A Caged Bird Never Flies

I was listening to music and Samantha Fish's song "All The Words" started playing. It is a touching song, and it inspired the story that follows. This is not my usual sexual romp. Call it a romantic interlude for lack of a better term. Todger65 caught my errors with his editing expertise and I thank him for that.

A Caged Bird Never Flies

A wife's ultimatum and a lost love

~~~~~{}~~~~~

Another day, another dollar, and feeling a whole lot duller, I walked into my house. I dropped my keys onto the kitchen counter on the same spot I had been dropping them for the last three years and was just turning to walk away when I noticed the silence. Normally Janice is puttering about the place making some kind of noise, but today, nada. Becoming more curious by the moment, I walked into the living room. Janice was sitting on the couch. A glass of wine and a large brown envelope were sitting on the coffee table. She swept the glass into her hand, and she gulped half the contents down.

I didn't know what was wrong, but I knew something was definitely wrong. Janice doesn't gulp wine down and she doesn't do silent. If she is in the house, you know it. It is part and parcel of her that she cannot be quiet. Nearly everything she does is loud. The first time she cooked for me I thought she was throwing the world's greatest tantrum in the kitchen. The look on her face when I ran into the kitchen was priceless. I'm sure the look on mine was as well.

I walked into the room and stood next to her, "Janice?"

She just pointed at the chair across from the couch. I walked over and sat down, "What on earth is wrong?"

She waited until I was seated, then looked me right in the eye, "We have some things to talk about. Your performance as a husband has fallen to the point that I can no longer put up with it."

She saw my mouth open and threw up her hand, "Just stop and listen! I will say what I need to say. You'll have plenty of time to talk when I'm done. I will ask you one question. Do you know what today is?"

I was frankly at a loss, "Wednesday?"

The look on her face was resigned, "It's our fourth anniversary. That should illustrate my point... I don't believe that you love me and I'm not sure that you ever did."

"When I got over the euphoria of our first few months of marriage, I began to notice something strange. As each week went by you would get more distant from me. Often it was in little ways, like not brushing your teeth in front of me anymore. As time went by the distances became greater. You stopped kissing me in the morning before leaving, then you stopped kissing me hello in the evening, and then you just stopped kissing me.

"You haven't told me that you love me for more than a year. I don't remember the last time you said anything to me that was even remotely romantic. Do you know when we last made love? Well, I'll tell you. It was a year ago, today. If I didn't know better, I'd be convinced that you were cheating on me. We both know that you would never do that because that's not how you're wired. You're an honorable man who keeps his promise. You would rather live in a loveless marriage than admit that you made a mistake. Admit that you can never forget her."

It hit me like a ton of bricks, 'Stacy'. My eyes watered at the memory. A simple handwritten card on my pillow with the words 'A Caged Bird Never Flies' and she was gone. I searched for her as frantically as a freshman college student could without finding a trace. The love of my life was gone, and I had no way to find her; no way to try to change her mind. I was in a nightmare and the only way I found to get any relief from it was to dedicate my time to bettering myself. I exercised fanatically, got great grades, and applied myself diligently. As a result, I have an excellent career. In all ways but one I was successful. Apparently, marriage was a significant failing on my part.

"Yes," she continued, "Stacy... I can read you like a book and I know that is the one name that immediately popped into your head. The one that got away. The one that I can never replace in your heart, no matter how much I love you. I don't think our marriage is going to survive this, but I am willing to give you a chance."

"You may not have known why Stacy left you, but I do. She asked me to promise not to tell you that she was leaving and after she explained why, I agreed. Things have changed. I don't see any way forward until you and her settle things between you."

"So, here's the deal." She picked up the brown envelope and handed it to me, "Inside you will find our separation agreement. It lists everything we built together. If we cannot reconcile within six months, it becomes our divorce contract. At that time everything gets split down the middle. It is as fair as my lawyer will allow. I don't want to punish you, but I do need to know if I am wasting my life with you. If that is the case, I want out."

"You have less than six months to decide if you truly want to be my husband. I advise you not to take too long. If you do decide that you love me, you'll still have to prove it to me. Sign the agreement, the six months starts, and I will give you two weeks to find someplace to live. The one thing I insist on is staying in this house. Don't sign it and I will start divorce proceedings immediately. You will be out of the house today."

She paused as I sat there in a state of total shock. She was absolutely right; I hadn't been much of a husband for a while now. I had withdrawn over time, and I had ignored her. I had forced a wonderful woman to take the nuclear option just to get my attention. When did I let our marriage become two lonely people living in the same house? I couldn't find words even though my mouth was moving a mile a minute.

She didn't keep me waiting long, "There is one other condition. I have Stacy's phone number and will give it to you as soon as you sign. You will call her, and you will resolve things with her. I will not have her shadow hanging over both our heads any longer. You have to be able to let her go if you want to love me."

