Two days after my fourth date with Ryan, there was a red envelope in my mailbox. Curiosity killed me and I opened it up right there, right then, not knowing Colin was standing at the elevators watching me.
Alice, I never thought it would be this hard to let go. You've moved on, if your dates are any indication, that hurts if I'm honest. I want more, I want everything with you, even if it means I have to sacrifice some thing else.
I told him.
That was it. That was the big reveal. It had been him the entire time. I looked up and saw him watching me, no emotion on his face. Turning I closed my mailbox and walked towards him.
Colin pressed the elevator call button and we stood in absolute silence. What should I say? What could I say? Nothing was the answer to that question. I had nothing to say.
At his floor Colin stood for a moment holding the door open as if he was going to say something. Then with a sigh he left without even looking at me. I rode the rest of the way ups fighting the urge to cry.
My phone rang when I walked in the door and I hesitated to pick it up thinking it was Colin, but it wasn't. Ryan's happy voice helped to make a dark day brighter.
"Hey sweet thing, how's my favourite brunette?"
I couldn't help but chuckle." Your favourite? I beat out Natalie Portman?"
"And Hallie Berry," he said. There was a grin in his voice that was infectious.
"Wow, I feel special." I did, he made me feel special. He made me feel important. So why was I thinking about a wide chested giant with a rare smile?
"You should," his voice took on a teasing tone. "Are you seeing your other boyfriend tonight or can I steal you away for a few hours?"
I didn't have plans but looking down at the letter in my hands I knew I'd struggle to give him the attention he deserved "I've had a rough day," I said. "Would you be offended if I said I wanted to stay home?"
"Would you like company?" There was hope in his voice and it made me feel bad. "We could watch a movie."
"I think Im going to clean my fridge and defrost my freezer if I'm honest."
He laughed. "You do you baby, I'll check in tomorrow and see how you feel. I want to show you my bat cave and cook you dinner."
"That sounds really great. I hear you're a stellar cook."
"I try." There must have been something in my voice because he said, "You'd tell me if it was about us, right?"
Closing my eyes I fought back tears. "I'm just feeling really fucked up right now. It's not fair to see you when I'm feeling like this."
"Today or long term?" I didn't answer and he took a deep breath. "I'll be honest that sucks, I feel pretty invested. I'm guessing things with Colin are still happening, have you been seeing him too?"
"No, God no." I couldn't have him thinking that. "It's just you, I swear, he just wrote me something and it messed with my head. I haven't seen him outside of the odd elevator ride. He lives in my building."
"That's got to be weird."
I huffed and said, "And awkward." My chest hurt but I pushed on. "I'm messed up about the note. I can't give you the attention you deserve right now."
"I get it. Thanks for being honest about it," he said. "Let's shelve things for now and if you want to go out again give me a random phone call and offer me fifty bucks in beer to go on a date with you."
That made me laugh and I thanked him for it. "You're a prince among men Ryan."
"Don't forget me beautiful, I'll be here thinking about you."
"Bye." I hung up the phone and the smile he left me with faded. This sucked. Epically sucked.
I wasn't lying when I said I was going to clean my fridge. I also defrosted my freezer, and the whole time I thought about that letter. After my fridge was back in order I picked it up again and reread it.
I wrote an answer, two questions writer on a scrap piece of paper shoved into a blue envelope.
Why did you tell him if I've moved on? What did he say when you told him?
I saved on postage and went down stairs in my house coat and slippers, and slipped it under his door because there wasn't a way to get it into his mail box.
The next morning I was headed into the kitchen for a cup of coffee when a red envelope slid under the door. Frozen in place I waited until the footsteps faded before going to pick it up.