A Challenged Woman's Love

The ' A challenged woman's love ' stories, contrary to my Handicapped love series, are fictional. Mostly inspired by moments, dreams and experiences I had as a disabled woman. I guess we all have these moments when imagination takes over our minds. I just happen to have a lot of time and very few outlets. But writing is one of them. I hope you enjoy.

It was the invitation every introvert and someone who is now or back then acting on the edge of society dread to receive: the school reunion. Every 5 years after graduation former students of my highschool get an invitation for a big party. Mine was now 15 years ago and I didn't attend the previous partys. I can not recall why I even considered going this time anyway but I didn't throw it in the trash right away.

I was never the center of bullying but I got my fair share of humiliation. Not so much my wheelchair but my, already back then, big size was reason for some to make jokes. I could handle that fairly well. No doubt I was fat and I myself was much more ashamed of my dysfunctioning body then about my size. Being fat was a normal, abled person's disgust, my crooked body was on a different level and a personal shame. I didn't have any friends but the outsiders would cling together and even sometimes have a good time and laughter.

But the time I received the invitation I was bored. My last relationship was almost 2 years ago and due to a moment of haughtiness I considered myself old enough to have overcome these juvenile introverted feelings of shame and this could be an opportunity to be around others for a night. So I had my hair done, dressed up in a nice blouse with a blazer, a skirt and pantyhose.

The entrance was different yet in the same place. Wheeling inside gave me a deja vu, everything seemed the same. Right up front, past the wall of 8 double doors I always had a hard time opening one, was the big hall. The three steps down still were not wheelchair accessible and I still had to use the elevator to go down half a meter.

The doors of the elevator opened but right in front of it stood Mike, an asshole back then and with so little consciousness he was meant to be successful, and by judging the hautain woman on his side he was.

" Excuse me, could I pass please? "

"What the ... oh, sorry sure. I thought why the hell does someone use ... well, sorry. Is it you Lynn?"

"Yes, still riding along petite and healthy as you can see."

Mike stepped aside and didn't even pretend to be interested in my answer. He just looked over my head to see if someone was coming in who was more interesting and i regretted my stupid comment instantly and coming here to meet the people i hated back then i apparently still did.

The curtains of the podium were opened half way and a cover band was playing 90's music. Our place used to be on the left corner in front of the podium. Behind those curtains many teenagers got their first kiss. Our group just looked and the popular students made sure we, the nerds, saw them making out. Just to be able to warn us afterwards to keep quiet.

"Hi."

I looked around, not considering it was for me.

"Hey hey, i am here, my usual spot."

It was Rob, sitting unnoticed on the step of the podium, looking around. As invisible as we all were back then. We didn't attend many lectures together but we often sat together in the same group during lunch break.

"Oh, hi Rob. How are you doing?"

"I am fine, thanks. You get points for recognizing me. Lost some hair, but gained intellect ... " he said laughing while rubbing his bald head.

"You look fine, pretty, I am happy for you. You know back in the days I didn't know exactly what your disability and your general health would bring for your future."

"Well, I hoped things would have improved more than they did, but overall I now have my life on rails and I am ok with my situation. Thank you for the compliment."

He stood up and as a welcome he kissed my cheeks twice while shaking my hand.

Rob was dressed in a casual new but old fashioned style. Expensive but without courage. Obviously bought for this party.

"You look good! Nice dress. Your glasses suit you well" Rob said.

"Thanks, you too. You aged well."

"Oh, well thanks for lying, I guess ... I know I look older than I am, my baldness, wrinkles, my clothes. But you ... your beautiful skin makes you look younger .... and ... well, I still love your bright blue eyes."

I was amazed by his words. He said it without even looking at me, without wanting to see my reaction for his words. This compliment was genuine and seemed to be on his mind for a long time. He gazed into the hall happy to have said what he wanted to say, and ready to face the consequences.

"Geeh ... well ... thanks..., very much... Did not expect that, you know ... back then I wasn't, well i know i wasn't what boys were looking for."

" .... well, I did ... was looking for you. I always blamed myself for not making a pass on you. But you seemed so self confident, maturu and I was just a kid."

