"Don't you get it man, yeah he's a poor schmuck and all, but it's not because of all those millions, it's because of what he squandered away. I mean, there he was holding the opportunity of a lifetime and he just couldn't figure out how to handle it. Well, that's where I came in and took care of his misery, well not all of his misery, but I eased his suffering some."
I looked at the guy sitting next to me in the bar and wondered what in the hell I was listening to him for. All I wanted was a beer, maybe a nice looking woman to leer at for a while and then a short walk home where I could jerk off and go to bed. Instead I meet this so called player who shows me some lottery ticket and tells me it's a gold mine and now he's just staring at me, expecting a reply I guess.
"And so how did you ease his suffering?"
"I bought his ticket from him."
"You bought his ticket?" I asked.
"Yes," he said holding up a single lottery ticket. "Here it is, the numbers fifteen, seventeen, nineteen, twenty-six, thirty-seven and thirty-eight bought August fifteenth for the August sixteenth drawing and as of February fourteenth, Valentine's Day, worth nothing in most people's minds."
"Yeah, it seems most people are right."
"Au contraire my Budweiser (TM) sipping friend, for the owner of the ticket it was worth five hundred dollars because I paid for it."
"So you paid five hundred dollars for an expired lottery ticket," I said.
"No, I paid five hundred dollars for an expired three-point-five million dollar lottery ticket, and that is the distinction."
"Distinction, you paid some poor schmuck five hundred dollars for that ticket and there is a distinction involved? What distinction? That you are more foolish that the schmuck who forgot to cash in his three-point-five million dollar ticket?"
"No, no, no, you have it all wrong. Just look at this," he said pointing to his lap.
Quickly glancing down my eyes returned to his and I said, "Okay, that's your lap."
"Well, hidden there beneath the fabric of my pants is my cock, a very tired cock. It is a cock that has, over the last few months, been used and abused by some of the best looking women in the city. Why this cock has breached more pussy lips in those months than most gynecologist breach in a lifetime."
"Oh right, and now suddenly you want to sell me this ticket?"
"That's right, for a mere two hundred fifty dollars."
"If it brought you so much pussy why do you want to sell it?"
"To tell you the truth, I'm tired man, I'm simply exhausted. And well, I'm also engaged."
"And this lottery ticket did it all?"
He nodded.
"How?" I asked.
"Pure and simple, sympathy," he replied.
"You made the women feel sorry for you and they fucked you?"