Again, she had a point. When Stacy, Janice, and I were freshmen we were inseparable. Stacy and I were in love, and Janice was best friend to both of us. After Stacy left Janice became my strength. She was always there when I needed her, always putting me first. I loved her like the best friend that she was. After a while we became intimate. Then in our senior year we moved in together. I fell in love with her, and we married a few months after we graduated. Maybe I confused gratitude with love, or maybe I was trying to chase Stacy out of my mind. I truly don't know. All that I do know is that I couldn't forget Stacy and the more I thought about her, the more withdrawn I became.

I felt like the lowest class of creature on earth. How could I have been so cruel to someone that has always been there for me? Janice did not deserve to be treated the way I had been treating her, regardless of how torn up I was over Stacy.

I took the envelope from her hand, "Janice, I don't know how you can ever forgive me for the way I have treated you. Even before we were husband and wife you were my dearest friend. You deserve so much more than I have given you, and there is never going to be an excuse good enough for what I have done to you. I am surprised that you can stand to be in the same room with me."

Janice gave me a sad smile, "It wasn't only you. I never told you, but I fell in love with you from nearly the moment I met you. The only other person that has ever affected me that way is Stacy. Can you imagine? There are two people you love more than anything and neither is available because they are in love with each other. It was pure torture not to be with one of you, both of you."

" Yes, I absolutely loved you both, and that is why I stayed around even though I knew I couldn't have either of you. When Stacy left a part of me was devastated, but another part of me was thrilled because I would finally have a shot at you. I thought if I was given a chance, I could be the love you wanted. I didn't realize until recently that a marriage requires two people to be in love. One person alone can't hold a marriage together, no matter how deeply they love their spouse."

"There is something else that you need to know. You always assumed that she left you that note because she needed to fly away to become the person she was meant to be. Did it ever occur to you that she wasn't leaving for herself? That she was leaving for you?"

"You were so head over heels in love with her that you were planning on leaving college and marrying her. She knew your future was brighter than that. She knew how brilliant you are and also how naïve you were. She felt that you would be able to grow better as a person without her. She left so that you could fly, not so that she could."

"I wanted to marry you the first day we moved in together. I held my tongue until after we graduated so that the sacrifice Stacy made wouldn't be in vain. She encouraged me to be with you, to love you. She sincerely thought that we would fall in love with each other and never once said or did a discouraging thing. Now, you need to go to her. Don't come back to me until you work things out with her."

"Wait, you have been talking to her all this time?"

Janice shook her head, "She gave me a contact number when she left. When her phone number changed, she would call me and give me the new number. I don't know anything else about her life. To be honest, I never asked. I guess I was afraid to."

She stood and left the room. I opened the envelope and began reading. The schedule showing our assets looked accurate to me and I didn't question it. If Janice had wanted to screw me, she could have done it all ready, and with much more damage. I signed the agreement and set it on top of the envelope right in the middle of the table where Janice would readily find it. I kept the slip of paper with Stacy's phone number on it.

I needed to get a few things from our bedroom before I moved to the guest bedroom. Janice hadn't told me to move into that room, but I knew that is what she expected. I'd had my chance at intimacy and had blown it big time. We weren't going to be sharing a bed for the foreseeable future. The bedroom door was closed when I approached so I knocked softly. A moment later Janice cracked opened the door, "Yes?"

I struggled, but managed to look her in the eye, "The separation agreement is signed. Can I get a few of my things before I move to the guest room?"

She swept the door open and I stood stunned. She was dressed in new lingerie, and she looked so absolutely beautiful. She'd probably bought it for the anniversary that I had forgotten. I felt the tears run down my face as I looked at her. What had I done? As haunted as I was by Stacy, I knew there was no doubt that I loved Janice. We were so much more than friends, but I had been so caught up in my own angst that I had stomped on the love we shared. I felt horrible guilt and I was grief stricken.

I took her hand, "Janice, the sunshine would leave my life without you in it. I do love you and I will find a way to make things right again."

I turned toward the bathroom to get my things. Her hand grasped my arm, "We can start in the morning. Tonight, be with me."

I don't know if it was her final goodbye to me or just her need for a last intimacy between us before it all ended, but I didn't hesitate. I pulled her into my arms and kissed her with all the love and passion I could. I knew that this was probably the last time I would ever get to make love with Janice. I set out to make it as wonderful and loving for her as I possibly could. Every touch, every kiss, every nibble, and every lick of the tongue was filled with my love for her. We made love off and on through the night. In the morning as she slept, I gathered my things and moved to the spare room. I had two weeks to find a place to stay. Two weeks at most before leaving the home we had made together, likely for the last time.

