Minecraft Real Life Edition Ch 02

As the second day drew to a close, the great square orb in the sky slowly descending behind the distant landscape, the two stepped back to take one final look at their house before retreating inside for the night.

"Looks pretty good," he said.

During the day they'd expanded their one room cabin, adding on a second room for crafting, cooking, and later on, smelting. They'd also added a roofed porch to the front and knocked out holes for windows, though they hadn't yet found any sand to smelt into glass. Even now, the smell of cooking pork wafted out from within.

"It sure does. Now, we better get inside," she said.

He pulled the door shut behind them as they stepped into the well-lit interior. Nope, no monsters were spawning in there now. Just in case, a stone sword and plate of leather armor rested in a trunk by the door.

"Looks like we're just in time, its starting to rain out," she said, leaning over and looking out as the first drops began to fall from the sky.

In no time at all it was in full torrent and thunder could even be heard in the distance. He couldn't help but laugh as a roving zombie took a direct hit and burst into flames before falling to the ground.

Suddenly: 'OH MY GOD!! THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!!"

He turned away from the window to see her running around in a circle, screaming, and flames billowing up in the next room.

"You left the pork on too long, didn't you?" he asked.

"No, it's the lightening!" she screamed in a blatant show of typical female hysteria.

Just then there was a flash and a crack of thunder. The wall behind him exploded into flames and the two of them were forced to run out into the night to escape.

"What the- what the hell? What are we going to do now?" she asked, stooping beneath the leaves of a nearby tree.

"Got any torches?" he asked.

"Just one," she answered.

"Well, I guess you'd better light it," he said.

Already the last few planks of their once beautiful house were burning. A second later the only light came from a single torch sticking into the ground beside the tree they huddled under.

"Well, this sucks. I can't believe you left the pork on like that," he said.

"I told you, it wasn't the pork. It was lightening!" she screamed.

"No, no, no, the lightening was just attracted by the fire from the burning pork," he explained.

"That- that doesn't even make any sense!" she responded.

"Of course it- Oh crap! Zombies!" he said.

Stepping into the light of the torch came half a dozen Nazi zombies.

"Brrrrrrrains...," the lead zombie, who happened to be wearing a monical, moaned.

As the goosestepping zombies closed in from all angles the two pressed themselves tighter and tighter against the tree.

"I don't suppose you've got any lightening left in your pants," she asked.

"Sorry, babe. Battery's drained," he said.

"I guess this means its time for me to come clean with my own little secret," she said.

The Nazi zombies were almost on them. Cold dead fingers reached out to drag the two down and tear them into fleshy bits of confetti.

"Let me guess, you can fart cannon balls," he said.

"No you idiot!" she said.

There was a 'brrrrrrw' sound and the grim darkness gave way to a glowing red aura. He looked over in astonishment.

"I have light-sabers for nipples!" she declared.

With her hands clasped behind her back and her chest thrust outward, she spun left and then right, causing the giggling sabers to dice two of the zombies to bits. They fell over and disappeared, leaving only chunks of rotten flesh behind.

"Wow!" he declared.

"You think that was impressive, check this out!" she said.

With a motion the two light-sabers swung in opposite arks away, cutting another pair of zombies in half before scissoring back together to take out a third.

"Here, let me help," he said, coming in behind her and taking a saber-crested boob in each hand.

'Wrrrrr-brr-brr-wrrrrrw' he sliced this way and that, until only one Nazi zombie remained. Suddenly its monical began to glow red and a beam shot out. The two dove for cover just in time as the beam hit the nearby tree, enveloping it in flames.

"It's an anti-Jew laser!" he screamed, crawling behind a few nearby blocks of dirt. "But we're not Jews!" she said.

"You wanna go explain that to him?" he said.

"Well what do we do now?" she asked.

"We'll have to combine our powers to defeat him," he said as another red beam lanced through the night, igniting more of the forest.

"But I thought you said your battery was empty," she said.

"Yeah, but laser nipples is kinda hot," he said.

"Oh dear gods, how did I end up here? With him?" she asked to the skies above.

"Ready? One, two, three!" he yelled.

At that they both sprang up. She jumped into the air, light-sabers twirling as she spun. Meanwhile, pants discarded, he took aim and fired his first electro-bolt. It caught the zombie off guard and left it spinning, smoke rising up. Just then, she came down in a double boobie-swoop, cutting its arms off. The monster staggered back but didn't go down. Instead it took aim. Its anti-Jew monical laser glowed red as it starred her down.

"Oh no," she whimpered.

But before it could fire an intense bolt of electricity lit up the entire area. Over her shoulder she could see him firing his entire load into the night sky. A moment later a hundred bolts shot out from the clouds above and converged on their enemy. When the many bolts finally dissipated all that remained was a charred monical.

Huffing and puffing he staggered over to her.

"Are you alright?" she asked, putting an arm around him to keep him from falling.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Come on, I saw a cave nearby with some coal in it. We can make some torches and block off the entrance with what's left of the wood planks until morning," he said, pointing.

"Okay, I've still got a stone pickaxe in my inventory," she said.

"Good, we'd better hurry. Oh, and next time, keep a better eye on the pork," he said.

"For the last time!"