The Futures So Bright I Gotta

"The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades"

The day started sucking for Penny the moment she walked into work. Some stupid convention was in town, which meant the hotel was absolutely full, and her car had decided to conk out, so she needed to bum a ride to work from Stu, and he was so stoned that he'd spent five minutes staring at the ignition before she finally kicked him to the passenger's seat and drove herself, and the upshot of it was that when she got in, she got a five-minute lecture from Mister Walford on proper time management, and then got thrown into a shark's tank of irate conventioneers and dirty rooms. If she hadn't dropped a tab of Easy Street, she'd have fucking walked by now, but the Street mellowed her out enough for her to remember that she needed the money. Frankly, though, she was already starting to wish she'd dropped two.

She knocked on the door to room 308, which had requested clean towels. "Come in," the guest said from inside.

Penny opened the door and walked in. "Hi," she said, "I'm from--" The guy walked up to her and stuck some gizmo in her face before she even got a good look at him. It flashed in her eyes like a camera going off, and she winced. Photosensitivity was one of the Street's side effects.

"Sit down," the guest said. Still blinking, she did so. Maybe the guy was going to apologize. "Good girl. Now take off your clothes."

She shot him a look. He was a skinny little guy, maybe six inches shorter than her, not bad looking, but maybe 125 pounds soaking wet, wearing sunglasses in a hotel room. She didn't know what was going on in his head, but she felt pretty sure that she could take him if he tried to get violent. So she didn't feel like she had to be nice about refusing. "What do I look like, a hooker?" The Street took the edge off her anger, but that was only going to buy this guy about thirty seconds before she tossed the towels in his face and walked off.

The guy looked down at his little gizmo, then back at her. He flashed it in her face again.She squinched her eyes shut tightly, still seeing spots. "Gah! Knock that shit off, OK? My fucking pupils are dilated!" Shit. She probably shouldn't have sworn at a guest. He could get her in trouble for that. Then again, she could get his skinny ass kicked out of the hotel room for telling her to strip naked.

"What the--" He looked down at his little gizmo again. "Crap," he said. "Crap crap crap! Unless..." He leaned in real close, taking a look at her eyes as she opened them again. "Are you on any medication at the moment?"

Penny snorted. "To survive this job? Half the girls in this building are on something. Vera on seven is stoned to the fucking gills right now, Maria up on nine takes three big fucking yellow pills that I don't even want to know what's in those, and one of the girls who works the penthouse suites deals heroin to the big-shots." She grinned. "Of course, if you're a narc, I didn't say any of that. But you're no cop. And I don't think you're going to report me to management, are you?"

The guy shook his head, a little nervous all of a sudden. "No. No, no need to bother them with...with any of this. But, um...what exactly are you on?"

Penny leaned back in the chair and smiled. "A little something I knocked up myself, in the basement. I call it Easy Street. It's a little bit pain-killer, a little bit stimulant, a little bit anti-depressant. It's mild enough that you can drop it at work and you won't fuck up your job, but strong enough that you go through the whole day without letting the little shit get to you. So, you know...when I take it, I'm on Easy Street all day long."

The guest nodded. "That explains it. The drug must be inhibiting some of the neuro-peptides the Hyptronic Inducer stimulates. Means it doesn't work on you. The Neutronic Goggles shield me from any mind-control beams, of course, but without protection, you should have--"

Penny leaned forward for a closer look at the gizmo, her eyebrows raised. "'Hyptronic Inducer'? You mean you actually thought you could just flash that thing in my eyes and I'd...what, be your little sex bunny?" She laughed. "That's it, isn't it? You put in god knows how many hours of work on that thing, spent who knows how much researching it, and all of it because you wanted to get laid."

The guy snatched the gizmo out of her view and put it in his pocket. "That's--that's not it!" he stammered. "I mean--yes, I was--but that's just a, um, a fringe benefit! It's the principle! I want to prove it works, is all. Nobody said it would. Everyone said--they laughed at me! Laughed!" He seemed to find a groove, like he'd gotten onto familiar ground. "But oh yes, I will show them. When I unveil the Hyptronic Inducer at the convention this weekend, the others will understand my true genius. Then I will return to the university, and show them--show them all the true intellectual might of Doctor Jacob Lowenstein! Ahahahahahahahahahaha! Nothing in the world can stop me now!" He raised his right fist in the air, as though waiting for a dramatic bolt of lightning.

Penny looked at him appraisingly through the whole speech. Finally, she spoke. "You haven't had any pussy in a long time, have you?"

Jacob stammered and blushed, his monologuing skills suddenly gone.

Penny stood up and slid her arm around his waist. "I tell you what, Jacob. You use that gizmo of yours on my boss, Mister Walford, and give me a free pass out of work for the day, and I'm all yours. You can tell me about this convention of yours, explain a little more about that Hyptronic Inducer, and maybe we'll even take care of that 'not getting laid' thing. How's that sound?"