~~~~~{}~~~~~

Less than a week later I am settled in my tiny little apartment. I don't need much so I went with a place to sleep because I knew wherever I ended up, it wouldn't be home. It's just a place to eat and sleep and nothing more. I called Janice each evening and we talked. I knew she was waiting for me to work out my feelings about Stacy, and as hard as it was, I knew I needed to make the call.

My third day in the apartment I returned from work and had a bite to eat. After that I sat down on the couch with my phone and the slip of paper in my hand. I was so nervous that I was shaking. It took three attempts to punch in the number correctly. I pressed the call icon and waited as the phone began to ring on the other end. Six rings later, "Hello?"

"Stacy, it's David. Can we talk?"

I hear a gasp on the other end of the line and what sounded like sobbing. It took nearly a minute for her to answer me, "Yes... We can talk."

I said the first thing that came into my mind, "I've missed you so very much."

Her voice caught as she responded, "I've missed you too and I'm so sorry I hurt you."

I wasn't going to have her blaming herself for a decision made from the heart, "You did what you did for me. Please don't ever be sorry for the sacrifice you made. I just wish I had been more mature at the time. If I had been more patient, we might still be together, but then Janice and I would never have happened. I don't know what to feel anymore. I love Janice so much, but I never stopped loving you. How do I resolve this without losing both of you? My heart is about to explode. I need to see you. I need to talk to you face to face. Can we do that?"

There was no hesitation, "I want to see you too. I have obligations though and I can't leave town right now. Can you come here?"

I readily agreed. She told me where she was located and recommended a hotel. I called her back the next day with my itinerary. The day after that I was flying three states away to see Stacy. On arrival I walked down the concourse and headed to baggage claim. Along the way I wondered how she had changed over the last seven years. How had life changed her? Would I even recognize her?

I was standing against a column well away from the conveyor letting the anxious people crowd up against it when I heard her voice, "David?"

The voice was so familiar, so embedded in me, I got goose bumps on my arms. I turned and fell into those blue eyes, then I pulled her to me and held her like I was never going to let her go. We held each other and the tears fell until the crowd thinned and my bag was making its lonely way around the carousel. We separated long enough for me to grab my bag before it ended up in the neverland of lost baggage.

I pulled up the handle on the bag and turned to Stacy again. I stood there taking her in. There had been no dramatic change in her appearance over the seven plus years since I last saw her. She looked a bit more mature, which just made her more beautiful. Her brunette hair fell to her shoulders a bit longer than when I knew her. She was still slim, but curvy, and those hazel eyes still sparkled. Her smile captured me.

