Well Playboy girls are great
They look so sultry and debonair
And the Hustler girls with their legs spread wide
You get a real good look down there
But maybe you get a craving
For something wild and way out there
For titanic boobs and throats so deep
They make the circus freaks stop and stare
I wish they all could be wank fiction
I wish they all could be wank fiction
I wish they all could be wank fiction girls.
Greetings, and welcome to the Satellite of Lust! Someone pulled a flamboyant mouse maneuver and crashed Windows 95, so we're a little close to the sun on this orbit, but it's all good. Grab some SPF 1000 and kick back for a special scorching summer episode of Literotica Sexual Theater 3000!
Coming out of the box today...
Shouldn't that be the other way around?
Anyway, this story washed up on the beach with all the other garbage on the morning tide β once lost, but now unfortunately found. This is no pleasant family outing to Disney, folks. It's a horror show trip to the second circle of hell, where frustrated guys living in their mother's basements turn their pen to imaginary romps with anatomically incorrect, morally vacant, intellectually challenged women who have less personality than a postage stamp!
*Catching my breath*
You're stuck with me, though. The hatchway leading to the escape pods won't even open until this sun-shriveled bit of literary beach debris is over. Pull up a deck chair, put on your bikini, grab yourself a margarita, and hope the liquor stuns you into insensibility long enough to survive
U Beach!
Turn down your sunlamps.
(Where applicable)
***** LST3K****************************
You wouldn't believe the summer I just had.
Dark: Well, he's starting off on the right foot. Odds are that this thing will be less credible than Bigfoot sightings.
It all happened at Underwood Lake, or rather at Underwood Beach, or Underwear Beach, or U Beach, or Panty Beach as it was sometimes called.
Dark: More
ORs
in that sentence than a rowboat race on old Lake Wanksalotti.
Sit down and I'll tell you the tale.
Dark: *singing* A tale of impossible tits! Written by a guy who's never fucked! And probably has a tiny dick!
Dark: Little buddy!
Underwood lake is way out in the middle of nowhere. You have to drive on rock roads through corn and bean fields for like an hour to get there. The cops hardly ever come out there and the nearest farm house is a few miles away, so it's the perfect place to get drunk if you're under 21.
Me and a bunch of my friends were out there getting fucked up, but I had to work late that day and didn't get there until they were already drunk. When they started passing out, I slowed down and ended up awake by myself.
I got bored and decided to go down by the lake. It was hot and humid as fuck and I thought I might go swimming. The beach was across the lake from the place where we camped, and sometimes girls came down there and skinny-dipped after dark. I thought I might get lucky and see some tits too.
Dark: My guess is that this guy is still hoping to get so lucky.
The reason that the beach got some of its names was because of the panty tree.
Dark: Related to the kite-eating tree? There's a nature documentary I'd like to film!
Anytime you fucked a girl on the beach, you were supposed to hang her panties from the panty tree. Guys had been doing it for years, and there were panties hanging all over that tree. Some of them were so old that they were just tattered bits.
Dark: People downwind probably think there's a tuna canning plant out there.
I heard splashing as I walked down the hill and could see that someone was in the water through the bushes. My dick got hard in a second when I saw them out in the water.
Veronica and Betty
Dark: Guess that makes our author Jughead.
were cheerleaders, and the hottest girls from school. The were blonde and had bodies to die for. They both were skinny, had great asses, and double-ds, which I was getting a good look at as they splashed each other in the light of the full moon.
Dark: I feel compelled at this point to remind everyone β especially the author β that inflatable sex partners are not meant to be used as flotation devices.
Let me tell you, I was sweating like a pig seeing them naked, even tough I could only see their tits so far. Betty had really big brown nipples and Veronica had tiny pink ones, and their boobs were bouncing as they swam around and splashed water at each other.
Dark: Bouncing β in the water. *Facepalm*
The best was yet to come though. They swam over to the beach and got out. Their asses looked even better naked than they did when I'd seen them while they were doing flips and stuff and their skirts came up.
Dark: Their butts are acrobats?
They turned around and sat down on a beach towel. Veronica shaved her pussy, but Betty had a bush the same color as her hair. Man, they had great pussies. I almost jizzed in my pants when they started french kissing.
Dark: Is this lake five feet wide, or does he have telescopic vision? Up, Peniscope!
Betty started playing with Veronica's boobs while they kissed. Veronica stuck her hand behind Betty's back and started fingering her crack.
Dark: Sounds like a rejected verse for the Animaniacs theme song.
I was harder than Chinese math and had to get closer so I could see better. They were moaning so loud that they didn't even hear me sneak down into the water and swim across the lake. I couldn't see them while I was swimming, so I tried to swim as fast as I could without making a bunch of noise.
Dark: *Hanging a "Camp Crystal Lake" sign and hoping for the best*
When I got out of the water I went over and hid behind the panty tree. They were only like six feet away and Betty was eating Veronica's pussy. I could actually hear her slurping Veronica's snatch, and Veronica was yelping like a dog.
Dark: What's that Veronica? Timmy fell down the well?
"You're eating my pussy so good Betty!" She said.
"I love to eat your pussy. It tastes so good." Betty said.
"Make me get off" Veronica said.
I'd never heard anything so hot in my life.
Dark: If bland, trite, and robotic is your thing, I guess...
Dark: If these girls were any more lifeless, this would be Weekend at Bernie's III.
Betty must have been a hell of a muff diver, because Veronica was squirming all over the place. She was pinching her little pink nipples and screaming. I couldn't see her face around her tits, but I bet it was red.
Dark: What did this chick use for implants β beach balls?
Then Veroinica started cumming and screamed. "I'm CUMMMIIIINNNGGGG!!!" It was so loud that it could have woke the dead. Veronica kept cumming and trying to push Betty away from her pussy, but Betty was having too much fun I guess. She just kept on slurping and sucking Veronica's pussy.
Dark: Anybody else getting the image of a toothless uncle eating watermelon at the family reunion?
She finally got up and she had pussy juice all over her face.
"Oh my God!!! I cummed so much!!!" Veronica said.
"I know. Now it is your turn to make me cum. My pussy is so wet." Betty said.
Betty kissed Veronica and Veronica started licking her pussy juice off Betty's face. "I am so glad we started eating each other at summer camp." Veronica said.
Dark: Who ran that campground β the Donner Party?
"Me too. Suck on my titties." Betty said.
I was seriously thinking about jerking off at that point. I was pretty close to them and just hiding behind the tree though. I didn't want to get caught beating my meat. I had some major blue balls.
Betty stuck her tits in Veronica's face and she started sucking them. I couldn't believe that I was watching two hot girls get it on. Then Veronica dived into Betty's bush.
Dark: *lifts his shotgun* Nothing. *Sigh* I was hoping for a covey of quail.
"Tee hee your pubes tickle." Veronica said.