*****

Jacob had barely gotten the door closed when Penny pounced on him. She dragged him over to the bed, literally threw him down, and started pulling her clothes off. "Sweet suffering fuck," she said, her words slightly muffled by her own uniform, "that was the fucking hottest shit I ever saw!" She yanked her bra off, flinging it heedlessly across the room. "Oh, God, when you zapped Mister Walford with that thing..." She finished stripping in what had to be record time and jumped onto Jacob. He'd barely managed to get his pants unzipped, but that was good enough for Penny. She pulled his cock out of his fly and impaled herself on it. "Did you, ohh, did you see the look on his face?" She started pumping her hips, rolling them forward slightly with each downward stroke, and back slightly as she reared up. "Oh, fucking yes, God, I never thought I'd think that man was sexy, but, unnh, seeing him like that..." She hit her first orgasm quicker than she expected. Jacob wasn't that big, but he was big enough, and clearly had a lot of pent-up energy. "Fuck, no wonder you wanted to do that to me. I'd want...mmm, that's nice...I'd want to do that to me too, if I was you."

Jacob seemed a little shell-shocked. He had this expression on his face that was half amazed, half horny, and half scared out of his wits by being practically raped in his own hotel room. Penny hit her second climax, and felt him squirt inside of her. Penny guessed the horny half had won.

She rolled off of him, and the two of them lay on the bed for a long moment. "So," she said at last. "The convention that came in today...is it a bunch of guys like you? Perverts with brain-zappers?"

Jacob gave her a look like he was trying to decide whether or not she was making fun of him. Something about the way her breasts were still heaving must have made him decide she wasn't. "It's the Fifth Annual Mad Scientists' Convention," he said. "We hold symposia, exhibitions, panels...to be honest, a lot of it is just an excuse to show off. Everyone's always got something new they're working on, and being able to demonstrate something big is always a major coup. I hear Finley's planning to unveil his new Neural Clamp..."

"That's more mind control shit, right?"

"Not exactly. Finley's specialty is neural induction. His idea is that you can transmit signals to a person's muscles through induction of electrical impulses, run a human being entirely by remote control. They would know they were being controlled, but they wouldn't be able to stop it."

Penny shivered. "Damn. You better be ready for another go-round, Jake, because I just found a whole new turn-on here."

Jacob looked down at himself. "I, um...maybe in a few minutes..."

Penny sat up and looked around for her uniform. After a few moments of rummaging around in the pockets, she came up with a little blue pill. "Why don't you take a little Trojan Horse? I get the feeling we're going to be at this a while, and I don't want you pooping out on me before I'm ready to quit."

He took the pill from her hand with a slightly nervous expression. "Trojan Horse?"

"Yeah. It causes pop-ups." She was a little surprised to hear him laugh, but she figured that he must spend a lot of time on the web. "It's another little something I put together. Works a little like Viagra, but it's also got a bit of a stimulant in there, so you'll have a lot of energy to go with your hard-on." She saw the expression on his face. "Don't worry, it's perfectly safe, unless you've got a heart problem or something. Which probably half the guys on Viagra do, but why shouldn't they make sex pills for the younger generation?"

"You're quite the talented chemist," Jacob said, swallowing the pill. "I'm surprised you're working at this job."

"The raw ingredients aren't cheap, and it's hard to find clients that'll shell out big bucks for stuff they've never heard of. The big cartels would want the recipes so they could crank stuff out fast, and I like my little secrets, so I can't deal much. I spend most of the money I make selling this shit on testing the new stuff. It barely keeps me even. Right now, it's basically a hobby that pays for itself." She lay back down on the bed. "Why don't you get over here now, baby? That stuff's pretty fast-acting." She looked down at his already-stiffening cock. "But I guess you noticed."

*****

They stayed in bed most of the day, but finally, Penny persuaded him to take her down to the convention floor for a look. "They won't let just anyone into the exhibition hall," he said.

"We'll go together. You'll have your badge, and I'll be your arm-candy. Bet it'd make every guy down there jealous to see a beautiful woman by your side..."

Jacob shook his head knowingly. "Most of the attendees have been here all day. By now, ninety percent of your staff are brainwashed sex toys. They won't think it's anything special."

She tapped his sunglasses. "But I'll be the only girl down there wearing these..."

"Let's go."

The convention floor was a cave of wonders, filled with sparking arcs of electricity, blinding actinic lights, and dozens of men wearing lab coats and dark glasses. Everywhere Penny looked, she saw some sort of device, some a marvel of Victorian cranks and levers, some sleek iPod-esque designs, and some like nothing she'd ever imagined...

"Oh my god, what's with all the naked women? They're not staff, are they?"

Jacob smiled. "Professor Bronson's Living Dolls. He's very proud of them, but between you and me, he never did get the scent quite right. If you get close, they smell like machine oil and ozone. Professor Bronson seems to like it, though. And then there are the rumors..."

"Rumors?" Penny circled one of the perfect-looking women wandering the convention floor, sniffing at one of them experimentally.

