12: Denouement

Here we are, the end of the story. I combined the final chapters as one. They were too short on their own, and flow better when read as one. I hope you have enjoyed the whole improbable ride.

Please remember, as with all my stories, should you be looking for 'Realism', just move on. I aim for 'Ridiculously Plausible'.

----------

The remainder of my Christmas break was uneventful. True to his word, my father had done his best to keep Mom from prying, and it largely worked. She left me alone about 'the girl' for the most part.

We went to church an hour early on Christmas Day, so we could sing carols, and so we could simply make sure we had seats. After that, opening presents was awesome. The dress I had bought Mom, with Meredith's advice, was a hit. I got a drone, which I narrowly avoided crashing into various trees over the rest of the break.

I called Meredith four times, and she called me twice. I leaned that phone sex is much more rewarding when you are alone, than it is when you are sitting in a beat-up old pickup truck next to your father.

Steff and I texted constantly, though it dropped off around New Year's, and I heard almost nothing while she was in Miami Beach. I guessed that it was hard to focus on her phone when she was either drunk, or hung-over and getting drunk again, while in Miami.... I mostly left her alone, but I did have one particular question.

Me

: Hey, my tanline-free friend!

Me

: Have you gone to the topless beach down there yet?

My texts showed as having been read almost immediately. Her response was silence. Who knew simply not texting could sound snotty?

Me

: Pictures, please!

Steff

: The agreement among those of us who went was that there would be NO phones

Me

: Now I feel left out.

Her lack of response left me out, too. I laughed.

I had just finished lunch on the Monday classes began, when I got the first text from Steff in a while:

Steff

: Hey

Steff

: Got time to talk at school today?

Me

: Sure. I have Astronomy at two, so before then. Or after three-thirty.

Steff

: How about now? Starbucks?

Steff

: I'm right there. I'll grab you an iced tea

Me

: Thanks. No sugar, please.

Steff

: Thanks

I hustled to get over there, but Steff had already grabbed our drinks, along with a couple of seats at a small table in a corner. I wanted to kiss her, but we both knew tons of people on campus. I settled for offering a fist-bump, which she returned with a smile.

"Have a Merry Christmas?" I asked as I sat down.

"Of course," she said. "Meredith actually got me a freaking drone! It is so cool."

I laughed loud enough to draw a few stares. "My dad got me one too. How was the beach? Hot?"

"Uh, it was great...." Steff trailed off. I realized that something was off with her.

"You okay?" I asked, concerned.

She looked at me hesitantly, then took a deep breath. "Look, Scott, I... I have to call off Friday after improv."

"Okay," I said slowly. "Why? Kimmie and Tony will be bummed. You know that they are going to want to go drinking." Our first improv competition of the year was Friday.

"Yeah..." Steff was avoiding looking at me, which was weird. Then she heaved a deep breath and stared into my eyes seriously. "Thing is... after the show Friday, I have a date."

I was not expecting that. I was

really

not expecting that.

We just stared at each other silently.

I had a roiling sea of reactions running around my head, too varied to make any coherent sense out of immediately.

"Are you okay, Scott?" Steff asked me quietly. Was that a little fear in her voice?

Whatever feelings I had, wanting her to be afraid was not among them, thank God. "Yeah... I'm fine, I think," I said honestly. "Who is it?" I asked, surprised to find that I was actually interested. I leaned back in my chair and looked at her.

"Alan Wang," she said simply, with a tang of guilt that I realized I did not want to hear.

I actually brightened. I knew Alan, and from well before I had ever met Steff. We had played D&D as part of a larger group back when I first returned to college. We had dropped out of the group at different times, each when a bad grade convinced us that we had gotten obsessed. We still knew each other, and I liked him.

"I'm sorry to do this to you, Scott, but we have to stop," Steff said almost miserably. I knew exactly what she meant by 'stop', of course. "How can I make it up to you?

Can

I?"

I heaved a sigh and smiled. "You can't. You can't because you don't need to. This was always the deal, right? We aren't,

weren't

a couple. If we had became one, then fine. But if a relationship were to come along for either of us, then..." I shrugged.

Steff heaved a big sigh. Then she looked at me. "You aren't mad?" she challenged.

"No," I replied, rather shocked to mean it.

