Risking My Biscuit On Tv

"Whose ready to play... Risk the Biscuit!"

The audience erupted into cheers, and lights came on in the studio. The host stepped onto the stage in front of the camera. "That's right! It's time for central-western Rhode Island's top-viewed Wednesday morning game show, Risk the Biscuit. I'm your host, Teddy Tanaka. We've got three brand-new contestants today. Let's meet them, shall we?"

Teddy walked over to a grouping of fancy-looking podiums where two women and one man stood looking nervous but excited. The host approached one of the female constants and began to interview her. "Tell us about yourself, miss," he said, putting his long microphone up to her mouth.

"My name is Melody. I'm a general practitioner doctor. My husband and I love your show, Teddy, and have never missed an episode. Well,l except for last year when you said all those unkind words about Neil Armstrong, who we feel is a national hero."

The audience clapped while Teddy gave an annoyed look to the young woman. "All I said was he was a total fraud and doesn't deserve one percent of the praise he gets." Teddy wasn't a moon landing denier. He was just a super fan of Michael Collins, the third member of the Apollo 11 mission who didn't walk on the moon. "Tell me, who is rooting for you today," he asked, moving the show along.

Melody turned around and looked at the people sitting in the audience right behind her. "First off, I have my husband, Marc. He's a doctor, too, and my rock. I love you, honey!" Marc kissed his hand and blew it in her direction, and the audience gave an 'Awww' sound in response. "Next to him is my sister Lexie and my best friend Haley." Both women waved to the camera.

Teddy thanked his first contestant and moved on to the female guest. "My name is Hannah, and I'm here with my husband, Dexter, who, like me, is unemployed, and unless we win here today, we will lose our home to foreclosure," she said with a strained smile.

A man next to her husband in the audience then spoke up. "What she says is correct, Teddy. I'm her banker and will be taking her house away right after the show wraps if she doesn't win." A mistake on the production side of the show caused the applause sign to light up, causing the audience to loudly clap to this news.

"Well, hopefully, our final contestant won't depress the hell out of me with his story. Tell us about yourself," Teddy asked the man.

"My name is Max, and I'm here to prove to my wife I'm not a total loser," he said. "Say hello, honey."

A very attractive woman in the front row answered. "I'm his wife, Wendy, and it's like my husband said. He's here to prove he can act like a real man. I told him he could either man up and impregnate my sister like she's been asking him to, or I told him to win some money on a regionally aired game show. If you met my sister, you would understand why he chose to do this."

Teddy looked over to his producer with a 'what the fuck look' before regaining his composure. "Right, well, let's talk about how to play our game. We will ask our contestants a question, and if they get it right, they'll win some money. Of course, the real fun comes afterward. We will present them with a physical challenge where they can put the money they won on the line. If they win, they get double the money back! Of course, if they lose, their winnings are taken away."

This was Melody's favorite part of the game. The challenges were always so fun, and she couldn't wait to do some for herself. Sometimes, they required you to put together a puzzle in a set amount of time or do twenty jumping jacks. Every challenge was different. How did the showrunners come up with such interesting challenges for every show? But she couldn't think about that right now. She needed to focus on getting the questions right first. Otherwise, she wouldn't even get a chance to do a challenge.

"Without any further delay, let's start our first round of Risk the Biscuit! Your first question is: In which comic did the villain Sleez, mind control Superman and the female hero Big Barda into filming a porn video together," Teddy asked the three of them.

Melody was taken aback by this question. Can they really ask such a sexual question on television? The most risque question she remember hearing previously on the show was that one about Margret Thatcher and the National Coal Board.

"Action Comics number 592," Hannah answered. Crap thought Melody. She had been so worked up about 1980s British energy policy that she let someone else answer the question.

"That's correct! You are awarded fourteen dollars!" Teddy proclaimed.

"My husband and I are avid collectors of vintage comics involving beloved superheroes fucking each other," Hannah added, looking proud. "It's one the main reasons we are in so much money trouble today." Her banker in the audience nodded vehemently in agreement.

