Troglodyte

Authors note: This is my second story. It's a strange little tale I had stuck in my head, but I enjoyed writing it. I hope you find it at least a little funny.

...

I just won a slap-down with an unruly man child when the giant, flying beast with smoke spewing from its ass crashed into the side of the mountain. It was ok though, because it wasn't my child.

Everyone in the village screamed and ran, trying to find a place to hide. I ended up hiding behind the same boulder as Chief Borksom. He was crouched down in front of me with his hairy ass right in my face. I could see flecks of brown stuck in the hair. Times like this could explain why the new generation wanted to wear loincloths. Good luck with that fad.

Later, when no other giant, flying beasts crashed into the mountain, the villagers started coming out of their hiding spots. Boy was I glad. I was so bored, that I contemplated braiding the chief's hairy ass.

The villagers decided that we would send a group of mighty warriors to see if the giant beast needed slain, or eaten. But as we didn't have any mighty warriors in our village, they sent me. Not that I am capable of slaying a giant flying beast, but I was expendable.

I was a female unable to bear children. No matter who I fucked, no babies. Personally, I was kind of glad. I've seen the state of some of the older women who had...who had...well shit, if I could count, I would tell you. But they had more babies than I had fingers and damn, those were some worn-out women. And mean. You don't want to get in a slap-down with one of those women.

So, there I went, unarmed and alone. To do what? Sacrifice myself to the giant beast? Could be worse, I told myself, I could still be staring at the chief's ass.

I walked all day and night to get to the mountain. Well, I walked most of the day. At night I climbed a tree and slept. I wasn't sure if I should, the last time I slept in a tree I fell out, and broke both front teeth. I don't have that many teeth left to lose. But the other option was to wander in the dark with saber-toothed muskrats running around. Those suckers are mean, almost as mean as the worn-out old women in my village.

I chose the tree and risked my remaining...my remaining, well shit, I really should learn to count. I risked my remaining more than a hand of fingers but less than both hands of teeth.

In the morning I arrived at the giant, flying beast.

Its ass was no longer smoking.

I approached downwind, afraid I would shit myself and give away my position. Who knows how much shit was stuck to my hairy ass already?

It did not move.

I grabbed a stick, crept forward, and poked it.

It still did not move.

Giving it the old village try, I gave it the best slap-down I had in me.

Ouch.

I only succeeded in bending my crooked finger more. Now it faced in a completely different direction. Well, I still had...still had...other unbroken fingers.

Then I heard a loud grating noise and the belly of the beast burst open!

I did it! I killed the beast! My slap-down will be legendary!

From the belly of the beast, out walked...out walked, well shit, one entire hand worth of creatures! They were mighty creatures, walking upright, practically hairless, as tall as me and another me put together. And they wore loincloths. Loincloths covered their entire bodies. Maybe it wasn't just a fad.

When they saw me, I did not shit myself. I did pee a little though.

In my defense, they started yelling and waving their hands at me and I got scared.

I did not understand anything they said. It sounded like "Scat! Get out!" but what that means I do not know, so I did what any mighty warrior would do, and I ran. I ran and ran until I was back to the tree I slept in, which by the way, I did not fall out of, thank you.

Not wanting to return to the village without the carcass of the giant beast, I overcame my fear and snuck back to the mountain. Well, it did take me most of the day to overcome my fear. I paced back and forth under the tree many more times than I have fingers and even toes, including my black and green toes that leak yellow slime. By this time, it was getting dark.

I did not see the mighty creatures anywhere, but the belly of the beast was still burst open. I heard a low rumble from the beast. It was still alive.

Perhaps, if my slap-down could not pierce its tough hide, I could kill it with a slap-down from inside.

I snuck inside its belly.

The beast was just as hard inside as it was outside, like dead saber-toothed opossum when he gets all stiff. But I was on a mission and I gave it a slap-down like it had never felt before. Well, with only one hand, the other hand still hurt from the first slap-down.

I worked my way through the guts of that beast. There must be a heart somewhere.

I followed the rumbling noise, looking for it. The beast had a strange glow inside. Perhaps it had something to do with why its ass was smoking as it fell from the sky.

