Alex and Lily

Almost immediately after Valentine's Day, Lily turned her attention to the trip to Africa. She decided the final weeks of the term would be dedicated to making sure she got as far ahead of her coursework as possible. She was so excited about the trip to South Africa and Botswana that she wanted to make sure that there would be no distractions once they travelled. She tried to force Alex to do the same but quickly realised that was a bad idea.

She had long accepted that he was better than her academically, but what really annoyed her was the speed at which he worked. They'd spend the same amount of time studying and researching, and then he would write his essay in half the time it took her. She couldn't understand how he could write his essays so quickly.

It annoyed her even more that he didn't pull back on any of his other commitments. The rugby team was doing well and had a chance at winning the league, so they added extra practice. On the other hand, Lily had taken a step back from her clubs and societies to ensure she stayed ahead. She tried to complain to Sarah about her frustrations one evening while Alex was at practice, but Sarah just laughed at her.

"You knew he was when you met him, and you fell for him anyway. Now you're annoyed with him for acting according to character. Exactly what do you want from me?"

"I don't know; a little empathy," Lily complained. "I get that I knew who he was, but it's harder seeing it first-hand while I'm struggling to keep up. I don't want to be frustrated. I guess I'm still not used to being second best, let alone to my boyfriend. Maybe you just don't get it because you and Mike never seem to have any issues."

Much to Lily's surprise, Sarah laughed even harder. "No one on this planet annoys me more than Mike. It's the same with Mandy and Adam. We're convinced that the second men say 'I do', they start releasing a new pheromone designed to annoy their wives. But they haven't really changed who they are, and at least in my case, no amount of annoyance or frustration can make me forget how much I love my husband."

"So essentially, you're telling me to get over it?" Lily asked for clarification.

"Yeah, it's not like he's developed a new trait that you don't like. He's just acting according to his character. I can see how frustrating it could be that he appears to manage his workload easily while you're struggling. But ask yourself if it really is that easy for him. By your own admission, he's got less time than you. Maybe he's working harder behind the scenes so that he has enough time to meet all commitments, but he doesn't want you to see how much he's struggling; he's still human."

"You really think so?"

"Lily, I didn't attend Oxford, so I can't tell you how to manage your workload, but even with Alex's abilities, do you really think it's actually easy to manage everything he does? The rugby, the societies, finding time for you and the workload? One of the most annoying things about Mike is that he struggles to share his burdens even with me. It's who he is. It's what he's been doing since he was 11. Maybe Alex has learned too much from him, and he doesn't want you to see the pressure he is under."

Lily suddenly thought of her first meeting with Alex's grandmother, Jean, who told her that Alex had a habit of taking on unnecessary burdens. This idea was further reinforced when she remembered meeting his Aunt Denise and how she had told him he tended to play the role expected of him. No one expected Alex to struggle, so he acted like he didn't. Suddenly, Lily started feeling guilty; she knew all this, and if she had taken the time to think about it, she would have realised he was working behind the scenes to make sure he didn't let anyone down while still for her. She might have noticed the pressure he'd been putting himself under if she had not been so focused on her own struggles. Looking at Sarah, Lily kept her eyes down.

"I can't believe I'm saying this again, but you're right," Lily admitted. "I know he has a habit of playing up to the person people expect him to be. I should have seen it. I've just been so focused on making sure that everything will be so focused on making sure our trip is perfect that it didn't occur to me that he might be doing the same thing."

"Well, the good thing is you've spotted it; now the question is, what are you doing to support him?" Sarah asked kindly. "

"I don't know. We've got what a month before we go? Three weeks until my parents visit?" Lily replied.

"Okay, I was hoping you would work this out for yourself," Sarah sighed. "But you're overthinking it and putting too much pressure on yourself. I get that you want Botswana to be perfect, but you'll have more free time than you think. Between Cape Town and our safari trip, you'll find time to catch up. Gaborone isn't a great tourist hotspot. There's very little to do during the day, so you can find little pockets of time, especially in the mornings, to do some work without affecting your holiday. Convince Alex to do the same, and you'll have your free time back."

