A Tale of Two Titties

As was my usual routine, I got up with the sun, attended to my toilet, fixed my coffee, and went out to sit in the sun. As I sat down, I saw that Terrence's tent was down and she was moving around her truck.

Well damn! I had hoped she was going to stay more than just one night! Would it be presumptive for me to go over and wish her well on her travels?

I didn't have to wrestle with that question. Terrence saw that I was up and came over. "Hi, I just wanted you to know that I enjoyed meeting you."

"I'm surprised that you are pulling out so soon."

"I just about froze to death last night."

"But my thermometer says that it only got down to 42 degrees."

Oops! Hey dumbshit, talk about a boneheaded line! After all, SHE'S the one who got cold! Why don't you be a REAL gentleman and just tell her to tuck her frozen tail between her legs and get the hell out of Dodge? Come on shithead, try and take a few steps in her moccasins!

About the same time as I was being chastised by my subconscious, Terrence fired off a scornful shot, "Humph! But you can stay in a trailer. I can't!"

I spun my mental wheels for what seemed like an eternity, made a decision, and authored a short prayer,

Ohhh shit, I hope she doesn't think I'm coming on to her like some dirty old man!

"Uh, Terrence, how many nights did you pay for?"

"I was planning to give this a try for three nights. Why?"

I took a really, reeeeelly deep breath, "I have a winter weight sleeping bag that I can loan you while you are here... or... I have a spare bed in the trailer that you can use if you are more comfortable with that idea."

I held my breath waiting for lightning to strike, but instead, Terrence gave the trailer a puzzled look and then me. "You have another bedroom in that little trailer?"

"Uh, no, the dinette can be taken down and turned into a double bed."

She stood for a few seconds thinking. "Well, my tent is already down. Can I see what the bed looks like?"

We went inside the trailer and I showed Terrence how the dinette table collapsed and the seat cushions became the mattress. While she thought about it, I added, "What the heck. If you think you need more privacy, I'll sleep on the dinette and you can sleep in my queen bed."

"No, no, no. I'm not here to take over your whole house! I'll give your dinette a try."

"Okay, why don't you bring your truck down here and park it behind my trailer? Then you can bring whatever you think that you are going to need for the night in from the truck."

About half an hour later Terrence was settled in and I now had a guest to think about entertaining. "Terrence, I am going to be done with my coffee in about another half hour. That is my breakfast most days, but have you had breakfast yet?"

"Yes, I gobbled down some food right after I got up. I was hoping that getting some calories into myself would help me warm up. For the morning, how about we sit in the sun and warm up while you tell me some of the stories about whatever adventures you have had around this place."

That turned into an enjoyable day rather than just an enjoyable morning. I didn't realize that I had so many memories about what my family and I had done around this little piece of heaven! The capstone to my story telling was that Terrence seemed to genuinely enjoy hearing my tales!

When I needed a break from talking, we would just position our chairs where we could watch the hummingbirds practically fight over the feeder that I had put up when I arrived.

We topped a wonderful day off with antelope steaks grilled over campfire coals and after cleaning up proceeded to take an evening walk to the horse corrals. The first part of that stroll was punctuated with idle chatter and silly jokes.

About halfway, Terrence shifted gears and got a bit more serious. "Stefan, you told me that you have so much metal in your ankle that you can no longer run." She paused for a gasp of air and continued, "How come I'm having a hard time keeping up with you?"

I laughed, "Well, Terri..."

Hey dumbshit, busy trying to stick your dirty feet into your mouth again, ay?

"Omigosh, Terrence, I... I'm sorry! That just sort of fell out of my mouth before I put my brain into gear. I hope you're not offended!

"I will confess that Terri just feels more appropriate for the happy and interesting person that seems to be well on her way to wrapping me around her little finger!"

Terrence gasped again and I made a point of moving off the road and stopping. "Oh, that's all right. All my friends call me Terri..." She sighed, but this time not for air, "As well as a number of morons who I wish would crawl into holes and pull the openings in after them.

