I live in LA. It's nice if you like palm trees, concrete, and fake boobs. I like two of the three, so I'm happy most of the time. I was southbound on the 405 after a long day spent pushing stacks of paper around my desk. Traffic was slow and the freeway was more a parking lot than the modern, high-speed thoroughfare it was designed to be. Getting impatient with the freeway mess, I hopped off at Century Blvd near LAX and tried to cut South on La Cienega to shave a few minutes off my commute.
It was an hour or so before sunset and the low angle of the sun with the grime on my windshield made seeing the road ahead about as easy as looking through a jar of Vaseline. The area around the airport is home to a handful of topless bars and strip clubs catering to business travelers. They are scattered here and there, but I didn't know of any on La Cienega. I caught a glimpse of flashing green and purple neon and a sign that I thought said "nude." Words like "nude," "free," and "topless" have a way of grabbing at my subconscious. I circled around the block to get another look. On the side of a building that may have been a second rate warehouse when it was new, was a neon sign flashing three words, "Live Nude Girls."
I pulled my Benz into the small parking lot next to the building. I looked around. Not exactly the type of neighborhood I'd take my mother too, but it didn't look too bad and my mother wasn't with me. Next to the battered steel door the owners had tried in vain to spruce up with a coat of teal paint was a red and white cardboard sign reading "No Minors, blah, blah, blah." Since I'm middle-aged, I thought I'd ignore the sign. I opened the door. Inside was dimly lit and the room looked like a lobby from a sleazy hotel that was a few years past its prime. In the corners were a couple of cheesy imitation palm trees hung with flashing Christmas lights. The whole scene was bathed in the glow from some red and blue lights hung from the ceiling. I guessed they'd skipped on the Louis XIV dΓ©cor in favor of a 1960's swingers motif. It had a nice ambience if you liked that scene. There were a couple of leather couches and a coffee table strewn with past issues of Elle and Cosmopolitan. Two women, a blond and a brunette, real lookers, were seated on one of the couches when I came in. Beyond them were a low wall and a hallway leading to what looked like small offices.
The brunette got up and walked over to me. It was more of a float then a walk. She looked hot and nasty. I guessed she had a few boyfriends, probably an elder businessman, sugar-daddy type to keep her clothed and jeweled; a burly biker who had the right equipment to put between her thighs; and a guy like me who would be good to her for an hour or until my wallet was empty and my ATM card maxed out.
She was wearing a sapphire satin dress that looked like she had to plug it in and charge it up over night before she put it on. The dress had spaghetti straps and a plunging neckline that revealed a great deal about her character. Her black bra was plainly visible and combined with the black patent come-fuck-me's on her feet gave her ensemble a certain trampishness fitting for a place that had a sign flashing "Live Nude Girls" out front.
I picked up her scent when she drew near. I inhaled deeply and flashbacked to high school and long nights petting with girls who hadn't mastered the art of makeup and perfume application. Nights that ended in frustration and blue balls. She grabbed the bottom of my tie and let it twirl around her wrist. She was definitely not playing hard to get. "Give me forty dollars and we can start your show," she purred into my ear. She thought I wasn't going to need the hard sell.
I was able to manage a hoarse whisper. "What's my show?"
She raised an eyebrow. "Have you been here before?"
"No," I said.
"You'll like your show. We go into a private room and you can make yourself as comfortable as you wish. I take off my clothes and put on a little show for you. You're free to make yourself comfortable, loosen a tie. You know what I mean? You give me forty dollars now for the house and then you tip me during the show. The more you tip, the more you'll like your show. You get it?"
I thought I got the gist of what she was trying to tell me, but sometimes I can be a little slow to pick up the subtle nuances so I played dumb and replied, "no, I don't get it."
She put her arm around my shoulder and started to maneuver me back towards the hallway. Her breasts were pushed into my arm and I could smell Dentyne on her breath. "Look honey," she proceeded, "you and I share a small, cozy room for a half hour show. I'll take off my clothes and do a little show for you. You know, let you see what I like to do when I'm alone. While you watch me, you can make yourself at home. Do what you do when you watch dirty movies. You can even tell me what to do if that's your thing, kind of like directing your own little movie."
The little light bulb over my head went from dim to bright, but I was interested to see how much detail she'd go into and continued to play dumb. "I'm not sure I understand," I said. "Is this like a private strip show?"
"Yes honey, this is just like a private strip show. It's just you and me enjoying a little mutual show time activity," she said with a slightly exasperated tone. I had the feeling I was starting to annoy her. "You look like a bright businessman," she said. "Why don't you give me forty bucks for the house and we can have ourselves some fun. I promise we'll enjoy ourselves."
I could have played dumb so more, but my other head was telling me to trust her, give her the money, and start the show. Sometimes I listen to the guy down below. I slipped her a couple of Jacksons from my wallet and her face lit up like Vegas. I thought, "Hey I may have some fun because this babe's a pushover." Then I realized she wasn't so impressed with the twenties in her hand, but the bills still in my wallet. I could tell this dame had a head for business and she thought I was a cash cow that needed milking.
With a nod from my friend, the silent blonde sitting behind a copy of Vanity Fair buzzed us through a low partition door. My new friend ushered me down the hallway and I followed behind. Her dress was cut high in the back. She wasn't wearing her Sunday go to meeting dress. This was her Saturday, I hope Sunday never comes, dress. With each stride I noticed more of her legs, the curves, the subtle shapes shifting as she walked, the soft spots behind each knee. Watching her walk was good for my soul. There are certain sights that make you appreciate god and she was one of them.
She stopped before a room and hitched her thumb inside. "Why don't you make yourself comfortable," she purred. "I'll be right back." She closed the door behind me and I was alone in the room. It was ten feet on a side and contained a small carpeted stage, a large leather chair, a cheap shoji screen, and a table with some Kleenex. Next to the chair a battered trashcan was overflowing with Kleenex. I doubted the Kleenex were from people having a good cry. I took a wild guess that the chair was for me. I sat down and stretched my legs. I was making myself comfortable. The room was warm and dimly lit. The black painted walls didn't stretch quite to the warehouse ceiling and someone had draped blue and red runners over them creating a cheap harem look. The door had a peephole that was pointed my direction. Maybe the head honcho got his jollies watching everyone's shows or maybe it was to make sure the house got their cut if a little extra business transpired. Whatever the reason, I just thought, "let them watch."
Before I got too comfortable, she came into the room and locked the door behind her. I got up. I figured she had to give the house the twenties I had given her earlier. Before she was more than a couple steps into the room she said, "You can leave your tip on the table." I guessed I was right about where the first two twenties went so I snaked a couple more on to the table.
She looked at the tip and kind of frowned. She said with a slight pout, "We can have a lot more fun for a little better tip."
"Easy come, easy go," I thought and slipped a couple more onto the table. I said, "Maybe we'll start here and see how things go."
"Fair enough," she said. "What's your name?"
Thinking fast I said, "John Smith, what's yours."
She smiled. "John is it? Well John, you can call me Mona."
Her name was probably no more Mona than mine was John, but I wasn't here for stimulating conversation. "Okay Mona, what do we do?"
With her back to me, she bent over to start a little boombox on the floor. I saw quite a bit more of her legs and something that wasn't quite her legs. I liked the view. She looked back at me and was pleased to see where I was looking. This girl certainly wasn't bashful. "I hope you like Sade," she said. "Her music turns me on." She started when the music started. She stood up before me and put her hands on my shoulders. I took a step towards her with the thought of acting like Fred sweeping Ginger off her feet. "Why don't you take a seat big boy and enjoy the show. Make yourself comfortable if you know what I mean."