A Compounded Love Affair

I joined the company in the month of May year 2005.

After a tumultuous time at a BPO - where we learnt that there are no nights to go home, only late evenings and then early morning. Food so pathetic that the taste buds went for a toss. Only thing that kept the eye open were the ladies on and off the floor (standard term for a place where calls are taken) or probably the supervisor shouting after just getting pummeled by an early riser in the States.

Ma continuously pestering me to join something which is more humane in working hours and to the society (guess affairs of a north Indian fella in a place filled with pretty

coorgies

and dark southern beauties are not that hidden even though mystifying to the core).

I had to say good bye to a "

life

" and move ahead.

Knees jittering, and nails almost disappearing among the yellowing teeth I walked through the entrance to one of the conference rooms - a room with 3 glass walls. If I was nervous within, guess the poking eyes of anybody who crossed the room was making me sweat. Acting brave towards the recruitment female I complained of AC being down, she asked the office boy to get some water and at the same time chuckled to the comment I had just thrown.

After a few moments a guy casually comes in and introduces himself as the QA manager (guess his rather calm reverie and attire helped me chill and finally relax after being in the "glass" room for quite some time). The interview taking less than 15 ...gulp!!! ...minutes to complete. Finally a question was popped whether I was open to working at US hours - the hostel late nighters and the BPO stint had made me a hard core insomniac.

Thinking of my mom's reaction and at the same time quite happy, guess the spirit and the likelihood of finding similar companionship at late hours made me nod my head. The manager got up congratulated me and told the HR would get in touch.

The HR took their sweet time in contacting me back, by then there had been considerable offers from Accenture and similar other places...but don know what prompted me to stay and wait. Finally a call came through, I was ushered back to the company, same room and this time instead of the Manager I met the last time, an elegant lady with a fine gait walked in. I was wondering whether the adjective was thrown real soon but within the next 20 minutes was affirmed of my actions.

After a refreshing HR round, I was told that I was formally a part of the company.

!------------------------!

First afternoon on the job, I promptly turned up quite early to meet the folks only to be told..."the clogs in the clock move only after a hearty lunch".

Slowly yet conscientiously moving towards the cafeteria, my eyes as resonant as ever trailing females across the cafeteria floor; finally came and rested upon a beauty. Enchanted by what I saw, and typically drooling on sight I had my fortunes turned when the lady filled her plate and came and sat right on the table I was sittin' on...

...trying to distract her piece of mind I started, "I've heard mallu girls are damn cute and breathtaking"

As if I had just poked her with a pin; she winced, looked around and said "how do you know I am mallu"...a smile flickering across my lips...the ice had been broken. As if I had known her since eternity I started letting, the flirty side of me reside on the proximities of our conversation - throwing as much lie around as possible and painting a picture of sainthood.

But alas! The ice had been, just the tip of an iceberg waiting to show itself, soon enough I made my way inside and was gleefully yet playfully introduced to the team and towards the end to my project coordinator. The old saying '

putting the foot in your mouth'

clearly passing over the head the moment I laid my eyes on the coordinator.

From then on...any look at her even though brought back old memories, also brought back the notion that the deed is already made; what is left is the parties to sign. I was so mesmerized by her beauty that, I failed to notice a ring on her finger.

By Jove! She was engaged. The only humor in the entire scene was when ever she used to tell how the affair took almost 8 yrs. to unify. Other than that the battle seemed to be lost with all the sides except mine already bethroed to the enemy.

The fracas I had started earlier slowly started to gather dust, and with time was lost with the sudden departure of the coordinator. I was slowly contemplating the change that had been caused by the sudden swashbuckling void. When from the corner of my eyes I saw a hip movement that would have left my mouth agape, if not gently nudged by one of my

compatriots. Moving the source of disturbance to my otherwise serene thoughtless mind I walked over to the standing HR who as clever as the profession demanded was looking at the same place my eye was trying to counter. A mere explanation wouldn't have done justice, since their scrutiny wouldn't have ended on that. So being as straight forward as possible I asked, "Would she be joining the company?"

Guess the remark was innocent enough, because I got a reply back stating, "Yes! She would be joining recruitment"

Getting the other co-ordinates was not too hard, knowing the IT and how they worked. In less than 2 hours I had most of the information that probably would have taken me weeks to muster. Now I just waited for her to join.

The well phrased welcome mails were just lying around the mailbox, so when the typical mail from the HR higher ups declared the newest addition to the team. Give and take a few seconds for the mail to reach the other end, my prompt reply was already lying unopened in her mailbox. By the next hour it was decided, the first coffee she would have at this place after joining would be with me.

Many did take offence to my approaching before they even got to build a cordial working relation with her. But how was I to be deterred from what belonged to me.

Having gentlemanly vices inculcated from the time I was born, I tried the stereotype approach and once again trying to get what I had. Guess playing simulated dating games did pay off; the objective in those was to get the girl to say yes within 100 days. The initial approach through e-mails still was as covert as possible wherein the coffees were pre-planned but to an outside eye our meetings in the cafeteria were mere co-incidences. Finally her seriousness on the subject was brought forward when she wanted this affair to be publicized, to meet in cafeteria through a phone call.