She was presented with a challenge where she needed to sort through a box of blocks and group them all by color in one minute time. Hannah elected to risk her winnings of fourteen dollars. In the end, she was able to complete the challenge and earn twenty-eight dollars. "Oh, thank you, Jesus. We can buy Alias comic number 1! That's where Jessica Jones gets butt fucked by Luke Cage," her husband yelled excitedly. Their banker coughed, which took the wind out of Dexter's sails. "Or we can use it to keep our house...," he said solemnly.

"Time for our next question. How many times per week do you masturbate," Teddy asked us. What the fuck was going on, Melody asked herself. She looked over to her two co-contestants and expected to see them equally shocked, but instead, it looked like they were counting in their heads. But Melody steeled herself. The question was ridiculous, but she wouldn't allow it to keep her from trying to win this game. Besides, she could just lie.

"Zero," she answered. A harsh buzzard sound rang out, indicating she got the question wrong.

"The correct answer for you is four to five times a week, depending on if you watch a Burt Reynolds movie that week."

Melody was in complete shock at what she heard. "That's... right. How the hell did you know that?"

Teddy pointed back to her husband, whom Melody looked back at in disgust. "Why the heck would you tell them that," she yelled.

Marc had a confused face. "They asked it on the form we both filled out to get on the show. Is it that big of a deal I told them? I tell everyone about your masturbation habits," he said. Melody's sister and best friend nodded in agreement. As did the two strangers sitting on the other side of Marc.

Before she could explain to her husband why revealing what she does with her vagina in her free time is not something that needs to be revealed on television, Max shouted out his own answer. "Once per week if my wife Wendy thinks I've been a good enough boy to deserve it," he yelled out.

"That is correct!" Teddy announced as Max looked pumped up. For his physical challenge, which he accepted, he had to balance seven colored blocks on top of each other without them falling down. He managed the feat and got himself a twenty-eight-dollar cash prize.

"You'll have to do better than that if you want me to stop fucking our neighbor," his wife yelled out.

Max leaned over to me. "Don't tell my wife, but I actually pay our neighbor to have sex with her. He's gotten pretty good at it, I hear," he whispered.

"Why are you telling me this," Melody whispered back.

While Wendy was rich in knowledge of her fellow contestant's kinks, she was as poor as she could be in cash winnings. But the game was still early, and she could make it up by winning this question. Melody was a winner, and winners don't lose, she told herself, getting pumped up. She wouldn't let whatever weird thing they asked distract her.

Teddy read out the question. "According to numerous and rigorous scientific studies, men in what profession have the largest dicks and are really good at sex stuff?"

Hannah was the first to respond by saying, "Professional athletes," which was incorrect.

As was Max's guess of "Mailmen," despite his wife agreeing that should have been the right answer.

Melody thought about the questions logically, and then it dawned on her. "Writers for television game shows!"

"That is correct," Teddy responded, causing Melody to leap up in excitement. "For your challenge...,"

"I'll do it," she said, interrupting the host. She didn't care what the challenge was, she wanted to do it. Not for the money, not even for the fun. All of Melody's family, friends, and co-workers were going to watch this show when it aired. There was no way she would have them tune in to watch her lose. Her winning spirit wouldn't allow that.

"Very well. Go ahead and strip to your underwear then," Teddy instructed her. Apparently, all these people would see more than just her spirit.

"What?" The young woman asked, not believing what she was being asked to do. In the over two hundred episodes of this show she had seen, nobody had ever been asked to remove any clothing. Teddy repeated that her challenge was to strip off all of her clothes, minus her bra and panties. She would need to remain this way until the end of the show. "Or you could forfeit the challenge and go back to being in dead last. Just like that loser Neil Armstrong," Teddy said, eliciting boos from the crowd.

"You can do it, honey! Show us your pussy!" Her husband, Dexter, yelled out from the audience. Melody's sister then whispered into his ear. "My mistake. Show them your panties!"

"I'm not stripping down to my panties like some floozy. This is insane. Haley. Be the voice of reason here. I shouldn't do this right," she asked her best friend.