I laughed out loud. "Me? ... Confident? Ha ha, ROB!, come on. I know what I am and what I was, most and for all I am handicapped! And after that, many other non appealing things. And somewhere at the end of that list some might also notice I am a woman. I couldn't look beyond my disability myself and still it is hard. No no no ... I don't believe you when you say as a teenager you could look at me beyond that."

Nobody had said such nice things to me yet the atmosphere was tense now. We were just here for 10 minutes and already we were both way out of our comfort zone.

"You know.. see Stephanie over there?" Rob started after what seemed an eternity of silence. "She was beautiful back then and still is. I see that, sure and it is appealing but I never fancied her. Every laugh and smile I see on her face seems ungenuine, fake, just for the big picture of the Stephanie show. But you, your smile ...."

"I remember a monday in May in 3rd class. After a few weeks of therapy or rehab, I don't know, you came back to school. It was early in the morning and you entered that door over there with a big laugh, probably due to something someone said. That's when it hit me, and all I wanted was to be the guy who makes you laugh. And I know due to pain and throwbacks in your life there probably wasn't much joy. But the smile on your face is so sincere, upfront and so catching."

Rob was sitting down on the podium steps like he always had done. Talking quietly and thoughtful as his eyes went around the big hall, not fixated to a certain spot. Shy but determined to say what he wanted to say. Due to his choice of words and the calm way he told me his deepest feelings it occured to me this was something that was on his mind now as much as back then. This man still had feelings for me, unknowing if I could have held up to his expectations back then, let alone now, after so many years.

" ... You know, every time you were in the hospital I wrote you a letter. Never send them ... obviously... I wanted just to write as a friend, but every time my feelings for you got in between my words. I imagined that was not what you were waiting for at these moments. I kept them and hoped you would come back soon with a smile on your face."

I didn't know what to say. Did I really misjudge how I was seen by men all these years? Did I miss out much of a normal relationship with costudents, friends and possible love relations just because I was putting myself out of this miniature society called school? Was I too harsh and judgemental about the Mike's and Stephanie's of this world? I didn't know, and I wouldn't find the answer tonight. I looked around and saw many familiar faces dancing, talking, saying hello to each other, happy to meet again. We were silently wistful for a moment and then the dj played the summer hit of our year. A joyful roar from our generation went through the hall caused by the memory of the first notes of the Ketchup song and many rushed to the dancefloor.

"Let's dance." I heard myself say to Rob.

I wheeled around on the dancefloor and Rob just shook his body and arms sticky, without any sense of rhythm. But as joyful as a 17 year old embracing a bright happy future leaving the growing pains behind. At the hand and arm dance part we were just waving around, digging up our memory of what move to make, yet never really knew the moves that well and we just swirled our arm and hands around laughing. I grabbed Rob's hands and let him lead my body to the beat of the slower part of the song as we both laughed and looked each other in the eyes, both aware of the feelings that were released at that moment. The song slowly faded away and Rob embraced me. As he wanted to kiss my cheek I turned my lips to his and we kissed passionately. Then withdrawing for a second, looking in each other's eyes that drew our lips together again like a magnet.

I looked around, ashamed for a moment thinking all eyes were on us but the party just went on. Other couples were also kissing, some were laughing about their own Las Ketchup dance moves and practicing them again. That song brought up good old memories for our class and it felt as if we were connected as a group by that tune, the memory of that summer. And for the first time I felt part of that, part of my classmates, generation, through my and our happiness. We went back to our spot and Rob sat down. I took his hands.

"It feels like this is our 15 year delayed prom night." I said.

"You are right. Maybe we were not ready back then to do foolish things, but now we know better. We should laugh more!"

"Kiss me ... touch me secretly as if we are afraid someone could tell our parents about us."

Rob bent over kissing my neck, my ear while leaning on the armrests of my wheelchair. One hand went down on my hips, slowly going up to my tit, caressing its side under my blazer, rubbing his thumb over the tip of my boob.

"I think I heard the principal's footsteps. Go on ... " I whispered.