Previously, I would have said without a doubt that I was 100% heterosexual. Because of my love and devotion to my husband Doug, I was completely faithful to him and never allowed another man or woman to touch me. I'd have to come clean about Jacquie.

There was no way I'd be able to hide this from my husband. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I'd be paying a very steep price for my actions.

My father always said that there is a first time for everything, but this...

Let me just say that Jacquie or Jacqueline, was one of sexiest women I'd ever had the pleasure of meeting, working with and spending several blissful nights in her bed. I shuddered when I thought of the incredible orgasms. I learned more from Jacquie about the feminine mystique than I thought humanly possible. She took the act of female-to-female sex to an art form.

How am I going to save my marriage? I kept asking myself, over and over. The closer the plane got to Philadelphia, the more upset and nervous I got. I was fidgeting in my seat and the elderly woman in the middle next to me noticed.

"Are you alright?" She asked with a British accent.

"Yes...ah...yes, I'm anxious to finally see my husband and daughters. It's been almost three weeks and... I never finished the sentence.

While she went back to reading her magazine, I kept trying to come up with something to say to my husband. I was stumped but I knew that I had to come clean and tell him what happened. But how? All this kept going around and around in my head so when the captain announced our descent to the Philadelphia Airport, I involuntarily tried to jump out of my seat with the seatbelt firmly across my middle. It would have been comical except for the dilemma I was facing.

The elderly woman regarded me with much curiosity.

"You're very jumpy, dear. Are you sure you're alright? A nervous flyer perhaps?"

"No...no, I'm usually not like this." I said without much conviction.

As we were deplaning, she wished me luck but just as I was turning to leave...

"I hope you can resolve whatever issue you're facing. Good luck."

At the baggage carousel, I kept looking for Doug, my husband but, he was nowhere in sight. As I waited for my bags, I finally spied him walking towards me. I had to put my game face on and not give anything away. As we walked toward each other, he held his arms out for a hug. Shakily, I embraced him as he leaned in for a kiss.

"Hey, aren't you glad to see me?" he said with a frown.

"Of course, baby." I said not very convincingly.

"Damn traffic is the pits at this time of day. Sorry hon, I did the best I could."

"No worries, mate." I spoke in my best imitation Australian accent.

As soon as we retrieved my bags, we headed to his SUV. Doug was looking at me sideways with a concerned look on his handsome face.

Once we were in the vehicle, He turned to me.

"I took the girls to my mother's. That should give us some time to catch up. I promised I pick them up by eight, they're dying to see you!" He winked at me with a sexy grin.

"Of course, honey..."

We drove in silence for a while.

"Anything you want to tell me? Usually, you're bustin' at the seams to tell me about the photoshoot."

I'm a terrible liar but I was stalling until we arrived at home. I'd rather let the shit hit the fan in the comfort of our kitchen! The drive to the suburbs is tedious but it was compounded by the fact that I'd have to fess up. The sooner the better I thought.

After we arrived home, Doug poured us each a glass of wine. Santa Margarita, Pinot Grigio was our favorite white as we sat at the kitchen table across from each other.

"Ok..." Doug's voice cut thru the silence like a knife and made me jump a little.

"...ya gonna tell me what's bothering you?"

I looked at my dear, faithful husband and my eyes teared up.

"I don't know where to start." I spoke barely above a whisper.

"Start at the beginning, that usually the best place. But, let me ask you a question first. Am I going to hate whatever it is you're about to say?"

I simply nodded my head as the tears dripped down my cheeks.

"Is it what I think it is?"

Again, all I could do was woefully nod my head.

"Ya gonna tell me how, why..."

"First Doug, I love you. And I hope someday you can forgive me. I feel such awful shame and guilt that..." I couldn't finish my thought.

"I can't forgive until I know what you've done." His words were louder and angrier.

The room was dead quiet until I started talking.

"I met someone on the 'shoot'. Her name is Jacquie and she well...seduced me but I let it...happen. No, I wanted it to happen. It's the first time anything like this happened to me. I swear! I'm sorry Doug. I'm truly sorry. It was the exotic locale and she's an incredibly sexy woman. I tried to fight my desires, but I failed miserably! The second night we were there, we kissed but was it so intense, like lovers. I knew I wanted more. I guess I've always been curious but..."

The tears made an encore, and I couldn't stop them. Doug was pissed, looking at me with pure disgust. I hadn't seen him this mad since I could not remember when!

There were times during my fling with Jacquie that I tried to rationalize it by thinking that most men got turned on by two women making love. But this was different, I was his wife.

I could see that Doug was having an internal debate with himself and I dared not speak. I was starting to grasp that my life, our life as a family and my life with my husband was broken and it was entirely my fault!

I glanced at the silly cat clock with the moving eyes and tail above the sink. My world was collapsing but I struggled valiantly to get my emotions in check.