I found what looked and sounded like its beating heart, but before I could give it a slap-down, the great beast lurched, and I was tossed to the ground. The beast roared to life and I went flying back and forth in its belly. At this point, I did shit myself. And that, villagers, is why I don't wear loincloths.

After much more time passed than the amount of time I spent pacing under the tree earlier, I decided to face my fears again. Well, to be honest, I was getting a little hungry. And bored. I was hiding behind what looked like a giant rib. At least the only brown flecked hairy ass I was hiding with was my own.

I meant to head back to the beast's heart but instead, I ran smack dab into a wall of muscled mighty creature. I let out an oomph and bounced off it, landing on the floor.

The creature let out an unintelligible shout of, "What the fuck!"

I sat quietly on the ground, contemplating the best slap-down technique for such a well-muscled creature.

It had a loincloth covering all its lower parts, but its upper body was bare. And I mean bare.

I had never seen so many muscles before. And it was practically hairless. There was hair on its head and some on its arms and chest, its well-muscled chest. I think it was male. I was hoping it was male. I must admit, I drooled a little at the sight of this creature.

More of the creatures arrived. They all said the same thing as the first creature. It must be some sort of greeting in their language, I will have to remember that.

They approached me as a group, speaking quietly, their hands spread out and their palms open. It looked like I was in for a major slap-down from them all. Before they got too close, one said, "Eww!" and pinched his nose with his fingers. The rest of them all followed, each saying "eww" and pinching their nose.

Now, I'm not one to say no to a good slap-down from some well-muscled, naked males, but these were well-muscled, loincloth-covered males, and I was not sure I would enjoy that as much, so I joined in this new greeting.

I pinched my nose with my fingers and replied, "EWW!" as loudly as I could.

It seemed to do the trick because they all backed away from me.

They talked and talked amongst themselves, sometimes loudly. I tried to follow it, but I didn't understand a single word. They often looked over at me, so I am pretty sure some of it was about me. I'm not trying to be conceited or anything, but if I could have borne children, I would have been quite a catch in my village. I mean, who could turn down a hairy, bow-legged female like me? And I am not one to brag, but my breasts droop quite low and dangle a bit when I run.

I heard them make sounds like "unstable atmosphere," "no return," and my favorite, "troglodyte."

Eventually, they stopped talking and approached me again.

This time I was ready for them. I pinched my nose in preparation.

They did not return the greeting. I sighed and prepared for my slap-down.

But instead of a slap-down, they gave me a new greeting. This time, they made a motion with their hand, curling it and bringing it toward themselves as they each said "come." They repeated this motion and step.

It took me a while to figure out that this was their mating dance! I knew I was a catch.

They were each turning around to show me their ass. I suppose they wanted me to examine them and pick a mate but since they had so many loincloths on, it would be difficult. I needed to get a closer look at them.

I got myself off the floor and approached the closest one, reaching out with my hand to his ass to test its firmness. I could feel that this creature had a genuinely nice ass under his loincloth. But, just to make a comparison, I grabbed the next creature's ass.

This seemed to get them all in a frenzy and they continued motioning, turning, stepping, and repeating "Come".

How did they think I was supposed to check their asses if they didn't hold still?

Before I knew it, we were no longer in the heart of the giant flying, not-dead beast, and had moved through its guts. I was beginning to think that these well-muscled man creatures had spent a little too much time being digested in the beast.

We ended up in a small cave-like area of the beast. The light from the inside fire was bright here.

The tallest of the well-muscled creatures created a waterfall that tumbled into a large man-sized bowl.

I was beginning to suspect that it might possibly be the first step to making a stew with me as the main meat source. I was going to have to keep my eye on that one.

Another creature was saying something to me. I think he was trying to learn my language. He pointed to his chest and said "Adam," then pointed to my chest. Ah! Back to the mating ritual with this one, I liked him the best.

I pointed to my chest and said, "luzee". I do have some amazing gangly breasts, so I wasn't surprised it was the first word he wanted to learn.

"Lucy," he pointed at my breasts. He was trying.

"Luzee" I repeated.

"Lucy," he repeated.

