Christmas is not such a good time for me ... it's too easy to recall good times with kids I will never see again ... so I decided that it was time to change the way I was thinking
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He sighed as he hit the 'Pay Now' button and waited for the confirmation that payment had been received. At last, after ten years it was done ... the last payment from the last account owing from the mess that she had left him in ten years ago was paid.
Ten years ago she had disappeared with the kids and all his money and left him shattered. He had arrived home to find the house empty of everything his favourite armchair, the bed they had shared for the last 12 years and the answering machine that had just one message on it.
"Hello Daddy, this is April, James and I don't want you for a Daddy anymore because you make Mommy cry. We have a new Daddy now who makes Mommy laugh and buys us lots of nice things, so we don't need you anymore."
It wasn't till 9am the next day ... when he pulled himself together and made himself go back to the office and do the Christmas pays for his 15 staff ... that he realised that things were a lot worse than he could have imagined.
Carrie did all the bookwork for the business, she did all the deposits, wrote all the checks, paid all the bills ... and withdrew all the money in their joint and business accounts before she had walked out.
She had taken all their money but left him with at least 2 months of unpaid bills and 15 staff who needed to be paid. He could understand her taking the money ... at a stretch he could understand why she hadn't paid of the bills for two months ... but leaving nothing to pay their work crews?
How could she do it? Some of the wives ... and the guys on those crews were her friends. How could she steal from them?
He had spent the best part of 24 hours pleading, begging, grovelling and signing his life away but by 5pm on Christmas Eve his five work crews had been paid and he had made promises and guarantees that all the unpaid accounts would be paid too.
He would be damned if he would let her screw him like that. Even his father told him that he was crazy ... he should just file for bankruptcy and be done with it ... he wouldn't lose the house because his parents owned it ... but the old man's son was just as stubborn as the old man.
He wouldn't knowingly screw anyone out of as much as a dime ... he would repay the money people were owed ... he would get his taxes paid ... and one day he would make the final payment on all that mess.
And today he had done it. It had taken ten years of his life ... but he had done it. He knew that he should feel elated ... happy ... maybe even a little euphoric ... but all he felt was flat.
There was no one to share the happiness with ... no one to celebrate with ... there had been no one for the last ten years. Dan Grady had never been anything but a solid worker and family man ... he didn't spend time in bars ... he didn't go drinking with the boys ... he came home to his wife and kids every night until the night they were no longer there.
He looked around the yard ... all five crews were back ... their trucks and equipment neatly parked and ready to head out after Christmas and the guys were paid and on their way home to their loved ones.
It was time for him to go home too ... but first there was some grocery shopping to be done. He locked the office and then the yard and pulled out into the traffic. He was driving the same old truck he had been driving ten years ago ... maybe in a few more months he might buy himself a new one ... once he could pay cash for it.
The grocery store was full of people who seemed to lack the Christmas spirit but Dan guided his trolley through the crowds without antagonising anyone. He even found a checkout with just one person waiting for her few items to be put through by the operator.
He couldn't help noticing how drawn and thin the woman looked ... even her clothes didn't fit her well and looked a little shabby. She had a little boy and a little girl with her and they weren't the picture of health either. The boy obviously had a cold and the girl just looked miserable despite it being the happiest time of year.
He almost laughed out loud at that thought ... the happiest time of year had been the worst day of his life every year for ten years ... and would go on being so for the rest of his life. Sure, the pain associated with the loss of his kids two days before Christmas had dulled a little but he still struggled to get through the lead up to Christmas without crying ... and Christmas Day was the worst day of all.
"Hey Dan, Merry Christmas!" He looked around and smiled when he saw Madonna and Angelo standing in line behind him. Angelo was one of his crew chiefs ... a big dependable, honest and hardworking guy who matched Dan's 6ft 3inches, while Madonna was Angelo's shorter, rounder, always happy wife.
For years after Carrie had left these two had tried to coax him round to their place for Christmas lunch but he had always found an excuse not to go. Now they had given up asking but Madonna kept making sure that Dan was OK.
"Merry Christmas to two of my really favourite people," Dan grinned.
"Two of your really favourite people?" Madonna asked, "Then how come you never have Christmas lunch with us?"
'Oh boy ... I really led with my chin,' Dan thought.
He was about to reply when, "MOMMY!" Everyone could hear the fear and anguish in the little girl's cry and when Dan swung round, he could see why. The woman who had been standing at the checkout was now lying on the ground barely moving and the two children were standing there looking at her with no idea what to do.
Both Dan and Madonna pushed their shopping trolleys aside and went to the aid of the woman on the ground while Angela tried to calm the young checkout operator who was sure that he would get the blame for whatever had caused that woman to fall over.
"Don't try and move her Dan ... let me check her first," Madonna had that calm authoritative voice of someone used to emergencies like this and Dan let her take the lead. He knew she had years of training and experience as an ER nurse so he wasn't about to argue with her.
As he watched she calmly spoke to the woman and kept her settled till she was sure that the woman wasn't injured when she fell. When Dan was sure that everything was under control he looked up at the checkout operator.
"I don't know man ... she just ... her card was declined and ... she just fainted man ... I didn't do anything I swear."
Dan didn't hesitate, he whipped out his credit card and gave it to Angelo, "Man, we're not blaming you for anything ... my friend has my credit card and he will pay for her things and then run mine through too please."
By that stage the store manager had arrived and he and Madonna had moved the woman to a seat a little way from the checkouts and the two little children had followed.
Once the payment had gone through Dan took the bag with the woman's few things in it over to her and arrived just as the store manager was telling her than an ambulance was on the way.
"Oh no," she wailed, "I can't afford to go to hospital ... I'll be OK ... really I will." She tried to push herself up but quickly fell back into the chair.
Madonna looked up at Dan and he nodded, "Did you drive here Meg?" she asked the woman.
"Yes, my car is outside ... I'll be fine ... really I will."
"Meg, "I'm an ER nurse and you are definitely not well enough to drive. However, if the ambulance crew say that you are well enough to go home, I'll drive you home in your car while this guy ... my husband's boss ... will follow us so he can drive me home.
"How does that sound?"
"OK I guess ..."