"I know what you're going to say, it doesn't matter if it's with a man or a woman, it's still cheating. I'm sorry that I've hurt you, but it was an incredible experience. And, right now at this very minute, I'm not sorry that it happened."

Oh shit! Why did I say that! I thought at the time.

"Doug, I had the experience of a lifetime! Forget about the affair for a minute, I got caught up in something that I had no control over. I was living a fantasy, a dream. There was a surreal quality to it that I can't explain. Don't you think you'd have done the same if you were on a photo shoot with a super-hot model?"

Doug looked like he was going to blow a gasket.

"I don't know but I'd like to think I wouldn't. Jesus, Lori! What are our families, friends going to think and react to all this? You may not think they'll find out, but they will. Fidelity trumps desire! There is no excuse you can give me. We took vows."

"To hell with what other people think. I did it and while I know the ramifications will be awful, I didn't do it to hurt you! I know how it looks but I love you. I've never stopped loving you, even when I was betraying you. In the beginning I felt horribly guilty, but I told myself, it's with a woman. Not a man."

More silence with Doug glaring at me.

"One last thing, I want to get this all out now so there aren't any surprises later. Jacquie's boyfriend Eric wanted a shot at me, but I flatly refused. It was the last night in the Key West, and we'd been partying hearty."

Doug's expression had changed to one of incredulity and perhaps shock.

"Oh, that's just great! So now you fucked another man. I guess its ok because it was only Jacquie's fuck buddy." He sneered.

"No, I didn't fuck Eric, I swear to God, I absolutely did not fuck him or do anything with him. At some point he was content to just watch and while I was very high from weed and champagne, I refused him any part of me. YOU, Douglas Santoni are the only man I've had sex with since we started dating."

Why was I being so huffy with Doug? I was the one who had royally screwed up."

"But you were with Jacquie, and I guess that's supposed to make me feel better?"

I know I had a very sheepish look on my face as shame engulfed me.

"And, my dear wife, why should I believe you when you say Eric didn't fuck you silly? Huh?"

"Look at me Doug, I know all of this damn drama is hard to take but what does your gut tell you?"

My husband refused to elaborate.

"You've hurt me, Lori. I told you when all this started that I didn't have a good feeling. I asked you not to go, but on second thought, I practically begged you not to go! You've never been apart from me and the girls for that amount of time. I realize that you have this "look" that the agencies just love. You have a fantastic body, and I was very aware before and after we were married that you would get hit on a lot, but I always felt secure that our love for each other would be enough to stay loyal, stay true! The money they offered you was terrific but look at the cost!"

"Doug, for what it's worth, I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry for hurting you and all the turmoil that this has created. But, please believe me, none of my actions with Jacquie were pre-meditated."

I'd pretty much run out of steam and was at a loss as to where we'd go from here. The pain in Doug's eyes was almost unbearable for me and I'm the one who put it there!

"You absolutely disgust me. I can barely stand to look at you let alone hear anything you have to say!"

"What now Doug?"

"I don't know. What I do know is that I want the girls' lives impacted as little as possible. Neither one of us should move out, at least for the time being..."

My husband looked at the clock.

"I've got to pick up our kids. They are dying to see you and they've been so excited that you were coming home. As for where you or I will sleep...I'll take the guest bedroom until we can figure this mess out."

Doug turned on his heels and left, banging the door to the garage very loudly.

As I started preparing dinner, I was totally lost in my thoughts. My mind a jumble of guilt and regret. Why? While I thought I knew why, it just was not enough to explain my flagrant betrayal of all I held dear.

When my daughters arrived home, I lost my composure and cried.

"Mommy! Mommy! They trumpeted together.

As I gathered them up in my arms, an overwhelming sense of remorse thundered thru my psyche.

Dinner was a tense affair, but the girls did not seem to notice the tension between their father and me. It was soon time for baths and bed, and I relished the feeling that I was spending time with them.

Doug had cleaned up the dinner dishes and was in the den watching the Phillies and Mets game. When I went in to tell him I was going up to bed, he just glared at me. As I was leaving...

"Doug, I'm very sorry that I took you and the girls for granted. Seeing them tonight has made me realize what I've done and what I may lose."

Alone in the master bedroom, I totally lost it and sobbed my heart out. My resolve to stay strong and not let the situation get the better me, failed. I couldn't keep it together and I knew that this was going to be just one of many lonely nights to follow.

Somewhere around 2am I woke from a troubled sleep. I tried to distract my dark thoughts by remembering my early college years when Doug and I met as two poor students. We didn't have two nickels to rub together. I was always fretting about tuition, spending money, money for books. I was nineteen and a fellow team mate on the Soccer team, said she had been approached about doing some modeling. She assured me it was legit and the following day we traveled to an agency in Philadelphia to enquire.