Our team was outside sipping coffee and she was standing next to one of the managers discussing; when I broke the group and walked towards her. Apologizing for the disturbance I had caused, I rudely asked the manager to give me some space with the girl. She was taken aback by my sudden outburst and wanted to go back when I held her hand (many would have been witness to this), and politely asked her to accompany me to the corner. From that point onwards started a love affair that had been the stepping stone for numerous un-wayward unreported incidences in the company.

I remember a past occurrence when after many casual talks when I didn't ask for her number; she in desperation in order to sympathize with my act said, "Why not play games?" - She would tell her number in a flash and let's see if I remembered the digits till end of day.

She still had doubts about my memory with me even not remembering ma other mobile numbers. So she walks right up to my cubicle, throws in a note asking to fill in the blanks. The reply she gets dumb founds her to the niches; wherein not just the number is mentioned but also her complete mailable address. I had completely forgotten the P.S mentioned at the bottom when she comes back to the cubicle, bends down and plants a kiss right on my cheeks....the excitement suddenly broken by a gasp! from one of my female team members.

Seems in my atrocity to act defiant I had mentioned things one too many...asking a kiss to be used to seal the contents....

What followed was hours of conversation between us which finally got solemnized by an act of sinful disclosure. We treated the company as a second home spending as much time together as we wanted, giving playful nudges, kisses and feeling each other was quite common (but utter professionalism was maintained). During the same time I started seeing someone in a new light. She was quite appealing to hungry eyes; there was some magnetism around her that always made you look like a "

doofus

". But being temperamental I had already been committed to one.

Women are known to have eyes at the back of their head when it comes to being with husbands or boy friends, where I had noticed someone with a quick side glance at the same time the woman I was with had analyzed the hungry look in the eyes. The mood became quite known when while pouncing on me at night she asked a wayward question on how I would feel if instead of her there was the other female I was fantasizing about in the morning.

Taken by surprise and thinking she probably is in mood for role play (if people have not tried this....it is an extremely erotic form of love making - but definitely not for the weak hearts). I said that's what I was thinking bout. She didn't say anything but the love making that followed was the most intense we had ever shared. Thoroughly mauled by her generosity on me, she left me with bite marks on evidently any place where a mouth can reach. Dieu merci! that the next day was a Saturday otherwise I would have spent hours telling an aberrant story to an even more eager crowd.

Once she did ask me what I saw in the other female that makes me quite thrilled of staying with her. I just gave her 5 points, with all the feelings and warmth I felt for the other one. This infuriated her so much that she blew me right in the office. This was one of the peak moments of practiced eroticism, with office in full bloom you are being blown right there (place is censored due to graphic nature of acts performed there)

For us it was more of a yo-yo affair, more than we being together, we did it by putting somebody else under the axe. For sexual pleasures this would have gone fine, but we were going no where with the relation. No longer did we have time to look into each others work, but still we cared for each other. It was too platonic we knew what we wanted but everything was out of proportions now; sex was the only thing that was keeping the otherwise dwindling relationship (people has started to interfere and this made me pissed). I had wanted to rest and settle it out when I was sent abroad for project training.

10 days was enough to break the steady bonds we had built over an unsteady relationship....and when it happened, I was not in proper self to understand it. I lost myself into solitude, slowly loosing consciousness on work and went into depression.

In the months to come, I met another forlorn creature who on a verge of breakup was contemplating something bad. A social community quite active at the time made me realize people every where have similar stories and when I tried understanding her where she messed up (...come to think of it...I always could understand feelings of single females; flirting was in my blood but carrying that relation was lost some where)...she did understand, from there started a 9 month relationship; where she fell in love with me in between. I tried hard to make her understand the consequences. But to her I had been her guardian angel all along. Her constant calls and leaving loving scraps every where was making me loose my head when finally in a drunken stint I told her what I really wanted from her. This quashed her feelings and she calls me the next day to say that she has slept with one of her guy friends to revenge my fiendishness only to find the voice of her best friend in the back ground. Seemingly fit end to the besotted affair.

But this made me come back strong, and I became the leading vandal of social eroticism...spending more time in getting to know someone for the bare prospect of sleeping with them.

At the same time I anonymously ventured into forums to advise people on subjects, moving forward from teen sex to relations on the verge of breaking.

When someone there asked how I coped with the same. I with dripping chastity answered, "I am single because I have not found the one."

Her further queries on the subject made me realize of a flower blooming right amidst me, who I always had an eye for but neither at the time could muster the courage nor the effrontery to speak up.

I kept myself loose on the conversations with her, trying to gauge the amount of un-worthiness she can accept from me. I always knew I was in dangerous water the moment I took stride, but the attractiveness I had felt earlier while in relationship same I felt when she was now committed. To me she was the purest form of womanhood after mom, and I always felt if she does get branded due to an adulterer like me I would not be able to forgive myself. So I stayed clear. I did not realize the parallelism our lives had been living until she became open with me bout her inner self.

Till now every woman I had laid my eyes on was due to lust, there was this woman about whom I was never serious showing me what I had forgotten in women. The ability to like

and love. It started with likeness with her and as someone has truly said -

"

For you see, each day I love you more

Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow

."

...when I fell in love I never knew...

And rather than keep this within me, I wanted her to know "The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread" and one wise day I said it all. I envisaged or rather fate had me discern I should have done this a long time back.

--- If I can't have her along me, I'll veraciously make her feel she would always find a helping hand behind her. Whenever she is looking out for one...

"When love is not madness, it is not love."

~ Pedro Calderon de la Barca