Well, there you have it, the title says it all. How many times in life have I heard those words? Crazy and Bitch, that is. Two of the most generic and unoriginal words in the English language. Individually, they can be meant to hurt, but sometimes terms of endearment. You know, like "you're so crazy, Girl!" or "You bitch! Why haven't you called me?" But in conjunction (crazy bitch), you can rest assured that they almost 100% of the time come out of the mouth a man that has no better way to explain the behavior of a woman who he has mistreated and abused, emotionally or physically.
Have YOU ever noticed or even taken part in the dialogue of this particular conversation? Say you're sitting at the local hole-in-the-wall bar or casually enjoying your grilled chicken and swiss club at Ruby Tuesday's. Either you overhear or are on the receiving end (hopefully, you're not the speaker)of something like this: "Man, I don't know what her fuckin' problem is. She just started throwin' shit and screamin' and telling me she hates me....I knew she was a fuckin' psycho." Evidently, if you are of the female genus, if you become extremely angry about anything, you are hereby mentally ill. I'll just go ahead and tell you what everyone already knows. You are not allowed the luxury of rage or anger to ease your hurt feelings if you are a woman. You're not angry. You're a fucking lunatic. Much in the same way that it is not acceptable for us to satisfy our biological urges or enjoy casual sex with no strings attached without being known as a slut or a whore. Man gets laid a lot = stud, pimp. Man shoves his fist through a wall and throws a refrigerator out the back door of your third story apartment = angry, not psychotic.
I'm sure you've heard that new song "Crazy Bitch". This is a big reflection of the complex male psyche at work. Now, even if you are a C.B., you CAN be tolerated if you can suck the chrome off of a trailer hitch, love dick in your ass, or fuck like you're a professional bull rider. I'm sorry to say, this is the only exception. But I can't promise that you won't have the label of "freak" or "slut" on top of C.B.
My favorite part of the conversations that refer to the emotionally challenged female, is the insinuation that her schizophrenic antics were entirely unprovoked (see above). Usually, it has this ring to it: "I don't know what happened. I didn't do anything, she just freaked." I know that this happens to me a lot. Often I am sitting deep in thought, bored with my ideas, and I hear the sound of a male voice...and it just triggers some sort of chemically imbalanced neurological response in me that makes me want to destroy his belongings and see what his intestines look like via kitchen scissors. Relax, people. Sarcasm can be hard to convey through Arial font at times. I can't possibly believe that men really feel this way, that women turn into Glenn Close for no real good reason. Part of me knows that they know better, that this silly explanation is nothing more than a defense mechanism to shift blame away from themselves, and then part of me feels compelled to throw my dime-store psychology around. And I love metaphors and analogies, so here we go.
Say you have a dog. Your dog is relatively good natured, even sweet at times. Your dog is, for the most part, reliable and faithful. You know the dog will be there when you get home every day. Maybe you don't spend as much time with the dog as you should. You don't take the dog outside as much as you change your socks. In response, the dog takes a big shit in the middle of the living room floor. What is the correct response?
a) Beat the shit out of it. Everyone knows that there's nothing a good ass beating can't resolve.
b) Clean up the poop, firmly reminding the dog that this is unacceptable behavior, and make an effort to pay more attention to him.
c) Get rid of the motherfucker. He's obviously lost his mind, and you can't afford to keep having the carpet cleaned.
If you are a typical man, then you probably said a or c. Obviously, through no fault of your own of course, this dog is just an asshole, ungrateful of the home that you provide it and the time you have to spend doing so. You're a grown man with a job, damn it, and that entitles you to come home when you damn well please and do what you damn well please. And if he was a really good dog, he would train himself to use the toilet, since he will not understand that you simply can't be expected to cater to his biological functions at his whim. Why is he trying to sabotage you anyway?
Contrary to popular belief, women typically do not make a huge deal about things they have a problem with, such as lack of intimacy or romance in their lives. We sometimes mention that we would like to have more of this and that, or less of this and that. This is known as griping, bitching, and complaining. If you mention or ask about anything more than once, this is known as nagging, hounding, and driving him fucking nuts. Time for analogy number two.
