The Everheart Letters -- A Midwestern Decameron -- consist of ten folios of letters curated from the lost letter box in Everheart North Dakota
FOLIO ONE
LETTER NUMBER ONE -- AN INCIDENT AT ARBY'S
Manager
Arby's Restaurant
2398 N. Myrtle Street
Everheart, ND
Dear Arby's:
My name is Amanda Featherbottom and I am writing to complain about what is going on at your Arby's restaurant located at 2398 N. Myrtle Street here in Everheart, North Dakota
There are these two boys who come to your restaurant every day between 2:30 and 2:45 in the afternoon after they get off work at the chicken processing plant. One is named Jason Tiberson, and the other is Orville Gast. Jason is the taller one with dark wavy hair and big chest muscles. Orville is not as tall but has long blond hair that makes him look like a prince in a fairy tale. Neither one of them is super-cute but they are better-than-average cute.
These boys have been looking up my dress.
I go to your restaurant every afternoon and order jalapeno poppers and a Coke, and then I sit at my favorite table to eat. This table is just two tables away from where them boys always sit.
For a long time they didn't pay me no nevermind even if I smiled at them. They ate their sandwiches, and I ate my poppers, and we never talked to each other even though the dining area had nobody else in it. But one day I was relaxing, reading a comic book and eating my poppers and I happened to have my legs apart. Well, I look up from my comic book and Orville is looking up my dress. I couldn't believe it. I left my legs apart for a while to make sure, and as long as they were apart, he was staring right at me. Then I put them together, and he went back to talking to Jason like I wasn't even there no more.
That night I was very disturbed about what happened and couldn't sleep for thinking about how Orville had feasted his eyes on my panties. Then I thought maybe I was wrong and I had imagined it all. I would think the best of them boys until I had more evidence.
The next day was one of them hot days when I don't wear panties at all, but I thought that could work to my advantage because if those boys was really gentlemen and they was to look up my dress and see I didn't have no panties on they would immediately look away in order to protect my feminine modesty.
I wait for them boys and as soon as they are settled down at their table, I spread my legs just as wide as I can spread 'em. Orville takes a good look then whispers to his friend. Next thing both of them are plain-as-day staring up my skirt at my pussy. (There, I wrote it anyway). I stayed in that position for like fifteen minutes to make sure, and them boys were like deer in headlights the whole time. They stared and giggled and I think at one point I saw Orville reach down and rub himself. It was then I knowed then that I'd been right all along.
I put my legs together, walked right over and confronted them. I told them I'd seen them looking up my dress at my privates and that they weren't no gentlemen and needed to stop it.They said they thought I was showing myself off on purpose because I had such a pretty pussy. I told them that I wasn't at all doing that, and it wouldn't do them no good to try and sugar-talk me now. If they was truly sorry for what they'd done, they'd have to apologize by taking me to the movies or buying me some appetizers at Applebees.
Well, I left my phone number and I guess them boys ain't even sorry for what they done to me 'cause neither one of them even called me, much less took me to Applebees. You need to take action and bar them from coming to Arby's ever again, so they don't go looking up other girls' dresses like they done mine.
I have noticed that they have quit coming to Arby's at 2:30 in the afternoon, but now there is this new guy that comes in and I think he is doing the same thing. I will do a little bit more investigation and let you know about that in another letter.
Sincerely
Amanda Featherbottom
LETTER NUMBER 2 -- A COMMUNITY GARDEN ISSUE
Director
Parks and Recreation
1234 SW Fifth Street
Everheart, North Dakota
Dear Director of Parks and Recreation:
My name is Adam Longenfirm. I am a widower, and for ten years I have gardened at plot seven of the community garden in the Everheart City Park. The community garden is across the street from my home, and I have grown wonderful foods there over the years. For the last decade, the gardens have been tended by several widow ladies and myself.
This spring a German woman named Agnes Hangensway moved into the neighborhood and reserved the garden plot next to mine. Mrs. Hangensway is a large healthy woman who lives alone, and at first I welcomed her warmly to the neighborhood and the community garden. But all has not gone well, and the garden is not as it once was.
After I made the acquaintance of Ms. Hangensway, I noticed that every time I went out to work on my garden, she would come out of her house and start working on her plot. The problem was that Mrs. Hangensway had taken to wearing clothes that were increasingly inappropriate for gardening. I noticed it first a few weeks ago when she was on her hands and knees pulling weeds. She was not wearing a brassiere and had her shirt unbuttoned almost to the waist. Needless to say this allowed anyone close to her an unobstructed view of her breasts. It was not inadvertent on her part. I know because she would wink at me and say that she never planted any melons because she already had plenty of melon, and I knew she wasn't talking about the kind of melons one grows in a garden.
Then last week she quit wearing the shirt and came to do her gardening in a summer dress that was just as open in the front, but in addition, exposed her derriere every time she bent over. And she bent over a lot. In the dress she would get on her hands and knees facing away from me, and when she knew I was looking she would wiggler her behind. Just as she does not wear a brassiere, she does not wear underpants, so I could not help but see her buttocks and her privates. She would look over her shoulder and tell me how it had been a long time since there was a man around to plow her field, so these days she relied for relief on the cucumbers she grew there in the garden. Once again, I knew she was talking about more than growing vegetables.
About two weeks ago I went out to the garden in the evening to check for rabbits. I was surveying the garden when I was assaulted from behind by Mrs. Hangensway. She reached her hand down my pants, grabbed my penis and said to do what she said or she would yank it off. I was terrified. She pulled down my pants and, dropping to her knees, took my penis in her mouth until it was hard. Then she pulled me down on top of her, and, calling me her Big Zucchini, and pulled me inside her. I had little choice but to satisfy her lustful desires -- twice -- right there in the strawberries. When it was over, I staggered home, dirty and exhausted.
The next day there was a thank you note and a casserole on my front porch. I went to the garden with trepidation, because I could see that Mrs. Hangensway was not there. But the Italian lady, Gina Ittititti, and the Swedish lady, Helga Lickerson, were both there tending to their plants. They came over, both of them wearing much more revealing clothes than they had ever worn in the past, and questioned me at length about my big zucchini. They would not leave me alone until I had visited both of them and paid them the same attention that I had given to Mrs. Hangensway.
Since then I have not been able to garden at all without being besieged by widows. Mrs. Hangensway is always at my plot. I have more casseroles than I could ever eat, and I am constantly exhausted.
I believe it is the duty of the Parks Department to put a stop to this. The garden is an absolute mess. Plants have been crushed, weeds allowed to grow, and articles of clothing litter the rows. A simple man should be allowed to tend his community garden without being harassed at every turn by Mrs. Hangesway and her insatiable widow friends.