"Well... I mean... maybe if you did, you might find some people in the audience might appreciate seeing you like that. Maybe some of the people up here have been hiding a part of themselves from you for years, and the idea of seeing you in such a sexy state may fulfill several fantasies they've had about you. I'm not talking about myself, of course. I overheard that guy saying that," Haley said, pointing to an older gentleman in the audience.

"Stop snooping on other people's conversations bitch," the elderly man yelled.

"So what's it going to be, Melody," Teddy said, pressing for her answer. Her best friend's confusing words of encouragement made her think that maybe she could do this. But the idea of her co-workers and friends seeing her on television in just her bra and panties was so weird. Would they think she is some kind of pervert who gets off on exposing herself? Maybe. But would they think she is a loser who couldn't beat a cuck and superhero porn addict at a game show? Not if she can help it.

Melody walked from behind her podium and stood in front of the host. "I'll do it, Teddy. But not because I'm a pervert. I mean, I'm not a pervert. I don't get sexually excited showing strangers my body. That's not what I think about when I masturbate four to five times a week. I'm going to shut up and take off my pants now," Melody said, getting more red in the cheeks. She fiddled with the buckles of her pants for an embarrassingly long amount of time while the cameras zoomed in on her crotch.

"Do you need any help, Melody," Teddy asked her.

"No! I'll get it. I'm just nervous. Is the close-up of my crotch needed?" Finally, she got them undone, and she started slipping her pants down.

"Would you mind turning around and bending over while you do that for the camera," the host requested.

"Yes, I mind! I'm not some porn actress for you to direct." As her pants hit the ground and the fifty people in the audience, not to mention the production crew, enjoyed the view, Melody's face felt like it was on fire.

Her underwear was no worse than a bikini, she kept telling herself as she started to lift her shirt up. She pulled it over her head and was now officially on television, wearing nothing but her bra and panties. The young woman stood in silence, and she surveyed the many eyes taking in the sight of her body. So many of the faces had huge smiles and were nodding in approval. Not the worst reaction she could have gotten. Her husband and sister then started loudly cheering her. "I knew you had it in your Melody! I've always believed you could do it," Lexie yelled. Melody found that comment odd. Her sister always believed she was capable of stripping on the set of a television show? What about her made her think that? Haley, though, sat in stunned silence and looked at her best friend with wide eyes and her mouth agape.

Melody sidestepped back to behind the podium. Her panties didn't cover as much of her butt as she would have liked, and she didn't want to expose it to the camera. Still, she could have worn much worse underwear.

Two men came out and collected her clothes. "Hey, where are they going with those!" Melody yelled out.

"Don't worry. They are putting them in a secure place where you won't be tempted to put them on before the show is over. But with that successful challenge competition, you have now tied for the lead with twenty-eight dollars!" Hearing that cheered her up and convinced her that this would all be worth it.

As Melody took her place, her fellow female contestant Hannah leaned over to her. "You have a great body. You should totally cosplay as a slutty Starfire," she said.

"Yeah, no," Melody replied, having no interest in committing to further public exposure.

The game finally resumed, and Teddy asked his next question. "Order these porn actresses from smallest to largest in terms of breasts size: Christy Marks, Eva Notty, Mia Khalifa, and Kelly Madison."

Now they're asking questions about porn actresses? There was no way this show was going to air. For god's sake, the show that airs before this one is called 'Tips for Dressing More Modestly.' Still, Melody was tempted to take a guess, but Max beat her to the punch.

"Mia Khalifa has the smallest with 34DDD, followed by Christy with 44H. Next would be Kelly Madison with 40FF. And finally, we have the great Eva Notty with 34J. I loved her in Big Tits Boss Vol. 28," Max said proudly as he crossed his arms and lifted his chin high.

He glanced over at the angry look his wife was giving him, and his demeanor quickly changed. "I mean, what's porn? Are all those women famous nuns?" Despite his backtracking, Max got the question correct. After completing a challenge involving recognizing the pattern that colored blocks were arranged in, he took the lead with double the money the other two contestants had. Hannah joined him in the lead by answering a question about the mechanics of how vibrating dildos work, which she apparently learned from a 1977 issue of Swamp Thing. Once again, Melody was in last, again.