"I like it when you call me Terri!" She paused and smiled, "Although... I do have a quid pro quo..."

"Uh... And that is?"

"I get to call you Stef! You're so simple and direct. Two syllables just don't work for you!" She gave me an evil grin, "Except when I can make you uncomfortable, and then you remind me of my little brother who can act like he will die of embarrassment, like when my Mom has him helping fold laundry and he has to fold up a pair of panties or stuff like that."

"Hmm, not too many people besides my Mom ever called me Stef." I paused thoughtfully, "And two chaps who thought that Stef was a hilarious nickname because it could be a short for Stephanie, wound up with bloody noses for some odd reason." A note of concern flashed across Terri's face, but I continued before she could say anything, "That said, I have some very good friends who call me Stef, and I would be honored if I could add you to that list."

Relief flashed across Terri's face, and I suddenly found myself entrapped in a wonderful bear hug! "Stef it is. Thank you! I do want to be your friend!"

I kissed her lightly on her forehead and added in a whisper with a smile, "Me friend. Me come in peace and with'um happiness."

Dadburn it! I don't think either one of us wanted to break that clinch, but we finally disentangled ourselves and continued our walk.

"Now, as to your original question. You are definitely not having difficulty keeping up because I'm in better shape. I could tell from that lovely hug that there is some nicely toned muscle in that body of yours."

"Well, then what's going on?"

"My bet is that you simply are not acclimated to the local altitude. If I remember my geography right, I seem to recall that most, if not all, of Indiana is below one thousand feet in elevation.

"Here, we are about eight times higher than you are used to. Consequently, you are getting a whole lot less oxygen than you are used to getting in each breath of air."

"How long does it take for me to get acclimated?"

I grinned, "You are young and healthy and should be able to acclimate faster than average, BUT the bad news is that you probably can't do it in a day or two!"

"Damn!" Terri winced, "Oops, I'm sorry! Pardon my French!" Then a grin flashed across her face, "You must be a bad influence."

I laughed and pulled her against me, "Yes, I know. It's all my fault."

We continued along for a while in silence. Suddenly I realized that we were holding hands as we walked, and it really felt nice! I sighed and tried to come back from Wonderland. "Well, tomorrow is your last full day here. Any ideas on what you'd like to do? It's your last day, so you get to pick."

"I think a hike would be nice."

"That covers a lot of ground. Any directional preferences?"

Terri laughed, "Well, not west into the wilderness area. You've had too many adventures in that country and I'm not ready to HAVE to learn to bivouac, or to meet a mountain lion face to face, or to find a whole herd of cattle killed by lightning."

She pursed her lips and continued to think out loud, "I would love to see the country that you have done most of your hunting in and where you used to play mountain man in buckskins and breechcloth, but that's a lot higher (gasp!) and we'd have to drive to get to it.

"Probably the best compromise between my ability and my desire would be to hike up the big creek. It doesn't look to be too steep a climb and at least when I pooper out coming back is basically downhill."

I grabbed Terri around her waist and she reciprocated as I said, "Lady, I love your logic. You make more damn good sense than all the idiots in Congress!

"You do realize that you will have to get your feet wet and muddy for that expedition, right?"

"So I'll need both my boots and my flip flops?"

"Yup. Unless you have and can use Teva sandals, like my oldest boy uses—or Trail Gloves like I have settled into."

"Well, as I have heard you say, Oakley Doakley by me!" She punctuated that statement with a 'Davy Crockett grin' which made me wonder if I was a b'ar that she planned to grin to death! Well, let me be perfectly honest—it made me HOPE that I was a b'ar that she planned to grin to death!!

In retrospect, I'm amazed that we were able to match stride well enough that we made it the rest of the way to the corrals and all the way back to the campground with our arms wrapped around each other's waists!

That night Terri and I managed to set the dinette bed up without difficulty and take care of our bedtime ablutions without any significant traffic jams. I offered her my winter-weight sleeping bag, but she figured that her sleeping bag would be plenty in the trailer.

