A Good Christian Woman

"I just knew you'd be a good kisser," Pam sighed.

"Yeah, that was nice."

"Can we do it again?"

"Let me check my schedule."

"What?"

"Joking, just joking. Yeah, I'd like that."

Pam leaned in and gently rubbed her lips against mine before wetly licking my upper lip.

"God, I missed kissing," she whispered before opening her mouth to allow her tongue to slide against mine.

We'd had dinner at Luigi's in Santa Monica, then gone to the Cirque du Soleil show in that huge tent they set up in the big parking lot just west of the pier. The food was okay, but not great and the wine was pedestrian, but the Mystere show had been wonderful.

Cirque du Soleil is a French circus that tours the world. No animal acts but the human performers are astounding. It's something everyone should get to experience during their lives. The music, costuming and lighting make the incredible physicality of the performers seem like magic. Jugglers, dancers, trapeze artists, balancing acts, it just didn't seem possible that there could be so many talented athlete/artists in one place.

As we left the venue, we agreed to go over to the pier. Crossing the parking lot, we were chattering about our favorite parts of the show. My mood was so good, I took her hand as we started climbing the stairs to the elevated pier deck. I hadn't had a date in a while, and it felt good to be holding hands. On this date, I was hoping for some kissing- but there were those two other things hanging in the air between us. I really had no idea how it was going to go, but her hand felt good in mine.

We turned right at the top of the stairs and headed out toward the surf. It was generally dark, but there were enough lights, and enough people about that I felt we could relax and not worry about getting mugged. I didn't think it was a good idea to put her in any compromising situations.

Pam and I had worked together at Jerry's Deli in Studio City for about 3 years. She mostly worked day shifts and I evening ones, but we had met and shared a few shifts together. She was a strong, good-looking woman of about 30- maybe a couple of years older than I.

I had heard from other waiters that she was a born-again Christian. She always wore a little gold cross. I had also seen her at the Deli with her 4-year-old son Jensen. I had no problem dating co-workers, but this seemed like an uncrossable barrier between us. I had done the Sunday School thing as a kid, but I had just had too many questions for which religion had no satisfactory answers. You had to HAVE faith to get faith. It just wasn't for me. And a KID? I was poor, recently divorced and just having graduated from art school. The thought of dating a mom was ludicrous.

One of the other waitresses pulled me aside one evening and told me I should ask Pam out. They were friends and apparently, Pam thought I was nice. It took me a couple of weeks to save up for the tickets, but I finally got her alone in the kitchen and asked her to go to the circus with me.

As we reached the end of the pier, I put my arm around her waist. We looked off toward the sea, not able to see much but the ocean air was pungently fragrant. The passing swells splashed quietly against the pilings beneath us. Its an impossibly romantic moment.

I turned toward her and leaned down for a kiss. It was slow and warm, moist but not wet. Her lips were soft but firm.

"I just knew you'd be a good kisser," Pam sighed.

"Yeah, that was nice."

"Can we do it again?"

"Let me check my schedule."

"What?"

"Joking, just joking. Yeah, I'd like that."

Pam leaned in and gently rubbed her lips against mine before wetly licking my upper lip.

"God, I missed kissing," she whispered before opening her mouth to allow her tongue to slide against mine.

An older couple vacated a nearby bench, so she guided us to it where we sat. I took her hands in mine, "Thanks for coming out and sharing this evening with me. I wouldn't have gone to the show by myself."

Picking up my right hand, she pressed it to her lips then looked up into my eyes.

"You're a really good guy. Everybody likes you at work. You've got a reputation for being honest and concerned about people. I love your sense of humor and you've got a nice ass."

I broke up laughing. "Have you been practicing that, or did you just blurt it out? I can't tell.

"I feel very unguarded around you, Chris. I feel you'd understand just about anything I told you, and there's this THING hanging over our heads- actually two things, and I'd like to tell you about it."

"Wow, thanks, go ahead, I'm all ears."

"I know you're not a Christian, but I am. Didn't used to be, but I got to a place in my life where I just had to do something different. Going through the process of being born again and acknowledging Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior quite literally saved my life."

"I used to be a very bad girl. I was all about partying. Alcohol, drugs, promiscuous sex- I couldn't seem to get enough of it. My self-esteem was near zero. This all started when I was 15 and I was essentially lost for a decade. At 25, I got pregnant, condom broke or something- who knows. I had a suspicion of who the father was, but I couldn't be sure."

