The Good Buddy

My wife and her lovers think it would amuse them if I wrote this story about how I came to be known as The Good Buddy. I guess it started....

Wait, don't go, you haven't read my story yet!

What?

What do you mean you do not want to read about yet another cream-pie eating, cuckold wimp who gets off cleaning up his wife's snatch after her condom-spurning, bull-cocked, pint-spurting lovers pound her into a succession of screaming orgasms?

You do understand that you are on the Literotica site? I see from a quick peek at your statistics that quite a number of the stories you have been reading deal exactly with that subject you now claim repels you?

Huh? Oh, that! Heck and shucks, that's just a little snooper I whipped up, that allows me to access Homeland Security WWW Monitoring. Who Guards the Guardians? Me do! Dats Who!

My job is to protect the political appointees in their cushy desk jobs from screwing up the net.gov security system by abusively overloading the net.gov traffic capacity with their favorite pornography sites.

No, no. Not to stop them from beating off to mediocre porn. No, my boss is concerned that if the remaining Bush league appointees weren't kept preoccupied with corpulent porn and drooling over hairy anuses getting rimmed, they'd go back to their bad habits of spying on American citizen's political correspondence, without properly sanctioned authorization through channels. So my job is to insure that the porn flows smoothly and you all can keep yourselves busy getting your freak on.

Man, if Cheney had just spent more time on excretaphiliac porn (his favorite) instead of mucking around mis-coordinating Internal Security, his subordinates might have accidentally succeeded in preventing 9/11. But then that would have pissed off his Saudi Dungeon Master. Probably would have gotten Cheney punished by taking away his doggy collar and favorite butt plug. حيلة ولد فائدة ولد

Oh, wait a second. Now I see. I've been running an analysis of your reading patterns. Huh, who'd have thought. So you're one of those guys who deliberately go looking for wimp/cream-pie stories. You read just enough to determine the story's sub-genre. Then you jump to Comments and let off a vitriolic blast of hate at the fictional characters and the author of that fiction.

MmHmm, see now if you had actually finished reading the stories before you posted your tantrums, the other commentators wouldn't have the fun of deriding your level of stupid. Heres Your Sign!

Goodness, I had thought the Prison System had improved their monitoring of prisoner usage of accessible computers. Well, that's their bailiwick, not mine. Hang on a second........just gotta jot a notation to my boss........He might find it useful during the upcoming HUAC Secret Security Budget Allocations sessions to be able to point out why our monitoring duties should be expanded to include monitoring the systems monitoring prisons and half-way houses.

Aren't you dutifully proud you are contributing to the War on Terror?

Wow! There's a lot of you guys on this site. Ain't there enough rocks to break? Trash to be picked up along the highways? Weights to lift and drop?

Whaaat the?.....yuck! I see now why you get so upset at fictional cream-pie eating wimps. That cell-block gang really owns your ass, don't they?

Ouch! Sorry, I can't watch anymore of this........If you'll excuse the pun, It's really Not my taste watching you get buggered and then you being forced to lick the cocks clean afterwards. How unsanitary!

Well, getting back to My story. Tarnation, where was I? Oh Yeah.

My wife and her lovers think it would amuse them if I wrote this story about how I came to be known as The Good Buddy. I guess it started....I was horny, eh so what else is new? A deed in need indeed!

My name is Buddy S., I am 5ft 8, 150 lbs, dark blonde hair, pale green eyes, wiry I guess. My wife's name is Ursula. Doesn't that name just flow off the tongue like german marching music? I am happy that we are as in love today as when we first met ten years ago. During the Graduation party my Fraternity was throwing for those of us Seniors who actually intended to graduate. Go! Alpha! Sigma! Sigma! Quite a number had decided to stay in and go for a Masters or a Phd. or whatever-the-hell-they-could-fake until the job market improved.

Fortunately, I didn't have that problem. During my Junior year some of the theoretical work I had been doing in infiltrating and subverting Network Protocols came to the attention of a computer savvy, Washington savvy, counter-intelligence officer, a security advisor to Rumsfeld, who was ambitious to carve out his own little security domain. He offered me a great paying job as soon as I graduated, just that I had to be exclusive to him.

Hell yes! I was ecstatic to be able to jump right into an important, high salaried GX+ position without going through all those dreary years as a poorly paid G01/G10 cubicle drone. I will be able to retire at forty, with a substantial portfolio of blue chips and bonds and property deeds in addition to my pension and full medical benefits. Since that all comes out of the Black Budget, it is well concealed from public scrutiny and well protected from Congressional sequestration.

