"Don't you get it man, yeah he's a poor schmuck and all, but it's not because of all those millions, it's because of what he squandered away. I mean, there he was holding the opportunity of a lifetime and he just couldn't figure out how to handle it. Well, that's where I came in and took care of his misery, well not all of his misery, but I eased his suffering some."
I looked at the guy sitting next to me in the bar and wondered what in the hell I was listening to him for. All I wanted was a beer, maybe a nice looking woman to leer at for a while and then a short walk home where I could jerk off and go to bed. Instead I meet this so called player who shows me some lottery ticket and tells me it's a gold mine and now he's just staring at me, expecting a reply I guess.
"And so how did you ease his suffering?"
"I bought his ticket from him."
"You bought his ticket?" I asked.
"Yes," he said holding up a single lottery ticket. "Here it is, the numbers fifteen, seventeen, nineteen, twenty-six, thirty-seven and thirty-eight bought August fifteenth for the August sixteenth drawing and as of February fourteenth, Valentine's Day, worth nothing in most people's minds."
"Yeah, it seems most people are right."
"Au contraire my Budweiser (TM) sipping friend, for the owner of the ticket it was worth five hundred dollars because I paid for it."
"So you paid five hundred dollars for an expired lottery ticket," I said.
"No, I paid five hundred dollars for an expired three-point-five million dollar lottery ticket, and that is the distinction."
"Distinction, you paid some poor schmuck five hundred dollars for that ticket and there is a distinction involved? What distinction? That you are more foolish that the schmuck who forgot to cash in his three-point-five million dollar ticket?"
"No, no, no, you have it all wrong. Just look at this," he said pointing to his lap.
Quickly glancing down my eyes returned to his and I said, "Okay, that's your lap."
"Well, hidden there beneath the fabric of my pants is my cock, a very tired cock. It is a cock that has, over the last few months, been used and abused by some of the best looking women in the city. Why this cock has breached more pussy lips in those months than most gynecologist breach in a lifetime."
"Oh right, and now suddenly you want to sell me this ticket?"
"That's right, for a mere two hundred fifty dollars."
"If it brought you so much pussy why do you want to sell it?"
"To tell you the truth, I'm tired man, I'm simply exhausted. And well, I'm also engaged."
"And this lottery ticket did it all?"
He nodded.
"How?" I asked.
"Pure and simple, sympathy," he replied.
"You made the women feel sorry for you and they fucked you?"
Smiling he said, "Well, you have to sell it right, but yes that's what happened. I'd see a beautiful woman and sit next to her and sigh loudly. Now, when I don't hit on her right away, she becomes a bit curious. I'll say something to the bartender on how my luck was so bad. He simply acts curious and asks me about it. When I tell him the story and then add that the money could have gone to an operation for my mother, little sister or brother or even grandmother and most women are hooked."
"That shit really works?"
"Not every time, but when a woman sees a man so set on saving his mother, grandmother or little children well, he is suddenly head and shoulders better than most slobs who are at the bar trying to cop a feel. You simply carry the story in to the expired lottery ticket and bang, you'll not be able to get out of the bar before she has her hands on your cock."
"So you want two hundred fifty dollars for it? Why not five hundred, like you paid?"
"I got my money's worth out of it, I just want to get a little spending money for my honeymoon."
"I don't know, I'm not that good an actor," I replied.
"Actor, who needs to act, these women can't see through the tears in their eyes to see if you are acting or not. Look, I tell you what. I'll lend you the ticket and let you try it out."
"Lend me the ticket?"
"Yeah, see that woman over there, the hot one in the white dress?"
"Damn, yeah, she is gorgeous."
"Look, take the ticket and go sit next to her. Give it the play and see if she bites. If she does you buy the ticket."
"And if she doesn't?" I asked.