"I owe my life, my sobriety, my sanity, to Marcia- you know Marcia- she works the morning shifts with me."

"Sure, blonde hair in a pony-tail." I muttered, not knowing where she was going with all this but not wanting to interrupt her. She was very intense.

"Anyway, Marcia got me a job at the deli and took me to my first church service. I thought, 'What the hell was I doing here?'. I thought all these people were kidding themselves. All this joy and fervor was just a show. I knew better than to fall for this, but the more I looked at them, the more I looked into their eyes and heard their voices raising praise to Jesus, the more I thought, 'Maybe, just maybe.'"

"There were church services 4 times a week, Bible reading classes and Testimonial Meetings. I found out that a lot of these people had come from circumstances a lot like mine. I continued to party, but I liked how I felt after a church service much better than a hangover.

"One day, after a particular reading from the Bible, I was so inspired that I said the words out loud, 'I accept Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior.' I got goose bumps on my arms and legs and on my neck. I felt invigorated, alive, I felt healed. I said it again and again. The minister stopped the service while I cried. Marcia hugged me and rocked me.

Right there, I stood up and said in a loud voice, 'I accept Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior.' Everyone applauded."

"I don't know what to say, it sounds like a powerful experience. I've never had anything like it. I've never done the hard-core partying thing either. It just doesn't sound like me."

"Just as much as I know it's important for me, I understand how it might not be right for everyone. I'm not evangelizing here. I've got a reason for telling you all this."

I leaned over and gave her a small but sincere kiss. "Again, I'm all ears."

"Hmmm, that was nice," she hummed, "where was I?"

"Lord and Savior."

"Oh yeah, that brings me to subject #2. As you know I have a 4-year-old named Jensen. I think you've met him."

"Several times, he's a real gentleman."

"Isn't he? And he's so smart and full of mischief and full of farting noises and bad jokes and milk moustaches. He loves doing puzzles and Sesame Street. He likes broccoli but can't stand cotton candy. He likes helping me with the laundry- sorting socks is his favorite. He's my little man and I think I smother him with too many hugs and too much cuddling."

"I'm sure he loves it."

"Yeah, he does, but I think my affection sometimes puts him off."

"If that's the worst of it, then I think he's got it made."

"But that's kinda the point of all this."

"Yeah?"

"Obviously, in my position, the seemingly ideal situation would be to find a husband who can help support us and meet some of my physical and emotional needs. Well, I'm here to tell you that is not exactly easy to do. There are a lot of moving parts here, a lot of complexity, a lot of reasons a fella might be put off."

"I get it."

"Do you?

"I think so."

"What I'm saying is, that I miss being with a man. I miss, obviously, the kissing. I miss rubbing my hands across his chest. I miss getting dressed up for someone. I miss holding hands. I miss a man's odor and the scrape of his beard on my neck. I miss the bulge in his boxers as he walks over to my bed. I miss a man's weight on me."

"I don't want just anyone; I want someone who will be kind and considerate but someone capable of losing control when I'm with him. I don't want to trap him, just hold him. I don't even want him every night. I think 2 nights a week would be fine. Jensen already does occasional sleepovers with Marcia and her 5-year-old Marcus."

"As fantasies go, that's a pretty good one."

"Do you think it's asking too much of the universe?"

"My mom always said, 'You don't ask, you don't get'. Come sit on my lap," I say patting my thigh. She stands and sits again. Our faces are much closer to being at the same height this way. I hold her to me for a few moments before kissing her again. "Thank you for letting me get that out. I've been thinking about it for a long time."

I get a series of much more passionate kisses than before, and she sucks on my tongue in an obvious mimic of sucking a cock.

Wanting to be closer to her, I put my left arm inside her coat and hold her as we kiss.

"Do you mind if I..."

"If you have to ask then you don't know as much about women as I thought."

"Just treading carefully here."

"Thank you for that, I knew you would."

With my left hand, I cup her right breast, feeling its weight. It's a perfect handful- just the right size to fill out my fantasies. I feel her warm breath on my neck as she presses her lips to it. I squeeze her breast and rub my thumb across her now prominent nipple. "Oooh," she moans softly into my ear as my erection grows quickly. Wiggling her butt just a little she whispers, "I like a man who's up to the job."

"By the way, I wear Jockey's, not boxers."