We left the airport and she drove me to my hotel. When we arrived, she stayed in the car. I pulled my bag out of the back seat and poked my head back into the front, "Will you have dinner with me this evening?"

Stacy looked apologetic, "I'm sorry, but I have a twelve-hour shift at the hospital starting in two hours. I'll call you tomorrow after I'm alive again. I have a four-day break coming up after tonight."

I waved goodbye and shut the door. She drove off and I made my lonely way into the hotel. I had an early dinner and a few drinks in the hotel bar before going to my room for the night. I called Janice and told her about seeing Stacy. She seemed kind of excited about it, although I don't have a clue as to why she would be at this point. I was emotionally exhausted, but so keyed up, that I slept fitfully.

The following day I wandered around looking at the sights and just wasting time until I heard from Stacy. She called around two and asked if she could pick me up at the hotel. Half an hour later she pulled up out front and I climbed into her car. She drove off as soon as I got settled. We drove in silence for a few minutes. I could tell she was psyching herself up to tell me something. I reached out and put my hand on her arm, "Go ahead Stacy. Whatever it is you need to tell me, now is the time."

She pursed her lips and nodded, "Ok, this is hard. Uhm, we are going to my parents' house. When we get there three people will be waiting for us. My mom, my dad, and... our son."

I was stunned, "Our son. Like, you and I have a son?"

A look of fear crossed her face, "Yes."

Then it hit me. She didn't leave college just because I wanted to quit and marry her. She left because she was pregnant and she knew I would leave college if I found out, "I wish you would have trusted me to do right by you. All these lost years because you thought I wasn't mature enough to be there for you."

Stacy pulled over and shut off the car, "No, that wasn't it at all. I knew you would be there for me. I knew you would give everything up for me. I didn't want you to give everything up. I wanted you to see your true potential, not be held down by a wife and a kid, struggling to just get by. I loved you too much to take away your future. Right or wrong, I made the decision to return home and have our baby. I have no regrets about having Steven."

I turned to her, "You named him Steven? After my father?"

She smiled, "Yes, just like we talked about when we imagined our future kids."

I smiled back, but then got serious, "Do you have any other surprises for me? Are you married, or engaged, or seeing someone?"

Her eyes were full of tears when she looked at me, "I never dated after you. I focused on getting my nursing degree and taking care of my, our, son. I didn't want anyone else. I missed you so much and I just couldn't stop loving you. When you married Janice, I was happy for her, but inside I fell apart. I had always thought that one day we could be together again. Lately I have thought about dating again, but the idea doesn't excite me. Now you're here and I don't know whether to be overjoyed or devastated. What do you want from me David?"

I caressed her cheek, "I want what I can't possibly have. I want you so much my heart is about to break. I am also deeply in love with Janice. To lose either of you forever would devastate me, yet I see no way in this world that I can be with both of you. I am scared to death that I am going to end up losing you both."

Her hand came up and touched my hand, "I think we need to talk to Janice."

I was pleasantly surprised by her statement, "I'll call her right now. Would it be possible for you to go home with me for a few days? I am sure Janice would be glad to have you stay with her. That way we can all spend time working through this."

She assured me that a couple of days wouldn't be a problem. She sat quietly while I called Janice. When Janice answered I put her on speaker, "Janice, I have you on speaker. Stacy is sitting here with me. We were hoping that you would agree to talk with both of us."

I couldn't have been more shocked at her immediate and ecstatic response, "Hi Stacy! I would love that. Are you both coming here?"

"Yes, Stacy will fly back with me for a few days until she has to be back for work. I hope it is all right if she stays with you. I think everyone would be more comfortable that way."

Janice sounded just fine with it, "Of course she can stay here. Just give me an idea of when you will be showing up."

A happy nod from Stacy let me know she was cool with everything, "Ok. I need to go now. I have to meet someone. I love you, Janice."