I figured it wasn't any of my business what Terri wore to bed, so I didn't peek and she didn't offer that information either. In my case, I normally slept in the raw, but I crawled into bed wearing my boxer briefs so that I wouldn't be guilty of inadvertently causing a modesty failure sometime during the night.

As was usual for me I drifted off to sleep shortly after my head hit the pillow.

"Stef... Stef..." I woke up to the rattle of teeth.

"Terri? Wha... What are you here for? What's wrong?" As I became conscious, I sat up enough to look toward the door of the trailer and slowly moved my hand toward my pistol.

"Stef, I'm freezing! I feel like an icicle! Please! Can I sleep with you?" Her teeth rattled through the words like a Spanish dancer's castanets.

The switchboard in my head was not yet fully lit up but I was coherent enough to lift the covers and tell her to get in with me. Terri climbed in and began snuggling her back up to me as I pulled the covers back over us. I curled up behind Terri and she slipped one, or maybe it was both, feet between my thighs.

"AAIIIIEE! Bloody hell, woman, where did you get those icebergs?!" My switchboard was now TOTALLY lit up!

"Oh God! You're warm! Pleeeez don't go away!"

I began running my hands all over Terri's body. Every inch of her body was cool to my touch, but her hands and feet were like blocks of ice! She was wearing panties and a large T-shirt. I grabbed the T-shirt and yanked it up to around her armpits, then I pulled her back into my chest while I began rubbing her legs energetically.

"Terri, push your feet up against my thighs... slowLEEEE eeep—oh, damn you're cold—and gently, please, pretty please! Alright, let's get that T-shirt off so I can start rubbing your arms without getting tangled up in it like this. Put your hands between your thighs or under your armpits." After a while of this the chattering finally slowed and then stopped.

"Omigod! I'm almost warm! Maybe I'm not gonna die!"

Meanwhile, I was making some new discoveries. "Terri, you are really tight and stiff in your back and shoulders. I'll bet that it's not doing your circulation any favors. Roll over onto your tummy so I can see if I can loosen them up."

I managed to get over Terri without letting too much cold air get under the covers which was good since she was very unhappy about the occasional draft that managed to reduce the ambient temperature in her vicinity. As I worked the muscles in her back and shoulders she relaxed and seemed to become less temperature sensitive.

It was awkward trying to do massage under the covers, and, frankly, it was definitely uncomfortably warm after I had worked for a while. I rolled off of Terri and cuddled up next to her. She rolled to face me and said, "What's going on?"

Oh shit! Little Stefan is up, awake and sporting a really good stiffy. Terri must feel him through my briefs and now I've probably got some 'splainin to do.

"Uhh, well..."

"How come I'm so cold and you're so warm?"

Oh, wow! Saved!

"My guess is that there are at least two main factors. If I had to put my money on just one, I would say that the most likely candidate would be your lack of acclimation to this elevation. You don't have as many red corpuscles per unit of blood as I do so you can't get as much oxygen to your body tissues when you are sleeping and supposed to be resting rather than moving around and working hard."

"Hmm, and factor number two?"

"I was surprised at how tight some of your muscles were. We didn't do any hard work today, so I don't think that is it. Is there anything that has scared you today?"

"Uh, well. I guess that I haven't done a whole lot of overnight camping and I start getting nervous when the sun goes down. This is my first time camping all by myself.

"The stories you told today about the bears and the mountain lion and the nights that you've spent out by yourself are pretty scary—at least when the sun goes down. I know how you talk about it being so nice to hear the coyotes howl, but that's what woke me up when I was all cold and freezing tonight."

"Okay, well you have my two best guesses. Are you warm and safe and comfortable?"

"Oh yeah! I am a happy camper! Thank you so very much!" Terri gave me a light kiss on my nose and cuddled up against me. I held her until her breathing became a soft buzz and then I drifted off to dreamland too.