Lily took Sarah's words to heart. She had been overthinking things and had let her insecurities over not being perfect overtake her thoughts and spiral. Resolving to take a step back, she texted Alex.

Lily:

We're going on a date on Friday. Nothing fancy, just Nando's and the cinema, no distractions, no extra work. We've been putting too much pressure on ourselves. You're spending the night, but no sex. You have rugby on Saturday, but if you play well, you'll be well rewarded 😉.

Alex:

You sure? Thought you wanted to make sure we got ahead of everything?

Lily:

I had a change of heart and realised that there were more important things to worry about, particularly time for us. Trust me.

Alex:

You know I do. See you Friday.

Despite her words, Lily poured herself into her work for the next couple of days. She wanted to make sure that when she saw Alex, there would be no distractions. It was just a weekend to enjoy being with her boyfriend. When she saw him at college, Lily kept her words light about her change of attitude, just telling him that she'd rethought her priorities.

When date night came, she kept their conversation light and casual as he dropped his things in her room and briefly caught up with her housemates. She kept this going on the walk into town all the way until they got to the restaurant. She could almost feel Alex wanting to talk to her, but was happy he waited until they had ordered and got a drink.

"So you want to tell me how, in less than 10 days, you've gone from wanting us to get ahead of coursework to taking time off?" Alex asked.

"Do you want the whole answer or just the summary that makes me look like a good, caring girlfriend?" Lily replied quietly.

"The whole answer will be fine; I'm sure it won't make you look less like a good, caring girlfriend."

"Okay," Lily said after breathing deeply. "The other night, while you were at practice, I went to share a glass of wine with Sarah while Mike was out. I started complaining about how I didn't understand how you were managing everything, the extra work I insisted on, the extra rugby practice, your other commitments, when I was already taking a step back. I just didn't understand how you were doing it. Sarah explained that maybe you were just hiding how the pressure affected you, and I wasn't helping by getting annoyed. She asked me to see it from your point of view, and I realised that you must be hiding something. I know from Jean and Denise you have a habit of being the person people expect you to be. I don't want you to be anyone other than who you are, so tell me if you're struggling with the expectations, most of all mine."

"Lil," Alex said softly. "I've got no issue with disappointing people. Ask my Botswana grandparents when you meet them. Yeah, it's not easy, but I chose this. I chose to come to Oxford and live with the expectations. I chose to be in a relationship with you. I chose to be a part of the rugby team; maybe I didn't choose to be captain, but I accepted it when the boys voted. So what if I have to stay up a little later or wake up a little earlier to keep up?"

"Babe, that's the second part of my realisation. Sarah pointed out we don't have to get so far ahead. Apparently, we'll have free time in Botswana to do some work without it affecting the holiday. I'm sorry I put so much pressure on tip being perfect, but it's my first exposure to your life over there, and I was afraid that if we took work with us, we'd ruin the experience."

"Sarah is right about that part. Our mornings will be mostly free; my friends will be home from University like us, and they rarely do anything before mid-afternoon."

"Good. So, new plan, we'll try and get ahead on our work, but we, and by we and I mean me, won't let it affect our other commitments, and when it's our time, it's just our time," Lily said with conviction.

"Deal," Alex replied. "Any special plans for 'our time'?

"Um, I've been thinking, can you teach me a little more Setswana? I know almost everyone speaks English, and I've heard you and Mike speak enough to know it's complicated. I'd just like to learn enough to greet people politely, especially your family."

"Going for the brownie points before you've even met them?" Alex teased.

"Yep, just like you did the first time you met my parents and bought Mum that bottle of gin and Dad those beers. You don't have a monopoly on good first impressions, you know," Lily joked back.

Over the next hour, as they ate, Lily listened as Alex took her through the various forms of greeting, both for individuals and groups, and worked on her pronunciation. Just after he explained that it was expected to address all their elder as aunt and uncle, Lily saw a problem.

"How do I address your grandparents?" she asked.

"The Setswana forms of granddad and grandma have always worked for me," Alex replied, grinning.

"Stop being a smart arse and answer the question. Your grandfather is Chief, and your grandmother is, therefore, Queen if that's the right word; surely there are proper Setswana titles?"

