The Greatest Story Ever Told Or

The Greatest Story Ever Told,

OR...

Bi*ch hid my Viagra/The worst story ever told.

{Trying a fantasy...Lee}

I was happy when the doorbell rang, I knew she was coming. I had been planning for it all day.

Her name was Mysty, I didn't have a fucking clue why she spelled it that way, I suppose just to make herself mysterious and all that shit.

I didn't care, I just wanted to hose the broad, hell, she was coming on to me all day and all night at the piece of shit conveyer lines where we worked side by side.

Packages all day all night no end to the goddamn things, I liked the ones marked "fragile" I just pitched them as hard as I could into the fucking bins.

Sometimes I would be rewarded with the crash of glass, some stupid rich son of a bitch's precious artworks all shot to hell, fuck'em, fuck'em all.

If they paid for insurance, no problem, most of the cheap bastards didn't bother, I loved that part, $100 that's it...you lose pal...

Like I said, I hated it. Dead fucking trees wrapped around some asshole's precious piece of shit, just to get it someplace nobody gives a fuck about...I hated the idea, but hell, this IS a goddam Earth Day Contest, ain't it? I gotta say something about the environment to qualify. So it's the goddam dead trees...

Where was I?

I suppose Mysty got bored or something with that snotnose skinny husband of hers, God I wanted to just pop the little piece of shit. I couldn't, I would get fired from my $8.37 an hour job, because he worked in routing and was my "superior".

I hated it but it kept me in beer and the landlord off my ass.

Mysty, damn her, first it was a tank top. Then no bra, her big fat tits hung halfway down to her waist, drove me plumb nuts. Hell I had a woody poking out all goddam day watching her, then trying not to.

Big old tits just kinda rolled left and right, I made up my mind. I was going to fuck the bitch, one way or another!

I had my wife, Kathy at home. She kept the house clean, cooked. Sat on her ass and got fat mostly besides that. Suck my dick was out of the question, one time every 3 months was enough, shit she would just lay there like this was fun. Took me maybe 30 seconds to get a load off, damn near couldn't feel it. Then jump up and shower, shower, shower, sometimes for 30 to 45 minutes even a fucking goddam HOUR trying to get what she just suffered off her.

Yep, I was going to get me a chunk of Mysty...

Got it all worked out, Kathy was gone to her Mom's, I had 3 days. I just wandered up to Mysty, scratching my ample stomach through the hole in my Richard Petty T-Shirt, a collector's item for sure! I knew she would be impressed by that, let's face it, how many guys got one?

Told her, "Wanna come over for some brews, got the weekend to myself!"

She laughed, then said, "Sure." Hell, I knew she would. I watched her butt as she walked away, wobbling from side to side as far as she could swing it. Her jeans were at least two sizes too tight, what the hell, better than what I had at home.

I was on my 3rd beer when she knocked on the door, I let her in. Mysty was dressed nasty, I had counted on that. The yellow halter top covered her up but her big fat boobs were still obvious as hell.

Topping it off was she had on cutoff jeans, she wore them high enough to cover the few rolls she had in the middle. She was sopping wet. I looked outside, I hadn't realized it was raining, it sure was a dark and stormy night! Wind was up, raining like hell.

I cracked, "Better let me help you out of those wet things!" expecting nothing.

She goes, "Oh, Ok."

I stood there suddenly not knowing what to do. Shit, this was going a bit too fast, anyway, I got my courage up and managed to reach for her top.

Sure as hell, those massive things swung free and slid down over the rolls, I gave them a couple of feels and tweaked her nipples. Her nipples were the size of a saucer, I ain't kidding, big'un! But then her tits were big'uns too!

This was easy. I though about my woody, it was kinda hanging there, I realized I needed a bit of help. Them damn 3 beers, well, 5 but still, they were slowing things down a bit.

So I excused myself, wandered into the bathroom. I had my box of "Hair color for Men" in there, I kept my stash of Viagra there. Hell, who knows? A Man's gotta be ready when opportunity knocks...

I looked inside, not there.! Ohoh...I looked around the medicine chest, not there. I ran into the bedroom, looked in the drawers, NOT THERE!

Fuck!

Goddam Kathy. Damn cunt! It had to be her, she found my stash.

I reached down and grabbed my dick, whacked it a few times...Nothing...Damn.

So I figured maybe Mysty could help, so I went out, she was still standing there, no top, big old tits hanging down. I grabbed her and kissed her, she kinda laid back and let me hold her.

We moved to the couch, no time at all her pants were off, mine, too. She was whacking away at my limp dick when I heard a noise.

"What the hell is that?" I thought, it sounded like a loaded frieght train was right outside, just then the roof went.

"Oh, shit!" I thought, and I grabbed Mysty's hand and we ran through all sorts of debris and crap coming in from all directions.

The bathroom was all we had, she jumped in the tub, I jumped right in on top. All hell broke loose. God's fury came in the door. (Hell of a neat line, huh?)

Where was I again...?

Suddenly there was light, I realized the roof was gone. It also hit me I was hard as a rock, I had a good 5" boner going on, I was so big my foreskin was rolled all the way back by itself! Animal, I am serious, fucking animal! Hell, I could screw a pile of rocks, ages since my dick did this!

I just laid down, stuck it in Mysty, we screwed in the tub like wild animals, all sorts of shit going on outside, we were going to be dead any minute.

Suddenly it was stone quiet, I was laying there with my dick stuck in Mysty, complete fucking silence outside. I stopped and looked around, hell, I hadn't even cum yet. I thought about finishing up, but my curiousity got the better of me. Mysty moaned a bit as I dragged my huge piece of meat out of her, but I was kinda worried about my boat, parked outside under just a canopy.

I got up and went into the living room. There was nothing there at all, roof was gone, walls were gone. Smack in the middle sat my living room table, my beer still sitting there. I looked outside at where my boat should be, nothing. That pissed me off!

I grabbed the beer sitting on the table, took a pull. Mysty came out, she was all fussed up and scared, naked as a jaybird.

I looked at her. "What the hell was the matter with me?" I thought. How in the hell could I screw in the middle of what was obviously a Tornado?

She came over and hugged me. Then we got dressed, went outside to look at the piles of crap everywhere. There wasn't a single board left hooked to another, hell most looked like they weren't even boards!

The screwy part was my Hyundai Elantra sat in the goddam driveway, surrounded by piles of debris, didn't even have a dent!

It was about 4 hours later before the phones came back up. Mine rang, it was Kathy, she was all bawling and carrying on.

"Are you all right?" she blubbered.

"Yea, fine."

"How did you survive?"

"Got in the tub."

"Oh. I will be there in a couple hours."

"OK." I reached for another beer...I had found my fridge about 200 feet away in the neighbor's shallow fish pond, fucking Koi swimming around like nothing happened.

I went and sat down on a couch, no idea who it belonged too, didn't care... Popped me another brew...

Bitch hid my Viagra, time to have a talk. Damn serious talk.

I sat back, scratched my ample stomach through the hole in my Richard Petty T-Shirt.

Hmmmm... Wonder if Kathy is in the mood?