Alice in Lonely Land

The Fiddle and Peat was filled with laughter and music. It was hard to hear myself think let alone someone calling my name, but I saw him. The second I walked in I saw Colin standing at the bar dressed in a black suit with white shirt and black tie. He looked overdressed, but then again so did I.

He gave me a quick jerk of his head, urging me to come over, which I did after scanning the crowd and not seeing Ryan anywhere. Colin's look was dark as the sky on a moonless night. "Let's see it," he said, motioning for my jacket he waited for me to show him what was under it.

When the coat parted revealing a blood red, backless halter dress that fell mid thigh, he breathed a sigh of relief and muttered the words, "Thank you."

"Don't get excited," I said. My tone was bitter and almost as nasty as the look on my face. "He specifically requested red. This is his dress."

Whatever relief I saw faded and Colin shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "So, this is actually a thing," he said. "You're actually here on a date. I thought you were just trying to make me jealous." He let out a deep breath and asked, "What about last night?"

"I think this morning made last night a non-thing,"

"I'm sorry."

That's all he got the chance to say, because strong arms wrapped around me and a smooth face nuzzled my neck. "Aren't you girls supposed to be notoriously late? I thought I'd have time for a beer before you got here." Ryan pulled back to look at me. "I told you baby, you look killer in red. I'm going to struggle keeping my hands off this dress."

He looked up and I missed the flash of recognition on his face, but I caught it on Colin's. "Hey Ryan." Colin held out a hand forcing Ryan to pull back from me to shake it.

"Colin, hey man. Long time no see. What are you doing here tonight?"

"Meeting clients," he said pointing to the door where two men were scanning the crowd. He raised his arm and they nodded and made their way over.

"Cool," Ryan said. "We'll leave you be, I'm dying to get this one alone. Come on baby, I see a table." Taking my hand, he led the way to one of very few tables and held out my chair for me. "Colin Foerster, hey? Didn't you date his brother."

"Hence the reason why it can't go anywhere and why he needs to get the picture and move on, I slung my jacket on the back of a chair and my purse on the seat before sitting across from him. "Hi," I said, "You look good."

He did, dark jeans, black dress shirt. It was untucked and the sleeves were rolled up, but it gave him a casually sexy look. My look of appreciation didn't go unnoticed when my eyes went back up to his face there was a wickedly sexy smile staring back at me.

"Do you like what you see as much as I do?" he asked.

My breathless, "God, I hope so," made him laugh.

We had a good time, I had a good time. I'd always liked Ryan, he was smart, witty. He had a great sense of humour, was a terrible flirt, he made me feel sexy, interesting, and wanted. That was the big thing, I came away from our night feeling like he wanted to be there, and that he wanted more.

"I had a good time," he said. We were standing out side my building when he used the hand he was holding to pull me into his arms. "I'm sorry some guy was playing games with you, but I'm glad you called me. I'm going to want to do this again Allie."

My next breath was shaky, I was nervous, I liked him and that made me nervous as all hell. "I could do this again. I had a really good time. Fake date turned best date I've had in a long time."

"High praise." He leaned in and brushed his nose against mine. "Wednesday? Got plans?"

I shook my head. "No plans."

He smiled, "You do now baby. Red Door, 6:30, sound good?"

"Sounds great."

His kiss made my heart race and a slow burn of desire washed over me. I loved it, it felt like he was fully invested, fully present with me. Calum had always felt distracted, like his mind was somewhere else. Ryan was here, and the wandering hands that slid into my jacket told me there was nowhere else he wanted to be.

"God you're sexy as hell." His whispered words made me smile. "Tell me you have another red dress." I nodded and he asked, "Halter?"

I shook my head, "Off the shoulder."

He groaned. "Pretty please."

I laughed and when I leaned my head back he left a trail of kisses on my neck. "Ok," I said, "time to say good night." I gave him a quick kiss. "Thank you for being my savior tonight and for turning into Prince Charming."

"I try." He pulled back and searched my face, "Wednesday?"

"6:30," I said. "Red Door."

"Got it." He gave me another devastating grin and winked. "Best random phone call I've ever had."

I watched him hail a cab and waved when he drove off. Then, after a minute I went inside. Part way through the lobby a voice stopped me in my tracks.