Those poor saps, Policemen and Firemen and Military Veterans and Nurses and other public servants are getting screwed over to make the onepercenters happy but those 'Born booted and spurred to ride mankind' won't touch me. I know too many of their dirty secrets and they know that I know how to set up a dead man's switch.

That if anything should happen to me, their nasty little secrets will be automatically broadcasted across the World Wide Web. Just a little insurance policy. Cause like I said, I know how ruthless our wanna-be ubermen masters can be. Ming the Merciless, indeed!

Of course by age forty, my IT coding skills will be obsolete as newer technology is being developed all the time. However, I'll be well enough off so that I can retire gracefully. Instead of just getting booted into the gutter as the onepercenters did to the rest of you politically retarded redundants. Why do you delude yourselves that voting the WASP ticket will, in some magical way, get you out of the stockyard lineup for the boltgun to your head?

Geez, I do keep getting off track, don't I? Let's see, uhhmm, okay uhh, I met Ursula at this party and I don't know if you believe in love at first sight but okay, maybe it wasn't quote LOVE!! unquote but I surely was smitten? in lust? bedazzled? with her sublime beauty and charm and wit and sexual availability. Medium length shaggy brown hair, 5ft10, 200 lbs, 28CCC bosom, sparkling puce eyes, creamy pale freckled skin. Fantastically pulchritudinous figure of a woman! Laughter that peals like the cry of a guillemot!

And she must have found something equally attractive about me cause the next thing I knew we were upstairs, in my Fraternity dorm room doing the horizontal mambo with full frontal nudity! And then as we were both floating down from our mutual Big 'O', this big black friend of Ursula's walks in and strips down and joined us.

The sight of the two of them going at it so excited me, my flagging cock immediately rocketed back to prominence! I....what?.....wait! Please don't go.

I'm trying to tell you my story.....I don't understand what is bugging you man!

What do you mean you do not want to read about some giant meaty black cock plunging into a horny white woman's gushing pussy? Here! Look at your Literotica stats again......and sheesh, here is the video where you, yourself were taking a big black nightstick up your own colon from Mr. Africa in your cell there just a few minutes ago!

Oh, wait a second, oh God....you thought it was a black man who I was getting off on watching him plow Ursula!?

Hahahahaha!! That's funny! I'm sorry, I guess I'm a lousy writer. I have very little experience writing anything but code. Whooeee, hehehehehe.

Okay, let's back this bus up a second. First of all, the black person who joined us was Ursula's roommate Kasey. Black as spades, huge bright red Afro, 6ft4, 260lbs, 32DD bosom, ruby eyes. Who dominates a room like a ravenous Thylacine.

She is a committed lesbian. Kasey was all over her roomie but otherwise just barely tolerated my presence as I helped her DP Ursula. We were port and starboard and we went at her, fore 'n aft. Kasey sat on her roommate's screaming face as I pounded out the Anvil Chorus with my proudly seven inches of manmeat intrusively into Ursula's womanly charms. Whenever my Jolly Roger is a'boarding and a'storming, I like to keep my rhythm going with a little hammering tune.

Kasey would not go down on her after I filled Ursula's cunt with my masculine cream. Didn't bother me to dive in and clean up after myself while in a 69 as Ursula penny-whistled my organ clean to a third minor orgasm for me while she herself had to suffer through a chain reaction of rapaciously rapid raptures.

With a suspicious glare at me as I pulled back and sat there licking my lips, Kasey carefully inspected Ursula's vagina to make sure I had thoroughly cleaned out my slop. Then I got to watch some amazing cunning linguistics as the two women went at each other like starving tigresses. Couldn't get me up a fourth time that hour but I enjoyed watching two coed sexperts displaying all the skills of their tart. If I didn't see it myself, I wouldn't have believed that both those big hands could fit in there!

This is how I found out that Ursula is bi-sexual, with a strong preference for pussy. Most men she considers pathetically mediocre as lovers but something about me turns her on and I hit all her buttons! Don't ask me to explain it, I'm just as clueless about women's motivations as the rest of you guys.

None of my previous female lovers seemed overwhelmingly impressed by my proweress. Usually they just complained I was too large for them to comfortably orgasm? Don't give me that look! It is what it is. Ursula herself admits she doesn't understand why she loves me, both as a partner and a husband and a lover. She never complains that I'm too big for her, go figure women!