"Not even a little?" It suddenly sank in that Steff actually was a little mad... that I was not. That, at least, was gratifying. Whatever else was happening in my head at breakneck speed, my ego was rising its hand and demanding to feel a little put out.

"I'm disappointed, not angry," I said almost absently.

"What are you doing? Subjecting me to a classic Jewish or Catholic mother guilt trip?" Steff said, her own confused anger manifesting itself as sarcasm.

I realized what I had just said. I grinned... very faintly. "Sorry, I just realized what I said. Look, I meant it literally. I am not angry at you, unless something else in involved here that I'm not seeing. But I am literally disappointed. Check the mirror, Steff. I just lost the greatest Benefits in the history of Friends With. I am allowed to be disappointed," I replied, my voice getting firmer and louder with each word.

"Calm down," Steff said, looking around, chagrined at her own momentary anger.

Then the present circumstances hit me. "Wait, did you want to talk here in a Starbucks because you were afraid I'd go ape shit if we were in private?" I asked suspiciously.

Steff looked me in the eye and said, "Yes."

I held her gaze. "Sound plan," I said. Then I smiled in what I hoped was a reassuring manner. (Why was I having to reassure

her

?) "But it wasn't necessary."

"Why not?"

I chose not to answer that. "I do have a couple of questions, the answers to which might make me mad," I said instead. "Most importantly, we are still buddies, right? We will still do things like the improv team together with Tony and Kimmie?"

"I hope so!" Steff said quickly. "I mean I intend to... if you still want to."

"I gave myself one prime directive when all... this," I waved my hands around in the air, "started. Whatever happened, whatever I might do, I must not do anything to lose you as a friend. No amount of sex with the hottest girl on campus would have been worth that."

Steff actually blushed. "You don't have to keep flattering me. We aren't dating any more."

I felt that things... and I, were stable enough to tease her at least a little. "Well, I absolutely want out of this particular dynamic right now. You know, with me flattering you and you making my dick sad." She laughed, a little painedly. "But since we are just buds now, you gotta tell me," I said, leaning forward with an almost nasty grin, "How is Alan in the sack?"

How had I never gotten Steff to blush that hard before? "Um," she replied, "we've barely more than kissed." That surprised me. "We are going to date like civilized people for a least few times, not like whatever the heck you and I did," she said, judgement of us in her voice. "As your buddy, I'll tell you when we finally start to mess around, but I will never tell you exactly what we do, or how good he is at it."

"Sound plan," I admitted. The little wench had lots of sound plans.

"And besides," she added, hesitantly, as if she didn't want to, "if he and I don't work out, then...."

"No," I interrupted, before she could say another word. "No, Steff. You and I will never have sex again."

That confused her. "So you are mad at me."

"No," I reaffirmed. "No, I'm not. But the minute you started this conversation, and the minute I found that I

wasn't

mad, we were never going to go to bed together again. Think about it." I took a deep breath and went on. "You have been doing that self-check in your head and heart we talked about the first morning after... making sure you weren't moving forward beyond Friends With Benefits, right? So have I. There is no fucking way you say yes to a date with Alan..."

"I asked him," Steff put in bravely.

"Quit making my dick sad!" I said crossly. Then I went on, "There is no way you would have decided to go out with Alan if, in your heart, you thought that that evolution was ever going to happen with me. And there is no way I don't flip my shit right here, in public or not, when I heard about it, if there was ever a way that I was going to make that evolution either."

Steff just looked at me, no contradiction in her eyes.

"So you have to know that you and I will never horse around again," I said firmly. "I deserve that knowledge. I can't be expected to wait around to see if I'm going to be recalled to the Majors. You deserve to not have the possibility of hooking up with me as a safety net when things hit the first bump in the road. And most of all

Alan

abso-fucking-lutley deserves to find out where your relationship goes without me always warming up in the bullpen!"

"Wow, the Bro Code is strong in you two!" exclaimed Steff.

"It always is in the good guys," I said smugly.

"First thing Alan did when I asked him out was to go all Bro Code about you," Steff said.

"Really?"

"Yeah. It was in Miami..."

"I figured that."

"Well, I spent more time with him that week than I had total before, outside of class," she said, still feeling the need to explain. "And you were right, a bunch of us did go to the topless area of the beach. I figured that was a good place to ask a guy out, you know?" I smirked in agreement. Steff would be extraordinarily persuasive on a topless beach, no matter what the subject. "And there I was, my tits bouncing right in front of him, all covered in tanning lotion, asking him to go out with me when we got back to school, and his first response was to ask about you, and weren't you and I kind of a thing?"