Close enough.

The tallest one stopped the waterfall and was now adding spices to the steaming pot.

I was getting a little worried.

"Bath!" he said splashing the herbs around the stew pot.

I tried to distract him with the standard mating ritual they showed me.

I patted my ass and said, "Come." Ok, maybe I got confused on the exact steps of the mating dance, but I was a little nervous.

I backed up right into the other...the other...well, hand without the thumb, amount of well-muscled creatures. This did not look good for me, I mean, I'm all for getting eaten, but not in a stew.

They picked me up and dropped me into the stew pot, making the "eww" greeting noises. I wanted to re-evaluate my assumption that it was a greeting, but I had more pressing matters at hand, like getting cooked, in a pot, in the belly of a giant, flying, not-dead beast. Chief Borksom's ass was looking a lot better now.

They marinated me in some foul-smelling flowery herbs and spices. At first, I struggled and fought, but after the tallest well-muscled creature rubbed marinade into my back, I decided it was not an entirely bad way to go. In fact, by the time he got to rubbing my chest, I was ready to roll over and give him my belly like a paleolithic dog, tongue hanging out and everything.

But instead of being eaten, I was lifted out of the now muddy brown stew pot and laid on a flat, raised surface.

One creature held a sun-bright stick in his hand and waved it over my body. When he got to my hands, he shook his head, then got a bowl of colorless slime, and set my hands in it. He worked a finger at a time, pulling it straight and running his sun-bright stick over each finger before returning it to the slime bowl. It must have had magical healing properties in it because my broken bones stayed straight and even my split nails reformed.

When all my fingers were working fine, the well-muscled creature got a strange look on his face, looked around at the now empty cave, then pulled out his man parts from his loincloth. Excellent! Back to the mating ritual.

He placed my slimy hands around his man part, and what a man part it was! It was the largest I had ever seen, except maybe on the giant megatherium. But I was not about to give the giant megatherium's parts a yank. Chief Borksom's brother did that once and it did not end well.

But I was willing to yank on the well-muscled creatures man part. So, yank I did.

He wrapped his hands around my slimy ones and the both of us yanked and yanked on his hard member. It was not long before he let out the man shout and squirted a massive amount of his baby-making fluid all over us.

He had just finished tucking his man part back into his loincloth when the creature with the "Adam" breasts came back into the cave.

He came over and looked at my healed hands just as the other creature finished wiping the slime and baby-making fluid off them. They talked back and forth but the first creature dashed out of the cave saying something that sounded like "not a dentist."

The bare-chested, "Adam" breasted, creature shook his head, opened my mouth, and made that "eww" greeting. I really do need to figure that out.

I was very proud of my teeth, so I opened my mouth wide to show him. I could feel a tooth in the back that had a little wiggle to it when I pushed with my tongue.

The "Adam" creature brought over the sun-bright stick and started putting it in my mouth.

Now, I'm not usually one to complain, I have had many things in my mouth before, but never a magical sun-bright stick so I did start to panic a little.

But the "Adam" breasted creature held me down onto the flat, raised surface, ignoring my struggles. My struggles lessened greatly when I realized his hand was on my breast. It was not entirely unpleasant. I held still after that because I do not think he realized where his hand was, and I didn't want to alert him to it.

The magical sun-bright stick did not feel good in my mouth. It was doing something to my teeth and when I moved my tongue around, I could feel more teeth growing! Soon, my entire mouth was full of teeth. How they all fit in there I do not know.

The bare-chested, "Adam" breasted creature removed the sun-bright stick and I was never so glad to get something so long and hard out of my mouth. But he replaced it with his finger as he examined and pushed on my teeth. None of them were wiggling anymore.

He must have been satisfied with my new teeth because he got the same gleam in his eye, looked around the empty cave, and then pulled his man part out of his loincloth. I knew this one was my favorite.

He turned my head and proceeded to put that giant man part in my mouth. Normally, I am all for this kind of mating ritual, but now I had a full mouth of teeth and was a little concerned for him, he was my favorite after all.

