A Forced Pairing

The scar really scared me.

It was on her face – from the bottom of her ear out onto her cheek. A deep cut – almost like somebody had done it slowly. Wounding her and making a point of it, like they'd marked her.

Amanna's face was a mask of set stone, as she sat on the horse, riding into our village. My sister. Wearing tattered clothes that still had stains of blood and grime on them. She… and her companions and the escort from our own village that accompanied them back from the far side of the plains – they all simply reeked of black smoke; and some kind of death smell. Perhaps it was of burnt flesh.

I searched her face, but she seemed to refuse to look at me. Then I felt Lynn's hands go around my waist. That shocked me. Lynn had never really touched me in public like that – in front of the tribe. But then again, we'd never witnessed an event like this. The homecoming of a defeated sector of our brethren. Somehow out of instinct I put my arms around her for a moment, unconsciously going into our own private world. Our secret place, the one I still wasn't comfortable handling outside our hut; outside our bed sometimes.

But Lynn wasn't looking at me. She was looking at Amanna. And her face was parched. She was scared – and for once it wasn't at me.

I felt a strong urge, a strong, powerful angry feeling of protection, for Lynn. And then I looked at my sister. And felt violation there. Like nobody had a right to do *that*… to my family. To me. To anybody I cared about.

Amanna glanced at me. At once the stone moved. Her eyes were wet and she drank me in for a moment. As if she was a dying flower in a wasteland and had felt a drip of water drop into her petals. She saw Lynn half-embraced in my arms... and I could somehow see Amanna swallow. As if she was disappointed. Then she closed her eyes. Giving up.

I pushed Lynn away… gently. And moved towards my sister. It hurt – just a bit – to move Lynn like that. But I suddenly felt like I didn't care. I needed to show my sister I was there. That I still cared. I still held our secret. And I still knew what was in her heart.

Her marriage and leaving of our clan, to become part of the Atanray clan, had been full of pomp and circumstance. Pageantry, a full marriage ceremony. And much, much eating and drinking. Then they'd simply left with her; and with a treaty. I'd lost my sister.

Everyone had seemed to be so happy about the whole thing. Like it was a fantastic event – the culmination of her life or something. I had sat there, years younger, and hated it all. Hated every moment of it. And yearned for each last second I got to see her – touch her. Each intimate physical and mental breath we had shared and explored and learned together. They had all stopped – abruptly. Abandoned for something…. better?

I reached up to get Amanna down from her horse, and she opened her eyes again, seemingly amazed to see me there now. She quickly looked over at Lynn, then back at me. Then a questioning look came into her green eyes. It was as if I was looking back into my own face. The "what is she?", "what could she possibly mean to you?" And the "I don't understand" flooding over her.

I just tried to smile. To ram through it like a bull, and pull her forward to me. She came easily, her face coming forward to my neck – and her soft breath exhaling. Into my ear. I shivered as I pulled her the rest of the way down.

"Baz…" she said in a whisper.

Then her arms came up, gripping the front of my cloak. I brought my own arms around her, to hold her. I left the rest of the world a million miles away… Lynn, my parents, the rest of the returning party, everyone.

"Amanna, I…" I started, more loudly.

She started to cry, softly. Clutching herself to me. "Baz… they killed him. They killed…."

"I know." I said strongly. Loudly to stop her. This wasn't the place. This wasn't the time for her to lose it completely. And if she did it now, here, I didn't think I would be able to hold it together myself.

She kept crying.

"They killed them all…" she continued to whimper. "Right in front of me."

I held her, rocking slightly.

"It's over now."

*****

Amanna was to stay at my mother and father's hut – but she refused. During dinner at my parent's abode, she simply said she would stay with me and Lynn. Point blank. Then it was absolutely quiet around the evening meal. There was no further discussion. That was just… it. I said nothing. Lynn, of course, just looked at me. I think she gulped for a moment, wondering about our… activities… and how this would change things; and how long my sister would be there. But she certainly wasn't going to object or speak at the mealtime. She just took on a nervous air and looked a bit scared and uncomfortable. I didn't pay much attention. It seemed irritating that she couldn't handle yet another small issue.

