Welcome to my humble abode of nature for this special Earth Day episode of Literotica Sexual Theater 3000!
As you can see, I've gotten into the spirit by bringing in lots of plants and flowers and... Hey — wait a minute here! These are plastic!
What do you mean real plants are too much trouble? This is an outrage! Get these things out of here. Now! *Picks up the phone* Don't make me call Al.
No, not Weird Al — Al Gore, you Philistine lackwits! Not in the dumpster — in the recycle bin. *sigh*
It's so hard to find good help these days...
Oh well, at least I still have some nice, healthy, natural trail mix to take my mind off the nightmare I'm about to endure. See, right here on the bag — Brokeback Mountain Trail Mix. This blend of nuts, seed, and cream will put a little cowboy in you... *Trails off and coughs*
Okay, maybe not.
Not that there's anything wrong with that!
My loincloth
is
at least made of natural fibers, isn't it? Please tell me you didn't screw that up. I'm going to break out into hives if it isn't, and that's not going to be pretty.
Burlap? I thought it felt scratchy and smelled of potatoes. Oh well, close enough.
Moving right along... Last Earth Day, I thought I'd discovered the one in a million way that you could possibly screw up a nymph story in the reekarific tale, "Erthe Day."
I was wrong. *Ominous echo*
You can have the trail mix if you want it. I think I still have a few of Lucifer's Snickers left from Halloween. I know those peanut butter kisses are around here somewhere. Those will survive a nuclear meltdown like cockroaches...
Pull up a chair and say a prayer to the Earth Mother for deliverance from the horror you are about to endure.
Turn down your lights (Where Applicable)
*****LST3K******************
Jason jogged along the trail admiring his 50 green acres
Dark: Ba Da Ba Da Bum — Bum Bum!
as he did every morning since he bought the place. Leeches had appeared out of thin air the second he won the lottery
Dark: Cripes, and the Egyptians thought they had it bad with the frogs.
so he bought this place way out in the middle of nowhere to hide away from all the people who wanted his money. He felt lonely sometimes but it was better than having people knocking on his door all the time begging. He didn't see the stump until he tripped over it.
Dark: That transition was about as smooth as a cheese grater.
Jason sat on the ground cursing his bloody leg
Dark: Bloody leg! You're a wanker!
and wondering how he'd never seen the stump before. He thought he heard someone laughing but decided it was just the wind. He was closer to the pond than the house so he decided to go there and wash it off. He wiped sweat off his head and limped to the pond.
Dark: Now our protagonist is as lame as the story.
Jason was glad when he got to the pond and it was colder in the shade than out in the sun. He went down to the water and took off his clothes.
Dark: *singing* It's gettin' hot out here, so take off all your clothes.
Dark: He's stripping to wash off his leg? Can you say 'Cue trite setup for bump and grind,' boys and girls?
He thought he heard laughing again and it sounded louder this time.
Dark: *singing* It was an itsy-bitsy, teenie-weenie, microscopic, half a weenie!
He looked all around but didn't see anyone so he washed the blood off his leg and sat down to rest until it stopped hurting.
Dark: Considering I haven't seen one yet, maybe we should put commas on the endangered species list.
It was still pretty hot so Jason decided to go swimming in the pond once his leg stopped hurting. He waded in and laughed at the squishy mud between his toes and swam out to the middle. Sometimes while he was swimming he thought he saw the leaves moving like someone was there.
Dark: And sometimes, he thought he saw Kermit playing a banjo and singing about rainbows. Read my lips: Looney Toonie.
When he got out of the pond he heard laughing again.
Dark: Somebody has some repressed issues peeking out here, I do believe.
This time when he turned to look he saw who was laughing and he started drooling. It was a beautiful woman with green hair and huge
Dark: Tracts of land!
tits standing naked next to the pond. Jason put his hand over his dick to hide it and asked "What are you doing here?" She said "I live here." He asked "In the woods?" She laughed and said "You've got wood."
Dark: *Groans* It's the Britney of Nymphdom...
Jason got emberassed because he was hard. The woman said "I like you. You're hurt. Let me help." She walked toward him and Jason drooled even more. He stared at her green bush and her melons
Dark: Is he at a farmer's market? Do they have those velvet pictures of Elvis next to the truck, too?
and wondered if she would let him fuck her. She bent down and reached out to touch his leg. Jason thought his was going to pass out when she touched him. When she moved her hand he could see that the scrape on his leg was gone. "How did you do that?" She laughed and told him "I can do magic things."
Dark: "Watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat! Well, actually it's a rabbit vibe and... Never mind."
He asked "What are you?" She was still on her knees in front of him and trying to look around his hand covering up his prick. She said "I'm a nymph. Why don't you move your hand?" Jason said "Because I'm naked." She said "So am I."
Dark: It's bad enough that all the dialogue is jumbled together in a maddening cacophony, but a conversation with the stump from the beginning of the story would be more interesting!
He felt brave enough to ask "Do you want to see my dick?" She licked her lips and said "I want to suck it and fuck it."
Dark: Can we please pretend that they're emitting more than their allotment of CO2 with this banter and sew their lips together?
Jason moved his hand and she swallowed his fuck stick.
Dark: Sticks, wood, pussy, melons — I guess this is a nature story. Am I the only one who gets an image of a lion pouncing on a gazelle when they read that line?
He'd never had anyone suck his dick so good. She sucked him hard and slobbered all over his man meat.
Dark: My, that's an attractive image in the old noggin. Kinda like when the St. Bernard drops the ball at your feet — ewww!
He grabbed her green hair and fucked her mouth. She didn't even gag on his prick going down her throat and just kept sucking him and moaning while she played with her twat.
