This is dedicated to GB -- the guy who makes my life even more beautiful. Thanks for everything. Had you been here, I would have fought with you, just to make up with you...
*****
I slammed the door and walked into the cold. It was snowing and the view was breath-taking. But here I was - alone and dejected. How could you say all that? Did I not mean anything to you? Was I just another plaything -- something you could just use and throw away? I walked into the nearest park and sat down on the cold wooden bench. My head started pounding. It felt like the whole world was closing on me. There was anger and hatred for you... But I was deeply hurt and I couldn't stop the tears from falling... I didn't know for how long I sat there, until I realized someone was approaching. It was YOU...
I didn't understand how you found me so soon? But I was too pissed off to deal with you. I looked at your face and it reminded me all that you said to me a couple of hours ago. I immediately got up and started going away, when you suddenly caught my hand and pulled me into your arms. I tried to get away from you but you had steel like grip on me. I just couldn't move an inch. I kept on struggling until you said
'Relax. It's me. I am sorry, sweetheart. I really am.'
'I don't care, mister. Let me go.'
You did let me go. You sat down on the bench that I had previously vacated and said
'Sit down, honey. We gotta talk.'
'I am done talking. There's nothing more left to talk and discuss. After what you said, I don't know see any reason why I should even listen to you.'
'Don't say that. I know I was rude. But ...'
'... But what? I trusted you, dammit. I did all that I could to be with you. I was always there for you. You never realized my importance in your life. You just used me whenever you felt like. I was a mere plaything for you. I hate you!'
I didn't realize that I was shouting until the people around started looking at us. Embarrassed and frustrated with all the pent up anger and frustration, I sat down on the bench.
With your thumb, you wiped away the tears and held my hand. I let you hold because I didn't know what else I could do. I was worn out. I had no strength left to argue and fight with you. I didn't realize for how long we were sitting quietly until you spoke up.
'Listen to me. I know I was wrong. I shouldn't have said all that. I can't take back my words but please, don't hate me. I know that you have been there for me, always. I realize your importance in my life -- everyday, every minute and every second. I just never showed it to you.'
'But...'
'No, don't interrupt. Let me complete. I have been a total jerk when it comes to you. I never did anything that made you feel cherished. I would do anything to rectify things. I love you more than anything in this world. And I am not saying all this to have you back. I mean every single word. I would do anything to have you back. I will even wash the dishes, do the laundry and cook the dinner every night, if that can bring you back.'
I imagined you doing the dishes and the laundry and I couldn't stifle my laughter. Seeing me smile, you remarked
'I like to see you smile. Do you know how much I hate to see you cry?'
'Then why do you do it, baby?'
I knew that you loved it when I called you 'baby'. You pulled me into your arms and kissed my cheek and said
'I don't do it intentionally. It just happens. And trust me, sometimes you need to ignore something that I say. Most of the times, I don't mean it. But yes, I agree that today was quite rude and for today's behavior, you have got every right to punish me.'
'Punish you? Are you serious?'
'Yeah, I deserve some kind of punishment for hurting you, making you cry and for being a total ass. I am serious. No joking.'
'But I am not even angry now? You know that I can't be angry at you for a long time. I can't think of any kind of punishment. But I just have a small request. Try not to repeat what you did today. Just because you found me today doesn't mean that you can find me the next time.'