"Well, supposedly, if you purchase one, you want to check its model number. Professor Bronson denies it, but the whole K series supposedly has an error in its vaginal compression subroutine, and under certain circumstances..."

Penny winced. "Ouch. Like sticking your dick in a punch press, huh?"

Jacob smiled at her in what he clearly hoped was a flirtatious manner. "That's why some of us prefer the human touch."

Or human-ish, at least. An aisle down, someone was displaying jars of silvery flowing liquid, like mercury but sparkling with tiny lights. "What does that stuff do?"

"Oh, that's Doctor von Tranza. He's into nanites."

"Nanites? Like, little tiny machines? What do they do?"

"Coat a woman's body, reprogram her brain and re-engineer her physique. She winds up very pliant and eager to please...silver all over, head to toe, but again, von Tranza seems to like that. So do some of the women. He's been in a committed relationship with a cyborg for the past three years now. I think that's why he's disposing of his stock."

They walked past subliminal displays and Neural Clamps (Finley was demonstrating it on Maria, from up on nine, and Penny slid Jacob's hand down her dress while the two of them stuck around a moment to watch it work), memory erasers and Hypnotrodes, devices that emitted arousal beams and one particular device called a 'Go-Go Ray' that was unfortunately not being demonstrated at the time.

"Not so many doomsday devices or reanimated corpses as I'd imagine," said Penny as they wandered up a row of Hypno-Discs. "I mean, really it seems less like 'mad science' and more like you guys are all just trying to find ways to get hot young women to fuck you."

Jacob shrugged. "A little from column A, a little from column B. We're mad, yes, but we also want to avenge ourselves on those who mocked and scorned our genius. And you'd be amazed at how many of those mockers and scorners are pretty young women who turned us down for dates."

Penny noticed a commotion on the edge of the hall. "Who's that guy they're kicking out?"

Jacob looked, then gave an irritated sigh. "Professor Ludcheski. He's in here every year, trying to show us some device that can change men into women, but we've told him time and time again, we just don't allow that kind of thing in here. He can find some other convention to display his ideas at, thanks very much. Nobody here wants to see it."

Penny looked sidelong at him. "This place really is a total sausage fest, isn't it?"

"Well, it is a mad scientist's convention. I mean, nothing personal, Penny, but women just don't get mad science. They always wind up doing sane, useful things for the progression of the human race. They don't have the temperament to turn someone into a nubile cheetah-temptress."

"I see," Penny said, perhaps a bit coldly. "You know what? Between the sex and the sightseeing, I haven't had anything to eat all day. You want to go grab a bite at the food court?"

*****

The restaurants were crowded with mad scientists, so Penny and Jacob got their food to go and walked back to the hotel room with it. Penny grabbed the drinks, Jacob picked up some extra napkins, and the two of them returned to the room in silence.

They sat on the bed and ate. "Look," Jacob said, in between bites of his burger, "I can tell that you're still a little upset over the whole 'women can't be mad scientists' thing. I didn't mean it as an insult." He swallowed a piece of french fry. "I think women are every bit as intelligent as men, I really do." He took a swig of soda. "I just think that mad science--truly mad science--is something that requires a different kind of intelligence. The mad scientist community is, um..." He took another long drink of his soda. "We're pretty much in agreement on this. The mad universities don't even accept female applications. We've just never seen a woman with the, um...with the qualifications to...to...um..." He paused, losing his train of thought completely. "I...feel funny..."

"I slipped a little Blank in your drink back at the restaurant. Odorless, tasteless, but baby, it makes you a real good listener. Tons of muscle relaxants, some narcotics...makes you just want to sit back, not worry, and let me handle everything now, don't you?"

Jacob slumped back against the wall, letting the soda fall out of his grasp onto the floor.

Stupid sunglasses don't stop chemicals, she thought as she pulled them off Jacob's face and stared at his glassy eyes. Imagine, all these years she'd been experimenting, working long, tired nights in her basement, and there was this whole world of people out there with the same vision she had--and they were keeping it from her! 'Women can't be mad scientists', they said. 'Don't have the temperament', they said. What they really meant was 'You can't join our little club.' They were sitting there, with their Hypno-Discs and sex robots, laughing at her. Laughing at her!

Oh, but she'd show them. She reached into Jacob's pocket and took out the Hyptronic Inducer. She'd show them all. She'd get them alone, slip them a little Blank, or Scatterbrain, and then--she pointed the Inducer and Jacob and pulled the trigger. ZAP!

I know all about neuro-peptides, Jacob, I know what blocks them and what doesn't, I know more than you do. Soon, you'll see. Soon you'll all see!

She realized suddenly that she was laughing, but that only made sense. The thought of all these men, begging to give her their inventions, all those devices combined with her brilliant chemistry, the thought of Mister Walford and everyone who had laughed at her being laid low, it all just seemed so funny. There suddenly seemed to be no limit to her potential conquests.

The words popped into her head unbidden, but as she shouted them, she knew they were true.

"Nothing in the world can stop me now!"

THE END