My father and mother kept fawning over Amanna, and asking too many questions about the raid that had destroyed her village. Killed her husband and most of the other men; lots of the women, even some of the children.

My mother looked very very uncomfortable.

"Rey, uh.. are.. were… did they…the attackers, that is. Did..they.. um…"

Amanna shook her head slowly, and put her hand up to her scarred face. "No… I… fought back. After that… they were too… afraid to."

Miki nodded, then just looked at the floor. Gren sighed. Then he got up and moved off to the other room of the hut. I put my arm around Amanna and she came close to me. After a moment she looked into my face, just staring into my eyes, and I could hear my father crying softly in relief in the next room.

Lynn just uncomfortably shifted, and stared at the floor, slightly blushing.

"You're an outclan." Amanna suddenly said. She was looking at me, but speaking to Lynn.

Lynn didn't move. She just sat there. I gritted my teeth and I could feel my face getting hot. Amanna still stared at me and continued talking softly.

"How did you come to my brother?"

I had to answer – say the truth, or a version of it that would somehow make sense to somebody who hadn't been in the village to see all the mixed-up craziness I had wrought on everyone. Lynn wouldn't know what to say, and now, after what had started between myself and my… wife… I owed her the pain of my honesty.

"I took her."

I said it almost with a grunt. With a hardness to my voice – one that called back the old bravado and frustration with which I'd done the original action. But in saying it I had to pull my eyes away from my sister – casting them out into the room. It was like cutting into the rest of her face – cutting into something I'd shared the deepest parts of my innocence with. An innocence I'd lost with her, and abandoned in sadness and frustrated depression after she'd left.

I was doubly cursed. By looking out into the room I had nowhere to put my eyes but onto Lynn. And she gazed back at me, with that same wonder and surprise on her face I had seen the first time I'd revealed myself to her.

"I wanted her", I continued. This time my voice was more even and level, and it caught a bit, and I swallowed in the middle of the statement. With my eyes, I stared into Lynn's – and I could tell Amanna's were boring into me, searching for some kind of hint as to what had gone on in her absence. Lynn's face changed a bit. Softened.

I could tell she was thinking about the newness to us; the closeness and the comfort. The change in how we wanted to be together now.

"I love her" I finished, in a warm, low, and gentle voice.

Amanna closed her eyes and nuzzled up against my chest, holding herself to me.

*****

I led the horse, back to our hut. The two young women sat upon it, with Lynn in the front, and Amanna behind her. I walked slowly, and it wasn't that far to go, but it was late and dark. The rest of the clan villagers were either bedding down or covering their fires. Some noticed us moving along and greeted us, with the nosiest staring at Amanna's scar. But others simply nodded at me and continued with their own families.

As I walked I wondered what was to happen when we returned to the hut. How we were to… configure… things. I blushed a bit, uncontrollably. I knew what I wanted. To comfort Amanna and have it be like it used to be. To make Lynn understand how me and my sister… were. Had been. To explain it all. To bring us all together and have it all be all right.

I let out a shuddering breath as I walked along, staring at the ground and remembering….

*****

It had been warm. Sunny – the bright light shining through the sparse leaves of the trees. I'd walked for a while – knew were I was going. Tried to fool myself into thinking I was just walking. But I knew why in the back of my mind. I was getting away from everyone else, getting away from prying eyes. Even though my fifteen year old body was growing in ways I couldn't really see everyday, it was growing. Changing and making me feel different.

The pond had appeared before me, and the thicket of sheltered bushes near it. In that silent place I thought you could hear for miles, if anyone was approaching. I had gone over to the little patch of grass, clipped short by the deer or other forest creatures at night, and sat down, taking off my boots, my light cape, and relishing in the warmth of the sun on my body. Nobody would find me here. This was my private place, my solace from the world. Nobody knew about it.

I'd closed my eyes and enjoyed the silence. But the back of my mind kept telling me what I was here for; kept telling me that this was the time. That I'd been thinking about it for a while and the heat had become unbearable in my mind. Instead of pushing it away this time, I let myself think about it as I laid back. Let myself wonder about it. What it would feel like to touch naked breasts.

