CHAPTER 1
Dorothy was a vivacious 19-year-old, who lived in the midst of the great Kansas prairies, with Uncle Henry, who was a farmer, and Aunt Em, who was the farmer's wife. Their house was small, for the lumber to build it had to be carried by wagon many miles. There were four walls, a floor and a roof, which made one room; and this room contained a rusty looking cooking stove, a cupboard for the dishes, a table, three or four chairs, and the beds. Uncle Henry and Aunt Em had a big bed in one corner, and Dorothy had a little bed in another corner. There was no garret at all, and no cellar - except a small hole, dug in the ground, called a cyclone cell, where the family could go in case one of those greet whirlwinds arose, mighty enough to crush any building in its path. It was reached by a trap-door in the middle of the floor, from which a ladder led down into the small dark hole.
One morning, Dorothy's dog jumped into her bed as the sun was coming up. He licked her face and woke her up.
"Toto!" she cried as she pushed the dog away. "I'm up! I'm up!" Toto yipped happily and wagged his tail as she stroked his head.
"You're awake," said Aunt Em. "Can you please feed the chickens?"
#
Dorothy trudged out to the coop behind the house and started feeding the chickens, like Aunt Em had asked. She sighed deeply as she spread the feed along the ground for the chickens, making sure they all got plenty to eat.
"I don't know why I always have to do this," she said to the nearest hen, whose clucked happily without paying close attention to what Dorothy was actually saying.
She started to sing a song that she felt must've been written for her and her situation. "We've got to get out of this place if it's the last thing we ever do. We've got to get out of this place. Girl there's a better life for me and you."
She looked back up at the house and saw a man standing in the doorway, talking to Aunt Em. Distracted, she dropped some chicken feed into her shoes, so she had to crouch down, take her shoes off, and shake them out.
Dorothy continued feeding the chickens until all of the birds were satisfied.
"Good-bye, guys!" she said to the chickens as she walked back towards her house.
A couple of chickens clucked and squawked their farewells.
#
By the time Dorothy had reached the house, the man who had come to call, had left. Dorothy didn't want to let Aunt Em know that she had seen that there was a visitor, so she just called out, "I'm done feeding the chickens, Auntie Em!"
Toto ran up to greet her, yipping and barking with delight. "I missed you too," she said to the dog as she knelt down to pet him.
Toto rolled over onto his back and she proceeded to rub the dog on his belly.
Dorothy was so busy playing with Toto, that she didn't hear Aunt Em coming closer to her.
Aunt Em cleared her throat and said, "Mr. McAllister came by when you were out feeding the hens."
Dorothy looked up at Aunt Em but said nothing.
"He said your dog bit his wife yesterday."
"No! He couldn't have! It must have been another dog! Or something!"
"Now you know that that dog of yours does like to run off, and he can get a little bit excited some times. I'm not saying that Toto did it, but you definitely need to keep a closer eye on him. And if he runs off again, we might just have to give him up!"
Dorothy clutched the dog close in her arms and carried him off, crying.
#
Later that day, Dorothy returned to her home. Aunt Em had left a note on the counter that said that she had to run an errand and that she would be back soon. Dorothy closed the door and played with Toto in front of the house. She and Toto both enjoyed it when she would throw a ball and Toto would fetch it and bring it back to her.
The sky grew very dark and Dorothy looked up at the darkening clouds. "Gee, Toto! I think we'd better get inside the house. It looks like it's going to storm!"
She threw the ball into the house and Toto ran into the house to fetch it. Dorothy quickly got into the house and closed the door.
She heard a loud rumble that sounded like more than thunder and she clutched Toto tightly. The dog shivered in fear at the sound.
Before Dorothy could do anything else, she looked out the window and saw three tornadoes right outside the window. She ran for the trap door that led to the shelter, but it was too late. The tornado had reached the house, and carried it away! She clung close to Toto as the house was lifted off of the ground, spinning rapidly in the wind. Dorothy screamed.
CHAPTER 2
The next thing Dorothy knew, the house had landed back on the ground. Although it landed with a loud crunching sound and a strange squelching noise, it had remained in one piece.
Dorothy listened for the sounds outside to make sure it was safe, and she didn't hear the sounds of the storm, but instead it seemed like she could hear people singing and dancing. She looked at Toto and said, "That's really strange! Let's go outside to take a look."
The first thing she noticed when she left the house, was that this didn't look like her farm anymore. All of the green and brown pastures that surrounded her house and the neighbor's houses were gone; instead it looked like she was in some kind of a town square. All of the colors of this place seemed wrong, different, odd. Definitely brighter.
"Gee, Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas any more."
She cautiously walked around the house to see if she could get a sense of where she was.
The house had landed on top of a person. She could see a pair of legs wearing long, fishnet stockings and the ruby stiletto pumps sticking out from under the side of the house. She looked down at the shoes and decided that she wanted to wear them.
