A narrative of my life gone by. It is full of heartache and recovery once the right person finally came into my life.
Please enjoy the story. I have tried to put some heart into it.
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I'd like to tell you a story about myself. My nickname is Beetle. My real name is Jim McDonald. I should begin with telling you about my youth and what transpired to make me the person I am today. While some might see me as a crass lonely old man, others may see me as somewhat of a grumpy old bastard, I see myself as a self made individual that took matters into my own hands.
Years ago in my youth I was tutored by an older woman describing to me about what really matters in life. Some of those things can only be learned by enduring them yourself. No matter how many times you hear about something you always tell yourself "I know what I would do if that ever happened to me". Well let me tell you that is a lie from Hell.
Being raised in a family of five siblings with a mom and a stepdad, we did seem to have a loving relationship as a whole. Of course my brothers and sister and I always fought with each other, but we were, after all, family. One of my brothers can be quoted as saying "No matter how many times we fight, we are family. Wives and husbands may come and go, but we are blood and that is what really counts". I can agree with that, to an extent.
One brother has been married six times. The other two of my brothers has been married twice and my sister has been married three times. Me, I am on my second marriage. So apparently what little brother said, IS TRUE. We are blood and spouses seem to come and go. Any way I will start the reason for the story now.
When I was born, over sixty years ago, I had both a mom and a dad. My dad was killed in a car accident leaving me and my two of my brothers with just a mom. I was only three years old when that happened. The man that eventually married my mother had known us since we were born. He had worked for my real dad for over ten years. Also he was a Mexican. He was a very good man. He went on to have my youngest brother and sister. He raised us with the fundamental belief that ALL men are equal and deserve respect until that person showed us that they do not merit such respect. To this day, I still live with that thought and conviction.
While back in the 1950's it was not a very common thing to have mixed race families. My parents faired very well in regards to relationships of different color. We, as a family, did not hurt for things. We never got everything we wanted but we did get all the things we needed and then some. I felt secure in the knowledge that I had a man, a father figure that looked out for our welfare. I just never and I mean never considered him anything other than my dad. He was a good man to have around.
All during my school years he helped us nurture our desire to learn. Dad only had a sixth grade education. He wanted more for us. He also got more from us simply by being our strength. All five of us went through school and a couple of us even went to college. I thank him for that. He pushed us when others would have just given up. Like I said he was a good man.
I did realize that even though he loved us, my mom sometimes had her own agenda. Yes she did fool around on dad throughout the years they were together. The even divorced from each other once. They did, however, get back together and remarried. Some might call him a wimp or some sort of looser, but he was always there even when my mom was not. For some reason she just had this streak about her she could not let go of. That is until much later in life when she got "religion".
I had my share of heartbreaks growing up. In the ninth grade I thought I had found the girl I really wanted to marry. What did I really know about marrying anyone at that age? She was in the eighth grade at the time. I really guess that it was only puppy love, but who really knows what could have been if we had stayed together. We broke up after dating each other for seventeen months when she went out with someone else. She and I had never been intimate in a sexual way, but she let this other guy have her cherry. I moved on. I had other girlfriends but I had a hard time trusting girls to the point I wanted to marry them sometime in the future.
During my senior year in high school I thought I finally met the girl of my dreams. She also had a romantic evening with someone else after we dated each other for only seven months. I was beginning to think I was a looser. Maybe I was just looking for companionship or maybe I was looking for something I really did not even know about. Again, I moved on.
About a year later I met a girl, dated her and we got serious. We had been dating each other exclusively. I was a sophomore in college and she was a freshman. Things looked pretty good for us. We decided to get married and so we did. After finishing my sophomore year in college I decided to join the military. She was excited about that idea and so we became a military family. Please keep in mind that I was still somewhat leery about women and was not sure we, or should I say she, would be faithful during my times away from her as the military dictates.
