A Wild Rose in the Wilderness

A Wild Rose in the Wilderness: pt 4

Those days Rose and Steve were together in their tiny love nest were almost complete bliss, but Rose knew that Steve needed to go back to work soon, and they still needed to talk about things.

She decided it would be best over some food. Rose wasn't sure how many days they had been holed up in this small cabin with the blackout blinds shutting out the rest of the world, but she knew that time hadn't stopped, and that as much as she wanted to, they couldn't hide here forever.

She knew she loved Steve now more than ever, but still felt she had something to prove to herself. Her thoughts ping ponging back and forth in her head.

Steve was well aware of the time that had passed and knew he had to leave Rose for a couple of days. They still hadn't talked about the future, or come to any decisions on what they would do moving forward, but Steve knew that he couldn't lose her again. Steve had realized that whatever Rose decided, she couldn't cut him out again, he would make sure that she knew how committed he was to her.

Rose was making some breakfast in the small but exceedingly efficient kitchen. She clobbered up half a dozen eggs and was making toast and cutting up some bananas and apples while waiting for the skillet to get hot enough before pouring in the eggs and scrambling them up.

The whole time she busied herself in the kitchen, the hamster wheel in her head was spinning as she tried to sort out her thoughts into words

Steve had been so attentive and caring. He had made sure she ate every few hours. Her stomach had shriveled up so much that she had trouble with more than four or five bites of food at a time. Eggs were easier for her body to deal with, so they had been eating a lot of those.

Total prep time was just under twenty minutes.

Rose drew in a deep cleansing breath as she carried the two plates to the small dining area in the corner of the main room of the cabin. Steve was already at the table, he had his laptop open and was checking in on some of the cases that had been underway while he had been out here with her.

Rose felt a pang of regret that she was taking up so much of his time. He had just gotten his promotion to Lieutenant in the past year and she knew that he took his job very seriously. At the same time, Rose realized that he must take their relationship just as seriously for him to have taken all the time off that he had just to make sure that she was okay.

Rose set the plates down on the table and cleared her throat so she could talk. She had found that it had almost become second nature for her to do this. It also seemed to ensure Steve's attention. "So I know you need to get back to it," and she gestured toward the laptop. "As much as I wish we could just stop time and stay here in this place with you forever, I know that isn't how life works." She smiled then, mainly to put him at ease because he had slowly tensed up as she spoke.

"Steve, I love you. I never stopped. I left because of all the circumstances about Eddie's death." Rose drew in a breath and then continued, "He died while we were together." She barely got the last word out before tears sprang unwanted from her eyes down her cheeks.

Steve pushed his chair back and circled the table and wrapped her up into his embrace letting her release her guilt and pain. He now understood why she had retreated so far from people and even him. He had wondered for months what had happened, why she had just slipped away without a word. She had carried this guilt alone for over eight months. Steve was just as much to blame in those circumstances as she herself was.

"Oh Rose, you should have let me help you. I wanted to, so badly, but didn't know what you needed. I thought you just needed some time to process his death. So I gave you space to sort things out. If I had known..."

"This is not your fault Steve," and she reached up a finger to place against his lips trying to silence him. Steve gently removed her hand and held it to his chest, but stayed quiet while she finished. "I am the one who took on the burden alone. I had to prove to myself that I could take care of myself, and at the time it seemed easier to move out into the wilderness than to stay in that small town and have people pity me and gossip about me as soon as my back was turned."

"Women are bitches," Steve said in his best girly voice and donning his best sassy girl posture wagging his extended index finger back and forth at her..

Rose smiled at his mimicry and continued, "what the past week has proven to me is that I am too stubborn and need to accept help from others when they offer. I do not have to do everything by myself. I have people who love me and want what is best for me." She squeezed his hand in her's.

Steve gave her hand a gentle squeeze back. "I was so afraid you were breaking up with me," Steve continued in the girly voice.

Rose started laughing then. She playfully smacked him across the arm urging him to be serious, but loving him all the more for bringing comedy into a very deep exchange between them.

"I have been taken care of my whole life and have taken so much for granted. I have really felt alive for the past six months, appreciating life because everything was a struggle. I have missed you though. I dreamt of you every night, it was near torture." Rose had pulled her hand loose from his and was unconsciously wringing her hands together as she spoke, "I don't want to let you go, but I can't let myself give up on this test of myself. I don't know why I feel so driven to accomplish this, but I do." She threw her hands up into the air in exasperation knowing that what she said sounded foolish even to her own ears, but not knowing how to solve the issue another way.