Soooo......you wanna argue with success? Huh, no wonder you keep getting yourself locked up. You just lack the capacity to recognize a good thing when Lady Luck rubs it hot and wet into your face.

After the two women had brought one another to their umpteenth orgasm with a mutual fisting, Kasey went to use my shower. When she came out while toweling off that lusciously fine negrita body of hers, she looked down at us cuddled together on the bed with a bemused look on her face. No, I didn't mind being on the wet spot, I helped create it!

Dripping Kasey evidently was expecting her roommate to leave with her "Girl? Are you going to stay the night? With a guy, of all things?"

Ursula looked up from where she was nuzzling my neck and evidently to her own surprise "Yeah, yes I guess I will. Uh, if you don't mind uhmm, Handsome?"

"Buddy, my name is Buddy S.. Can't say as I'd mind at all. Shall I call you Gorgeous? And shall I call my new second-best friend over there Lovely?

The women both giggled at that, Lovely responded "Gorgeous there is Ursula Z. and I'm Kasey H.. We're roommates at the XiXiPi Sorority House. I gotta say this is the only time we've done this, that I wasn't repelled by the drips Gorgeous gets herself cornered by. A couple of the more prickly asshole's I've had to bitch slap comatose to let us leave. Then the football coach ordered the linemen to stay the hell away from us. Before any more of the jerks were too injured to play."

I piped up and lisped in falsetto "Ohh, Spanky you Lovely brute you! Would you like to be my dungeon Mistress? Chain me, flog me, make me listen for hours to a looped recording of your thesis!"

That set Kelsey off laughing heartily "Maybe next time boy. If you promise to be extra naughty and very nasty." She choked out.

All three of us were laughing ourselves sick, I guess we could be heard next door cause Johnny stuck his head in and asked hopefully "Hey, is there a party on in here?" His face turned pale as a ghost then as red as a balloon, his eyes bugged out, his jaw gaping, watching Kasey finish drying herself, aaalll over her sexy body! Then getting dressed.

As she regally swept out of my room, she smirked her distaste at the drooling Johnny and quipped "Sorry fella, you're on the wrong team. I don't want to pitch to a batter, I want to humpire a catch-her!"

As she disappeared down the hall, he turned to us and said with a jealous glare on his face "You lucky bastard, two women! Two!"

"Well John, that's how I roll, to celebrate my graduation. Not with a whimper but with a bang-bang!"

He slammed my door behind him as he stormed out, then we both started laughing again as a second later we heard him slam his own door in frustration. Finally! After four years of earning a reputation as a mediocre cocksman, I finally have rocketed into Alpha Status, to honorably end my University education with the legendary status of bedroom vale-dick-torian. Summa Cum Loudly!

I consider it my good luck that it turns out that Ursula would be returning to her family estate along the Zekiah Swamp in Charles County, Maryland. A few thousand acres mostly devoted to raising wild rice and water fowl. She was being educated and trained so that in a few years, when her Guardian and Great-Aunt Mabellyne Y. retires, Ursula will take over as Estate Manager and Proprietor.

I'd bet if you walked along any restaurant row in any Chinatown in North America and inspected the Peking ducks hanging in the windows. A good percentage would be proudly displaying the Zekiah Swamp Estate brand seared into their little butts! And when you are buying wild rice, only the Zekiah harvested is guaranteed to be 100% swamp water grown!-TM- And of course, for "Boy! What Day Is This?", we always have the 'Biggest' of roasted goose. Well worth a gold crown.

I'm having a dickens of a time trying to understand why you didn't get that reference........trope!

Reason it was lucky for me, is that my new job was in a small, anonymous office building in McLean, Virginia, near Langley and I wound up leasing a nice house in Pimmit Green overlooking the historical Chesapeake and Ohio Canal. So it was a reasonable commute between Ursula and myself by cigaretteboat until we got married. Our love life was smokin' hot! We were an instant match! 'Paging Phillip Morris!'

A friend of mine over at the DEA, knew I had always fancied getting my own go-fast. We had been on a couple of College amateur teams and I had really enjoyed myself. Hey, there was only one crash! The boat was pulverized but we both survived with minimal additional deaths and cripplings.

Anywho, my pal at the DEA steered me to a mistaken seizure, that the department wanted to clandestinely dispose of, before any snoopy reporters started asking embarrassing questions, about whatever happened to the family of fine, law abiding citizens aboard?

