(Adapted from O. Henry's "The Gift of the Magi")
Richard Goldenrod had the most beautiful penis anyone could ever hope to have. By chance, his next door neighbor had walked in on Richard masturbating one day. She took one look at his dick-its ten-inch length, its sizeable girth, its light tan color with a head that looked like a plum-and she fainted dead away. Upon awakening, she begged Richard to fuck her. As she removed her panties, though, Richard's cock went from full hard-on to a sad, flaccid thing in a matter of seconds, for he could never see himself fucking a pussy as sickeningly hairy as the one that stared him in the face at this moment, and he told her so. This did not deter her in the least, however. She latched onto his cock and begged to fuck or suck it, getting so close as to actually wrap her mouth around it, but Richard broke free and booted her ass out the door, but that did not keep her from telling others what she had seen.
She told all her friends, family, and neighbors just how gloriously beautiful Richard's cock was, and soon women were approaching him or knocking on his door all hours of the day. However, much the same way he did with his neighbor, Richard refused them all. No, not all the pussies he encountered were hairy, unkempt beasts. Some were actually shaved or had cute little designs just above the clit, but they all had one thing in common: They were just as ugly as they could be, and Richard, though still a virgin, was holding out for the one pussy that he felt deserved his exquisite cock.
Luciana Lipps really never had much going for herself. She was what some termed a "Sally Plain-Jane," meaning that she was cute or even mildly attractive, but no sexy beauty queen like most of the women in the city. Still, there was one thing that Luciana possessed that all her friends and acquaintances were completely jealous over, and that was the most magnificent labia any woman had ever been gifted with. Any person who saw Luciana's labia immediately wanted to eat her pussy, and to this point in her life, though not a lesbian, she had allowed all her female friends to do just that. She must have had her pussy eaten a thousand times over, and there were no signs that any of her friends were tiring of the experience. Still, Luciana wanted something more. She wanted a cock between her legs. She was, after all, still a virgin, and at twenty-eight years old she knew her time was drawing nigh.
As luck would have it, Richard was sitting in a bar one night when Luciana walked in. She noticed the man sitting alone. He looked so sad and pathetic that she couldn't help but to offer some comfort. She asked to sit at his table and he agreed. He even held the chair for her, and once Luciana was seated, she asked, "So, what has a nice looking man like you drowning his sorrows tonight?"
Richard laughed, then said, "Are you sure you want to hear this?" Luciana said she did, so Richard told her, "I'm a virgin, and I have an amazing cock, probably the most amazing cock there ever was, and I don't think I'm being superficial or even a narcissist by thinking it deserves only the most beautiful pussy this world has to offer."
"Oh?" Luciana questioned, a bit surprised. "I'm in the same predicament. I have the most gorgeous labia any person could ever hope to see, and I feel my pussy deserves only the most amazing cock ever."
Richard looked up at this announcement. "Your kidding."
"No," she said. "Look under the table." Richard bent down while Luciana spread her legs and lifted her dress. When he returned his gaze to hers, he had the look of having just experienced the most life-altering epiphany ever. "See. I told you."