Things went well for the first two years of our relationship. First off we were good emotionally with our relationship. Secondly we were very compatible with our sexual relationship. And thirdly we decided we wanted to have a family. Everything was looking good, or so I thought. Somewhere along the line she met another guy that was also married and in the military. He and I did not know each other. We both lived in the same government housing the military provided for their enlisted personnel. When I got home from a two month training exercise I met both him and his wife. Both were very personable people and I liked them. I also found out my wife did not have any intimate relations with the guy before I met him.
I did not have any upcoming training exercises scheduled for the next six months. He did though. He was gone for about a month. While he was gone, his wife Tammy would come over and hang out with me and my wife, Karen. After all, both husbands were in the military and both wives were military wives. We did have that much in common. Upon his return we had a small celebration and of course being in the service we could not afford much but when everyone in the complex pooled their resources there was plenty. There were about twenty couples there that evening. We had B-B-Q, all the fixings and trimmings and alcohol. Beer being the number one choice among us. Things got late and everyone was leaving to head to their own apartments. Some stayed to help clean things up and others just left. Bill, the other guy, and his wife Tammy stayed to help clean up. It was, after all, a party given in his honor of returning. Being in the military we did not really need an excuse for having a party of some sort.
There was a lot of flirting going on amongst everyone and I was no exception. Most women hugged and kissed Bill on his cheek and most guys hugged and kissed Tammy on her cheek. Everything looked pretty innocent. As the evening finally came to an end, Bill went over to Karen to tell her bye and thanks. Tammy came over to me to offer her thanks also. Apparently Karen and Tammy had devised a plan together for something sometime in the near future.
Now I have to say that while Karen looked real nice, Tammy out done her in looks. I am not a bad looking guy and I thought I looked better than Bill but do guys really check out the looks of other guys that much? I really don't know what Bill and Tammy actually talked about during the next week but Karen and I talked quite a bit about things the next week. The wife swapping idea came up more than once. I was thinking I would not mind having Tammy but I had already been burned by two different girlfriends in the past.
"Honey, how do you really feel about swapping partners" asked Karen.
"I'm not really sure. I know she is a real nice looking girl and right now we are friends with her and Bill, but I'm just not sure I could see you having sex with another guy" I told her.
"What if we were in different rooms instead of the same room?" she asked.
"I don't believe I even like that idea either" I said. "Look, let's just play it by ear next weekend. If it does happen, it happens. If it doesn't happen, then oh well."
I guess at some point I must have agreed to do it without really saying yes to it. I know down deep within my soul, I did not want anything like that to happen.
We agreed to just drop it and we had amazing sex that night. The next two nights were not bad either.
"Karen, were you thinking of Bill the last two nights or were you thinking of me?" I asked.
"Well to be honest, I did have a thought or two of Bill last night, but before that it was only you. Have you thought of Tammy over the few days or was it me you were making love to"
"Honestly it was you. I'm still not sure I want to just give you away like that. I love you and only you. I just do not believe I could do it. I damn sure don't want to lose you no matter which way we go" I said. "And even if we do go for this, right now it would have to be a onetime thing and onetime thing only."
She agreed because we still had about three more days before our clandestine meeting with fate. One way or another something was going to happen. I just hoped it would not change our relationship if it did happen or if it did not happen. It happened.
That Friday night changed the way the four of us looked and acted around each other. The first time it did happen I was a nervous wreck. I know I wanted to be good for Tammy and I know Karen wanted to be good for Bill. I had hoped they felt the same way. When that first night was over, Karen and I went home to talk about it and express our concerns.
I'll try to put into words what Tammy and I did last night. OK, I admit it was great. I never have just sex with a woman. I almost always made love to them. I learned to always put the woman's needs ahead of mine. We had a wonderful bout of making love. I also know she climaxed at least five times before I quit counting. I know I came probably three times myself. We stayed together until the next morning. She and I were at their apartment and Karen and Bill were at our apartment.