"I've always liked Alan," I said. "Did you tell him about us?"

"Not the whole thing, no," Steff said. "Do I look nuts?" I started to speak, but she headed me off. "I did tell him that we have slept together, more than a little. But I said we were just good friends hooking up. And I warned him that I very much intended to keep the friends part, but not the hooking up."

"And he then said yes?"

"Well, my tits

were

right there," laughed Steff just a little. "But yes. And he actually put some thought into it before he said yes, which I liked."

I put my hands on the little table between us, leaned forward and kissed her softly on the cheek. "Then I am actually happy for you. Good luck, Steff."

"Thank you," she replied, for more than those words.

"But," I said firmly, "I have to go."

"Oh yeah, Astronomy?"

"Exactly," I replied. I stood up, winked at her, took my tea, and cruised.

I had already decided to blow off Astronomy much earlier in the conversation.

When I was out of sight of the coffee shop, I broke into a run toward my dorm, tossing my still mostly full tea into the trash as I passed a can. I swung into my room, already tugging my shirt off. Fortunately, I didn't need a fresh shower, as time felt of the essence. I shucked off my jeans and opened my wardrobe. I grabbed a white dress shirt and donned it, along with my dowdy, bankers-cut suit and a sober tie. My fancy new shoes finished the look. I dashed out to my car and headed downtown, where I parked in the deck of a large building near the capital.

My heart was racing as I marched into the tenth-floor lobby of Meredith's law firm, a place I had never been. I walked up to the rather intimidating receptionist, introduced myself, and asked her if Meredith was available.

"Do you have an appointment?"

"No. I'm afraid I don't," I replied. "An urgent matter has arisen, I was near by, and I didn't want to talk about it over the telephone or via email. I was hoping that she might have a few minutes, this late in the day."

The dragon of a receptionist cocked an eyebrow, but lifted the telephone in front of her. "Ms. Chisholm? A Mr. Scott Talbott is here in the lobby. I don't see his name on your client list. Are you available?"

I held my breath.

"Very well," she replied after a moment. She turned to me. "You are in luck, Mr. Talbott. Your attorney will be able to fit you in. If you will please wait over there, she will send someone down for you once she can finish up her current matter."

I sagged in relief, then paced about in the spacious lobby by the window. I couldn't sit. It had almost been easy to sit and talk with Steff. What I had to do now... what I had decided while I was talking to Steff that I had to do now, would be far more hard.

It was almost ten minutes before a pretty young woman came out to fetch me. As the elevator doors closed on us, she turned to look at me. "Um, are you the Scott Talbott from the Capital Club?" she asked diffidently.

"Excuse me?" I asked, startled.

"My sister and brother-in-law are members there. They saw Meredith 'dancing and ro...'" she cut off the quote. "Dancing with someone like you, and they heard his name was something like Scott Talbott." She blushed and apologized, "I'm sorry, I really shouldn't pry."

"Well, I suppose I am him then," I replied, proud of my newfound acting ability. "She told me that she hadn't danced in ages, so I was happy to go take a turn or three after our meeting."

"Oh, so you are a client, then," she said, almost to herself. I ignored the comment as if it was obvious.

I sagged inwardly in relief. But the rest of the ride, she kept looking at me. It was a frank appraisal. I noted she was barely older than me....

We got off the elevator, and she led me down the hall to a private office that while not on a corner, was on the windowed side of the corridor. She tapped on the door, and I heard a musical voice say, "Come in!"

The paralegal, secretary, or whatever she was besides nosy busy-body, open the door and stood aside for me.

Meredith stood behind her desk, which was impressively solid, but battered. She must have inherited it from the office's prior occupant(s). "Do come in, Mr. Talbott," she told me. "Beth, please see that we aren't disturbed. I have a feeling I know what is concerning Mr. Talbott. I'll let you know when we are done, if you haven't already left for the day."

"Absolutely," said Beth, who closed the door quietly behind me.

Meredith looked at me, quietly and intently, but she waited for me to speak.

"She already told you?" I asked, meaning Steff. My voice was tense.

"Last night. She was mostly worried about you."

"Wasn't she excited about Alan?" I asked. Our body language was strained. I just stood in the middle of her office, and she sank slowly back into her chair, with the bulk of her desk between us.

