Not Waiting for Godot Xxx

Characters:

Noi

Toi

Moi, the ladyboy actress who plays Noi

Me, the writer, director and DP (director of photography you dirty-minded people!) Yes, I appear in all of my movies, usually as the lead actor, a balding Jewish nebbish who gets the best and prettiest asian ladyboys.

and featuring Ron Jeremy, as Marlan Bondo

Opening Scene:

[Dialogue between Toi and Noi.]

I can't go on.

You must go on.

I can't go on.

You must go on.

Oh god.

Yes.

Please.

No. Not there!

Yes.

Please.

Oh god.

Yes.

Yes.

Oh yeah!

Oh please don't stop.

Wait.

What?

Where is Godot?

Godot?

Yes.

Do you know Godot?

We met a party.

Where?

At a cocktail party given by my therapist on Lexington an 53rd, right above the deli.

I know that deli well.

You're an asian ladyboy from Bangkok. How could you?

I just say the lines they give me.

So do I.

Do you know English?

No. It sounds like gibberish.

Marlan Bondo: Stella!

I'm hungry.

eat me.

No bite me.

No eat me.

mmm. That's good.

Wait.

Not again.

Yes.

Godot?

Yes.

Damn Godot!

I'm going to keep going.

Not before Godot gets here.

When is he coming?

Maybe later.

What?

I don't know.

What's his first name?

Bridgette.

Bridgette Godot?

Yes.

Then it's a woman.

I don't know.

Why don't you know?

The director didn't tell me.

Typical.

He said it was either a man or a woman.

That narrows it down.

Moi: I think this scene is very bleak in a post-modern kinda way. It exposes the emptiness of modern life. We are all just apparitions, dark specks in the distance on the Mongolian steppe. It would be good if a large Norse blonde viking guy named Thor came into this scene to liven it up, but I don't think Thor was available when we needed to shoot.

Scene 2:

[Dialogue between Noi and Toi]

We've been at it for days.

At what?

Nothing.

Exactly.

Where is Godot?

Maybe she forgot.

How could she forget?

I don't know.

Help me take off my slutty thigh-high boots.

Ugggh.

We must keep the silence at bay.

And if we don't?

The movie must end.

That would be a relief for the audience.

It would be a relief for us too.

But the director wouldn't have it.

What kind of sadist makes people watch this stuff?

Me: What kind indeed! (Brandishing a whip, and loudly cracking it)

Marlan Bondo: I've seen horrors...

Butter!

huh?

Scene 3:

[Paris, 1921. A lonely cobblestone street at night. Light rain is falling.]

What are we doing here?

No idea.

[Cue music for Moulin Rouge, made into techno dance music]

Why are we dancing?

Because of the music.

I don't like this music.

Be quiet and dance.

The can-can?

Who knows?

I object to making a porn movie into a musical.

If only all pornos were musicals.

That's a scary thought.

Am I supposed to dance sexy?

That's what the director keeps yelling at us to do.

Are you going to listen to him?

No.

Is Godot supposed to be here?

No idea.

Marlan Bondo: I refuse to be a fool, dancing in the street...

Yeah.

Me too.

Scene 4:

Fuck Godot.

Yeah, fuck Godot.

Fuck.

Fuck it.

Let's fuck.

Fuck me.

Fuck.

Fuck it.

Oh yeah, fuck.

Fuck me harder.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Oh god, fuck.

Me: Stop! Stop! We are way over budget!

Marlan Bondo: We train men to drop fire on people, but we won't even let ladyboys say "fuck" in a porn movie...

Ah the humanity!

Yes! Whatever that means!

Scene 5:

[Marlan Bondo in an auditorium with Moi on stage before the entire San Fernando Valley porn industry.]

Marlan Bondo: And the Cock D'Or for best acting by two asian ladyboys in an overacted pretentious porno goes to...Toi and Noi of NOT Waiting for Godot XXX!

Many thanks! Many thanks! I want to thank the director, and the DP, and the screenwriter, and Ron Jeremy, you sexy beast! And my friends Thong and Wannaporn in Bangkok, and ...

Scene 6:

[dialogue between Toi and Noi]

Why are we still here? Why are we still talking?

We haven't met the word limit for the movie.

What word limit?

To be a proper story.

How many words do we need?

[deliberately saying each word] Seven Hundred and Fifty.

You are spelling that out deliberately.

So?

I think that's cheating. I count that as one word: "750."

Oh, congratulations on your Cock D'Or.

*Our* Cock D'Or.

Yes, our Cock D'Or.

I would like to stroke *our* Cock D'Or.

Oh you naughty Ladyboy!

Mmm...Cock D'Or.

You stroke it so well.

Mmm...Cock D'Or.

Can you feel how hard it is?

Very hard.

I would like to put the head of the Cock D'Or in my mouth.

Please...it needs it.

Mmm...Cock D'Or.

It's so hard.

Yes, so hard. And our Cock D'Or feels so good!

Mmmm. So good.

So is this the end of the movie?

I don't know?

When will it end?

I don't know.

Maybe it will never end?

Maybe.

Maybe Godot will come?

Yes.

I want her to stroke our Cock D'Or, and put the head in her mouth.

Me too.

I am pining for Godot.

Does Godot even exist?

Good question.

Can we stop?

I think we have to wait until the director says "cut."

Where is the director? Where's Marlan Bondo?

They seem to have left.

Then we can stop?

[silence]

SLUT