The company I work for is an independent company that has been rebuilding structures in Afghanistan, Iraq and Kuwait. Although it is very dangerous work, we are well protected by the military.
Everyday we would have children sitting on the bank watching us work. Many were from the orphanage; they had lost their parents in this terrible war. Other people stopped by to thank us for helping build their new school and repairing other structures. You couldn't help hurting inside for these kids. What did they do wrong? They were just kids, for Christ's sake. They didn't ask for or deserve this. I don't know why, but it made me think of Julie's baby. Did she deserve what she got?
I blocked Julie from my mind as best as possible and went on with my work. I was helping to add a wing on an already overcrowded children's hospital. As I took a short break, I noticed a young boy walk by on crutches; he only had one leg. He couldn't have been more than seven years old. Seeing him smile at me, with all the hardship he had to endure during his short life tugged at my heartstrings.
I found out later the boy's name was Aadam Bazzi. I talked with the man I believed was his father; Ar'med Karzi was his name. He told me that Aadam was six and would be seven the following month. He lost his leg in the bombing of a grocery store that his parents owned.
"You're not his father? I see you with him all the time," I asked Ar'med.
"No, his parents were killed in the bombing along with his older sister. He is alone now. I took him in along with two other children. He is good boy," Ar'med smiled.
"Did you know his family well?" I asked.
Ar'med smiled again. "Funny you ask that question. His father not like me. We both like same woman. Maia chose Jacar; I loved Maia much and was much, how you say, disappointed when she pick Jacar. I marry Fatimah instead and we get married. Sorry my English not real good."
"You're doing fine. I understand you very well," I replied.
"After Maia and Jacar die, I ask Fatimah if we take in Aadam. She says okay we take Aadam in. I have good wife. We now have four kids our own and we take in three orphans. We not have much but kids need home with parents."
It was shortly after talking with Ar'med that my sister had told me about Gina being hospitalized. I believe it was partly the reason I sent Julie the money. My feelings for her were still very strong. I didn't want her to suffer financially.
It was about a month later, our mail is very slow here, that I received a letter from Julie thanking me for helping her and her daughter. She was very grateful and said what a wonderful thing I had done. She then said, "Shawn I will always have a place in my heart for you. Please take care of yourself. Love always, Julie."
I cried after reading that letter. There would always be a place in my heart for her also. I went on working and tried to do some good here in this desert country. In my spare time, I would talk with different kids and they would tell me their stories. My heart went out for each and every one of them.
I must have given out candy bars by the dozen. It seemed to put a smile on each child's face.
Life seemed so bleak for them, but they explained to me that it was people like me that gave them hope. Our work crew was invited to a school that we helped rebuild. We got a chance to see the students give speeches and sing songs. It was great to see them with smiles on their faces. I knew we were doing the right thing.
I often thought about Julie and her daughter. I was gone for about seven months when I gave my sister Joyce a call; we talked for a few minutes and I asked her how Julie was doing.
"She and Gina are doing okay. She finally decided to accept a date. I was so worried about her never going out. I knew men had asked her out but she always refused. I tried to explain to her that she needed a life," said my sister Joyce.
"I'm happy for her," I said. "She's a very beautiful woman and deserves a good man and I wish her the best. Well, Sis; I have to go. I'll talk to you again some time soon. Tell everyone I said hello."
I felt bad. It was a lie. I didn't want Julie dating anyone else. What was the matter with me? I just couldn't shake my feeling for her. I thought time was supposed to heal all wounds. I guess that didn't apply to ex-wives.
I had signed up for an additional six months. After having served eight months of my first year, we could sign up for an additional half year at a time. My reason for signing up was I wasn't ready to go home. I still wasn't over Julie and our divorce. I often wondered if I had made a big mistake. I needed more time away, especially since I heard she was dating again. Life sucked!
The best part of my life now was helping these displaced and orphaned children. Seeing the hope in their eyes kept me going. Whenever I worked on the hospital annex, I saw Aadam. He was trying so hard, trying to overcome his disability. He was now trying on an artificial leg. It must have hurt him since he cried when they put it on. I overheard the doctor tell him his leg would have to toughen up more. This was a lot of pain for a seven-year-old boy.
Ar'med and I talked often. One day he invited me over to meet his family. Fatimah, his wife, had dinner for all of us. Their home was just a shanty but they were willing to take in three orphan kids, one being Aadam, even with four kids of their own. My heart went out to them.
I remember asking Ar'med how he could take in Aadam knowing it was his old flame's son with his best friend.