"Of course, there is. The titles are

Kgosi

and

Kgosikadi

, and until I formally abdicate, I am the

Kgosana.

But that's only in formal settings. You aren't meeting their titles. You are meeting my grandparents. Just call them Mr and Mrs

Molefe.

"

"And you're sure they won't take offence?" Lily asked, concerned.

"This isn't their first time dealing with this, remember? Dad was a clueless Brit when they met him, and I have an American uncle. If they can handle Dad and Uncle Eli, you'll be fine. Think about them like you thought of me before you knew I had a title. If they do take offence, I'll take all the blame, I promise."

"Before or after you were my boyfriend, I don't think they'll like me if I think about them the way I originally thought about you," Lily joked.

"Try after you said you love me for the first time and before you found out I was

Kgosana

."

"That's my favourite version of you," Lily teased.

Settling their issues felt like a weight off of Lily's shoulders, and even though she hadn't realised the pressure he'd put himself under for her, he felt more relaxed after their conversation. While they continued studying together, she insisted on no more writing sessions. She really couldn't handle watching him write at twice the speed she did, knowing his work was probably better than hers.

As they moved towards the end of term, Lily started spending more time with Sarah. Part of it was in anticipation of her parents' visit. She also wanted an idea of what to expect in Botswana from someone who hadn't been born into it. Sarah was a great help in letting her know what to pack, as well as other general niceties.

"The older generation is fairly conservative, so wear a long skirt when you meet his family," Sarah told her as they got the spare bedroom ready. "Oh, they're almost certainly going to separate you when you meet them. You'll be expected to spend time with the other women, helping to cook, but it's really a chance for them to get to know you."

"That doesn't sound intimidating at all," Lily replied. "It's not like I know how to cook Setswana food."

"Course you do. I've been training you," Sarah laughed. "All those side dishes you helped me cook when we had braais, that's all you need to know. It's just like being here; the men will take over cooking the meat, and everyone will eat together as a family once the elders are served. Lily, being accepted by the other women is more important than you know. On the surface, Botswana may appear patriarchal, but it's the opposite. Women wield the power at home. So, make nice with Alex's grandmother and aunts like you did with Jean and Denise, and you'll be fine. And when they ask you where you learnt everything, you tell them your Auntie Sarah taught you."

"Is it really that simple?" Lily asked.

"Yeah, be respectful and willing to learn, and they'll love you. Despite the chief thing, most of them want Alex to be happy more than anything else. If they can see you make him happy, they'll accept you as one of their own."

"Thanks. Is there anything else I need to know?"

"Not really. I've already given you more to work with than I had the first time I went. Just remember to enjoy it."

Just a few days later, Lily's parents arrived. Lily had been a little nervous about her parents meeting Mike and Sarah as, on the surface, they were very different people, but the nerves disappeared almost instantly once the introductions arrived. She smiled and held Alex's hand while she watched her parents and the family that had adopted her come together and almost immediately embrace each other.

"We just want to thank the both of you for being so generous with Lily and looking after her like one of your own," her mum said once the introductions were finished and the bags had been put away.

"It's our pleasure, Susan. She's become important to us, and we'll always keep an eye on her," Sarah replied graciously while passing over a cup of tea.

Things settled quickly, and Lily smiled when her mum was instantly taken with the kids listening to Will and Lettie compete for her attention. It turned into a lovely afternoon. Lily enjoyed sitting there and watching her two worlds come together.

"So what do you think?" Lily asked her mum when they got a moment alone.

"They're lovely, just like you said, and their children really are precious. I'm not ready to be a grandma, but I can see the appeal now," her mum replied.

"Don't worry, Mum, that's a long way off," Lily laughed.

The rest of the weekend passed easily. As Lily expected, most of Mike and Sarah's friends showed up for the braai they were hosting for her parents, and Lily could see how hard everyone was trying to make them feel welcome. Her dad and Mike seemed to have bonded, and Lily could see her mum developing a solid friendship with Sarah. When it was time for the farewells, there were lots of promises of returning the favour if they ever found themselves in Redcar.

