The Old Man And The See

I wonder what all the crap is about looking forward to retirement? I finally did retire, let's just say sitting around on my ass waiting for Judge Judy to come on TV ain't really a great life.

Course there is the wife, be nice to knock off a nice relaxed piece of butt now and then if she would go for it. Once a month or so she will reward me with a quickie, I notice it seems to be timed to when the benefit checks come in.

Thelma was OK back when we was young, but over the years everything that went in her face ran down and formed a wad at her ass.

Damn pain in the ass to have to wait for the Sunday paper, hoping for some new undie ads in the inserts to whack off to.

I used to watch the news, but as I got older I realized that it's all the same there. Some Country blowing the shit out of some other Country, stupid ass politicians standing up there opening their mouths and yelling about the American people like they give a shit.

I started to dig up my old garden and plant some stuff, only took about 4 shovelfuls of dirt and my back hurt so bad I said fuck that.

Tried Golf. Yea sure. Not too bad smacking the fucking ball but then ya gotta walk. Well, they do have them little cart thingies, they suck too unless I hire some snotnosed little kid to drag the goddamn heavy clubs in and out of the thing.

Then their fucking hand out after a round expecting me to stick some of my $943 a month Social Security check in it.

Thelma went off onto one of her periods of yapping and pushing on me to "Get up offa yer lazy ass and go DO something!" as I sat there and sipped on my 3rd Bourbon and Coke for the morning.

Only took about an hour of that shit and yep. Off I go outside to hide somewhere and pretend to do something.

So I was sitting out by my garage, sipping away at my pint I kept hidden out where Thelma couldn't find it. I looked up, here came Charlie.

Charlie is a weasly little old fart that lives a couple of doors down. Funny little shit, his eyes dart around, like he is always looking for something. Stupid mustache on his upper lip, he has it sticking out an inch each side.

We are kinda like the odd couple, I am over 6 feet and 240, Charlie is maybe 140 if you dip him in something. But he is sorta OK, makes a fishing buddy although I don't think I ever saw him catch one. To give you an idea, somebody told him that licorice made good fish bait so he showed up with a bagful of them long black twisted things that is supposed to be candy. Sure enough, he sat there all day with one of them on a hook, I finally ate the rest of them.

Better than eating one of his damned sandwiches, he always puts some kind of hot sauce on them that makes my butthole flare up and feel like one of them Chico Gomez hot tacos hung up on the way out.

Guess you could call him a pervert, too. He spends a lot of time peeking out his windows at the neighbor's wives, mine included. Damned if I know why, hell, Thelma's ass is the size of Kansas, and her tits hang damn near straight down. Doesn't help much that she never bothers with a bra.

One day last year Charlie was over at our house, Thelma came downstairs wearing a pair of shorts that NASA could have hung a rope on and used to stop the space shuttle. Then she had on a white T-shirt, one of those shortie kind that left her belly uncovered, Lord help us. No bra, of course.

Charlie was sitting across from me, Thelma walked over and bent down to set her cup of Bailey's and coffee on the center table, her big ass pointed right at Charlie..

Course her T-shirt gaps down, I swear fucking Charlie did everything but fall off the couch leaning over to get a better look at Thelma's big fat titties.

I thought it was funny, so I reached up and yanked the bottom of her T-shirt up, saying, "Hey Charlie, check these out!"

Then I ducked as Thelma unloaded a right hook that would put George Foreman to shame. She stomped off muttering something about us being "assholes."

Funny stuff at the time.

Anyways, Charlie comes wandering up, grabs my pint and takes a big pull, hands it back. Pissed me off but I didn't say anything, wiping the neck of the pint on my sleeve.

"Hey, let's go down to the beach."

Beach? Sure, just what I neeed, go burn the shit out of my wrinkled up ass sitting on the sand.

"Fuck that." I answered, politely, still rubbing at the neck of my pint.

"Best show in town!" Charlie said.

"Big fucking deal, I have seen swimsuits before."

