I had woken up groggy 20 minutes before, washed the sleep off my face and thrown on my gym gear: plain white cotton undies, my sports bra, cycle shorts and top. No need for deodorant or to dress up cos I'll end up sweaty and stinky anyway. The stinkier the better when I scrub clean and I happen to love my stink.
Unlike those rich housewife types who go to the gym to flap gums about how many classes they have been to today, I go to the gym to work my ass off. It's a lot of ass. So...
Its cycle challenge class today. 90 minutes of focused effort and pain, paddling and going nowhere. I grit my teeth and wonder for the umpteenth time why I do this to myself as I climb on the narrow bike saddle. I try to get comfy. Impossible. My ass spills to the left and right and I feel my anus press up. Why the hell don't they make these seats bigger?
We start and 15 minutes into it right in the middle of the speed track, I am in the zone and enjoying it. Something registers in the back of my mind. Crap. It is my underwear. The infernal thing had bad elastic and is bunching up and gathering in the crack of my ass with every paddle stroke. This is bad. On normal days, I can't care less about VPL, but this wad of cotton in my ass is just intolerable.
"Turn up the gear and push and pull. Come with me, keep it moving and don't slow down." Gasps my instructor. How do they even talk while their legs go round so quickly they become a blur?
I sit down and turn the gear up and my legs are on fire. As they push and pull, the undies gather around my upper woman bits. Crap. They press my woman lips together and press in until I now feel my clitoris slide against the saddle. And boy do I feel it with every push and pull. Gawd!
"Turn up another gear. That's it. Climb. Climb. We gonna conquer this mountain together". My instructor obviously is really into it as she pumps her legs while standing on the pedals. Do these people breathe?