Just before her parents left, they both pulled Lily aside for a private moment. Lily stood still as her father held her by her shoulders.

"I know you say it a lot, but we're so proud of you and what you have achieved. It's not just that you got into Oxford but who you've chosen to surround yourself with. They're good, humble people who look after each other and don't judge others based on wealth and background. I've never said this before, but when you came to Oxford, one of my big fears was that you would become one of those cliched snobs who think they're above everyone. I'm happy you didn't, and now I can see why. Enjoy South Africa and Botswana, and bring us lots of pictures."

"Thanks, Dad," Lily whispered, giving him another hug before turning to her mother for one final hug before saying a last goodbye.

Lily was still floating on a cloud of happiness over her parents' successful visit when they arrived in Cape Town a few days later. The airport experience was interesting. The fun anticipation of the flight quickly turned into something negative. The late-night flight didn't mesh with the kid's schedule, and by the time they boarded, Will and Lettie were overtired and fussy. She felt sorry watching Mike and Sarah trying to settle them as they waited for take-off. Lily had tried to help, but sitting with Alex in a different row and the packed flight made her seem more of a hindrance than a help. She felt a small sigh of relief for them as the kids finally dropped off about an hour into the flight, and the husband and wife team could finally relax and enjoy the journey with a glass of wine while their children slept between them.

Landing in Cape Town the next morning, Lily was immediately overwhelmed and just followed Alex and Mike through the customs and immigration desks. Entering the arrivals hall, she felt like she was in a movie, living someone else's life. They had been met at the airport by a driver holding a sign for the 'Smith Family'.

"It's from the hotel," Sarah whispered while Mike and Alex helped the driver load the luggage into the minibus. "It's just easier to pay the premium of having them pick us up than queue up for a taxi with the kids in tow."

Lily remained quiet for the journey to the hotel, staring out the window and taking in her new scenery. She watched the change from the townships on the outskirts of the city all the way to the suburbs where the hotel was located.

They were having lunch on the veranda at the hotel when Mike finally asked Lily and Alex if they had any plans for their stay in Cape Town.

"We have to pick up race packs tomorrow, but other than that, you're free to play tourist; anything you particularly want to do?"

"I want to go up the Mountain, and because we're here, I guess I should see Robben Island," Lily replied. "Other than that, I'm just happy to follow your lead."

"I'm not going back to that Island; once was enough; I still haven't gotten over how heartbreaking it all is," Sarah interrupted.

"Babe, I didn't mean us; we've been here enough times not to have to play tourist," Mike replied before turning back to Lily. "If you want to do the Mountain, go early before the queues really start. You can book your tickets for both the Mountain and Robben Island through the hotel. It'll save you time. Alex, any ideas?"

"I'm just here to follow Lily around and do what she wants," Alex replied.

For the next 3 days, Alex stuck to his word and let Lily dictate their trip. She loved Table Mountain and the expansive views it gave over the whole area. She was standing and looking out towards the east when Alex started pointing out a few landmarks before he finally pointed out to the ocean.

"Cape Agulhas, a little south of us, is where the Atlantic and Indian Oceans meet. It's why the race you're doing on Saturday is called the Two Oceans. If you run the full ultra, you'll get to see both. It's not really true as the meeting point changes due to currents and things like that, but the name stuck."

"That's incredible," Lily replied. "So that's the Indian Ocean," she continued before turning around and facing west, "and over there is the Atlantic."

"Pretty much, though it's really all Atlantic," Alex replied before continuing to lead her around the plateau.

Robben Island was a different story. Lily could feel her heart breaking for the political prisoners who had been held there as they wandered through the halls, learning their stories. She was taken aback as they stepped into Nelson Mandela's cell and watched Alex spread out his arms, being able to touch both walls to emphasise how confined the space was. She remembered the rough journey on the ferry and realised it was the perfect prison; the rough Atlantic swells and nearly 8-kilometre swim to the mainland made escape almost impossible without support boats. She made Alex hold her for the entire journey back to the waterfront as she came to terms with the harsh realities of what the

Apartheid

regime had really been for the first time in her life.