Before the dawn of time, ere the universe took form, prior to all that is known, there was already one constant of existence: meetings. Somewhere deep inside the bowels of Heaven, Inc., in a dimly lit, window-less conference room, decisions that would affect the course of history are about to be made. The archangel Michael is about to start a meeting with his chief architect, Eos, and the designer Gabriel.
Michael: "I'm calling this meeting to order. Good, we're all here, take some of these deep-fried dough halos, and settle down. We're here to discuss the latest updates on our 'human' project. As you recall, the goal is to design a somewhat intelligent, self-replicating unit, and we've been throwing around some options how to make that work. Eos, can you please give us the latest?"
Eos: "Of course, Michael, happy to. The most promising approach to spawning new units has been to combine the traits of two individuals to produce a new one. In particular, we suggest a model where one unit incubates the offspring, while the other only contributes genetic material."
Michael: "Incubates? Like we did with the delicious things, what were they called? Chicklings?"
Eos: "No, these humans won't sit on eggs like *chickens*, Michael. We were thinking one of them could carry the growing spawn inside her for a while."
Michael: "Ok, and how does it get there?"
Gabriel, interrupting: "Oh, you're gonna love this, it's hilarious."
Eos: "Excuse me. One partner will provide the genetic material by depositing it inside the other, and then it will be combined in her womb."
Michael: "Deposit?"
Gabriel: "Hahaha, he shoots goo inside her. Like a slime cannon."
Michael: "That sounds a bit disgusting. Is that really the best we can do."
Eos: "Uh, well, we do need it to be, um, expelled and find its target. Let me show you some designs."
Eos pulls out a diagram of a naked body: "So, as you can see here, this is what we call the penis, and it'll be able to, um, shoot its load."
Michael: "It looks a bit sad."
Gabriel: "Show him how it grows. He can take it."
Eos: "Sigh, yes, Gabriel is right. We found a solution to make it look more appealing, and able to penetrate the partner more easily. Here."
Michael: "This is supposed to be more appealing? Did you copy those files from our 'mushroom' project? Do these also make you trip?"
Gabriel: "You could say that.... hahaha"
Eos: "Um, no, no hallucinations, no fun sounds."
Michael: "Too bad. Can't it be like that at all times? Why do we even have the sad option?"
Eos: "Because it looks ridiculous. And it's a good indicator for excitement."
Michael: "Excitement? And how exactly would it get 'excited'?"
Gabriel, loudly: "BEWBS!"
Eos: "Sigh... I knew we'd get to this point. Here, look at this diagram of the child-bearer. Gabriel here got all excited with our modeling software, and ever since he accidentally pulled the chest-slider all the way to the right, he won't shut up about these boobs, as he calls them. They do provide nutrition for the new-born, though."
Michael, blushing: "Well, yeah, I suppose I can see how they would be aesthetically pleasing. Maybe we can make them a bit rounder, less pyramid-shaped? Would be easier on the eye."
Gabriel: "I knew you were an old horn-dog, boss. I had the same thought, and already whipped up some designs. Here."
Gabriel pulls out a folder with hundreds of pictures of boobs of all sizes and shapes.
Michael: "Well, at least I know why you didn't get any other work done..."
Gabriel: "Boobs!"
Michael: "Ok, well, back to the topic at hand: And these 'boobs' will make the 'penis' excited?"
Eos: "It's a matter of preference, but as you can see with Gabriel here, for some individuals they have a strong effect."
Michael: "Fine, then let's go with 'sad sometimes, and excited about boobs at other times'. Now tell me more about the ejection itself. It sounds nasty."
Eos: "Oh, we have made sure to make it exceedingly pleasing. In fact, they will want to do this all the time. Like, *all* the time."
Michael: "And they will always need a partner? That sounds like a logistical nightmare."
Gabriel: "Tell him about our solution to that! It's hilarious."
Eos: "Well, erm, yeah, we have concluded that having this desire go unchecked might be uncomfortable for the individual, so they can just rub their penis and it will lead to the same result. There were some concerns that they might be too focused on doing this, though, so we built in a small recovery period."
Voice from the shadows: "And if we don't let them do that?"
Michael, startled: "Lilith! I didn't know you were in this meeting. What do you mean? They shouldn't be able to get this pleasure by themselves?"
Lilith: "Oh, no no, they definitely should. But Eos said it might give them discomfort not to, so my question is: What if they could, but we don't let them?"
Eos: "Then they'd get increasingly horny and desperate."
Lilith: "Excellent. That sound exciting. All in favor?"
Michael: "We are not voting. But there are more things to discuss. I think leaving them in charge of their own pleasure sounds lovely."
Lilith: "Of course you'd think that. I'm excited about denying them exactly that."
Michael: "Sigh, I should've known you would be. So, if they 'take care of themselves'... let's use a word for it; how about 'masturbate'?"