What the nipples would feel like to my fingers. Would they be taught and hard, like dried apricots, or soft and supple? Would they feel like bags of water? I imagined they would. I imagined a nipple in my mouth, my tongue laid flat upon it. A woman… with her arms up over her head and a smile on her face as I ravished her breast with my face. My breathing had quickened as I imagined feeling my palm softly cup a breast, and feel its light yet full weight in my hand as I feel it and playfully bounce it.

Now I knew I was hardening in my pants – my cock growing in size as I wanted it to. Like I was proud that I knew it would. I felt like a man now, at how it was getting larger. With my eyes still closed, I smiled as I felt my face redden and my hands moved to the ties at my waist to loosen the pants. The sun came down on me and I continued to imagine.

I'd imagined seeing her ass; her lovely ass. Realized it was… my sister's ass. When I'd seen it that one time, not six months before when she was changing. When she hadn't known I was there… yet. She'd turned around after putting on the gown, and not even blushed. She'd just smiled at me, and come over and hugged me tightly. I'd let that memory linger… my sister's round ass… and my hand exploring its softness, moving over it and down to the keyhole crack at the back.

My pants had been shoved down to my knees by this time, and my hand had come up quickly to lie on top of my throbbing member, as the sun came down and warmed me. I'd surged under my own touches, the head of my cock turning slightly purplish red as I moved the foreskin over it and felt the pleasure as I'd done so. I'd started to breathe more loudly, lying in my little haven. And my fantasy had started to deepen.

I'd let the old memory grow beyond what had actually happened. To her kissing me, to her telling me that I was her brother and that she loved me, and that I was more important to her. That my needs… I could take from her… what I needed. And in my mind I started to. One of my hands had gone over her light gown and onto her round breast, touching and feeling what I thought she would feel like, while I'd kissed her lips and smelled her. Breathed in her as she'd sighed in my arms, as though she'd been waiting forever for me to love her in the way I was loving her.

I had wrapped my hand around my stiff member, to a point where I was just barely sliding it – gripping with almost enough pressure to cause a slight amount of friction as I rubbed. And the fluttering feelings went up and down my body as my mouth became wet and my back arched a bit. Still the sun came down at me. And I opened my eyes a little bit to look at my hardness being stroked in my hand.

Nothing could have prepared me for Amanna softly smiling at me, from only five meters away. I reacted instantaneously, bringing up my legs and grasping at my pants – my face exploding in a red blast of heat as I rolled backwards and away. I slipped and fell, pulling desperately at my pants.

"Baz! … Baz!" she had called to me, pleading. "Please!" She had sounded almost hurt. I wasn't listening. My mind had been screaming at me in the most utter and total violation and embarrassment I could possibly ever feel. My hard penis had been flapping around as I had tried desperately to yank up my pants, and I had forgotten to breathe. All that came out was a stuttered "YERRRRRK!"

"I'm so sorry Baz.. sweet… stop!" she had said loudly.

I had crumpled to the ground and had started to whimper. There had been no way to explain myself; absolutely no way to recover or save face. I was completely vulnerable and exposed to her – in all ways that there were. I had then lain on my side on the ground with my knees up to my chest, my bare ass still exposed and my red face buried in my hands. Like a child.

The next thing I had felt was her soft hands on my face, brushing away the beginnings of my tears and her soft voice. "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry Baz" she had whispered, in a loving voice. "I'd never hurt you.. I.." She sounded like she was going to cry as well. I had just lain there with my chest blown open. My heart and any sense of modesty thrown away. "Baz I love you… I shouldn't have watched…" She whispered.

"Why? Why did you?" I had asked in a heated voice; angry now, but still not looking at her. Angry that everything had changed, that she had an utterly huge power over me now; a gigantic guilt or sinful knowledge that she would always be able to use against me from now on.

She had been silent then. She had just kept stroking my cheek. The silence of the area around us was deafening as she just touched me. And I could smell her – smell her for real; her distinctive airy soft warm scent of the forest and the clean water and air. Despite the inner want to shrink away from her fingers, I felt myself opening to them, wanting desperately to just relax into the caress of her fingers against my hot, embarrassed face.

I inched open an eye to look at her, and saw that her face was very red – looking at the ground next to me.

