My apologies to A Night at the Opera.
Chico: So now I tell you how we fly to America.
Translation: So now I tell you how we write porn in America.
Chico: First time we start we getta half way and we run outa gasoline. And we gotta go back.
Translation: First time we start we get a rich bitch and a rich hunk and put them in a small, dark room together. Plenty of bling bling, expensive hormones, pre-cum and wet undies, but the writer isn't rich, himself, and doesn't know how to make it work. He runs out of money and pre-cum and has to go back. Chico: Then I take twice as much gasoline this time. We just about to land, maybe three feet, we run outa gasoline again and back we go again.
Translation: We try again. This time we take twice as much experience in writing our porn. Which limits us to writing about poor white trash, because that's who we are and all we know about. A woman-in-need calls a plumber to help her with her plumbing. He understands immediately. He crawls under her water boiler and sweats his balls off while she stands above him, drinking beer. With a turn of a stopcock he fixes everything.
-How can I possibly pay you? she asks, I ain't got no money.
-Oh I can think of at least three ways, he says, while getting out from under the water boiler and removing his sweaty clothes.
She eyes his enormous cock, licks her lips and goes to the bathroom to unload the beer she's been drinking. While he waits, impatiently, he jerks off and covers large areas of her basement ceiling, walls and floor with one teaspoon of pre-cum, post-cum and middle-of-the-road cum. She falls asleep on the toilet. No sucky, no fucky. They have to go back again.
Chico: This time I take-a plenty gas. Well, we getta half way over when whatta you thinka happen? We forgotta the aeroplane. So we gotta sit down and talk it over.
Translation: The hunk shows up clutching a bunch of roses as tightly as if they were his own dick. The bitch takes them from him, sniffs them and gets a shot from the strongest aphrodisiac she's ever experienced. She bursts out of her clothes like the Hulk. He, too, bursts out of his clothes.
-Let's fuck! You got any condoms?
-No, do you?
-No. Well, I could fuck you up the ass.
-Auw, no!
-Or you could suck my dick.
-Yikkie!
They forgotta the aeroplane, ran out of options and had to go back.
Chico: Then I getta the great idea! We no take-a gasoline, we no take-a the aeroplane, we take-a steamship! And that, friends, is how we fly across the ocean.
Translation: An alternative porn story. There are at least 144,000 of them. Let's try one of them. Mind you, a good short porn story consists of creating distance between our two fuckables and then bridging that distance to let them fuck.