She took the shoes off of the person under the house and stepped into them. She looked at Toto and said, "Do these shoes make my ass look rounder?"
Toto started to bark madly, and Dorothy realized something was seriously wrong. She turned around and gasped at what she saw.
#
She heard the sounds of people running towards her and yelling loudly. She quickly picked up Toto and held him tightly to her breast. She suppressed a gasp at the sensation of his cold nose in her cleavage.
A young woman who seemed to float rather than walk emerged from the crowd and moved towards her. "Thank you thank you thank you! You have killed the Naughty Nag of the East! And I must say you look ravishing in those ruby red stilettos."
Dorothy clutched Toto tightly. "Thank you," she said. "Who are you? Where am I?"
The woman laughed, "You've come to Oz, and you've saved us from the oppression of the Naughty Nag of the East! Thank you thank you thank you! And my name is Glinda, the Nice Nag of the North."
"I've never heard of Oz before. How did I get here? My Auntie Em and Uncle Henry will get worried if I stay here too long. How do I get back to Kansas?"
Before anyone could say or do anything, a second woman, wearing way too much make-up, cackled loudly. "You've killed my sister! The least you can do is give me her red ruby stilettos!"
Glinda floated between Dorothy and the heavily made-up woman. "She can't take them off! They're magical and they belong to her now." She waved what looked like a baton and the made-up woman backed off.
"All right, all right all right. You've won this round, Glinda." The woman pointed a skinny finger and Dorothy and said, "But I'll get you, my pretty! And your little dog, too!" She then disappeared in a puff of smoke.
Glinda looked at Dorothy and said, "You need to leave this place as quickly as you can. The Naughty Nag of the West is almost definitely going to come back for you."
Dorothy looked down at her feet and said, quietly, "But I'm lost. Do you know how I can find my way home?"
Glinda pulled out her magic wand, which she pointed towards the horizon. "I don't, but I'm sure the Wizard does. He lives in the castle in Emerald City."
"How do I get to Emerald City?" Dorothy asked, feeling kind of silly for even asking.
"Just follow the yellow brick road!" said Glinda. "Where the dogs of society howl..."
Dorothy nodded. "You can't plant me in your penthouse. I'm going back to my plough."
All of the people around Dorothy and Glinda continued singing the Elton John lyrics. "Back to the howling old owl in the woods, hunting the horny back toad."
Everyone sang, "Oh I've finally decided my future lies beyond the yellow brick road!"
Soon, everyone was laughing. Dorothy caught her breath and muttered, "I always liked that song."
Glinda and all of the short people wished her luck as she started down the road. She put Toto down on the ground and he followed her happily on her journey.
CHAPTER 3
Dorothy's trip down the yellow brick road was by and large uneventful, although at first she did wonder where all of the other variously-colored-brick roads led to. She told Toto that she was probably better off not knowing. "One of the other ones probably leads to that Naughty Nag's house anyway."
Toto yipped in agreement.
Soon she came to a fork in the road. She looked around and didn't see any signs or anyone else who might be able to help, and the road stretched on towards the horizon in either direction. "What do you think, Toto?" she said to her dog. "Which way should we go?"
Toto sniffed around on the ground and started to growl before running up to a post where a scarecrow happened to be tied up.
"What is it, Toto?"
Toto barked at the scarecrow.
"Oh, no, Toto. That's just a scarecrow. He can't help us, even if it looks fun to be tied up like that."
A low voice said, "It's not fun at all. Maybe if you're lying down..."
"Who said that?" said Dorothy, trying to conceal her alarm.
"I did."
Dorothy looked up at the scarecrow and gasped when she saw its head moving. Toto growled.
"Y-you can move?"
"I could if you untied me. Can you do that please?"
"How do I know you won't hurt me if I untie you?"
"Do you think I could hurt you? What with all of the crows around here? I can't even hurt or scare off a crow. How could I hurt you? You'd need a brain to know how to hurt a girl like you and I don't have one of those. Do you know where I can get one?"
Dorothy thought for a minute. "Well, I'm going to see the wizard of Oz. If he can help me find my way back home, maybe he can help you find a brain that you can use, too!" She looked down at Toto and added, "And we can sure use the company!"
She got up behind the scarecrow and untied him from his post. The Scarecrow jumped down onto the ground and stretched his straw-filled arms. Dorothy looked at him as he danced around wildly. "Do you know that John Cougar Mellencamp song? The one about the scarecrow?"
The Scarecrow looked at Dorothy with an uncertain expression on his face.
"Oh, never mind," said Dorothy. "He was singing about rain on the scarecrow, not brain on the scarecrow anyway."
The Scarecrow smiled. "You have to be a real fan of his to know that song. Or at least spent a lot of time in the 80s watching MTV back when they actually played music."
Dorothy sighed. "You're probably right. It was a bad pun, no matter how you look at it. Now, which way do we go to get to the Wizard and the Emerald City?"