Who had the very baddest luck to be at the very worstest place at the very wrongest time. I got it for a very reasonable price and it was not very unreasonably expensive patching the chain-gun bullet holes and replacing the blood-stained upholstery.

I rechristianed her, the 'Rump Runner'. She's 30' in length and 400 horsepower each, twin engines. With space for four people in the cockpit. I know it's kinda short but the canal and Bay are tight and crowded with traffic and it made it easier to find space in a boathouse.

Man! When I put the pedal to the metal, that little boat screams past the all those dinky sailboats. Maybe it's the sailors who were screaming? And speaking about pounding out the Anvil Chorus, the girls say my hands on the throttles, as we batter through the waves, is better then a galloping horse for getting them off!

Getting engaged was a sobering experience. I had to reevaluate my life and career goals. That's when I convinced my boss we should disperse our facilities further away from Target>Langley and I got a new office in an old ex-bank building in Waldorf, Maryland. Conveniently close to where, after our marriage, Ursula and I now live in the Zenana Mansion on the Zekiah estate. Huh, whadda coincidence.....smirk!

Now my baby the 'Rump Runner' is kept in a boathouse at the docks of Port Tobacco. Seems appropriate for a cigarette-boat. But Ursula is talking about having a baby of her own and if I want to be a daddy, I'm going to have to make a choice. Sad day, sad day......

Kasey had also returned to the District and was aggressively working her way up one of the Murdoch/Ailes/Saudi Axis clandestinely owned advertising/public relations/media conglomerates right outside the Beltway. Her last assignment was babysitting Republican Presidential nominees to prevent the public from discovering their more unsavory hobbies. A couple of them she had to spank into submission, they were so naughty!

It amuses Ursula and Kelsey to take me with them as they tour the lesbian bars and clubs in the District. All those varieties of female, wondering what the hell I'm doing hanging around with two spectacularly gorgeous lesbians. Then they find out that Ursula and I are happily married and basically Kasey is Ursula's regular girlfriend. And that I'm cool with their relationship. The slackjawed, stunned look on a room full of Sapphic faces is priceless!

But why shouldn't I be complacent? They've been together since they met in fifth grade as they attended the exclusive Czarina Boarding Academy for Proper Young Ladies. A lot longer then our marriage. If it makes Ursula happy, it makes me happy. Heckfire! Kasey is a darn easy on my eyes and funny as all get out. You should hear her riffing on her charges, hilarious how dumb they are! Yah just gotta wonder why the GOP vetting committee keeps fishing in the shallow end of the gene pool for these corybantics? Vainly attempting to make the Bush clan of jukes & kallikaks appear more palatable would be my guess.

I think it was Kasey who first designated me The Good Buddy and it went viral from there. I don't have any great compulsion to join in with the other female lovers my wife and Kasey get involved with every now and again. But, then the other girls also started referring to me as The Good Buddy.

And that is how I'm recognized now, in just about every lezzie club and bulldyke saloon in the Washington D.C. metropolitan area. I never have to buy my own drinks anymore. The bartenders just automatically start pouring my favorite, a mug of Birch Oatmeal Stout. Amazed me to discover, my drinking has popularized Birch brewed drinks among that crowd. Birches among the Bitches? I dunno, let me think about it. Perhaps I'm belaboring the switches? Ouch! Sauna jokes........so suo-mi. Smirk.

Heck, without the constant pressure for sex, some of the gals and I have become pretty good drinking buddies. If you'all will excuse the punny. We get together as a barbershop quartet. I'm Countertenor or falsetto, Katty is lyric contralto, Pussy is dramatic contralto and Daisy is baritone. We just sing for fun, we've done a few fundraisers and charity gigs aside from amateur contests and karaoke bars. We call ourselves the QQuadrant QQuips.

At home at Zenana Mansion, I'm on the ukelele, Ursula's on her hurdy-gurdy and Kasey on her 48inch harmonica. We sure have a lot of fun harmonizing. And sometimes we get the Mansion help and Estate employees as a background chorus. You should hear all of us wailing out 'O Fortuna'. Especially with the Reagan Sisters singing the bass chorus. I'm not sure, we might be on YouTube?

A couple of years ago Ursula and Kasey were intimate with Lenora M. for a few months. She wheedled Ursula into involving me in their bed-games when Kasey wasn't available. She wouldn't allow vaginal penetration but that woman would give the second-best blowjobs I have ever experienced. Now, are you crazy enough to believe, that I'm so stupid as to ever admit, that anyone can give me a better blowjob then my wife?