The question we really should be asking ourselves is not, "How can we sell our product to our customers?" but, "What do our customers want?" So many times, our key demographics speak of feeling "threatened" by intelligence in our Client Relations staff. They fear that they might be taken advantage of by a slick-talking salesperson. I'm sure you'll agree, Jodi, that while we all appreciate the amazing work you've been doing with us as an associate, we want to find ways to improve your customer-centric skills in all areas. And while your natural intelligence might bring certain short-term advantages in closing individual deals, true customer loyalty comes about through making the client feel comfortable with you, the salesperson. The minor drawbacks of using subliminal conditioning to reduce your intelligence (again, I will stress for your benefit that this is a non-surgical, reversible technique) have to be weighed against the overall benefits of being a team player. Sometimes, Jodi, you just need to "take one for the team"...or even several...and I feel very strongly that once your intelligence has been reduced, you won't miss that big brain of yours one little bit. (I'm not suggesting that it's primarily egotism on your part that is leading you to miss the big picture, here, but we all know how proud you are of that Harvard degree. There's no "I" in Harvard, Jodi!)
And of course, the company will be more than happy to take care of you. Just look at Shana, who has already benefited from her entirely voluntary decision to take part in the intelligence reduction subliminal aspects of the Client Relations Initiative! She's already been promoted twice, and is one of the most requested members of our sales force. (I'm familiar with your concerns about her salary, Jodi, and might I remind you that compensation is strictly confidential. Taking advantage of Shana's reduced intellect to trick her into discussing her salary is grossly unethical, and frankly, any information she might give in her current state shouldn't be relied upon. After all, she's not that bright at the moment--who's to say her claims that we "pay her with all the sex she wants" are even accurate?)
And while we're on the subject, Jodi, I deeply resent any insinuations that the Client Relations Initiative is "sexist". We here at International Industries have nothing but the utmost respect for women, and we take very seriously any allegations of sexual harassment. Rest assured, the CRI is entirely voluntary and equal opportunity. Jim was more than happy to accept the additional opportunities that the CRI offered, and he's reported nothing but satisfaction in his new customer service-centric role. In fact, I've never seen him happier! (And our corporate doctors have reported a reduction in his hypertension, a total remission of his ulcers, and a general improvement in his well-being. Frankly, if not for my vital role as a promoter of the Client Relations Initiative company-wide, I might well go in for having big parts of my brain shut down too!)
I don't wish to be negative when consulting with you like this, Jodi, as I do want to make it clear that we're proactively addressing your concerns. But you've cross-conferenced with our Promotions department enough to understand how targeting the primal drives of our key demographics is a vital marketing element. And if you'll allow me to be briefly frank, here, Jodi, nothing sells like sex. We're simply being a bit more honest, a bit more forthright, and to tell the truth, a bit more ethical in our use of sex as a selling point. So many companies suggest through their sales techniques that purchase of the product will lead to sex, but we're actually delivering. I think that's something to be proud of.
Really, I'm actually more than a little saddened by your refusal to participate in this highly exciting, innovative concept in merchandise promotion. So many of your colleagues have given us their buy-in to this new idea, and yet your insistence that "my brains are an asset to this company" (such outmoded, second-wave thinking, Jodi!) is holding you back! (And let me stress again, Jodi, that despite your frankly paranoid claims to the contrary, buy-in to the Client Relations Initiative is strictly voluntary, and the intelligence reduction is not mandatory for participation. Craig, Shana, Cassie and Laura jumped at the chance to be a part of this! As for Gina, well...she hasn't participated in the intelligence reduction or the libido enhancement subliminals. She was always like that.)
Naturally, I don't wish to apply any kind of ultimatums here, but this is a situation where your career evaluations could be negatively affected by a lack of participation. International Industries is looking for team players, Jodi, and your decision to let yourself become more focused on satisfying the customer's needs, particularly in the specific expertise areas vis a vis genital-stimulation and orgasm-production, will reap big rewards within the company structure. I know that several vice-presidents have personally requested to me that you be highly recruited into the project. The boys upstairs have their eye on you, Jodi. You could really get into a lot of good positions by accepting this offer.
Conversely, refusing buy-in on the Client Relations Initiative could hurt your job performance as well. So many of our clients have been specifically requesting libido-enhanced, intelligence-reduced, sexually compatible salespersons that we've actually had trouble meeting their demands! I don't exaggerate when I say that this is our single most popular sales initiative. (In fact, we've actually gotten some interest from our clients in purchasing the software used to generate the subliminals. You could actually demo it for them while interacting with them in a mutually satisfactory, personally intimate environment! It's bound to be highly lucrative, Jodi.)