Teddy read out the next question, which she knew she needed to at least attempt to answer. "What's the deal with that hot barista chick at the coffee shop on 22nd Street? She won't respond to my advances despite me holding up the line for fifteen minutes bragging about how I'm a writer on a television game show."

Melody buzzed in first and shouted, "She's probably a lesbian!"

"That is correct! We would have also accepted 'Your manly presence is probably overwhelming for her. Keep at it. She'll cave soon enough.'" Melody was ecstatic. If someone else had gotten this right, she may have never caught up. She was concerned about how she was able to guess such a sexist answer, though.

"Your challenge, which will allow you to double your winnings to twenty-eight dollars and catch up with Hannah and Max, is to take off your bra and let our producer's son Barney motorboat them for one minute." From behind the camera, an overweight man in his forties waved, indicating he was probably the Barney in question.

"The fuck...," Melody said, looking overwhelmed by the situation she was just presented with. "Why are my challenges so sexual while the other two contestants are asked to solve simple puzzles," she complained.

Hannah interjected. "What do you mean simple task? That colored block sorting challenge was tough. All you had to do was take some clothes off. I did that all the time in college. Easiest job I ever had."

"Challenges are completely random. Whoever would have gotten this question would have been asked to do this exact same task," Teddy explained.

"Oh really? Max would have been asked to remove his bra and have Barney motorboat it," Melody countered. Teddy nodded with full sincerity, as did Barney. "I'm not showing you people or the camera my tits."

"Then you'll fail to double your winnings and stay in last place," Teddy reminded her.

"I know you can do it, honey!" Her husband Marc was cheering from the crowd. What the hell has gotten into her husband today, Melody wondered. Why was he so supportive of her exposing herself like this. Could this be related to how he has lately been pushing her to dress more slutty and flirt more with the neighbors?

Her best friend Lexie stood up. "Maybe if you let someone you know motorboat your naked tits first, then it won't be so weird when Barney does it. You should try it."

"Thanks for the advice, Lexie, but for now, Marc can stay up there," Melody replied.

"No, that's not who...," Lexie started to say before going quiet. She couldn't do this. No one had seen her naked chest except her husband. Yet he seemed to be okay with thousands joining him in that club. Maybe she was okay with letting some strangers in the audience get some peeks in, but she couldn't have everyone on TV see her in such a state. How could she face her boss and co-workers, let alone her patients, if they would learn what her naked breasts would look like? She could never be taken seriously ever again. But maybe that could be avoided...

"Teddy, there's no fucking way you guys aren't censoring this before airing, right?" She asked the host.

"We have sponsors that won't have their brands associated with morally questionable content. Of course, it will be censored," he replied as if he was offended by the question. Good, thought Melody. If she could get over the embarrassment of the people in the studio seeing her like this, she could complete this challenge of showing her tits. People watching would only see her chest blurred.

It would be shameful to face her patients, but far less. She could imagine the conversations after this aired. 'Doctor, my elbow hurts, and did you really show all those people your tits? After the examination, could you put on a full striptease act in the waiting room? I'll only masturbate to it a little bit.' Sometimes, Melody's imagination went to odd places.

"Okay. I'll do it. I'll take off my bra," she said with her eyes closed. The audience applauded, but none louder than her husband. Haley was chanting a thankful prayer to a god Melody wasn't aware she believed in. As her bra unhooked, the busty woman felt the weight of her D-cup chest pull on her chest. Slowly she felt the cool air of the studio reach her skin as she pulled her underwear away, revealing her bare tits to the fifty-plus people in attendance for the recording.

"What if we didn't have the camera zoomed in on my tits right now," Melody requested. In response, they brought the camera in closer, and the details of her nipples were clearly being recorded by the 4K cameras.

"Barney, they are all yours," Teddy said, waving the man over. Melody was confused at first but then remembered the challenge wasn't for her to show her tits only but to also have this random guy motorboat them.

She turned to her husband, who was surely going to throw a fit that another man was about to put his mouth all over his wife's intimate areas. "Don't be afraid to pinch her nipples, Barney. She does that to herself when she's masturbating," he yelled out. Or maybe he wouldn't.