How To Be A Whore In Seven Easy Steps

Are you interested in the glamorous slut lifestyle? Have you ever seen a whore and said to yourself "Damn, I'd like to be like her!"

Well now you can with our brand new how to guide entitled "How to become a whore in seven easy steps" brought to you by the FakeAsHell Corporation.

Step 1: To be a slut or a whore, you must first dress like one.

Some of your reading this are going to need a new wardrobe or, as we like to call it, 'whore-drobe.'

There are lots of different styles you could go with but we at the head office prefer the classics. You can't go wrong with things like high heels (preferably red ones), stockings, a leather mini-skirt, and a dirty white shirt. If this isn't your style, you could try getting your clothes in the junior miss department. Nothing says slut quite like clothes that are 9 sizes to small and 10 or more years too immature for you.

Step 2: Make up.

This is a pretty easy step for most of you to achieve. Simply study the make up habits of five different women who you believe are not whores. Now, apply as much make up as all five of these women put together.

Remember: when it comes to make up there is no such thing as too much!

Step 3: Location, location, location.

You don't normally see whores at libraries, seminars, book stores, video game arcades, churches, bake sales, garage sales, fancy office buildings, pottery shops, government offices, health clubs, or local parks. That means these places must be strictly avoided.

We advise the all time classic street corner. No one knows why whores are drawn to street corners but the scientists in our research and development labs suggest that it maybe due to electrochemical reactions in the brains of whores when exposed to this natural habitant. It's either that or something to do with magnets... or solar flares. Honestly, we don't pay that much attention to our R&D guys.

Step 4: Walk the walk. i.e. literally walking like a whore.

Many whores can be spotted by the way they walk up and down the street. The 'whore walk' is a strange, delightful dance characterized primarily by walking like they have a stick in their ass.

For those of you who wish to replicate and master this style of walk at home, our R&D guys suggest you try walking after literally inserting a phallic shaped object into your ass. We suggest cucumbers, carrots, small flashlights, or an empty bottle. If none of these are available, an erect male penis will suffice.

Step 5: Scent of a whore.

You can't just look like a whore, you'll need to smell like one too! To achieve this you must first go to your local store and locate the perfume section. Once their, select the cheapest style available and ideally you'd like to buy in bulk. Once purchased, apply between ¼ and ¾'s of a cup directly onto your clothes and skin. Reapply as needed.

The difficult part of smelling like a whore is that you can't simply go and buy some whore mouthwash. Instead you'll need to make it yourself. To make whore mouthwash mix one tablespoon of hard liquor with two tablespoons of semen. Rinse vigorously and repeat if needed.

Step 6: Sound like a whore.

Whores are extremely generous. You can often find kind hearted whores asking strangers if they "would like a date" or if they're simply "looking for a good time." These aren't just empty statements either; many a whore will actually follow up on their new friends requests.

Most whores have very bad memories, at least when it comes to names. If they find that they have forgotten the name of someone they have recently met they will often believe that the individual's name was "John." Our R&D staff has not gotten back to us as to why this strange phenomenon occurs.

Step 7: Get a PhD in S-E-X.

Before people will really believe you are a whore, you'll need to know a little bit about sex. That's right, whoring is not "no experience necessary." Our R&D guys suggest that a quick way to gain lots of new experience is to walk up to every guy you know and ask them if they would like to engage in various sexual acts with you. Independent studies indicate that in most scenarios, their answer to your question will be 'yes'.

For some unknown and seemingly unrelated reason, our R&D would like us to ask that if you have read our entire brochure and our serious about entering into the fulfilling world of professional whoring then you should contact them for one on one counseling, free of charge... wow, isn't that nice of them!