Once upon a time there lived a beautiful fair maiden by the name of Snow White. Snow White was a virginal young woman who lived a very sheltered life. Her father was a very famous televangelist whom, due to obvious legal reasons, shall remain nameless in this story. He did not permit Snow White to have any boyfriends, listen to music with obscene lyrics, or watch any movies with any type of sexually suggestive content. Oh, it was perfectly fine in his eyes for him to have extramarital encounters with various male prostitutes and to snort crystal methamphetamine, but his daughter was to remain pure and chaste at any and all costs.
One day, Snow White was driving from her home in the country into the city nearby to perform some charity work at the homeless shelter where she devotes one or two days a week to help serve the meals for the residents of the shelter. On her way into town, Snow White spotted a haggard-looking elderly woman, who appeared to be homeless, walking along the road. Snow White stopped and offered a ride to the old woman. "Excuse me, ma'am, would you like a ride to the homeless shelter? I'm headed that way anyway," offered Snow White.
"Oh no dearie, I'm not going to the homeless shelter. As a matter of fact, I live with my seven nephews in a house not too far from here, but I would gladly accept a ride with you. Oh, by the way, you don't have to call me 'ma'am'; it makes me feel so old. Most folks just call me 'Queenie'."
The old woman got into Snow White's BMW Z4M and as they drove away, Queenie offered Snow White an apple, which the young girl eagerly accepted.
"Thank you for the apple, Queenie. I didn't realize how hungry I was."
Snow White ate the apple while driving Queenie to her nephews' house as Queenie gave her the directions.
The duo reached the secluded house, which was located about three miles from town. There were six motorcycles parked in the driveway—five chopped Harley Davidsons of various models and one old Indian Chief, which was fully restored to show condition.
When Queenie opened the passenger door to exit the car, the powerful odor of anhydrous ammonia wafted into the vehicle. Snow White immediately began feeling somewhat ill.
"Are you feeling all right, dearie?" inquired Queenie.
"As a matter of fact, my head's feeling a little dizzy and my stomach is feeling a bit queasy," Snow White replied.
"Oh my dear, please do come in and rest for a bit. I'm sure my nephews would love to meet you," Queenie offered.
Queenie assisted Snow White out of the car and into the house. When they entered the living room, Queenie found four of her nephews there. Sleepy—a drunk who is addicted to Xanax—was passed out, as always, on one section of the large sectional sofa. Dopey and Happy were both sitting on the other section of the sofa, smoking a bong. Grumpy—a manic depressive and a heavy drinker who has been off his medication for the past five years—was sitting in an easy chair, drinking from a liter bottle of Jim Beam and watching a porno on the big screen plasma TV.
"Who in the Hell is she?" Grumpy grumbled, his speech thick from drink.
"This is Snow White. She gave me a lift here and she's not feeling very well. I'm going to let her rest in the guest room for a spell," answered Queenie while directing a sly wink in Grumpy's direction.
Queenie led Snow White to the guest bedroom and helped her onto the bed. She was thankful that Snow White hadn't noticed the two video cameras on tripods or the four unlit quartz-halogen lamps on stands situated around the room.
Queenie returned to the living room and asked Grumpy: "Where are your other brothers?"
"Doc and Bashful are out in the barn tending to the meth lab; they're cooking up a new batch. Sneezy is making a delivery to the Sons of Silence. Didn't you notice his chopper was gone?"
"No, I didn't notice. I was too busy trying to get our next 'movie starlet' into the house before she fell on her pretty little face."
"So, when do we start making our next movie?" asked Grumpy. "I'm so horny right now the tailpipe on my bike is starting to look pretty good to me. Besides, that girl you just brought in is a real hottie!"
"Hold your horses, Grumpy. Give it another twenty minutes or so to make sure she's completely out, then go in there and tie her to the bed securely so she can't work loose. I gave her an apple that I injected with Rohypnol. She'll be out a good long time. Don't worry; you can go first."
Queenie then went out to the barn where Doc and Bashful were just finishing up their new batch of crystal meth. "As soon as you two get finished with this, I want you to come inside. I found us a new 'starlet' for our porno film racket."
This bit of news made Bashful a little nervous because he was so shy he couldn't get laid in a Tijuana whorehouse with a hundred-dollar bill pinned to his shirt. However, Doc was elated with hearing this information.