"Looks like it went well." Colin was sitting off to the side in full view of the window that over looked the street. "Second date?"

"Wednesday." My jaw clenched and I bit the inside of my lip. "Good meeting?" I asked.

"I was distracted to all hell. I couldn't tell you what we talked about to save my life." He ran a hand through his hair. "I don't like this Alice."

The use of my full name made me stop. No one used my full name. No one except some random guy who wrote me letters. I huffed thinking for just a second they could be one in the same then, remembered his jealous curiosity comments.

"You don't get a choice," I snapped. "You're the one who won't do anything of substance with me. You're the one whose got some stupid code. I'm not going to sit around for whatever scraps of you you're willing to throw my way. I deserve more than that."

"I want more than that," he said with a sigh.

"Wanting it isn't good enough," I snapped. Making my way to the elevator I hoped to get in before he could follow, but as soon as I turned to press the button his body hit mine.

Colin had been right, the chemistry between us was explosive and we came together with a clash. His hand wove into my hair and pulled my head back so he could devour my mouth, and he did devour every kiss he stole from me. His hands slid into my coat like Ryan's had, but with need filled fingers, he wiped the feeling of Ryan's hands off my skin.

He didn't stop. He didn't come up for air. He kissed me like the second he stopped it would end for good and he couldn't stand the idea of it ending.

Colin kissed me until I clung to him, until I wasn't sure where he ended and I began. He kissed me until he'd wiped Ryan's nice kisses from my memory leaving this need for him behind.

The doors opened and someone chuckled. An older woman with grey hair and a wide smile came in and I fought my embarrassment. She pressed the button for the seventh floor, Colin pressed the button for the nineth, and when I reached out to hit the one for the eleventh floor, he took my hand and laced his fingers with mine.

She got off and with my eyes glued to our hands I said, "I just finished a date with someone else."

"I know," he said.

"You kicked me out this morning."

He nodded, "I know."

"You have some stupid code."

He sighed. "I know."

"Why? Why are we doing this?"

The doors opened on his floor and he gently pulled me behind him as he walked down the hall. At his door, he dug around in his pocket for his keys and shrugged, "Because I need to do it. I need to make you forget the other guy, I need to make up for this morning, I need to feel the way I feel when I'm with you."

He went inside but I dug my feet in. "This is just about sex with you. I make you feel desired."

Before I finished he was shaking his head. "You make me feel whole Alice. You always have." He ran a hand through his hair and closed his eyes. "This wouldn't be so bad if it was just the last few weeks or months, but the day my brother brought you home, the day I heard you laugh, the missing pieces in my life fell into place."

"I've got a thing for you," he said. "A serious fucking thing, I always have. When you were here on Valentine's day, when you opened the door and called it a date, I couldn't resist and then when you kissed me, the possibilities exploded to life and I haven't been able to think about anything else."

He tugged and brought me two steps closer. "Tonight killed me. Watching you with him killed me. Knowing you were here last night and spent the night knowing you were going out with him tonight breaks a piece of my heart."

I spoke with out thinking. "It was a lie. This morning it was a lie and when I called him and asked him to help me out, he did on four conditions."

His hand tightened around mine. "What conditions?"

"It was a real date, he paid, he got a kiss, and I wore red."

"You were going to wear my dress." His tone held the barest hint of an accusation.

"Yes." My quiet reply was met by a hissing breath.

"Why?"

I huffed, "Because I'm not with you, I'll never be with you. You don't have the right to claim any part of me, even a dress. This is crazy," I tried to pull my hand back. "Why are we even having this conversation?"

He sounded so sure and pulled me inside with an iron hold on me. "You're coming in, you're going to take off his dress and put on my shirt, and we're going to have a drink."

"Why?"

"Because I want to wake up next to you and I have to find the time to convince you to stay."

God I wanted to stay. A part of me needed to stay, but the rational side of me was screaming that this was a bad idea. I was shaking my head when he cupped my cheek and brought my lips up to his.

"Stop." It was a whisper but it made him freeze. "Stop playing games with me, my heart can't do this." Pushing him back I fed the overwhelming need to put distance between us. "I can't be with someone who's ashamed to be with me. I don't want to be hidden away. I deserve more than what you're offering. "

It killed me, it took all the strength I had to leave, but I did, and I managed to make it all the way home before I cried.