"I loved Maia, but she want Jacar. We not friend anymore. I see Aadam after death of parents. Aadam just a young boy. He innocent child. He have no choice in life yet. He not ask to be born. How you say? My heart pains for him. I no care who father him, I ask Fatimah and her heart in pain for him too. So we take him in."
"That was a wonderful thing to do, Ar'med," I replied.
"Not so wonderful. He need help and home, so I try help him. He brings us much joy. We love him. Don't tell Fatimah but I see Maia in him. I love him as much as own kids. We all one big family now."
What a wonderful outlook on life. He made me feel so small. I left the woman I loved because she had another man's child. She never cheated on me and I threw it all away over my pride. Right now, the pride I had in myself was pretty low.
I had been gone for fourteen months when my supervisor said that I had two weeks vacation leave coming to me. I needed to take it or I would lose it. He then asked me if I was going to sign up for another six months.
The money was great but I missed my family. I had saved up over a hundred thousand dollars at this point. I also missed Julie. I knew I had to go home to, at least, confront her again. I had no idea what was going to happen. I just knew that I had to see her again. I told my supervisor I would make my decision on another extension when I returned from vacation.
I took my two-weeks leave and went home. I surprised my parents when I showed up at the house. My mom cried as she hugged me. She called Joyce and told her to come over. She had a surprise for her. When I saw Joyce, I hugged her. We were always close. She asked me if it was all right to call Julie and tell her I was home for a visit.
"No, please don't. I know you are all close with Julie because of the letters you have sent me. I'm going over to see her today. I'm not sure what to expect. She might not even want to see me."
"Shawn, she still cares for you whether you want to believe it or not. We can tell you're not over her either. Please just don't hurt her. She has been trying to go on with her life," said Joyce.
That afternoon I rode over to my old apartment. Nothing had changed. Of course it was only a little over a year. I walked up to the door and knocked. From the inside, I heard a voice say, "Just a minute." I knew it was Julie's.
She opened the door and just said, "Shawn! Oh, my God, what are you doing home?"
I was misty eyed with just the sight of her. I realized then that I had never gotten over her. There she stood in a t-shirt and a pair of sweats, but she was the most beautiful sight I could imagine.
"Hi, Julie. I had a two week vacation coming and needed to see you."
As she stood there, a pretty little girl kind of staggered up to her and grabbed her leg. I knew it was Gina. She looked up at me with the cutest dimpled smile.
"Hi, Sweetheart, you must be Gina," I said.
Julie reached down and picked up her daughter. "Shawn, why didn't you call and let me know you were coming?"
"To be honest, I was worried that you might not want to see me," I responded.
Julie looked a bit shaky. "Come on in, Shawn. Would you like some coffee or something?"
"Coffee would be fine," I said.
"Please sit down. It will only take a few minutes to make it," said Julie.
"You don't need to go through the trouble of making..."
Julie interrupted me, "Yes, I do, Shawn. I need a couple of minutes to compose myself. This is quite a shock for me," she said, as she set Gina down on the floor and went into the kitchen to make coffee.
I was sitting on the couch when little Gina stood up and waddled her way over to me. She was such a pretty little girl. I picked her up and sat her on my lap. She was smiling that dimpled smile as I talked to her.
"Hi, Gina; you're such a pretty girl. How old are you?" I couldn't believe it when she held up one finger.
I kept asking her little questions and she would talk baby talk back to me. As God is my witness, I couldn't believe that me not wanting this precious little girl was what broke up my marriage. How could I have been such a self-indulgent asshole?
I knew I had to prove to Julie that I was a changed man. That seeing the homeless children and devastated families overseas had changed me. I had to wonder if it would be enough. What would it take for us to get back together? I squeezed this precious little girl and hoped that in some way, somehow we might become family.
Julie came back with our coffee and nicely asked Gina to get off my lap for now. She climbed down and sat next to me. I couldn't help but smile.
"So, Shawn, what is it you wanted to see me about?" asked Julie. She had her wits gathered now.
"I want to apologize to you for being an asshole."
"Shawn, watch what you say. Little ears have a tendency of picking up the wrong words." At least she kind of smiled when she said it.
"I should have never rushed off like I did without saying goodbye. Julie, I still have very strong feelings for you and wonder if there is a chance for us getting back together?"
"Shawn, my feelings for you haven't changed but I've gone on with my life. Nothing has changed; Gina is and always will be number one in my life."
"Something has changed, Julie. Me! I've changed. I look back and see what a horrible person I had become. I was self-centered and an ass... bad person." I remembered to correct my language. It made Julie smile.