"Yes. She is. But she can handle that part on her own. She wanted to talk about how to tell you without hurting you," Meredith said quietly. "Did she? Hurt you?"

I heaved a big breath. Here went.

"The thing about how I dealt with what was going on between me and Steff was to focus on how it wasn't deep. It was intense, and it was fun, but it was me and her. It wasn't

Us

," I said. "The whole time since... we started, I over and over again asked myself whether I was falling for her. To figure that out, I kept asking myself certain questions," my voice was getting a little higher as I spoke, and I tamped it down ruthlessly.

"The big question was always, was I jealous?" I went on. "Was I resentful of the guys in her other classes? Was I upset when she went out of town to parties... or especially to Miami, without me? No. I just never felt that green-eyed monster." Meredith went to say something, then fell back silent. "Was I needy? Did I need to be with Steff all the time? No. That's pretty obvious. Was I preoccupied with thoughts of her when we weren't together? Nope. Didn't seem that way, at least."

I kept my voice flat, but I could not keep from talking faster and faster. "I would ask myself if I was hung up on, or shying away from, thoughts about the future. Was I making

plans

with Steff? No."

I was short of breath. Now that I started talking, everything was coming to a boil.

"But within a minute of sitting down with her in that damned Starbucks, hearing about Alan, and telling her how my main focus has always been on ensuring that no matter what happened between us, my top priority had always been that she and I remain friends... Inside, I was going over all those questions in my head again, at rocket speed."

I could tell my eyes were practically haunted when I said, "And every single answer was coming up

yes

."

Meredith looked at me sadly. I didn't want her to be sad, it was making me feel worse.

"I had to sit there, being supportive, and reassuring her I wasn't mad. I wasn't angry," I said, suddenly speaking very slowly. "It took all my self-control not to run away until I was out of sight."

"Oh dear," said Meredith, pain in her own voice. "Sitting there, realizing you are in love with her."

I looked at her, terrified.

"No, Meredith," I said swiftly, to get it all out before I chickened out, or she stopped me.

"I sat there, going over with Steff how the answers really were all 'no', for both of us. But inside, my mind was screaming. Screaming about..." I threw my arms up, not sure how to go on. Then I actually wrapped them around myself insecurely.

"Screaming about you, Meredith. Screaming 'Yes' about every question when it came to you so loudly inside my head I could barely think." I looked at her desperately. "Listen to me. I wanted to punch Claudio Barreles in his fat, rich, Brazilian face last month. Hell, I still want to punch him in his face, right now! Over Christmas, I told my father a lot more about my relationships than I ever intended to. He is quite the interrogator. But the one absolute thing I managed to avoid was addressing anything with him about you."

I gulped for breath. "I told myself that it was because he wouldn't understand about us, but maybe it was because I was afraid that

I

might understand about us. And even if that wasn't it, I just did not want to share you in any way with him or with anyone. And then I called you so many times over the rest of vacation. I barely call my parents when I am down here. The phone isn't really my thing. But I needed to hear your voice..."

I stoped and inhaled painfully. Meredith just looked at me, eyes wide, but her hands were clenched, damnit.

"When you called me right as our trip was ending, when I was in the truck with Dad? You asked if I had thought about you. You are damned right I thought about you... every night. Only. You."

I inhaled again. "But to have been in a position to receive you call, I had to turn on and look at my phone. I

used

my phone while I was still on the road with my father. When I still had him all to myself. I've never done that before. Never. But I had to know if you had called, I

had

to be ready to talk to you."

I realized that I was actually backing away from her. My back was almost up against the door to her office.

"What am I going to do, Meredith?" I pled. "What in the Hell do

I

have to offer you? I'm hopelessly in love with you, but I've got nothing to offer to a woman like you!" I felt so small, I was barely looking at her as she sat at her desk, not moving at all, frozen. "Look at you," I said waving my hand in the direction of her motionless beauty. "Look at where you are in life. You are wildly successful... at the peak of your powers. Billionaires want to dance with you because they are afraid of what you might do to them in the courtroom!" My back was fully against the door. I looked over my shoulder, as if at the rest of the floor, and the numerous other floors in this gleaming high-rise that housed her firm. "Hell, forget I said that. You aren't remotely at your peak. You are going to run this whole joint one day, if you decide you want to."