I understood the "L" and the "G"âwell, I
sort
of understood the "L." It stands for "lesbian." But, since "G" stands for "gay" and lesbians are gay, doesn't that make the "L" redundant?
"B" is for "bisexual," and "T" is for "transgender." (Sounds like those children's alphabet books.) That makes sense, I guess, except that bisexual people are partly gay, aren't they? And why isn't there an "S" for "straight" people?
And "Q" for "questioning"? What the hell is
that
supposed to mean?
Skeptical of (and more than a little confused) by the LGBTQ acronym, I once jokingly poked fun at it by suggesting the addition of the letters "R," "S," "U," "V," "W," "X," "Y," and "Z," and, just to round things out, the + that sometimes appears at the end of the actual acronym. I figured the way genders are popping up, left and right, there'd be one, sooner or later, for these letters, anyway. Why not add them to the existing acronym. Like the Boy Scouts, the LGBTQ+ community could be prepared.
To be honest, I'm still a bit confused by the acronym, but I certainly understand the "Q" part nowâand the "B" partâand I'm not quite so flip about the rest of things as I was beforeâwell, before I realized that a couple of letters in "LGBTQ" describe
me
.
Let me explain.
Even though I notice handsome men and men who have dynamic personalities and men who achieve and menâwell, maybe I just notice a
lot
of men, men in generalâI never really thought of myself as "gay" or "bisexual," eve after I began to noticeâand admireâother things about men, such as their hair, eyes, builds, muscles, hands, legs, butts, and, yes, their sexy crotch bulges. I told myself other men also notice such attributes but deny it, even to themselves. I was just more honest. That's what I told myself, but I know, now, that I was being anything
but
honest. I was in denial, as they say, whomever "they" are.
I was attracted to other men, plain and simple, just as I was to women, I liked women, but I liked men, too. I appreciated a woman's breasts and bottoms, but I also admired men's genitals and buttocksâand chests and legs and hands and eyes and hair andâwell, you get the picture, even if I, at the time, didn't.
Although I admired and appreciated women, I was discovering that I was also interested in (make that "attracted to") members of my own sex. I began to question my sexuality. Now, I understood what the "Q" in "LGBTQ" meant. I was living it.
Brian Beaumont, or "BB" to his friends. Early twenties. Dark hair with a sexy Superman curl and a physique to match: broad shoulders, chiseled pecs, six-pack abs, bulging thighs, tapering calves, a
very
manly bulge, and firm, compact buttocksâan ass, let me be frank, to die for.
He was in my art class (I'm a fine arts major). A model. A
nude
model, hired so we could practice drawing and painting the male physique. He posed with our nude female model, Monica Williams: long blonde, curly tresses; cute, smallish boobs (more than a handful's a waste, they sayâwhoever
they
are); flaring hips, a shaved pair of nether lips, and a full, feminine ass. She was a pretty as Brian was handsome, and they were a pair. Not only did they work for the same agency, but they were married. (So much for my fantasies of getting intimate with Brian! Just my luck.) They retained their original names for professional purposes.
Even though I knew they were a couple, and a married couple, at that, I couldn't help stop thinking aboutâokay,
dreaming
aboutâintimate moments with Brian. (I wouldn't have kicked Monica out of bed, either, no way, but my fantasies were about her better halfâthen, suddenly, they were about
both
of them, both of them and me. In my fantasies, Brian and I went from being a gay couple to Brian, Monica, and me being a threesome. Now, I knew what the "B" in "LGBTQ" meant. Maybe the acronym wasn't as confusing as it had first seemed. Some things need to be experienced (and felt) to be understood, I'd learned.
Well, I'd certainly
felt
the meaning of "Q" and "B," and I'd even lived the "Q" part, but I hadn't experienced the "B," and, it seemed, now that I knew that Brian and Monica were married, I never would, or, at least, not with
them
.
My painting, though, had attracted Brian and Monica. After modeling for twenty minutes, the couple took a five-minute break, during which they separated, roaming the classroom to look at our work. Although it was cool in the air-conditioned roomâBrian's cock had dwindled within a few minutes of his arrival, and Monica's nipples were erectâI draped my smock across my lap as Brian approached my easel. The duster didn't quite conceal my burgeoning erection; the sight of his and Monica's beautiful nude bodies had, quite obviously, affected me. I shifted on my stool, tugging at the smock, to no avail. The outline of my bulging manhood was still evident; the smock was tented over my lap.
If Brian noticed (I wasn't sure how he
couldn't
have), he said nothing. Instead, he studied my portrait of him and Monica. "Excellent!" he said. "Your use of color, the brushstrokes, the perspective, the way the negative space enhances our figuresâspectacular!"
I blushed. "Thank you, sir."
"Brain's the name," he said.
I corrected myself: "Thank you, Brian."
He walked back to his place on the dais at the center of the room. I watched his every step, the rise and fall of each of his bronzed buttocks, the slight swivel of his hips, and, as he stepped onto the platform the jiggle and sway of his cock and balls. Although it was just as cool in the room, it seemed his penis had swelled a bit and his balls appeared slightly lower, his scrotum less bunched. I would like to have thought his tumescent state had had something to do with his appreciation of my artworkâand the tent that my own prick made of the smock I'd draped over my lap.
It was odd how much I was attracted to him. I'd always admired beauty, in all its forms. I appreciated wildflowers, sunsets, mountain ranges and mesas, sand dunes, the pounding of breakers over the beach, the plaintive cry of seagulls wheeling against a cloudless azure sky. But I also enjoyed the beauty of naked womenâand, yes, of naked men. Before, though, my appreciation had always been objective, impersonal, intellectual; with Brian and Monica, it was personal, emotional, and sensual. In my mind, I had stood between the couple, my left hand on Monica's ass, my right on Brian's buttocks, as Monica, cupping my balls in the palm of her hand, licked my left ear and her husband, his fist grasping my erect cock, kissed my right cheek.
With Monica back at his side, the couple assumed their positions, becoming as motionless as marble statues. For another twenty minutes, I painted. My feelings seemed to energize me, guide me, inspire me, and I surprised myself at how intensely I captured not only the wonder and majesty of the naked couple, but also the joy I myself felt as I painted the glory of their beautiful nakedness.
During the next break, Monica came to my easel. My erection had subsided, but in her presenceâshe stood only inches from meâmy dick began to stiffen and swell, and I pulled my smock over the rising organ, embarrassed again. "Brian is right," she told me. Your work is superb."
From the corner of my eye, I saw her breasts, her concave tummy, her bald groin, the curves of her thighâI could barely speak, as I thanked her.
For the next twenty minutes, my mind was full of fantasies, and the time flew by as I focused on getting the pink of Monica's nipples and labia right, in adding shades to the hues of Brian's penis and scrotum. To me, their figures seemed three dimensional, as if I painted them as the painter in Rene Magritte's
Attempting the Impossible
painted his model.
At the end of their modeling session, both Brian and Monica, still naked, appeared beside my stool to take a final look at my painting. Brian shook his head. "You are magnificent!"
Not nearly as magnificent as
you
, I thought, but I said only, "Thank you."
"A genius!" Monica agreed with her husband's assessment.