Honey Do You Love Me

Honey, Do You Love Me?

Not that much.

...

She had been acting nervous for a week, and it was starting to get on my nerves. Then she said we needed to talk, which rang all kinds of bells. "Do you love me?"

"Not that much."

She seemed surprised. "What?"

"You read the same stories that I do. When the woman asks a man if he loves her, she springs all kinds of nasty shit on him. So no, I don't love you enough to let you date, or take a lover/lovers, or explore your bi side. If that's the case, then no, I don't love you that much."

"What the hell is wrong with you? Do I need to put parental controls on the computer to limit your time on those sites? You know, 99% of those things are just pure bullshit. They're interesting on paper, but nobody in their right mind would put up with that shit. How many beers have you had today?'

"Uh, three."

"So then, does five beers (never could fool her) contain the fount of absolute knowledge? Are you a human lie detector or something? Can you physically divine my innermost thoughts? This is important, honey, so try to keep up."

I looked at her hard. My mellow mood had been shot to hell, and looking at her, I think she thought this was funny. She had that "I know something you don't" look on her face. Plus, my wife was sharp as a tack, so I could never get anything by her. Part of my attraction to her was realizing she was a lot smarter than I was. Her incredible figure, dazzling smile, overall beauty, and ability to wreck me in bed made up the rest. I always thought she'd trade up someday. It hit me. "Is there someone else?"

Instead of being earnest, she grinned again. Was this all a joke to her? "Well, yes, there is. And I'm pretty sure I will fall in love with them."

"What's the sonofabitch's name? I'm gonna kill him!"

"I don't know the name yet."

"So you just picked some random guy or woman, and it's going to be a zipless fuck? Then, you intend to fall in love with them. Have you lost your mind? We've been together for five years, and you spring this on me. I won't put up with that shit! I'll kick your ass right out the door!"

She started looking pissed. "The drawback to that plan, genius, is this is my family's house; it isn't ours. They let us use it to save for our own, so if anybody has to hit the boulevard, it'll be you. And you'd have to find another job. Do you think my uncle would keep you around after you broke the heart of his favorite niece? You'd be out of there so fast you'll think they strapped a rocket to your ass."

Tears started falling from me. I wiped my eyes with my sleeve and looked at her. "Why? I would have bet everything I owned that you loved me. Don't worry; I'll be gone by Thursday. My cousin said he could get me on in South Dakota, which should be far away enough for my heart to mend. I might find someone else eventually, but they'll never own my heart like you did."

Her face softened, and she reached out, stroking my cheek. Then she slapped me so hard I saw stars. That was going to leave a mark. "God! It's a good thing you're pretty and have a good cock, 'cause you ain't shit in the brains department. I'M PREGNANT, you idiot!"

I was so far into my misery that it didn't register immediately, but she had a big smile when I looked up. "You're pregnant?"

"Three months, and I swear, if you say something stupid like whose is it, I'll get my brothers and cousins over here to kick your ass."

"You're pregnant?"

"Did I slap you too hard? Yes, I am pregnant, with a child, and got a bun in the oven. Stop me when you understand."

I cried hard. She finally came over, snuggled me, and let me get it out. I went quiet, and she finally pulled my head up. "What are you thinking about?"

"I'm wondering what I can do to make this up to you. I see years of kissing your ass in my future."

"You got that right, years and years and years. You might get out of it in thirty or forty, but I'm sure you'll do something stupid to add to the balance by then. Tonight would be a good time to start."

I stayed quiet as I hugged her before pulling back. "We're gonna have a baby?"

Rolling her eyes, she grinned. "Yes honey, we're gonna have a baby."

Suddenly, I was off the couch and running for the front door. It was a Saturday afternoon, and people were out in their yards, doing whatever they always needed to do in suburbia. I screamed at the top of my lungs as I ran around the yard.

"WE'RE HAVING A BABY! WE'RE HAVING A BABY! JEN, MARK, WE'RE HAVING A BABY! BILL, DOTTIE WE'RE..."

Dottie walked over and hugged me. "Let me guess. You guys are having a baby?"

"YES!"

By then, Jen and Crystal were on the porch with her while the husbands pounded my back and gave advice. Jen grinned. "I see he took the news well."

"Not at first, but I think he's onboard."

Six months later, I stared at my son, watching him wiggle his toes. My life was damn near perfect, except for one thing. She did put parental controls on the computer. I can only read Lit once a day, for one hour. Then, it shuts down until the next day.

I'd read somewhere that you should start reading to your child as soon as possible for various reasons, so eight months later, I was rocking him as I read to him.

"But John knew something wasn't right, so one day, he slipped away from work and came home early to see his wife and five men rolling around on his bed. Her boss, and his boss, his brother, and two random black guys. They were rotating around, keeping her airtight. He took about four minutes of video, left the house, went to Walmart, picked up a burner phone, and called Juan, a friend from his sordid past his wife never knew about.

John was surprised and pleased over the price a white woman in her prime would bring in the South American market, and they formed a plan. He was going to deliver her to Juan after drugging her, and they were going to ship her off to her new life. John wasn't satisfied with that, so they sent both bosses and his brother away. First, they shaved off all their hair, pierced their ears, put them in cockcages, and inserted buttplugs. They also had tramp stamps tattooed on their lower backs and across their asses. John wondered if they would come to enjoy their new lives as concubines to wealthy and perverted drug lords. He was..."

I heard the front door open, and I hit a key on the computer. A website of fairy tales popped up.

"And so the handsome knight rescued the beautiful princess from the ogres. The King was so happy he let them marry, and she moved into his castle, where she had many children, while he got the coveted job of an official dragonslayer, and they lived happily ever after. The end."

I heard a "Hrrmp" behind me. "I catch you reading shit like that to him again; the closest you'll ever get to sex will be through those stories, you understand me?"

"Yes, dear."

"Okay then. I stopped for my appointment with the doctor on the way home. I'm pregnant again. I guess the pill failed. He said it happened about seven percent of the time, so you need to get ready."