After a test shoot with the both of us they decided on me which created a friction between her and I. The talent coordinator told me that I had that "girl next door look" that was just right for swimsuit/bikini ads and because I was a muscular athlete, fitness ads. They were lucrative sources of income and neither Doug nor myself had to worry about university expenses. Since I was a full-time student, I kept it to part-time work, and it has remained that way ever since. My first passion was and is teaching High School Biology/Sciences.

With Doug's encouragement, they created a portfolio of photos and a month later, I posed for a catalogue swimsuit ad. The pay was much more than I could ever hope to make in a part-time job. Plus, I was hooked by the experience.

Those years at university were the happiest I've ever been. Doug and I were madly in love. I was outgoing, athletic and extroverted while Doug was introverted but also a fantastic swimmer. He cherished those years on the swim team and while no Michael Phelps, he gave 110% every time.

After University, Doug went to Law School while I earned my master's degree in Biological Sciences. Physical fitness became a big part of our lives. Doug decided to pursue body building and I kept my body in great shape by practicing yoga, weight training and cardio.

Not long after we married, I became pregnant with daughter #1 and number #2 followed a couple of years later.

My fidelity was never an issue until my time in the Key West. Our love was strong, and we were so in touch with each other's feeling and thoughts that I/we never questioned the possibility that I could betray my husband. Finally, sleep overtook me, but it was still fitful and not restful at all.

They say time heals all wounds but how much time. While I know there's no magic formula, it was a daunting task to try and put my marriage back together.

The mood in the house was strained between Doug and me. We barely spoke to each other except when it was necessary. I really didn't know what to say to him except apologize which I'd already done. Why was I being so stubborn? How do we move forward to any kind of reconciliation? We needed professional help.

Several times I brought up the subject of going to counseling. At first, Doug balked at the idea but eventually told me he was interested, and I contacted one I thought fit the bill. I made an appointment with a Dr. Amanda Freeman but it would have to wait until we returned from vacation.

Our annual two-week holiday to Ocean City NJ, was scheduled for the last two July and in a way, I was looking forward to it. I'd bought two new bikinis and when I checked myself out in the mirror, I thought I looked damn good, good enough to eat! Or, at the very least, I was hoping my husband would do me the honor. While I was completely aware that it might be a long time, I thought of Jacquie and her incredible prowess. I admonished myself for those impure thoughts but after over a month of celibacy, I was horny!

Our vacation was fun, and the girls had a great time on the beach. Nights on the Boardwalk were filled with Kohr Bros. ice cream, Johnsons Carmel Popcorn and fresh cut French fries. My relationship with Doug improved a little and we got along well. We both wanted the girls to have a good time and put any drama on the back burner. Of course, there was no intimacy as he slept on the sofa bed. I was dying to make love with him, but I realized that it could be a very long time until that

occurred, and maybe never. I physically shuddered when I thought about the latter.

When we were back at home, getting ready for the upcoming school year took up most of my time. The girls came first with back-to-school clothes and a myriad of supplies that were not only needed but essential. Riley was going into fourth grade and Rachel, second. Preparing for the school year at my high school, took a great deal of time and planning. I had to submit lesson plans that covered the school year up to the Christmas Holiday. If you've ever taught school that is a monumental task.

Our first session, with Dr Freeman was a couple days away but she wanted to meet with me first. Doug would also have a private session with her, then we would be together for the third meeting. One evening I was reminding Doug about our upcoming appointments when it hit me like a ton of bricks.

In all the turmoil, I realized that I missed my period. The next day I stopped at my neighborhood pharmacy. After a quick trip to the bathroom, I had my answer, I was pregnant!

It had to happen the two or three days before I left for the photoshoot in Florida. Doug and I fucked like rabbits during my fertile time of the month. We'd been talking about having a third child, but I'd stopped taking the pill only a week or more. My husband must have super sperm, I thought to myself. I should have been overjoyed but this was either going to be a major bone of contention or I hoped a leap forward to reconciliation.

DOUG:

How could she do this to me? After 12 years of marriage, my world was shattered. The woman who meant everything to me had cheated with a woman and possibly another man. My Lori, my wife, the mother of my children, who I absolutely adored, who I'd gladly take a bullet for, who I'd do anything for, had betrayed me.

It infuriated me. All those times I trusted her; not once did I question her fidelity to me. Now, I was the dumb cuckold husband, taking care of the kids while she's having the adventure of a lifetime.

How was I supposed to get passed this? Forgive and forget but how? The trust issues alone seemed daunting. When she goes on another photoshoot, how can I possibly trust her? Have her followed by a PI? But that's no way to live in constant suspicion. I could ask Lori to quit modeling, then was that fair to her? It was the earnings from her modeling career that afforded us some nice luxuries, that we otherwise would not have.