"Not like these, man." He slapped me on the shoulder. I thought about clipping him one, that hurt. I rubbed at the neck of my pint some more, fucker reached out and grabbed it, took another swig.

"Charlie." I said, a bit of a threat in my tone.

"I ain't got no cooties." He laughed, wiping a drip of snot off his nose with the back of his sleeve. He handed me back the pint, now less than an inch in the bottom. I started wiping at the neck again, moved a bit out of his reach, too.

He hounded at me some more, finally, I agreed. I hollered in at Thelma, yelling out that Charlie and I were going down to the lake to get some sun.

"That's nice Honey." she hollered. "When you get back I need you to do some things around here."

I grabbed my spare pint, poured some of it in the other one and handed it to Charlie. Then off we went, me thinking it might just be damned late when I got back.

Charlie had this old Dodge Dart, he called it his "classic", feeds me crap about how it would be worth a fortune someday. I grabbed the passenger side door and yanked, after a half dozen tries it came loose and swung open with a groan. Charlie hit the key, got a click and a couple of moans.

"Hmmm? Never did that before." he said.

It did it every single fucking time.

Finaly after a half dozen tries it caught and started, running with a steady clacking noise. Off we went with a belch of smoke, the old slant six engine clanking away but going.

We drove the four blocks down to the parking lot. Charlie carefully locked the doors, even coming around to double check my side like someone was going to even think of stealing the piece of shit.

Took me a pull off my pint, looked out across the lake.

People everywhere.

We wandered down and found a spot, there was a big pile of rocks that afforded a bit of shade, so we took up residence there.

I noticed the family types all seemed to be way down the beach by the water, noisy little brats tearing around with what was obviously couples.

The single folks were up farther away on the dry sand, there seemed to be some kind of imaginary dividing line.

I realized that there were quite a few women laying on their tummies letting the sun turn them into little old ladies. Most of them with their tops off.

Well, that was cool, I took another pull off my pint.

"See what I mean?" Charlie said, big shit eating grin on his face.

Well, not really, just a bunch of kids, mostly, laying there. I suddenly felt funny sitting there in my blue jeans and t-shirt.

Just then this little oriental looking gal came down the beach, she looked at us with suspicion.

Guess she decided we were harmless, she spread out her blanket and set down a big basket.

I noticed right off that she was wearing a yellow bikini, it looked nice against her dark skin, what there was of it. It seemed a bit odd that she was by herself, she was cute as a bug's ear.

"Get a load of that one!" Charlie says, a bit too loud and she heard him. She looked at us, gave us a dirty look, then pulled out a book and plopped down.

She read for awhile, then she set the book down and rolled over on her stomach, glancing our way first. I pretended to not be looking, Charlie just stared, I noticed his eyes were starting to get a bit fuzzy looking, he was sucking on that pint pretty good.

The way she lay put her feet pointed right at us, I looked closer, her bikini was just a little V of cloth, the strings on the sides were those big soft kind that always looked like they were going to come untied and fall off.

She reached back and untied the top, letting the strings fall off to the side.

I must have dozed off, next thing I know Charlie is nudging me.

"Look!" he said.

I looked, the gal now had her legs apart quite a bit, and had moved the string lower to let the sun hit differently. Probably didn't want bikini lines, I guess.

The net effect was to loosen the crotch, I realized I was looking at half her beaver peeking out.

No hair in sight, either. I took a pull off my pint. Fucking Charlie was sitting there, drunk on his ass by now, tongue hanging halfway out.

I looked back over at the gal, she had moved some more and opened her legs further. At first I thought she was doing it deliberately, then I realized she was trying to let the sun in to reach her inner thighs.

Well, I gotta admit it was, too.

Took me another pull off my pint.

Just then she rolled over, bare titties to the world. She reached down and pulled the bottoms back over her pussy, but not before we both got a good long look at the whole thing. She glanced up at us sitting there, did a little grin to herself and lay back.

Good grief!

I was sitting there with my 70 year old weenie sticking out like it hadn't in 30 years, Charlie was in the same state.

