It was a very pleasant day in a large but rather quaint neighborhood. Spring, after a quick tease, had stepped in fully: the temperatures were warm, but not sweltering. Flowers were beginning to grow. Children were running about in the street, playing tag and poking ant hills. Men and women were talking long walks or reading on their porches. The newspaper predicted a light, cool, welcome shower that evening. It was, overall, a rather perfect Saturday.
Which is why, in one particular house, with a large group of cars parked in the driveway, the doors were shut and locked tightly, and the windows drawn.
"Everyone get ready!" The director called out. "Remember your places, people... Tiffany, darling," he snapped at a woman walking past him.
"What?"
"Tiffany, this time, could you try to be a little more... natural?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, well, you're an actress, right? The faces you make and the noises all seem so... so fake. You don't have to fake an orgasm, sweetie."
She hesitated. "If I have to have a dildo up my ass, I want Bradley to eat me out too."
The director thought about it for a moment, then extended his hand. "You have yourself a deal."
She continued on her merry way. The director leaned back. No one was fully naked yet—all in their sexy lingerie or undies, or fully dressed, keeping their sexy unveiling for the camera. One man stood out, totally hairy amongst the shaven, and sporting nothing but a pair of pink, silky panties.
"Hey... hey, guy, hey..." The director called to him.
"...yes?" The man walked over to the director's chair.
"Uh, yea, uhm... I don't remember you. Who are you?"
"I... I heard there was an orgy happening here, and I..."
"Well, yea, but this is the best kind of orgy. All these people here... they're getting paid to be here and fuck each other's brains out."
"R-r-really?"
"Yea. And here's the thing. I don't remember hiring you."
The man looked at him. His erection, sticking out of the panties, was small and unimpressive. "I... I'll do it for free." The man said rather meekly, shifting his lips so his mustache moved.
"...Panty fetish, huh? Well... maybe we can use you. Do you mind getting pounded up your shithole?"
"...yes."
"Never mind. Get out of here."
"But I don't remember where the rest of my clothes went-!"
"Not my problem. Go now. Oh, hey, Jake! Jake and Rebecca! What are you two arguing about?" Rebecca rushed over, Jake following miserably behind her. "Is this about the oral sex thing again? Still choking?"
Jake nodded.
"Look, it's not nice to make people choke."
"I can't help," Rebecca chimed in, "that he can't deep throat my two foot cock! I want to be balls deep in his mouth!"
"It's too much!" Jake cried out.
"Rebecca, honey, don't you think you can tone it down with the strap on sizes?"
"Absolutely not. I am hung like a horse, goddamn you!"
"Fine, fine. Look, Jake, you're gonna have to get better at sucking some plastic dick. Take... go find Shelley. She can teach you a few things."
"...fine." Jake sighed, and Rebecca, looking triumphant, walked over to get her hair fixed up. The director checked his watch. It was only a few more minutes until they started. Hurriedly he began yelling reminders at everyone before they started.
"Joe... Joe! No fecal fetishes anymore or you're fired. Also, no watersports this time, either."
"Not even on the tits?"
"Not even on the tits. Joe. We're not making that kind of movie this time. Pete! Pete, look, if two men try to have their way with you, let them. We all know what your asshole is capable of, and we're proud of you. Flora? Candice? You're the best lesbian couple we have, but could you please focus on each other's breasts some more?"
"I can't help all I have to grab onto is silicone!"
"We all fake it till we make it in this business one way or the other, girls. Wallace? Wallace, please, no telling a woman's vagina to 'cum kitty kitty'. It's really weird, dude. Really strange."
"But I—"
"Also, if you're gonna eat a woman out, please don't call it 'licking the grease off the Taco Bell taco.' No one... no one gets you, man. She had a right to kick you in the face. Just stop with the cheesiness."
"But... but..." Wallace suddenly looked very sad, as if his whole life had just been a dream of saying weird shit in porn movies, and that dream had suddenly been crushed. Even if he could do pornos, it just wouldn't be the same...
"No, man. Anyway... anyway... quiet! QUIET!" He stood up. Everyone did as they were told and looked at him. "Alright, people. Remember what I told everyone, and let's have the best orgy possible. Everyone have their lube and sex toys with them?" Various dildos, vibrators, and anal beads were waved into the air. "Great. Now, places everyone...!" There was a great shuffling as the cameraman began to adjust his camera. "...ready... action!"
The director had it timed. The story was a lone man, jacking off in his bed, when his friend entered. A little shocked, but not too much so that he couldn't help his friend out through this time of need. Then a woman would come in, horny by the sight of it, and they'd help her... and then another would come in... and another...
The whole plot revolved around a man who forgot to lock his door while masturbating. He'd just had a girlfriend who'd broken up with him or something over some dumb shit... who cared? No one watched this shit for the plot.
Soon, twelve people were up on the set, fucking and getting fucked in all their glorious and animalistic splendor. There were more to come. The director leaned back in his chair, watching as the actors did whatever felt most natural (within, of course, a few boundaries). He sought to make fun, natural, couple-friendly porn, something that just about anyone could watch and have something turn them on.
Making porn, he thought, watching as one woman road on a cock while sucking a man off, was not just about writing a script or hiring the right actors to make your fantasy take place. Anyone could do that. That shut people out. Turned them off. There was a lot of bad porn in the world. He wanted to make good porn. And that was a high art.
Just then, startling everyone (except for Jerry, who was cumming by the gallon, and Martha, who was writhing against a man's tongue), was a knock on the door.
"Who the fuck—alright, guys, pull out of each other. Pull out, I said."
There was a loud "awwwwwe" from the crew, but they did as they were told. The men put on cock rings, holding their boners in place.
"I know, I know... no one invited an outsider, did they?"
"That guy in the panties was my cousin!"
"Yeah but we got—YOUR COUSIN? Sick, dude! That's... that's pretty gross. I mean, I'm a porn director, and I don't kinkshame, but damn."