"Why?" I asked again. But quietly. "What is it?"

She altered her eyes to look back at me, and it looked like there was such strain on her face; like she was on the edge of a cliff, barely holding herself back from jumping off of it.

"Amanna why did you watch me?" I had whispered. A soft question now – searching her eyes for the truth. Letting her know that it was ok to answer; that she had me at the most vulnerable point I'd ever been in my life and that anything she said was easily not going to match how she'd made me feel already.

She gazed at me.

"I wanted to." She'd said at that point, with equal quietness, looking into my eyes. Then she'd paused, swallowing and gaining strength from just looking at me. "I wanted to see… you doing that." She had closed her eyes and dipped her head, in what looked like shame, down flat to her chest.

I was shocked. That she'd shared with me. That we'd been feeling the same things. That we were both ok with the feelings. That we loved each other like we did. My neck twisted around, I stared at her for a moment, then moved.

I had come up onto my knees. Even though I was partially hidden by my shirt, I was exposed. But my modesty was gone. I had then come close to her, but was afraid of doing anything.

"Amanna?"

She had just sat there on her knees, head down and face red; as if she was condemned, now that she'd spoken her feelings her want. And how it had pushed her to follow me, to the evitable conclusion she'd witnessed. She hadn't answered me.

I had tentatively reached out with my right hand, and tilted up her chin. But still she didn't respond. My face was still burning. And in this sheltered space, so far apart from anyone else… I hadn't known what to do; hadn't known how to treat my seventeen year old sister. Hadn't known how to express what I was feeling or what I wanted her to understand. How I wanted all the awkwardness and the questions and the "is this right?" to just go away.

The next thing I had known, I was kissing her; very, very softly on the lips. Her mouth had just opened. Naturally relaxing into a soft, warm and wet cave where our tongues met in instant of luscious harmony. Neither of our arms had moved, nor the rest of our bodies; just our necks and mouths. Our eyes shut and we just leaned to each other, melding slowly and succulently, over and over. Pulling in the heat and the want, the need and the hunger; dancing for who knows how long with the wetness and the struggle of our tongues to investigate and play. Scared to have it end for that moment; just wanting it to go on and on and on and on.

I had shuddered suddenly when her fingertips touched my penis, hanging down in swollen half-erect status, thick with new excitement but still lost in a sea of unknowing and confused feelings. I think that it had scared her, and she had drawn her hand back and opened her eyes, breaking the touch and opening her eyes – afraid. Quicker than her, I had grabbed her wrist. And we stared at each other again; kneeled in front of each other.

I moved her hand. Surely, breathing hard and even while our hot faces glared in knowing wonder at each other's need. I put it back near me. Near my swelling thickness inching out of its hiding place beneath my long shirt where it started to curve upwards now, back to full erection. Amanna finally let out her breath, and couldn't help it but glance downwards.

I could tell she had started it as just a glance – something her brain told her she could manage; a quick look. But I could see in her face that she was caught as she saw my cock head emerge from under the edge of my shirt, right next to her hand that was held by mine. And she watched herself move her fingers to touch the end of my swollen hardness – gently. I pulsed as she did so, and she sucked in her breath, letting her fingertips work over the head.

I moved my face back towards her, and she eagerly came forward now, grasping with her mouth to mine as her hand came around my shaft and gripped me, feeling eagerly and trying to get a handle on my girth – studying the shape and feel with her palm and fingers – going all the way down to the base and then fumbling around and down, to cup my balls for a moment and stroke them. She quickly then moved up back to the shaft, and started feeling up and down in a rubbing pattern. Lost as we kissed – she seemed to want all the different feelings at once. Scared beyond scared that it was suddenly going to end and that it was all a dream. That someone was going to scream at us and tell us to stop. That what we were doing was so incredibly wrong.

I kissed her and kissed her, and twirled my tongue in her mouth. She just kept feeling my cock. Over and over, around and under. I pulsed and throbbed so strongly in her hand, starting to leak pre-cum out of the top. She felt this and rubbed her thumb around it, then broke off the kiss for a moment to put her thumb in her mouth; to taste me. Then she looked down at my cock again.