It must have been 15-20 minutes that we sat there, both of us silent. Hell, we were trying hard not to have heart attacks. Then she rolled back over on her tummy, legs opened up, came apart even farther. The so-called crotch of her suit wasn't hiding anything at all, hanging all loose a good couple inches. We were staring at a set of fat pussy lips, not a hair in sight. It was starting to swell up and get all wet looking, hell, she was getting off on this!

I took a pull off my pint, I was about to drop a drip in my drawers!

Next she pulls her dang knee up and scratches it with her right arm, the net effect was to pop herself as wide open as it was possible to do.

I took a pull off my pint.

Finally, almost mercifully, she stood up, stretched, and put her top back on. She busied herself gathering up her things. Then she looked right at us, flashed a big smile.

"Enjoy that?"

"Uhhhh..." we said, in unison.

Then with a toss of her head that made her long dark hair sparkle in the sunlight, she headed off towards the parking lot.

"Wow." Charlie managed.

"Yeah." I finished the last of my pint.

Charlie and I got up, headed home.

Thelma was sitting on the couch when we walked in.

"Have a nice time?" she asked, not looking up.

"Yea."

"Well, tomorrow I want you to clean out the brush in the back yard."

Charlie and I looked at each other, I think we were both thinking the same thing, and it wasn't the fucking yard.

I walked over and sat down by Thelma, she looked at me oddly.

"So what's up with yo..."

She looked down, I still had a boner to end all boners. Then she looked over at Charlie, he was forming a pretty good lump, too.

"Oh.." She grinned, got up, headed up the stairs. I watched her fanny twitch as she went up the first few steps.

Halfway up she turned and looked back. I knew the look, got up and followed.

Thelma went into the bedroom, I glanced back at Charlie.

"Well, come on!"

He got a shit-eating grin as big as all outdoors and off up the steps we went.

Thelma was sitting on the edge of the bed, I expected her to throw a fit when she saw Charlie. But she got a real funny look on her face, then she actually blushed and looked down.

I sat down next to her, started rubbing her back first, then I reached under her top and played with her nipples. She didn't resist,so I pulled the top up, showing Charlie her boobs.

He came over and sat down on the other side, started feeling her up, too. She was beginning to break a sweat, her nipples got hard and began to stick out. Charlie was sucking away like a newborn by now.

I gave Thelma a little push, she lay back on the bed while we worked her over good. She didn't do or say anything, just lay there and let us.

I figured what the hell, I undid her shorts, got up and hauled them off her. She didn't have any panties on, but she clamped her legs together, face getting red.

I managed to pry her knees apart, got my pants down and climbed on, I was as big and hard as I ever got when I was a kid. That vision of that little Oriental gal showing off her snatch to us just had me buzzing.

Thelma was all wet and sloppy, she was getting off on Charlie sucking her titties while I banged away at her, and it wasn't long before she started bouncing up and down, moaning.

I didn't last long, popped off with one that dang near blinded me, she let loose with that familiar series of grunts and mashed herself against me, which let me know she came, too.

I rolled over, exhausted. Charlie did a series of sideways scoots, got up on top of Thelma. She opened her eyes wide, looked at him, then over at me. Then she squeezed her eyes shut tight and off they went.

I had never seen anyone go at it before, I was surprised that I didn't mind at all. I went and got me a drink of water, came back in. Charlie's little bare ass was bouncing up and down, Thelma's big hips sticking out each side.

It popped into my head that he might slip and vanish for all time in there, that stuck me as funny and I started laughing.

Charlie started acting funny, then he climbed off Thelma.

"Goddam it! What's so fucking funny?"

I realized he was limp as a noodle, guess he thought I was laughing at him. Well, I guess I was.

That got me laughing again, Charlie pulled his pant on and left.

I looked over at Thelma, laying there naked, her huge legs still spread. That did it, danged if I wasn't getting another woodie.

I went over and climbed on her again, she grunted and muttered something about how big I felt.

Then she asked me what the hell all this was about, in little short bursts of speech as she banged back at me.

"I just gotta go to the beach more often!" I told her.