I did my best not to scrape him with my new teeth. He did not seem to mind because he pumped and pumped his man part inside that hole as I sucked on him. He held the back of my head and pushed that behemoth way down my throat. I could feel his sacks whacking me on the chin as he thrust that part into my mouth. When I could do nothing but swallow around him, he let out that man shout and shot his massive load of baby-making fluid into me. I drank as much as I could because I didn't know when my next meal might be.

He had just finished tucking his softened man part back into his loincloth when a scowling, well-muscled man creature came into the cave. They talked and I heard strange words like "rickets" and "bow leg" and "troglodyte" again.

Unfortunately, my favorite "Adam" breasted creature left, and I was stuck with this scowling one. He poked me all over with the magic sun-bright stick as I lay on the flat, raised surface. He stretched my hairy legs and waved the magic sun-bright stick over them. I could feel a warm feeling inside my leg bones. I did not like it. It felt like my legs were growing longer and straighter.

Then Scowling one pointed at his breasts and said "Dean". So, these creatures name their breasts, who am I to judge?

I pointed to my breasts and said, "luzee."

"Lucy," he repeated, staring at them.

I sighed.

Then he brought the magical sun-bright stick to my chest and waved it over my breasts. A warming feeling filled my breasts and made them tingle. This was not a bad thing. In fact, it felt quite pleasant, so I laid my head back and closed my eyes, enjoying the arousing sensations. So, they were obsessed with breasts. Like I said, who am I to judge?

It wasn't long before I started to feel a heavy weight on my chest and I opened my eyes and looked down. There, instead of my beautiful dangly breasts were perky coconut-shaped bazongas. I did not pee myself, but I did let out a scream.

Scowling "Dean" breasted creature covered my mouth with his hand.

I wanted to bite it with my new teeth but I did not want to damage them.

When I stopped trying to scream, he removed his hand. Scowling "Dean" breasted creature then let his hand trail down my neck to cup my newly enlarged breasts.

I tried scowling back at him, but it was not as effective as I had hoped, because when his hand crossed my baby milk circle and he rubbed it with his fingers, I let out a moaning sigh.

He then rubbed his hands over my breasts, lifting and squeezing them. I wanted to be concerned about how I was going to run with those coconuts whacking me in the face, but I could not focus on anything but his roving fingers. Then, Scowling creature pinched and pulled at my pink milk circles until they stood up tall and straight.

Scowling "Dean" breasted creature climbed onto the flat, raised surface and straddled me. He pulled his engorged man part out of his loincloth and placed it between my enlarged breasts.

This was a new mating ritual that I had never seen before, but I am not a judging person, so I went with it.

He stroked his man part back and forth between my bazongas, squeezing them quite hard as he did. Over and over, he pumped and thrust his large man part until he let out the man shout and his load of baby-making fluid sprayed all over my new breasts and all over my face.

Scowling "Dean" Breasted creature got a loincloth and wiped off the baby-making fluid from my face and my new breasts. When he finished, in walked the smallest well-muscled creature. Also, next to him was the final well-muscled creature, who happened to be the tallest.

Scowling "Dean" breasted creature scowled at the newcomers. There were words exchanged that sounded like "gangrene," then they all looked at my feet.

"Eww," they said and backed away from my feet. I really did need to figure that out.

Normally, my feet are pretty sturdy, but ever since the Titanoboa snake bit me, I have to admit, my toes have not been the same. I have been waiting for many days for my black and green toes that leak yellow slime to fall off. Although I am not sure what will be harder for me to run with now, my black toes or my new enlarged breasts.

I was still lying on the flat, raised surface when Tallest well-muscled creature brought over the magical sun-bright stick and the bowl with colorless slime. He bent my knees and put my feet into the bowl. He waved the magical sun-bright stick around my feet and toes, especially the black ones. As he did this, he kept looking at my hairy woman parts between my legs. I did not blame him; many a villager has been captivated by my hairy woman parts.

Smallest well-muscled creature was talking. I could tell Tallest did not agree because they became loud. It sounded like "too shaggy" and "laser hair removal" and again with the "troglodyte." But smallest must have won the verbal slap-down because he showed me his teeth, then he got another magical sun-bright stick. This stick, he waved across my body.