She raked her fingers through her hair to hold her head in her hands briefly before detangling her fingers from her tresses and bringing her palms down to slap against her thighs. Then continued, "I still want to live out in the woods, but I will concede that I lost too much weight and a bit of my strength and believe it to not be in my best interest, so living out there alone, long term, like I had originally planned is now officially off the table."

Steve had been considering all the possible moves that Rose might make and had been playing multiple chess matches on the different scenarios for the few weeks they had been holed up together. He hadn't planned exactly for this situation, but close. "What if I told you that I made an offer on this cabin. I can still commute to work from here and then stay at the base for my days on, then drive back here for my days off. That way I can spend time out there with you, and you can also spend time here with me."

"Steve, you aren't thinking this through all the way, what about your wife?"

It was so like Rose to consider what would be best for his wife. So unlike a mistress. Steve smiled. "I told her I was leaving her."

Rose looked up into Steve's green eyes and saw he meant every word, but wondered when he had time, so asked him, "when did you do that?"

"A few weeks ago," Steve had been keeping track of the time, Rose believed that they had only been here a week when it was almost three weeks now. Steve had nearly exhausted his accrued PTO. "After I found that you were alive out there, I realized that I wasn't doing anyone any favors by trying to keep up appearances. I was irritated with her all the time. I just got to where I couldn't do it anymore. She is a good person and deserves someone to love her the way I love you Rose."

"So we are officially not breaking up, but also not together," Rose paused, then continued, "I think I like it."

Steve was glad he was still in that picture she had in her head, the portrait of her dreams and ambitions. "I understand that you have a goal and I want you to achieve your goals. I also want you to know that if you need anything, all you need to do is ask and I will find a way to help you make it happen." Steve considered a moment, then continued, "I do want to set up some more cameras as a precautionary measure. I need you to stay safe and surveillance would help assure me of that."

Rose knew better than to argue the point, she had seen plenty of tracks of larger predatory animals to put up a fight on the issue. The request of surveillance was reasonable and even prudent considering the neighborhood she chose to live in.

Rose was relieved and elated, she had expected Steve to decide she was too much trouble for him to have to deal with, and cut his losses, but instead he was there to support her and make sure that she lived through her dream not just live her dream.

"With that said, I have to go to work in the morning.' Steve reached to hold her hands once more then continued, "Will you please stay here another few days while I am gone. When I get back you can show me your stomping grounds and we will put up more surveillance. Then you can move back out there, okay?"

What was a few more days, Rose thought. "Okay, I have a few preparations and errands to run in civilization before heading back out there anyway," she easily conceded. There was still plenty of food here at the cabin and she planned on utilizing a lot more of the indoor plumbing before leaving for the wild again.

Steve wrapped his arms lovingly around her and held her for a minute; Rose melted into his embrace.

****

Rose had already been taking advantage of the indoor plumbing, specifically taking baths. She had missed the whole experience of languishing in a tub of pleasant smelling hot water until it turned cool and cloudy while she was out living in the woods, but had made up for it while she had been holed up here in the cabin.

These simple pleasures that most people took for granted Rose had missed: being able to cook her food on a stove instead of over the open flame of her campfire, cleaning clothes in a washing machine, or bathing daily. These things seemed incredibly decadent to her now and seemingly effortless.

In the wilderness, Rose had cleaned her clothes by using sand and or rocks to scrub out dirt and then hang near the fire or on rocks to dry. The process took a whole day. Granted she would fish while the clothes dried, but nothing else would be accomplished that day. Baths were non existent out in the wild. Mostly she would wash pits and crotch daily with a washcloth and water she had warmed in a pot on the fire. Her hair, she would scrub out about once a week in the cold running water of a creek also using sand. This process took a long time as well and she had to subject her body to very cold water for minutes at a time. She would take the time to comb out her hair every other washing, so about every other week. Her hair had been down to her waist when she left for the woods, it was now just past her hips, the ends brushing against the top roundness of her buttocks.

Rose had taken the first day that Steve was away and drove into Bishop. She made her usual rounds. The thrift store was always first on the agenda. After that, she would hit one of the hardware stores. Then she would visit the outdoors sporting goods store. Finally she stopped at the grocery for semi perishable items that she needed at her camp.

****

Rose patiently waited for Steve to return, but was nearly climbing the walls with boredom by the time she saw Steve's truck on the long dirt drive.

The two spent the night making love and cuddling. In the morning the two would head to her camp and place the cameras.

Steve hadn't noticed the car that had followed him back to the cabin from the base.